I wake the next day and the sun is rising outside my window.
The valley looks beautiful at this time. I remember the tranquil sounds of the forest and the crunch of leaves under my feet. The tall dry grass in the meadow during summer.
Then it dawns on me, I didn't have any nightmares last night.
I've been having nightmares every night since I moved back to the Victor's Village. I never made it to my bed, afraid of the lone space, but last night was different.
My mind had registered that old comfort I felt when Peeta was around me. He could light up a room with just his presence.
I hear a sigh coming from my left and I turn my head to find him looking at me.
"Good morning." he says.
"Hey, I thought you had gone home. Didn't you have construction coming over?"
"I woke up in the middle of the night and called them. They're coming back next week. Are you hungry?"
He knows I'm hungry, he's just being polite. "Yeah, I could eat."
I see that he's been busy while I was asleep. There's a metal jug and a basket of rolls on the coffee table. Next to that are two mugs and a plate of fruit.
"What's the special occasion?" I ask him.
"It's been a while since we've been uh-let's say normal together, I thought we could have some of our favorite. The other day I remembered how we used to drink hot chocolate and dip our rolls in them."
He doesn't mention that we did those things in the capitol and I know why. It's painful to recall things about the capitol because it brings back all of the torture he endured. Because I don't want him to have another episode I drop the subject.
We sit there and eat for a couple of hours, then I remember what the doctor told me to do.
"Do you think you want to talk about your nightmare yet?" i ask.
He hesitates,"Yes, but could we walk into town and talk? I wanted to visit Sae and check out the progress on the bakery."
"Okay."
I look down at myself. It's been nearly a week since I've cleaned up. Peeta gets up and washes the dishes while I drag myself upstairs. When I look in the mirror all I can think is how Cinna would be dissapointed. Cinna was one of my close friends; he always had my best interest in mind. No one's heard about him since the rebellion.
When I go over to my dresser I see my pearl sitting there. The pearl that Peeta gave me during the second Quarter Quell.
The pearl that symbolizes the boy I knew, so I cant let it go. I guess Greasy Sae set it here when she comes to help. As I leave the room I put it in the breast pocket of my father's jacket for safe keeping.
When we step out the front door I hear a strange quacking noise, to find Haymitch has geese. Well at least he's not alone.
I look at Peeta expectantly,"So?"
He has a pained look on his face,"The doctor says when I hear certain words or see things they can trigger a venom induced memory. When you asked about the bakery oven it had caused a nightmare. You disappeared and I was stuck in front of the bakery watching my family burn."
We're nearing the square now, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know it could happen that easily, I shouldn't have brought it up."
He's stopped walking and is looking straight into my eyes, "Hey, don't blame yourself. It's all my fault. The only thing is I'm just scared I'll lose control and hurt you again."
Classic Peeta, always thinking about everyone but himself, "You have to forgive yourself for that. It was a long time ago and I know you didn't mean to."
"I know, I just can't lose you again. You're the only person I have left." he says.
This isn't true, everyone loves Peeta. He has Delly, Portia and Haymitch at the least. He doesn't know that I'm the one who needs him. When I'm alone time stands still but when I'm with him it's like time actually matters. I don't know how to respond so I just start walking into the town square.
It looks completely transformed. Everything is under construction except for the hob, the black market is back up and running. There is a fountain being built in the center of the square, not too far from the front steps of the new Justice Building.
From here I can see the rubble of the mayor's house being taken away and the foundation of the new bakery.
"Didn't you say you wanted to see Greasy Sae?" I ask.
"Yeah, I have to ask her a question."
"Well let's go then."
We stroll into the hob and Peeta walks over to her stall while I look around. What could he possibly have to ask her? It's probably none of my business anyway. I decide to go to Ripper since Haymitch would enjoy some more liquor.
By the time he's done talking to her it's already afternoon. I start to get impatient so I intrude just as he's thanking her. "Thank you Sae, I'll be back soon."
"You're welcome kid, have a nice day." She's strangely smiling at me, like she has a hanger in her mouth. I nod goodbye.
Once we reach the site of the bakery I can't take anymore so I ask,"What was that about?"
His eyes avoid mine, "Nothing, don't worry about it." Then he smiles as though I just made a funny face. Torture, he's torturing me.
"Fine, don't tell me." I say in a childish voice.
He chuckles and steps toward his old home. It must be killing him on the inside to see this. The building he grew up in, a permanent part of the earth.
"You'd think they would have done more in the amount of time we've been home. Let's go Katniss, there's nothing here."
We walk back to Victor's Village in silence as the sun is setting. I'm dreading this moment, the moment when I'll have to be alone again.
"So, I guess this is goodnight." I say, unsure of what to do.
"Yea, will I see you tomorrow?"
"I live next door. I have to go give this to Haymitch." I lift the bottle of white liquor.
"Alright, tell him I said hi."
I meekly wave and turn around towards Haymitchs' house. Before I go in I plug my nose, preparing for the worst.
The smell hits me like a ton of bricks and my thoughts go hazy from the fumes. I run in and set the bottle on the counter and quickly walk out. I'll visit him when he's not passed out on the couch.
When I crawl into my bed I'm not tired at all and my mind is racing. What does all of this mean, what will tomorrow be like? Is it possible to be "semi-normal" after everything we've gone through? Somewhere in my heart I know the answer, but tonight I won't admit or face it. I'm relieved when I feel unconsciousness enveloping me.
Then I hear the doorbell ring.
