This story isn't one of my more popular ones, but it's one of my personal favorites so for those of you that like it, thank you ^^
Sorry about the lack of updates, life gets pretty crazy sometimes.
Please enjoy.
"Kazue! Stop squirming!"
His baby boy shook his head as he seemed to whimper in protest, his arms flailing as Kanda tried to get him in the white dress shirt Cross had gotten him before he was even born, a deep sigh escaping the man's lips. The boy's day had been spent tearing colorful wrapping from presents with a beaming smile on his face before he was treated to a small slice of chocolate cake, everyone he knew singing in unison before he clapped along with them, the candle on his cake blown out by some helpful third party before he dug through it with his fingers, his cheeks quickly covered in the dark brown flecks, much to the adults amusement.
Now, most likely filled with sugar, Kazue was squirming against his father's valiant efforts to fit into the only slightly too large suit, Kanda gritting his teeth in frustration as he wished for patience on today of all days.
"Kazue," the elder tried in an attempt to reason with the now one-year-old, "please, I know it's your day, but just give me these two hours."
"You know it's impossible to reason with a baby."
Cobalt eyes turned to meet the bespectacled brown eyes of the red head, his own body already clad in one of his many fine Italian suits, his fingers twitching in their need to fill the addiction.
"I'm already aware of that," Kanda retorted, "but it gives me some semblance of being diplomatic, and if you even dare light up around my son Cross I will cram that damn thing so far down your throat they'll see it in your colonoscopy."
"Tough talk from a man who can't even reach my throat," Cross pointed out, "but don't worry, I'm not about to hurt the little tyke… even though it's beginning to kill me."
"Wish it would hurry up," the Japanese muttered as he finally affixed the last button on the small jacket, the little boy now looking incredibly smart in his suit, "done."
"You forgot the tie," the redhead pointed out as Kazue was hoisted into his father's lap.
"A diaper change, two incidences of the clothes being kicked across the room and over an hour to get this thing on him," Kanda pointed out smartly, "you want the tie on him, you're doing it."
"Fine," the man grumbled as he moved aside for Kanda to slip out of the room, "he's as fussy as the boy was."
"He wasn't that bad," Kanda murmured as he adjusted the baby in his arms, "but he had his moments."
"I've got nothing to wear!"
Kanda sighed deeply as he turned his head to the closet, the light from it illuminating Allen form as he dug through his hangers.
"Nothing fits!" the younger whined, "Kanda~ why doesn't anything fit?"
"Not a clue," the Japanese commented, "might have something to do with our child, but that's just a guess."
Allen groaned dramatically as he walked over to the bed where Kanda lay propped up, the back of his knees hitting the bed before he collapsed onto it, his white locks spilling on the mattress while his pouting silver eyes and lips looked up at Kanda.
"I'm fat."
Cobalt eyes glanced up from the laptop screen to look over his lover, the young man now at seventeen weeks and growing, his belly stretching to accommodate their child.
"You're not fat just pregnant," Kanda grumbled as he typed in the grade of his students, hoping that the younger would just drop the matter entirely.
"What's the different?" Allen muttered bitterly causing his partner to sigh.
"Hormones."
White hair lifted to look at his lover.
"Are you calling me hormonal?"
"You are overreacting," Kanda pointed out, "and don't you dare say otherwise."
"You didn't seem to mind my hormones last night," Allen pointed out bitterly, his lover flinching at the trueness of his words, his jaw set as the previous night came to him, the younger riding him with a look of pure ecstasy.
"That's because they weren't freaking out about what they fit into," the Japanese snapped, "you haven't fit into your normal clothes since half-way through the first trimester, just walk around wearing sweats for a day!"
"I do! Every day!" the younger pointed out, sitting up to glare pointedly at his lover, "and you're just being-"
Silver eyes suddenly flung wide as his words hung in the air, Kanda feeling worry slip into him as the younger turned his attention to his belly, his hands slipping under his shirt to touch the flesh that concealed their unborn child.
Before the Japanese could say a word, his hand was taken and placed where Allen's was, his long fingers covered by Allen's as the silver eyes stared down at the swollen belly, Kanda's own eyes confused before they widened dramatically, the feeling of something akin to a scuttling bug moving across the palm of his hand. His laptop moved aside, Kanda slipped both of his hands over his baby, his cobalt eyes glued to the stomach as he waited for the next movement, his heart lifting at the feeling.
"Th-The baby," Allen murmured, tears in his eyes as he smiled at his lover, "the baby's kicking."
"I can feel it too," Kanda smiled back at the other, "I can feel him moving."
"In you get," the Japanese murmured to the still squirming boy, the child buckled in the car seat Cross had put in his car, one of the many the boy had ridden in as his friends insisted on helping him, something Kanda had ceased to complain about, "and keep calm okay."
"I told you, babies can't be reasoned with" Cross muttered from the driver's seat, Kanda's chair folded and slipped to the trunk while he struggle to sit beside his son, his belt clicked over his body.
"Allen had no trouble with you," Kanda muttered as he turned to his son, a smile on his lips as the child reached for him, his mouth chewing on the ear of his white bear.
"Gonna forget you said that," the man grumbled as he turned down the road, his eyes focused on their destination while Kanda focused on his son, the boy's silver eyes glancing from him to the flashing colours of the scenery, the father thankful that Cross kept his driving as safe as possible. "So," Cross started, trying to keep the conversation between them as light as possible, "what are you both doing for Christmas?"
"Lenalee is insisting we hold some sort of party at our house since it's Kazue's first real one," Kanda murmured softly, his hand reaching to touch the fine black strands, "I… didn't do much that year."
Cross nodded solemnly, understanding the difficulty for this time of year for the younger man, his own emotions in turmoil. Coupled with the fact that Christmas was also Allen's birthday, Kanda had spent the joyous day caring for his little boy in an attempt to forget the pain that happened twenty-three days ago, the boy pressed to his chest as he tried to convince himself that he was fine, a lie found in the tears spilling down his cheeks.
"Well... if you want," the elder started, "I… wouldn't mind… giving you a hand."
"Excuse me?" Kanda asked softly, his face one of disbelief at the man's words while the ears turned the same colour of the hair.
"The kid's Allen's, and since he was sort of like family, that makes the kid sort of like family too."
"You want to help give Kazue a Christmas?"
"Ya don't need to say it like that!" Cross snapped, "but… I owe Allen… I wanna do right by his son."
Kanda nodded slowly as he turned his cobalt eyes from the back of red hair to his baby boy, the silver watching with keen interest at the snow covered tree tops before he felt his father's attention on him, the teddy bear ear still in his mouth as he turned to look up at the most important person to him, a smile breaking out on his chubby cheeks.
"What do you think, Kazue?" Kanda asked softly, "want everyone to come over soon and have a day like today? Nothing but presents and food and friends?"
The boy giggled, his father catching the bear before it landed on the filthy ground, his tiny hands clapping in amusement.
"Then I guess that's a yes," Kanda murmured softly to Cross, "provided you're sober and-"
"No booze and no smokes," the elder sighed, "trying to kill me?"
The Japanese choose to say nothing as he focused on his baby, knowing that he was not the only one to suffer in the aftermath of Allen's death. Lenalee cried for longer than he did, Lavi lost his joker nature for the longest time, Tyki seemed to do nothing but smoke and work, and Kanda suspected that, even though he called the younger a pain in the ass and nothing but an annoyance, Cross must've missed Allen terribly.
"You can drink," Kanda conceded after a moment, "but do not get drunk."
"Then what's the point?" the elder muttered under his breath as he turned into the parking lot, his car pulling to a stop beside the Lee's, Kanda thankful that the tires on his chair wouldn't get stuck in the snow as Cross had parked his tires on the empty spot of asphalt.
His chair unfolded and lowered to the ground as he almost expertly hoisted his body to the seat, the door shut before he made to his son's side, confusion in his eyes as he saw Cross approach him with Kazue and his bear in his arms, the man looking as he usually did as he handed off the son to his father, the puffy blue coat over his small jacket, the boy taking his place on the man's lap. A quick thanks was murmured to the man before two hands took the handles of his chair, his surprised cobalt turning to look up at Cross before he turned back down to his son, his pride swallowed for the safety of his treasure, his hands free thanks to the man pushing him down the path, the salt crunching beneath the tires as his son looked around with a keen interest at the white powder he loved to play in, his "Uncle Lavi" taking him in his father's stead while the Japanese sat and watched with envy nipping in his heart, wishing that it was Allen laughing with their child and him taking his rightful place at their side.
"Hello again, Kanda."
The Japanese looked up from his thoughts to see Tyki's golden eyes looking back at him, a soft smile on his lips for the boy.
"And Happy Birthday to you again, Kazue," the man smiled as he leaned down to the child, the boy looking his dark skin over with childish curiosity, "it's nice to have something good come out of today."
"We can take him from here Cross," the second redhead cut in, approaching the four from the side, "you must be dying for a smoke."
"It's fine," the man grumbled, "don't really feel like doing much of that now."
The other two were silent as they nodded their heads, the boy pressed to his father's chest unintentionally, the child saying nothing as he snuggled happily against Kanda, the Japanese looking downcast at the uncontrolled memories.
Their walk was calm as the four made their way to the pier, the managing of Kanda's wheelchair into the rental boat easier than expected as he brought his collapsible one, him and his babe at the starboard side of the bow, the Japanese holding onto him tightly for his irrational fear of losing his child to the lake, Kazue knowing to stay well within his father's arms. Tyki was careful with the handling as he took the small troop out to the open water, the hills surrounding them as they carefully navigated to the open water, the engine killed before the group weighed anchor, Lenalee walking through them, her shaking hands distributing white roses to everyone, Kanda accepting both for him and his son with a small nod.
Their memorial was swift yet heart-felt, several breaking down in tears giving their speeches and others said nothing more than "I miss you", breaths puffs of white in the air as each rose thrown to the water for the one they lost, Kanda watching them float as he felt his own heart constrict. The others nodded to him once they said their piece, everyone slipping below deck to give the two of them time alone, Kanda grateful that they understood he was not one for public speeches.
"Those are for your mother," Kanda murmured softly to his son, the silver eyes looking from the floating flowers to his father, his cheek resting on the elder's shoulder, "we… we scattered his ashes here… he loved it here…"
"Hey, Kanda?"
Cobalt eyes looked down at the younger resting on his chest, the silver eyes looking towards the starry sky with a calm expression.
"What is it, Moyashi?"
"We've been officially dating a month," Allen smirked, "and you still won't call me by my name?"
"I know your name, it's Moyashi."
"Fine then," the younger sighed, his back adjusting on the grass, "but… I'm being serious."
"What is it?"
"It's just that… when I die," Allen swallowed thickly, "I want you to cremate me, I don't want to be buried."
"Why are you asking me this?" Kanda asked, confusion on his brow.
"Because I feel like I can trust you about this sort of thing," the younger confessed, "and I don't want to be buried."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to be left alone in a dark box for eternity," Allen murmured softly, "I just… don't want that."
"So… where do you want to be then?" Kanda asked suddenly, "since you don't want to be in a box for eternity."
"Dunno," the younger replied, touched b the other's thoughtfulness, his eyes scanning the stars, "how about here?"
"Why here?" the Japanese asked as Allen adjusted his body to look down a Kanda, a teasing smile on his lips before he pressed them to Kanda's, the cobalt eyes widening in surprise.
"Cause this is where we had our first kiss."
"We were thinking of coming back here, renting out the cabin again, when you were born," the Japanese swallowed thickly, "he was really looking forward to coming back," his hand rubbed against the small back, his hands giving the rose he had plucked the thorns from to his little boy, the child looking it over with interest. "Think about your mother," Kanda whispered softly as he turned to look over the edge of the boat, "and throw it to him," his eyes looked to his son, "ready? One, two… three."
Both roses fell silently to the water, their stems crossing as they seemed to float in harmony, Kanda watching with saddened eyes as he rubbed his son's back.
"I miss you Allen," Kanda whispered softly, "this last year has been hell without you," his eyes looked at their child, the silver affixed to the water, "Kazue misses you too… he's still a baby, but he knows who you are, I won't ever let him forget you."
"None of us will."
Kanda looked up at Lenalee, her purple eyes puffy and red, tears still pricking at them while she handed him a flute of bubbling champagne.
"It's for Kazue," she murmured as the Japanese accepted it, "to celebrate him… and out of respect for Allen."
"Thank you," Kanda murmured as he accepted the glass, a tiny hand reaching for the lip of it, the Japanese chuckling at the baby's curiosity. "No no, this is for daddy," the elder told his son, his lips pressed against the crown of black hair, the tiny hands touching the strong jaw, "that's for you. Happy Birthday, Kazue."
"Happy Birthday," the rest of the crew chorused, their glasses raised to toast to the little boy, a silent toast to his mother as the boy seemed to smile at the adults around him, his happy silver eyes purely Allen.
"Come here Kazue."
The baby felt his body lowered to his father's lap as Kanda gently placed the baby thermometer in the child's ear, his heart feeling relief wash over him at the sight of a normal temperature.
"Good," Kanda whispered softly as the thermometer was put by his bedside, "I was worried about you."
The baby leaned against his chest as fatigue slowly overtook him after the tiring and exciting day, his lids drooping dangerously as a hand rubbed his back.
"I thought you'd been outside for too long," his father whispered, a soft smile on his lips, "then again, Lavi started complaining well before you did."
"Da…"
Long silken locks slipped over his shoulder as the head tilted to look at his growing son, pride filling him at the developments the two of them had taken over the year, happiness filing him at how strong his little boy was becoming, worry slipping into him as he remembered that his son was still not yet walking, something he blamed on himself.
"I'm gonna get your aunts and uncles to come over more often," the Japanese whispered softly, "they'll teach you how to walk, how does that sound?"
The baby cooed softly at the words, his hands holding onto his father's soft cotton pyjama shirt.
"You want to sleep with me?" Kanda asked softly, his hand touching the downy locks of his son, a smile on his lips as the child seemed to nod in understanding, "just for tonight," the Japanese murmured softly as he adjusted under the covers with his son still in his arms, the boy brought to his father's chest as they readied for sleep, "happy birthday, Kazue," his lips pressing to the forehead, Kanda kissing his son, "that's from me," he smiled before he kissed a second time, "and that's from your mother."
Reviews if you please ^^
