A/N - So I apologise in advance if there are some mistakes in this chapter. I fell behind a couple days on Nanowrimo as a result this chapter hasn't been combed through as many times as the other ones, so if you notice anything let me know! Please R&R, let me know what you're liking and disliking about this! Also shout-out to all you lovelies that have favourited, followed and reviewed I'm glad some of you are enjoying it!
Deliverance
Part One - Marked
Chapter 4 - Remember
I went home to my mother sitting on the living room sofa reading a battered looking book and drinking tea out of a giant coffee mug. She frowned at me as I came in, kicking my shoes off and pulling my tie loose from around my neck. I must have looked as frazzeled as I felt.
"How was work today?" She asked, sliding a bookmark into her book and setting it down beside her.
"I got a promotion." I say, and her eyebrows raise.
"Really? What kind of promotion?" She asks, I can see her eyes latch on to the pin on my lapel. "Is that..." She trails off, rising from the sofa and making her way towards me. "Is that what I think it is?" She says, running her thumb over the face of the gold pin, her eyes aglow. I nod, and I can't help but forget the other events of today and smile a little myself.
"It is." I respond. "You're looking at the new deputy mayor." I say, throwing my hands out to my side as if to say 'do I look any different? Do I?'. Her arms embrace me tightly as the words leave my mouth and I feel a little more relaxed. The moment is short lived, as she pulls back, a frown on her face.
"Why do you smell like," she leans in and sniffs my jacket, "smoke." She finishes, looking up at me. The moment of happiness is gone and in turn, its place is filled with despair.
"There was another attack." I respond.
"Another explosion?" She asks, alarmed.
"No, there's been a few attacks, and today the school was lit on fire. Their motive is getting more and more clouded, the first few at least made some sort of sense." Her jaw drops and I feel her grip on my arms slacken.
"Oh my gosh." She chokes out and turns to make her way back to the couch once more.
"Everyone got out ok, but it's the same people as the last ones."
"Last ones?' she repeats, looking at me. I now realise that it's not that no one told me these other attacks happened, it's that the new hadn't been released, and with the areas being on the outer edges of the city, it was less likely people knew about it, and thus, the public announcement hadn't been made yet. I eyed Evelyn as she sat on the sofa and questioned whether or not I should tell her, was she trust-worthy? How many times in the past had she been a problem, hell, what if she was the one behind these attacks?
I felt a shiver run up my spine at that thought, and tried to press the unwanted images away. I hung my blazer up on the hooks by the front door. Could I tell her? Was this supposed to be confidential? Surely Johanna would have told me if it was supposed to be, I decide and kick my shoes off. I sigh as my feet are finally released from the bounds of the leather shoes, how I hated them, I would love to be wearing my boots again.
"Yeah, the last ones." I respond, mimicking how she had said it. "There were two other attacks, no one was involved with them as they were in the outer edges of the city, no one was hurt."
"Well that's a plus." She responds optimistically, grabbing her mug and taking a sip of her tea. She motions for me to join her, as if this is all gossip an rumours being exchanged between friends.
"They took a lot of very important things." I respond back seriously, making my way to the other end of the leather sofa. She frowns into her mug and I wait for her to swallow the mouthful of tea she just took.
"What kind of things are left in the old compounds? I thought most of that stuff had been transferred into the new buildings?" I grimace because I know that's what most of the public thinks too, and when they find out about these other attacks there will be a lot of explaining to do. And how do you explain to a city that you were naive and thought they would be okay where they were for a period of time? It wouldn't be easy.
"Well, not... everything." I hesitate, wondering still if I should let her in on the details or not. I bite down on the inside of my cheek and think hard about it. She stares at me now and I know I have to make a choice. "The basics were taken into new buildings. The stuff that was needed to continue growth, anything that was something of a single faction's use or wasn't useful in the reconstructing was left." I began.
"Ok, so what was left behind?" She looks concerned now, and she should. I look at my hands now as I rest my elbows on my knees and stare at the cast, taking in the dings and scratches on it as if it was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. "Tobias?" I run them through my cropped hair, my fingers feeling the subtle prickle and look back up at her.
"Weapons. As you can imagine they weren't something people wanted to see around after everything that happened, so they were just kind of... left." I finish lamely, there was no excuse for it, they should have been locked down and secured and moved to another location, not somewhere so painfully obvious.
"Weapons!" She's silent for a moment, I can see her processing the information. "How many weapons?" She finally asks, but she looks like she already knows the answer to that.
"All of Dauntless'"
"Did they take anything else?" I nod.
"They also visited Erudite where they ransacked the labs in search of left over serums. They were out of date and no longer in use, mostly testing serums, but they also got their hands on some first generation death serum, memory serum and the likes. By the time Erudite labs were ready to move along, they had already been advanced and their changes recorded and studied, they weren't of any immediate use. Everything that was needed from them had been taken. The intent was to eventually go back and clear out everything, just not right away." I don't know whether she looks shocked or angry as I tell her these things.
"That's not it, is it?" She asks, gripping her mug tightly in her hands. I shake my head and I open up again, noting her white knuckles as I do so.
"They also visited the Erudite library and took a bunch of research documents and papers. The items that were recorded as missing were a series of numbers and letters, I'll have to look into what it was that was taken specifically. I imagine the numbers are some kind of catalog system but they tell me nothing." She nods, but I can see her jaw is clenched and she's not taking this information well.
"You're angry." I state and she glares daggers at me, as if I have no right to state that.
"Of course I'm angry!" She snaps, placing her mug down noisily on the coffee table. "It all could have been prevented, this is what happens when a government fails." I can hear the venom in her words as she spits them out distastefully, her cheeks are flushed and I can see her muscles clenching and unclenching through her body. I hadn't seen her angry like this in a long time, before she left those many many years ago. She wasn't even this angry when we had our shouting match in the hallway, this was new, this was deep.
"Well as far as I'm concerned, this government was doing great things. We are helping this city grow and this is a small bump in the road, the city will get past it." I respond, emphasising 'we' in hopes she realises that her son is now considered 'government'. But she seems past things like that, and I don't think it will matter how hard I try to convince her that things aren't all that bad yet, she's made her decisions. I leave her to her thoughts and stand, she hardly realises as I make my way to my bedroom, relieved to be alone with my thoughts for the first time today.
The burning of the school hadn't gone unnoticed, neither did the presence of so many fringe leaders. The Bureau came knocking, and we found ourselves summoned to the last place on Earth I ever wanted to be. Johanna told me the next morning when I had came into her office to go over the day's plans.
"We've got few plans for today. We'll meet and begin planning the new reconstruction of the school, for now the children have been relocated to the old Candor compound, the mock court rooms are perfect for the use as a lecture hall, Erudite would have been the obvious choice, but we don't want anyone stumbling upon the remains of the attack." I nod in understanding and she continues. "Then you'll be free to go home and we'll meet up at 6:00am tomorrow, we'll be there to pick you up." I frown as she says it.
"What do you mean 'we'll be there to pick you up'? And what do you mean few plans? We're rebuilding a city, there should be tons to do here!" She looks uncomfortable, looking anywhere but at me until finally I grab her wrist and her head jerks around. "Johanna, what's going on?" I as her, levelling her with a steady gaze.
"The Bureau has summoned us." I feel like the floor just dropped out from under my feet and my stomach has flown into my throat.
"Ok, well someone should stay to keep the fort right? You go ahead and I'll just stay here and keep things running." I say hurriedly, but from the look on her face, I know there isn't an option. From the looks on her face I know this is it, the moment I had been dreading for so long.
"I know you don't want to go back there, but there really isn't a choice. You wanted to be a leader in this community, you need to play the role and that includes going to the Bureau when they summon us." I swallow hard, but the lump in my throat doesn't leave, I'm still not entirely convinced it's not my stomach. Going back. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand and I can't shake the horrible feeling I have. "Get on to your office, finish your paperwork from the other day and I'll call on you when we're ready to discuss the school."
"Surely there's some way for me to not go, I mean, they consider me a rebel there still, I blew up part of their home! They're not going to want me there again!" I try to convince her.
"Tobias, you're going, there's nothing I can do about it." She locks me in her stare and I feel trapped like a fly on honey. "And besides, they don't remember that. Stop trying to get out of this." She scolds me, dismissing me with a wave of her hand.
I stand, and I feel like the air is made of molasses, each move is slow and scraping, forced and draining me of energy. Christina must have seen it as she stands outside my office just like every morning, two steaming coffees in her hands just like every other day. She smiles at first and then it falters and she looks concerned as I take the coffee she holds out.
"What's up?" She asks, pulling up her usual chair and kicking her feet up once we're in my office. "You're out of her office early and you look miserable. Why are you miserable? I seen the new sign on your door, woohoo deputy mayor!" She cheers, trying to improve my mood, but it successfully fails.
"I have to go back." I respond, staring at my thumbnail, trying to look anywhere but directly at her. She's silent for a moment and her feet come off the desk, and she scoots forward.
"You don't mean..." I nod as she trails off into silence.
"I have to go back to the Bureau tomorrow." I state, letting those words sink in for all that their worth. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it." I say quietly, the realisation hitting me hard as I repeat those words over and over again. I look at Christina now and I feel myself beginning to panic, I don't want to see those people again, I don't want to see those things again, those last halls she walked, those last places we talked. It had been just over two years, and I know I should be over it, but it was a little more easy to move on and get over things when I was nowhere near the spot where everything happened, nowhere near those places. This was going to change everything.
"You can do this Four, or are you now Five?" I search her eyes for some hint of an answer. But I knew the answer, I had revisited my fear scape over and over again. I rest my chin down on the desk now and I feel miserable as I think about tomorrow's events. This is really going to happen.
"I feel like a Five now." I respond sourly, staring at my paper cup, the steam still pouring from the top. This doesn't seem to surprise Christina. She scoffs.
"And the legend becomes more human every day!" She announces, as if we have an audience, looking around the room before she turns on me again. "Come on Four get it together. You've conquered wars, and serums, and fears and a whole lot of shit." She slams her cup down on the desk and the coffee sloshes up onto the lid. "If anyone can do this it's you." She states matter of factly and I hate her for it. I groan as I know she will just continue.
"No, I can't!" I shout back, a little childishly if I'm being completely honest. She smacks the side of my head and I frown at her.
"Smarten up!" she exclaims, leaning back once more and resuming her usual boots on desk state. Her coffee is in her hands once more and she's chugging it down like it's water. "You didn't seriously think you'd be able to get this job and then never go to the Bureau did you?" she finally asks.
"Honestly," I admit,"I hadn't thought that far ahead." I feel a little foolish now about the whole thing, how could I have thought I would just sail through life without revisiting that despicable place?
"You have to at least try. You don't know until you try." She responds, standing as she looks at her watch, a new addition to her wardrobe - they probably threatened to fire her if she was late again. "Anyways, I've got to go, you can tell me all about your trip when you get back." She heads for the door, opening it a crack and then turning back a moment before leaving. "It'll be okay, everything will be okay. Just don't do anything stupid, alright?" She gives me a smile, but I can see it in her eyes that it's dampened with sadness. Sometimes I'm selfish and I forget that they're without her too and for a moment I feel bad burdening her with my childish rantings but I don't have long to dwell on it as there's a knock on the door and more paperwork lands on my desk.
We sit in uncomfortable silence in a Jeep that jostles us around as we bounce over the dirt road, well worn down by the recent influx of travel in and out of the city. I stare blankly ahead, waiting for the moment the building becomes a speck on the horizon, anticipating the feelings that will come. I clench my jaw, as some small talk starts between the driver and Johanna. I was grateful at the very least that they weren't trying to talk to me.
I spoke too soon. A few minutes pass and soon Johanna is directing her attention to me. "Tobias, what do you think about these attacks, do you have any new ideas?" I swallow hard and try to focus on what she's asking and not on where we're headed.
"Well, it's definitely a group. They definitely had some idea where to find what they were looking for, so they either have inside information, or they've been observing us for a while. I guess that doesn't really narrow it down much." I shrug, trying to go back to my silence, my calm before what was sure to be the storm.
"Do you really think they're building an army?" I scoff, how dumb could she be? Of course they're building an army!
"Without a doubt, they're gearing up for war as we speak, planning their next mode of attack. The question isn't are they building an army, it's what are they building it with?" She sits on that for a while but returns with a comment I don't expect.
"Our past." She whispers, turning to look out her window for a moment. When she turns back to me, she opens her mouth like she's going to say something but doesn't say anything, instead she lets out a breathe of air and then frowns, opening her mouth to speak once more. "They're taking everything from our past, and I'm not sure if that makes them dangerous or stupid. Most of that equipment has been updated and wasn't needed, that's why it was left there. In that sense, what does that make us? Are we fools? Should we have anticipated something like this so soon after we came to peace?" She ponders aloud.
"I think it makes us flawed." I say quite calmly.
"Flawed?" She asks confused. "I thought you didn't like the term 'Genetically Damaged'?"
"I don't mean it like that." I say hurriedly. "I mean, we thought ourselves gilded. We were bright and shiny and peaceful, but you know, I know that peace doesn't last, no matter how hard you try. We thought ourselves strong and powerful, overcoming violence and the fall of the factions and the world we knew crashing down around us. We thought that would be enough to keep the wolves at bay, but the truth is no matter how many Divergents the world has, they will still come to battle with each other one day. We were naive, who would attack us when we were finally settling into peace without all the 'faction before blood' crap." I settle back in my seat again, and look out the window, trying to avoid the continuation of this conversation but it's easy to tell it's just beginning.
"Gilded." She repeats the word, testing it on her tongue as if it was foreign. We relapse into silence, and I'm thankful to be with my own thoughts again. I try to enjoy these moments, this time before we get to the dreaded moments, before we get to the Bureau. There isn't much longer. I recognise the area we are coming into and a feel my stomach begin to make it's way into my throat, it was a terrible feeling.
There it is, a speck on the horizon, slowly getting closer and closer to us. I feel like I'm going to be sick, so I lean forward and rest my head on the back of Johanna's seat and close my eyes, trying to take deep breaths. When I look up again I know it's too late to prepare, because we're here. This is the Bureau, barbed wire fences and grey bricks. This was it.
