"Okay Sheldon," Amy said into Sheldon's chest, shaking a little. "I am going to tell you why I said I wished it was my birthday, and why I was crying, but first I need to reassure you that you did nothing wrong and it isn't your fault. At all."

Sheldon sighed in relief, tightening his arms around Amy.

Amy continued, looking up into his eyes. "I need to just talk, okay? I don't know if I can look at you while I say it all. I don't want you to say anything, okay? Just let me talk for awhile. I promise you can say whatever you want or need to say when I'm done. Okay?"

Sheldon's eyes were wide and he looked frightened, even though Amy's reassurance had helped him relax a little. He ran his fingers down Amy's jaw and gently and tenderly kissed her lips, just once, then sat back and nodded his head, still watching her a little nervously. He really had NO idea what was going on in her mind.

Amy was a little flustered at his kiss, and how attentive he was being. Here we go, she thought, gathering her thoughts. She settled back into his arms and spoke into his chest.

"You know that I love you, Sheldon. And I know that you love me." She felt Sheldon nod in agreement.

""I'm not sure we mean the exact same thing when we say that, though. That's why I said I wished it was my birthday, and that's also why I was crying just now and not wanting you to know.

You see, Sheldon, I love your mind. I love your heart, your soul, everything about you. I am also incredibly physically attracted to you and I want to express that love and attraction to you so badly it hurts not to be able to. I know this is a hormonal and biological imperative and an urge to procreate. But it is so much more than that to me.

On my birthday, you gave me the greatest gift you could have ever given me when we were intimate together. It's what I had longed for, and still long for. I was so grateful and happy. But it is now clear to me that you forced yourself to do this for me, rather than feeling attracted to me or interested in it yourself."

Amy felt Sheldon tense up and take a breath as if to speak.

She forged ahead, interrupting whatever he was going to say.

"No, it's okay, Sheldon. It's not your fault. It's not your problem. It's my problem. I have to come to terms with it and accept it, and I'm trying. Just as I didn't want you to say you loved me to me on prom night out of a feeling of obligation to me or as a social convention after I said it, I DON'T want you to force yourself to do something so intimate with me just because you know I want to.

The problem is that there is a desperate part of me that DOES want that, and sometimes it seeps out and I can't stop it. That's why I said I wished it was my birthday tonight. I just wanted to make love to you, or touch you, or even just fall asleep in your arms, so badly. For a minute, I was willing to take it even if I knew you would be going through with it only to please me. I'm so sorry, Sheldon. I'm so sorry, and so ashamed. And so sad about it all."

Amy cried quietly in Sheldon's arms and he held her and stroked her back comfortingly.

There, I said it, Amy thought. All the things I swore I would never say.

Amy was surprised to feel a wave of relief flood through her. No more elephant in the room. Even if the elephant might stomp on her heart on the way out the door, at least it's out in the open now.

It was Sheldon's turn to speak. He didn't really know what to say. He needed time to process what Amy had told him, and get his own thoughts in order, and find a way to solve this unsolvable problem.

Unsolvable problem? Suddenly Sheldon felt a small wave of confidence. That's what I do, he thought. I'm a theoretical physicist. I solve the unsolvable problems of the universe. I'll break this problem down into its smallest components and solve each part.

He knew he couldn't do this in the few seconds he had before he needed to speak.

"Amy," Sheldon said, nuzzling his nose into the top of her head. "I love you, I do. I want to love you in every way possible, as you do me, I really do."

"It's okay, Sheldon, you caught me off guard and at a bad time. I'll be okay," Amy gave him the out, as she always did.

"No, it's not okay, Amy. I'm going to need some time to figure this out. I'm sorry I'm not the man you need right now. Will you let me….can you…."

Amy sighed and let go of Sheldon, sitting up.

"Sure Sheldon, you can go back to your room now. Thank you for listening and again, I'll be okay by tomorrow. I just get sad sometimes, but it will pass. I'm sorry to had to see that," Amy assured him.

Sheldon's eyes opened in alarm, "No, I wasn't going to ask you to let me go. I was going to ask if you would come to my room with me. It has a bigger bed. I want you to sleep in your favorite place tonight. Please Amy, for me? I want to hold you close to me. All night. Just sleeping, literally. Please?"

Amy felt her heart lurch and fill with love for Sheldon. After all she has just put him through, crying on him and being so pathetic, and he wasn't running away? He asked her to stay with him? Because HE wanted HER with HIM? Not because he knew SHE wanted it?

"I'd love that Sheldon," Amy said quietly and shyly. Relief and love for Sheldon flooded her, but exhaustion was quickly taking over. Emotional exhaustion.

Sheldon got up and held out his hand to her. She placed her hand in his and followed him into his room, thinking that the way he was leading her to his bed was the most romantic thing he had ever done.