This chapter is really short, but I wanted to end it where I ended it so yeah. This chapter, like the last one, has mostly been written in the middle of the night. I just finished this chapter like... 3 min ago, and it's 3am. hehe
This chapter also explains WHY this is a Rachel/Brody story, in my opinon. Read it until the end. I have big plans, so trust me, okay? I love writing angst stories, so I need to have ambivalence on what Rachel wants in life, as said in the summary. I've watered it down MASSIVELY for this story, it could be a whole lot worse (I mean, check out my other stories, haha!).
Thanks everyone for the name suggestions! I'm considering a few for middle a middle name!
Chapter 4: School
Hitting the end of 7 months also meant hitting the point of her pregnancy where exhaustion returned, full force, because becoming comfortable in bed was a thing of the past. She would toss and turn until she was sure that she'd dug a hole in the mattress, and Brody stormed out of the room in annoyance at 3am to sleep on the couch.
Not surprisingly, Brody and Rachel were very tired their first week back at school. Rachel had been in meetings with the school counselor for a couple of weeks so that they could figure out her schedule for this semester. She would only do theoretical classes this semester, and thankfully the teachers allowed her study the weeks after she had her son and the finals at home, but there was no way to get around the finals. Somehow she would just have to make it work. So while most of her peers were in theatre, or dancing, learning how to direct or do something creative, she was sitting in hard wooden benches listening to professors drone on and on making it almost impossible for her to stay awake.
Her peers' reaction to her pregnancy wasn't positive either. When school let out for summer she had only looked chubby, and the summer classes were mostly filled with upperclassmen that had fallen behind in credits. Now she was in her last couple of weeks of pregnancy, undoubtedly pregnant with swollen ankles and an awkward and slowed gait to show for it. People who would've said hi to her the last semester walked by her without a word, and more than once she heard curious whispers where people were wondering why she was still attending NYADA if she was going to have a baby.
Creative work and children didn't seem to mix well, and everyone had gotten the memo but Rachel, despite having been told throughout her whole pregnancy. Rachel loved attention, loved people's eyes on her, this was not the attention she wanted. Had she been her 16 year old self she would've bounced off and chalked it up as 'any type of attention is good attention', but the genuinely hateful looks she got from some of the girls made her queasy. What made it absolutely horrible was the way the teachers looked at her. From her peers it was expected, young people had a tendency to judge people based on appearances, but she expected adults to not judge because of experience. That did not happen.
The teacher showed their disapproval by sending her annoyed looks whenever she adjusted herself in her chair trying to get herself comfortable, and if she ever dared to go to the bathroom during class to relieve her diminishing bladder they would mutter about special treatment. The odd thing was that she didn't go more often than any other student, she always went straight before, or after, and if there were any short breaks she'd take that chance. Everyone whispered about special treatment, but Rachel had yet to experience anything other than exclusion, and ridicule.
People made it a point to stare at her belly whenever she went, and if she had a smaller belly she would've made it a point to hide it. However, it had gotten to the stage where the only way to hide it would to put on a fat-suit., but she didn't think anyone would buy it. So the only way to go was to flaunt it, then. Tight t-shirt dresses that showed off every curve. While self-conscious about the weight that she'd put on, which her doctor assured her was just as she should, she figured that if she couldn't make them stop staring she would show them that she was not ashamed.
It worked for the most part.
Towards the end of September when everyone had gotten completely back into studying, and were keeping themselves busy as it was, came the planning of what would soon come. While everyone understood that at some point Rachel would give birth to a baby boy, no one had actually wanted to think about the logistics of what would happen once he was born.
"I got a text from Finn," she said during their moisturizing routine. "He wants to be there when the baby's born."
"Okay, but isn't that a bit weird?" Rachel frowned at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that he's not your boyfriend," Brody said with a shrug.
"Well neither are you, and you're going to be there, right?" Brody nodded, but smiled.
"Not really the same thing, though." He put one hand on her stomach. "I've been here throughout the whole pregnancy, and I've gotten quite close to this little kiddo, I want to see him be born." He kissed the top of her stomach, and she watched him carefully.
"What will you do if he isn't yours?" she asked shyly. That sobered Brody up quickly, and he straightened up. He looked at her, straight at her. There was something vulnerable about young pregnant girls, when they are about to embark on a new path where everything is new, and they're trying to grasp for something to hold on to, to keep them grounded. She watched him, a hand protectively laid on her stomach, subconsciously, and her eyes darting across is features to register every facial expression.
"I'm 99% sure he's mine, but if he isn't…" He let out a big gush of breath, glancing up at the ceiling. "I don't know, I think I'd want to stay, but I can't say for sure, Rachel, it's unimaginable for me."
"I hate not knowing." Her voice was thick with tears, her eyes were welling up and a tear spilled down across her cheeks. Without a second thought he brushed away the tear with his thumb, and embracing her with a hug. "I can't believe it's real."
After a week of talking they managed to decide that Finn would be there for the birth, because Rachel threw in her I-am-the-one-who-is-pregnant veto. Of course, then came the attempt to plan for him being there. As every site on the internet, along with her doctor, told her that her son could come at any time really, it was hard to decide just how long Finn would stay, and where. Their apartment was crowded enough, and provided little space to allow another person to stay for longer than a couple of days. If Finn wanted to be there for the birth he could have to be forced to stay there for three weeks, to make sure. Her doctor assured her that if she went a week over her due date she would be induced, so he wouldn't have to wait very long.
After a bit of debating it was decided that he was to come the day before Halloween and stay until whenever her son was born, and if he could he'd stay until the paternity test results were in.
It was at this point that it hit Rachel that she was 35 weeks pregnant, and they hadn't even bought a crib. After freaking out at Brody for allowing that to slip her mind, a place to sleep was important after all, and a trip to a store to buy an affordable crib in a haste, Rachel did an inventory of what they had bought, and what they needed to buy. And do.
Her checklist was filled with things such as a changing mat, clothes in loads, winter suits, a stroller because they would be taking the train and be walking a lot, a car seat to use in Lima, or in taxis, or wherever they went. Brody sat next to her for a while with his eyebrows up in his forehead, impressed, and scared, about the size of the list.
"I haven't even decided if I'm going to breastfeed or not yet," Rachel whined when Kurt suggested that she put up bottles, too.
"If you're going to school, breastfeeding might not be the best option," Kurt said. Rachel couldn't deny that, and put down bottles.
Somewhere along that week, while she was looking something up online, it hit her that her son didn't have a name. That made her feel horrible, angry, and disappointed in herself. She was freaking out over a crib, but she hadn't even thought about the most important thing for a child: a name. Of course this resulted in her crying. The stress, tiredness, and hormones were all pushing her to the brink, and forgetting to name her child was one thing she found hard to forgive herself for.
It wasn't easy for Kurt to calm her down when he found her sobbing on the couch while on a baby name site. But once he did there was another obstacle about everything; should she name her son herself, or should there be a compromise between all three of them?
Not wanting to argue with Rachel, as she was very intimidating while pregnant, even on the phone, both Finn and Brody backed off on the first name, and agreed that as long as it wasn't horrible, they'd accept it. They would get to pick the middle name though, whoever of them were the father. That calmed Rachel down immensely, and when she should have studied for class she was on baby-name sites trying to find the perfect name for her boy.
How she came up, or found, the name she had no idea, she just knew that she loved it when she saw it on the page. Some women have stories of how they came up with the names for their kid, but this name she just liked. It was the only name that wasn't mundanely boring, too out of there, or just not something she liked.
That was why. Because she liked it. And both Finn and Brody accepted that name. Asher Berry, the middle name is yet to be announced. She was sure Finn only said it was okay because after four days of texting names Asher was the only name that she consistently agreed was good, since every other name she had doubts about at least 3 times, and every time she sent a text about it.
36 weeks came along, and so did insomnia, nesting worse than ever before, and the baby dropped. The baby dropping was good for her lungs, because she could walk a bit easier without getting too winded, but now she couldn't walk for very long because she had a head grating on her pelvic bone.
"Why are you wincing?" Kurt asked while they were in the cafeteria eating lunch. She glared at him, her mouth curling in anger.
"I have a baby turning its head, pushing down on my pelvic bone, want to try?" Her temper wasn't the best it had been, either.
"Sorry," Kurt said with wide eyes, trying to hold back his laugh by faking a wince. She saw that, and narrowed her eyes.
That was also the week when Rachel had to meet with all her teachers in the practical courses, to plan for the next semester. While October was early, it was important for it to be done before the baby was born, and in good time so that the teachers would be prepared. One more student in a theatre group was a bit more to prepare for than for an extra student in a bench in the class room.
While she waited outside of the conference room the meeting was supposed to be held in, she saw Ms July walking down the hallway. Rachel immediately straightened up, and subconsciously attempted to suck in her stomach, but obviously failing miserably.
"I'm seeing Miss Rachel has blown up to whale size, good job!" Ms July slow clapped. "I actually didn't think you'd go through with it, but I think I overestimated your smarts a little bit."
"Ms July, I know that you're jealous of me because I have something that you don't but-" July's laugh cut her off.
"Wait, you think I'm jealous of you?" She laughed loudly. "No, I pity you, I pity that child." She pointed at Rachel's protruding belly. "Because you're not going to last, you've thrown away everything because you wanted to play house. You weren't going to last before, and now you don't even stand a chance." She scoffed.
"You know what Ms July? I don't care what you think, I'm just going to do," Rachel said, confidently. "There is no other way in my life."
"If I could have a penny for every time someone said that to me." July sat down in the seat next to hers, crossing her legs and turning to look Rachel. "I know you see me as a huge bitch that makes your life miserable, but I was employed here for a reason, I'm the student's reality check, and it's been a year and you're still stuck in your own land, that means I've failed, that means you have failed. I'm not a bitch because I hate my students, or because I want to make them miserable, I do it because I actually care about what happens when you get out there, something those sweet high school teachers don't think about when they encourage you to 'dream big'. You know what, you might succeed on Broadway one day, but it won't be anytime soon, because no one, absolutely no one is going to employ a young mother that won't sacrifice years of her life to a play at inconvenient hours for little pay. Because young mothers are unpredictable, their kids suddenly get sick and they can't come in for rehearsal one day. They won't take that risk, no matter what kind of amazing voice you've got. So either you think again, or continue on living in your bubble. You've got to chose, what do you want the most? Your kid, or Broadway?"
It may have been childish, it took a long while for Rachel to understand that it was incredibly immature, but she was pissed that no one had told her before, that no one had before her last weeks of pregnant shook her shoulders and told her that she was living a dream. No one told her that impossible existed until that moment July sat down on her chair for only a few minutes, looked her in the eyes, told her about life, slapped her chair and got up and left. July refused to cooperate, saying that Rachel had to chose.
Broadway, or motherhood.
What July said shook her worse than the initial news of her pregnancy. It dumbfounded her. Nothing else registered in her brain, but those last few words July said to her. While she wanted to shake it off, claim it as something July said to get to her, it was logical, it was the truth. No one had ever sat her down and told her the truth before like that. No one made her listen, and that angered her.
She immediately wanted to pack her bags and fly back to Lima to her fathers. Give up straight away. Lie in bed and never get out, not have to confront reality. Stop time, preferably, too. However, no flight companies would let her fly at 8 months pregnant, she checked, so she returned to her apartment, and her bed, and cried until someone came home, and then she quietly lay in bed, hoping no one would notice her.
Of course, you always notice the pregnant person in an apartment. Especially not when she couldn't stay in bed for longer than 30 minutes at a time before having to go to the bathroom. She considered begging for a catheter, until she mentally slapped herself for that post.
It took 3 hours for her room mates to muster up the courage to talk to her, she'd heard them quietly debating on what to do. They quietly walked into her and Brody's room, gingerly sitting down on the mattress around her.
"What's going on, Rache?" Kurt asked sweetly, rubbing her arm.
"I don't want to talk about it," she muttered into her pillow. Kurt eyed Santana and Brody, they all knew they were walking a fine line, but they all wanted to know what had Rachel so upset.
"Can you tell us what it's about?" Brody asked, lying down opposite Rachel, so close that she could feel his breath on her forehead, his arms were circling around her, holding her to him. "Rachel?"
"No," she said, shaking her head roughly, but her tears were starting to spill again. She let out a sob and then threw her arms around Brody, unable to hold the tears in any longer.
"Hey Rachel," he said, kissing her tearstained cheeks. "Why are you crying?" He was cradling her closely to him, and she seemed so vulnerable that he immediately sent out Kurt and Santana from their room. He knew they'd hear them anyway, but having them watch Rachel's breakdown didn't sit well with him.
"I screwed up," she managed to get out. "I have… I have to," she stuttered. "No one will want me, no one would hire me, I'm screwed, I ruined everything," she wailed. Inside it felt like her heart was being ripped into shreds, piece by piece, excruciatingly slow. It was torture. "I have to choose between Asher and… and my… my future." She was hiccupping by now, unable to get the words out of her mouth properly. "I don't want to choose!"
"Rachel.." He had no words of comfort, or any way of assuring her. He didn't know if this was the truth or not, it probably was. He had no way of knowing. "Baby, no matter what, I'll be here, okay?" She hung onto him tighter, almost climbing up on him, not ever wanting to let go.
"I don't know what to do," she sobbed in his ear.
All he wanted to do was take the pain away, but he didn't know how.
Poor Rachel, but Cassandra July is right. Should she choose Broadway or Asher? What do you think? I am 95% sure of what she'll chose, but I can still be persuaded, hehehe.
Oh! And if any of you are Hunger Games fans, please please please check out my story for it. It's a bit, a lot, different than this one, but somewhat the same themes in it. So if you like this one, check my other one out! /s/8848842/1/People-of-The-Meadow
:) *shameless*
Reviews makes a girl really happy.
