Sakura rubbed her temples again, wishing that she'd just eaten that pint of ice cream in the fridge instead of emptying a whole bottle of wine by herself. She looked at the kitchen table. There wasn't much left of breakfast at this point, nothing but crumbs and bits of cornflakes strewn across the wooden tabletop. Two of the dogs were currently fighting over the fruit bowl.

"Oi, Uhei! Stop hogging the apple slices!" The shiba inu with the mohawk growled, glaring balefully at the dun greyhound that was gulping down apple slices like there was no tomorrow.

The greyhound ignored him and snapped up the last bit of fruit.

"Uhei, you bastard! MASTER! Uhei ate everything!"

Kakashi, who had sat down at the table to nab that very same piece of apple, also gave Uhei a dark look. "Uhei," he warned. Uhei blinked innocently, cheeks full. The shiba inu began to growl.

"Settle down, Shiba," Kakashi soothed, not taking his eye off Uhei. He reached over to pat Shiba's head, and the dog reluctantly stopped bristling. "We'll just have to get back at him later, don't we?" Kakashi crinkled his eye at Uhei, and Uhei nearly choked on his mouthful of apple.

One of the other dogs, the one that looked like a beagle mix with spectacle marks around its eyes, had already finished his meal and was surveying Sakura's apartment with great curiosity.

"Humans live in such cramped spaces," the bespectacled beagle observed. "Why is that?"

"A combination of unpaid student loans, low wages and sky-high rent," Sakura replied shortly. "The fact that this is New York City doesn't help." True, there was barely enough room to squeeze in a sofa and a table in the living room, but she was lucky to be living by herself. It was near impossible to live in a studio apartment, let alone a one-bedroom, in a decent neighborhood with the wages she was making at her current job. The only reason she was able to rent this place was thanks to the crazy man who lived next door. As soon as she arrived for the apartment viewing, Hiruzen, the landlord, had taken her to see the man who would be her neighbor in apartment #1A. Gai had popped his head out and studied Sakura from head to toe for a few, tense seconds before giving Hiruzen a thumbs-up and a "Yosh! She seems youthful! I'll happily accept her as my neighbor!"

Hiruzen was so relieved to finally be able to fill in the apartment next to Gai's that he'd agreed to rent it out to her for half the price. According to the nosy lady in #2A, apartment #1B had been empty for nearly three years. Apparently, Gai was such a nightmare of a neighbor that apartment #1B was blacklisted by the real estate agencies; he would ring #1B's doorbell at ungodly hours to demand that they compete with him at various activities. With Sakura, however, he seemed to curb his impulsive actions, because Sakura never heard her doorbell ring.

Well, whatever Gai's reasons were, they suited Sakura just fine.

"…Oh," the beagle replied after a long pause. "Well." It cast another glance at its surroundings. "It's a very nice, humble hole," it tried.

"You're very welcome to camp out in the park, if you'd like," Sakura said dryly. "Or go back inside that bag."

The beagle shuddered. "Oh, no," it said hastily. "This is perfect."

The pug, who had hopped on Kakashi's lap moments before, looked up from a half-eaten bowl of cornflakes. "Don't mind Bisuke, miss," it said in its unsettlingly deep voice. "He's a young 'un. Human cities are new to him. He hasn't stepped foot outside the woods until today." It turned back to the cereal and resumed eating.

"Bisuke?" Sakura asked. The beagle raised a paw sheepishly.

"Pleased to meet you, miss," it said. "Bisuke is my name."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "That reminds me, I haven't introduced them to you yet," he said. "Sakura, meet Pakkun."

The pug looked up again from the bowl, crunching loudly.

"Bull."

A large black bulldog with an impressive spiked collar raised its head.

"Urushi."

A small dog with a tuft of spiky hair on its head narrowed its eyes at her.

"And Guruko," Kakashi finished, indicating a snoozing beagle with darker brown ears and longer whiskers than Bisuke's. He patted the still disconsolate shiba inu on the head. "This one is Shiba, and the glutton sitting across the table over there is Uhei. I believe you're already acquainted with Bisuke. Boys, say hello."

There was a ragged chorus of yips and "hellos" from the eight dogs sitting around the table. Bull, who was sitting closest to her, sniffed the air around her before nosing the ruffles of her apron. It snuffled.

"He says you smell like jerky," Pakkun informed Sakura. It licked its chops and looked hopefully at Sakura. "You don't happen to have any more, do you?"

"Sorry, but I'm all out," Sakura said, jabbing her thumb at Kakashi. "You can thank him for that."

Several pairs of eyes landed accusingly on Kakashi. Kakashi coughed.

"It's not like you need to eat," he told the dogs.

The pug whined. "But there's nothing else to do in the bag," it said plaintively. "Besides, we need to protect you, right? We gotta refuel, boss."

"You ate up most of my energy bars, but you still didn't come out to help me when those men came and dragged me to that torture chamber," Kakashi pointed out, rather petulantly. "Sakura had to save me."

"They would have taken us too!" Pakkun protested. The other dogs joined, complaining:

"Yeah! What Pakkun said!"

"Master bad! Master mean!"

"Woof!"

"This is unfair! Boys, lets go on strike!"

"Yeah! Strike! Strike! Stri—"

"Are there more cornflakes?" Uhei piped up. The other dogs stared at him, looking betrayed.

"What?" The greyhound said defensively. "I'm hungry."

Kakashi clapped his hands together, and eight canines swiveled their heads to look at their owner.

"Alright, boys," he said cheerfully, holding the backpack for them to see. "That's enough for now. Into the bag we all go."

The dogs all groaned as one.

"Do we have to?" Guruko groused. "I like this place. It has food. The bag sucks."

"I like Miss Sakura's place," Bisuke said, nodding vigorously. "I like Miss Sakura too," it added hastily, almost as an afterthought.

"What a kiss-up," Urushi mumbled. Sakura agreed.

"Gee, thanks. And here I thought my place was just a humble hole," Sakura muttered.

"It's a nice, humble hole," Bisuke corrected her. "It feels homey. That's a good thing."

Sakura had nothing to say to that.

"I'm still hungry," Uhei whined. In response, Kakashi produced a few granola bars out of thin air and threw it inside the bag.

"All yours," he said, and Uhei and a few of the more impressionable dogs yelped in joy and scrambled toward Kakashi. The others, sensing resistance was futile, reluctantly followed them. There was a soft pop as each dog vanished into the bag.

Soon, only Pakkun and Bisuke were left. Bisuke nosed Sakura's palm before he obediently trotted over to Kakashi and popped out of existence. Pakkun looked at Kakashi sternly.

"Next time, I expect a full course meal," the pug said. "And a bath with some Floral Green shampoo."

"…Fine," Kakashi sighed. He gave Pakkun a hard look. "Remember what I asked you to do."

Pakkun saluted Kakashi with a paw.

"Roger, boss," Pakkun said, and with that, the pug dove into the bag.

There was an audible pop, and Kakashi hastily zipped up the backpack.

"Fuck, I need a drink," Sakura muttered to herself, flopping down on the sofa.

"That doesn't sound like a good idea, after last night," Kakashi said from the table. Sakura glared at him and opened her mouth to say something before her phone buzzed. She picked it up.

"Forehead, you up?" Ino chirped into her ear.

"I wish I wasn't," Sakura grumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Sakura said. "What's up?"

"…Sounds like your hot date didn't go so well," Ino observed. "You sound pissed."

"No, it didn't," Sakura sighed. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well, Daddy came over with a few things from home, and he brought over something for you. I'm on my way to your place now, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Wait, you're on your way?" Sakura said, startled.

"Yeah, is there a problem?"

"Uh, not really," Sakura said. "Actually, yes, there is. I need to talk to you about something." She glanced around to look for Kakashi, only to find him crouched behind her, face a little too close for her liking.

"Oh my god, Kakashi, don't give me a heart attack!" Kakashi ignored her, eyes fixed on her cellphone.

"What is this?" He asked, gingerly poking the screen.

"Hello? Sakura? Hey, Sakura, what's wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Ino, just—Kakashi, stop trying to grab my phone! I'm trying to call Ino right now," Sakura said, exasperated.

Kakashi's eye narrowed. "Call?"

"Yeah, you know. Like, calling someone on the phone—wait, seriously? You don't know what a phone is?"

"Nope," Kakashi said, and Sakura groaned.

"Sakura? That's a guy, right? I heard a guy's voice. Is that Sasuke? It's Sasuke, right?" Ino's panicked voice shrieked from the phone.

"No, Ino, everything's fine, there's no need to panic—"

"SAKURA, I'M COMING OVER, I'M A FEW BLOCKS AWAY, JUST-JUST HOLD ON, OKAY? SASUKE, YOU BASTARD, YOU BETTER NOT HURT HER—"

Shittttt.

"Ino, I'm good, seriously, don't come—"

Click.

Sakura hung up and turned to Kakashi. "Kakashi, change back, now," she said tersely. "Ino's coming."

Kakashi looked at her, uncomprehending.

"She thinks that my ex is here, and—please, do me a favor and change back into a dog, okay?"

Kakashi hesitated. "That…might be a little difficult," he said.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't turn back now."

"…But you just did an hour ago," Sakura said, gobsmacked. Kakashi shrugged helplessly.

"Argghh. Fine, go hide in the bedroom. Quickly," Sakura hissed. She flinched when the doorbell rang.

"SAKURA? SAKURA, CAN YOU HEAR ME? OPEN THE DOOR, SAKURA!"

The doorknob jingled.

"Crap," Sakura heard Ino mutter. "Where is that key?"

…She totally forgot that she'd given Ino a spare key, just in case.

The front door opened with a bang.

Ino stood in the doorway, looking disheveled and wild-eyed. When she saw Kakashi, her eyes narrowed, and she threw something into the air, straight at Kakashi.

Something red.

Something with claws, and murderous, slitted, yellow eyes.

"GET HIM, FUU!" Ino yelled.