"Good morning, everyone! For today's med-cat talk show, we will be inviting a very old medicine cat to share her knowledge with all of us! Everyone welcome Sagewhisker!" A white she-cat padded up to the stage.

Spottedleaf and her meddie cat friends were reclined on cushy armchairs in Spottedleaf's living room. Yellowfang raised an eyebrow. "Sagewhisker's not old. She's my mentor."

"And you are pretty old too, aren't you, Yellowfang?" Barkface countered thoughtfully.

Mudfur grunted and tapped on his phone.

"Hi, everyone! Today we're going to talk about the eyes." Sagewhisker told everyone brightly. "Celandine is usually good, but if you need, get spectacles! You can get a pair at..."

Littlecloud turned the TV off. "That's not true. Sagewhisker's just doing an ad for the local specs shop."

"Yeah. The show's distorted with untrue stuff, all because of adverts!" Yellowfang whined. "Who says specs are better than celandine? Specs cover the problem, wheras celandine solves it! Duh! The lady on the show is an idiot!"

Spottedleaf rubbed her back comfortingly. "Shh...ladies don't throw tantrums."

Yellowfang stared at her weirdly. "I'm not a lady."

A gasp emerged from Mudfur. "Then what are you?!" He exclaimed, putting a paw over his chest. "Sorry, I'm over-reacting."

"Indeed." came the snarkish reply of Yellowfang. "I am a cowgirl."

Littlecloud did a great show of looking her up and down. "You don't look like a cow."

Spottedleaf nearly spluttered.

"Can we go to Spottedleaf's room? I would like to see her room." Barkface asked curiously. All the cats in StarClan always pictured Spottedleaf's room as a comfortable room filled with massage chairs, bathed in warm orange light, with a light scent of perfume in the air.

Spottedleaf nodded happily. "C'mon, gentlemen and cowgirl!"

Everyone followed her as she opened the door to her room, and everyone's jaw dropped at the same time (literally). As Spottedleaf handed Littlecloud his jaw, which had rolled off to one side, everyone could only stare.

Spottedleaf's room was strewn with pictures of Firestar.

Firestar's photographs, roughly-coloured drawings of him, blurry pictures of him painted in watercolour, you name it.

"Shucks." Spottedleaf muttered. Then she raised her voice. "Go on in! Don't mind the mess." As she plastered a fake smile on her face, she ushered them in.

She then switched on the computer. The wallpaper of Firestar made Mudfur faint.

"Let's have some personality tests!" She found some on the web. The first question asked: Who do you like?

The four options were Spottedleaf, Dustpelt, Firestar and others.

"Trust me, click 'Spottedleaf'." Yellowfang the Cowgirl advised. "Being a narcissist is better than loving Firestar."

Spottedleaf glared at her and clicked 'Firestar'."

"Hmm..." Barkface, Mudfur, and Littlecloud intoned together when they saw Spottedleaf's choice. "Never mind! Continue!" They sighed hopelessly.

The next question: Are you afraid of heights?

Spottedleaf clicked 'Yes, very!'

The last question: What is your favourite colour?

Spottedleaf, naturally, clicked 'Orange' much to everyone's annoyance.

Then she submitted the quiz.

The results, churned out in a second, portrayed a cat face with a raised eyebrow. The text below said: You really like Firebrat, do you?

Everyone guffawed in laughter except Spottedleaf, who fumed.

Below in small letters, added: You are Spottedleaf, aren't you?

Spottedleaf fainted. Completely.

Barkface leaned over and typed in the comments section: Hey, Spottedleaf died of shock 'cause this quiz told her that she was Spottedleaf.

A minute later, a reply popped up. "YESSHH! Let's celebrate! She's gone! Signed, Firestar."

Littlecloud glanced between the screen and Spottedleaf, and slowly began to shake his head.

"Poor Spottedleaf." Yellowfang sighed.

"Poor Firestar." Littlecloud corrected.

"Why?"

"Firestar had to put up with a brat like her! What can I say?"

"Hmm..."

"She made you angry at her like, a gazillion times! Gah!"

"True that."