Author's Note:
Continuing? Yes. Proceeding with this story after completely forgetting where I was even going with this in the first place? Of course!
So yes, I can't honestly say how many more chapters of this there will be any more or if there will be more. I suppose, open ended as this feels, I'll simply keep running with it until I run out of techno-disasters for Sanji to run into (or until a plot completely runs away with this setting and turns this story into something else entirely). For anyone who really likes this story and wants me to keep running on it… do let me know. My inspiration is running dry (for this story at any rate).
Thanks for the reviews! They stopped me from forgetting about this. I always love comments. They keep my mind plotting.
The smell of cigarette smoke lingered about the dorm, the telltale sign that Sanji was at home. After two straight days of failing to get used to his new Mac, the cook had reached his limit. There was just no way he'd be returning his purchase and exchanging it for the safely familiar PC laptops he was used to. It simply wasn't an option. The lovely radiant and wonderful Nami had assisted him in this selection, and if it was gone so soon then it might seem as if he were saying she had no taste. Or something inanely stupid like that, Sanji's mind was doing a wonderful job getting insulted for her. Never mind that in reality, it was highly unlikely the redhead would care at all, should she actually notice. Still, if he'd struggled with computers before, now it was only worse as old habits and knowledge constantly trickled out, making him confused over the smallest of differences. Hitting 'Apple C' instead of 'Control C' to copy something, for instance, honestly shouldn't have thrown him for such a loop… but his tight fuse with these mechanical mysteries sent him into fits all too often of late.
Thus, after a couple of days of thinking his new notebook would make a very wonderful Frisbee or maybe even a funky serving platter, Sanji had taken action. He'd sought out Usopp, the one buddy he knew who was a computer genius (granted it didn't take much to be a computer genius in Sanji's eyes), and asked him what in the world he could do. Perhaps the handiest thing about going to Usopp for a problem was that despite your having to put up with a certain amount of bragging and shamelessly glorifying story telling, he didn't tend to charge you for it. Well, he might act like he was going to charge you, but if you gave him a stern (aka violent) look he stopped kidding around and told you he could never take your money. Such a kidder that guy!
Usopp had let him know that short of exchanging the notebook or simply learning to use it and getting used to the negligible differences, there was the option of installing a program so he could run Windows on it. There were a few different ones out there sold commercially or… as Usopp had so shrewdly guessed Sanji might prefer, there were versions that could be installed that were shockingly free of charge but shouldn't be bragged about having. Sanji stared at him blankly, stating he'd never brag about any computer program anyway. Usopp tried a few other subtle and tactful ways of hinting that Sanji was getting cracked software, but the cook's annoyance just continued to grow, and for safety's sake, Usopp laid it out as bluntly as possible. Pirated software, don't go taking it in to commercial stores for repairs and whatnot.
"Oh, why would I do that when I have you?" Sanji had muttered, as if it was only natural that Usopp should come to his aid for all his computer related misfortunes. Usopp was silenced for a moment by what must have seemed to him like an ignorant deadpan.
"Haha… yeah… what was I thinking…" There was something a bit cheeky in Usopp's tone, but an aggravated yet questioning glance from Sanji simply had the long nosed student swiftly turning back to monitor the progress of the install. Sanji let out a snort of smoke, shrugging it off and trying to return to his calm smoking routine by the window. When the sound of dried noodles hitting the ground reached his ears for possibly the thirteenth time so far that night, his temper exploded.
"LUFFY KNOCK IT OFF!" A foot lashed out viciously, connecting with the straw hat wearing student and sending him rolling towards the door. Luffy simply laughed away despite the head trauma, perhaps hinting that there simply was nothing worth hitting in his head after all. Sanji stormed away from the window, trying to snatch up the Styrofoam cups of instant noodles that were lying about, all with their paper lids torn back. "Damn it, I need these to last me for the rest of the month!" Instant noodles: rations of starving college students everywhere. With as much as Sanji'd been spending on dorm furniture and electronics (and an essay) of late… he was quite frankly tapped. He could get a few meals out of the leftovers from his cooking classes, but he didn't have those everyday and thus… desperate times called for desperate measures. To think that he… Sanji… would be eating instant cup soup. It certainly didn't jive with the image he projected to the ladies. In all honesty the blond knew the value of food, no matter the quality, and that eating was something you should never be too stubbornly picky about having the opportunity to do. To the ladies and the rest of the world, however, he preferred to appear the gourmet.
What made it worse however was the fact that Luffy was in here, systematically opening package after package and picking out all the bits of dehydrated meat and popping them into his mouth. Sanji was seeing red and snorting smoke like a bull. Was it just a coincidence that Luffy happened to wear red tops so often? Righting himself, Luffy crossed his legs in front of him as he made himself comfortable on the floor once more, back propped against the dorm door. His face melted from laughter into a pout as he stared up at the blond hoarding away all the noodles. "But Sanji, you owe me meat! I tackled Zoro for you… you owe me!"
The blond fumed, cursing that Luffy would remember such a thing. He thought he heard a snicker out of Usopp, but when he jerked his head around to check he saw only the back of the computer wizard's head, although he did notice that the other's knees were shaking in his seat. Sanji leveled his eye back at Luffy. "I remember, but wait until I have money again, alright? Then I'll actually cook you some meat… something much better than these… brown bits of… whatever they are." Sanji didn't honestly believe anything inside the instant soup cups could be considered actual food.
The blond and the raven-haired youth stared each other down, Sanji feeling like he was on the losing end of the battle much to his chagrin. Luffy knit his brows, mouth twisting further down into a serious frown. Should a mouth be able to turn down quite like that? Behind him, Sanji thought he heard Usopp shake just a little bit more. Sanji swallowed, feeling strangely overwhelmed by Luffy (which of course he'd never admit). This tense atmosphere had developed, just over some meat?
The door slammed open, sending Luffy scrambling away just in time to avoid being knocked all the way across the room. The tense atmosphere didn't shatter though. It only became worse as a thick and murderous aura washed into the room and bathed all of the inhabitants along with the strange smell of dirt and car exhaust. Sanji was also somewhat certain he could smell fish… though not any in particular he could name (and it certainly wasn't fresh). Usopp, who'd become a living waterfall of sweat, seemed to go white and freeze. Luffy, safely on the abandoned windowsill, stared blankly for a moment before breaking into a wide grin. Sanji took in a slow long drag of his cig and leveled his gaze at the one who'd entered.
"How the fuck did you get covered in sand… where the hell have you been the past two days you shitty marimo?" His voice was a low and taunting drawl; of course there was no concern in there. Just because he hadn't seen Zoro since they'd split up at the electronics store didn't mean there'd been any reason to worry. Just because Zoro looked like a hobo carrying his new PC in a box under his arm… it didn't mean the guy'd had a rough time the past couple of days. Roommates could go missing for a couple of days. That was normal enough, right? Still, Zoro didn't move right away, just standing there, box under one arm, other hand still on the door he'd slammed open. His eyes were fixed on Sanji, daring the bastard to say just one thing more to piss him off. Sanji feigned indifference, looking away. Zoro lumbered the rest of the way into the room.
Sanji almost piped up, almost quipped that the idiot had forgotten to shut the door, but that violent aura his roommate had answered well enough for him. 'You close the fucking thing', the aura seemed to say. Sanji wondered if you could kick an aura's ass as he moved and shut it on his own, watching as the marimo slowly and plainly removed his computer from the box and started to set it up. No one said anything until Zoro's new computer was on and ready, the green haired wonder opening up an internet browser and a word document.
"So Zoro, where were ya?" Of course it'd be Luffy who asked. Sanji turned to glare at him, not wanting to have to listen to one of the normally taciturn Zoro's backwards insults. Seeing Luffy had broken into yet another one of his noodle cups, however, the blond became too preoccupied to stop his roomie from answering.
"Out," Zoro muttered bluntly, and Sanji's lip quirked up while trying to drag away his emergency 'food' rations from Luffy's clutches. His lips parted, something just about to roll off of Sanji's tongue, when murderous eyes were cast back at him. Zoro was not, to say the very least, in a good mood. You didn't survive in the same dorm room as the Marimo without being able to tell the subtle difference between his 'I'm going to kick the shit out of you if you say what you're thinking' gaze and his 'I'm going to kill you if you say what you're thinking' gaze. It was a subtle difference, but Sanji knew it. He could see it.
He also didn't seem to have much of a survival instinct, apparently. Or he had a terribly inflated ego when it came to his own fighting ability. Whatever the case, Sanji opened his mouth and Zoro was off his chair in seconds flat. In all fairness, Sanji probably could have simply opened his mouth to yawn and get that reaction from Zoro, the green haired man furious at the blond for ditching him like that. In all fairness to Zoro again though, even if Sanji had only opened his mouth to yawn, there probably would have been a silent snide remark lurking in there anyway.
The two bodies collided, and there was an excited whoop and holler from Luffy. Out of Usopp you heard a very worried 'oy oy oy I'm in here!'. The sounds of chaos began to break out in the room, two bodies scuffling about for space and leverage, one hopping about and generally getting in the way, and one skittering about and pleading for his life. When the swords came flashing out, cutting through a newly purchased floor lamp like it'd been made of paper, the only sensible one in the room could feel his life was clearly in peril. He reached for anything, anything at all.
"S-s-s-s-s-s-sanji! Y-your notebook! Careful or you'll break it!" Usopp held the flimsy looking thing high over his head, the program still installing on it anyhow. He held it up like some sort of prized treasure in a video game, trying to get the cook to notice it." He did think he maybe saw Sanji's eyes dart his way. This was a bad thing for Sanji, who nearly got the rare opportunity to look at the inside of his own stomach, incision courtesy of Dr. Roronoa. The blond fell back just in time to save his skin (and his life, but hell if Sanji would concede that to Zoro), hitting into his dresser drawers and cursing loudly from the impact. A pleased feral grin was plastered on Zoro's face, and the green haired man wasn't planning on relenting. Oh he knew, he knew just how much he could cut up his roommate without getting into trouble. No way would he stop until then, the blond needed to learn who was boss in this room again.
"Oy shithead, if you break the Mac that the lovely Nami picked out for me you're dead!" The blond bellowed, his focus narrowing in on Zoro properly again. If the wannabe swordsman thought he'd be beating Sanji in here, he was certainly crazy. The blond dodged as three swords swept at him, singing with the want for blood. There wasn't much room in their dorm, and though Sanji flipped back onto his hands, there was no true space to launch into a spinning kick. Instead he had to settle for a more direct and linear downward kick, the force enough to put quite the nice little dent in the floor. It missed Zoro, though, and the blond was quick to regain his footing. Swords flashed out again and met with shoe, the force of the two blows colliding seeming to send out a wave of pressure through the room.
Luffy cheered, and Usopp yelped in distress as he stumbled back against the wall. Sanji didn't take his eyes off Zoro, the fight growing far too intense to slip like that, but his voice carried his glare at Usopp all the same. "Don't you fucking DARE break that laptop! Be careful with it!"
"I'm trying but if you two would just-"
"If it breaks you're next!"
Usopp let out a squeak, and then decided on the only sensible thing to do. If guarding the laptop now equated to guarding his own life, then Usopp sure as hell wasn't staying in this room. No way no how! But getting out and past the two clashing in the center would be a problem. He needed help. "L-luffy! Lunch for a week if you get me out of the room!"
Much later, Usopp would take the time to reflect on the importance of clearly stating a request to Luffy, would contemplate the value of words and phrases like 'safely' and 'carefully' and 'don't throw me out the window'. For now, as the long-nose sat up from where his body had made an indent into the dirt and grass beneath Sanji and Zoro's dorm room, he could really only think about how he was thanking his lucky stars that he'd managed to hold onto the laptop and keep the stupid thing safe. Usopp's body sang out at him in pain, the lyrics along the lines of a broken rib and severed vertebrae. The song was obviously overdramatic, but what in Usopp's life wasn't? The college student did manage to get up, and as he checked on the status of the install, he let out a long sigh of relief. It was a success. It was done. He could almost escape this nightmare.
Above him he could hear furniture breaking and the sound of three bodies locked in combat. Here and there he heard curses, taunts, insults, and irate complaints about someone being involved in the fight for no good reason. Usopp sighed, wondering just how in the world he'd come to have such a circle of friends. It was a mystery to him, that was for sure.
Safely down here, out of the fight and free from the oppressive glare of the future cook, Usopp reflected on how it was surely unfair to have to do a favor for Sanji in war conditions… all for free. Yeah sure, this was illegal software he was giving Sanji, and installing it wasn't rocket science, but it was the time and the expectations and the… notebook protection fee that Usopp thought he should be getting compensated here. He glanced up at the window. He glanced down at the now Windows operating notebook.
Sanji could take a joke, right? If only Usopp's 'I-will-not-play-pranks-that-will-lead-to-my-death Disease' had been acting up. If only.
Later that night, when Zoro had gone to sleep on the still functional remains of his bed, and Luffy had left with the rest of Sanji's food for the month, the cook found his notebook waiting for him outside the dorm, safely outside the door. It was safe and whole and Usopp had left a note on it. It wasn't a long note, simply stating that the install was complete as well as outlining a few other things the blond should keep in mind. Sanji had smiled, feeling that at least something had gone right that night. As he nursed a rather nasty cut on his hip, he puffed out vengeful balls of smoke in the marimo's direction. In his sleep, Zoro looked entirely too pleased with himself, and the air of victory that he held to pissed Sanji off to no end. Not that the blond was acknowledging anything here. They'd tied so far as he was concerned. A draw. Fuck, no, the swordsman had lost and that was that. Yeah.
Curling up in a sleeping bag, possibly the smartest purchase the blond had ever made, Sanji decided he'd get to work on his school papers in the morning. He was damn tired.
- - -
- - -
"Ok… everything looks good… that Usopp sure knows what he's doin with these things… that's for sure…" Sanji's voice was low, a mutter made around his cig as he relaxed out in the quad. His room was rather uncomfortable at the moment, what with the broken furniture and moody roommate, and thus Sanji had decided to come out here to get some work done. He could smoke freely outside here as well, which was always nice. No one could stop him from smoking at the dorm, yes, but it was nice not to have any mental bitching tossed his way.
The computer had booted up precisely as expected, and Sanji stared at the screen once it was done loading. Familiar icons greeted him, and hey, Usopp had even set up a background picture that Sanji didn't immediately hate. He swished his finger along the touchpad, watching the mouse icon move and follow his motions. The blond grinned and nodded his head. Maybe he'd cook something nice for Usopp later as a thank you. Unlike some people Sanji could name, he wasn't an ungrateful bastard. Tapping his finger over the icon for Word, Sanji waited for the notebook to load up the program. Absolutely nothing happened. Sanji frowned and tried to double tap again. The icon didn't even highlight. Scowling, the blond used the buttons under the touchpad, tried to click the word processing icon again. Yet again the notebook seemed to ignore him.
"The fuck? Shit, did Usopp mess up?"
Grinding the cig in his teeth just slightly, Sanji tried using the start menu, figuring he could open the word processor that way and bug Usopp about why the icons weren't working later. The start menu seemed to be against him as well. "Fucking piece of shit!" Sanji roared, getting quite a few panicked stares from those around him. Suddenly, the quad was a lot less occupied than it'd been only moments before. Smoke billowed from Sanji's nose and mouth dangerously, his eyes staring murder and death and oaths to eat the notebooks electronic children in a stew. He wanted to throw the stupid thing on the ground and stomp on it. Instead he took in deep long drags, filling his lungs with filth and nicotine in an attempt to calm his temper. 'Keep it cool… you don't want to break the notebook Nami picked out, right? Right? Think of how sad the goddess would be if she found out.' This seemed to sober him up enough to cause the chef in training to fish into his pocket for the note Usopp had left with the notebook that night. Aside from a pack of cigs, his lighter, and his sadly emaciated wallet, there was nothing else. The note was, most likely, in another pair of pants.
"Fuck." Sanji took the last drag of his cig and ground it out under his heel, chewing on his lip and furrowing that curly brow of his as he attempted to remember what the hell to do here. How could you access a program, or the start menu of Windows, if the icons on the screen weren't working, and the Start menu on the bottom left was ignoring your mouse as well? 'Wasn't there… a button… you could hit a button and… what was… the Windows key! That's it!' Sanji wanted to shake his own hand for remembering it! Overjoyed at this mental victory over his technological curse, Sanji's vision shot down to stare at the keyboard. He looked for the key with the Windows logo on it. He stared… and stared… and stared. Where was… it? No matter how hard he looked, however, he just couldn't ever seem to find the Windows key on his shiny new Mac Notebook. Imagine that.
Sanji's vision went a sort of funny shade of orange, and when the haze cleared he felt deathly calm. He took in a deep breath. He stared up at the blue of the sky. He listened to the song of a bird, somewhere off in the distance. He stretched out his arms and took in another long slow lungful of good clean air. The world had never ever seemed so very sharp and clear and focused before. His lips curled into a smile. He collected the smoking pieces of his notebook. Yes, it was time to go and say 'thank you' properly.
- - -
- - -
Had he not been (rightfully) fearing for his life, Usopp would have been laughing his ass off. As it was, Luffy was doing enough laughing for the both of them. Rather, Luffy was laughing enough for all three of them. As the blond held Usopp by the collar of his shirt up against the wall, there was a decided lack of mirth to the man. Words of absolute utter incredulous anger spilled from Sanji's tongue, venomous and rage filled enough to make the foulest demon blush. While Usopp was really rather used to hearing such out of the blond, it was another thing entirely to hear them directed at him over something he'd done. Hey, Usopp was a young adult male in college. It was only natural that he play a prank or two, make a bad decision or two. Right?
"I'm r-r-r-really sorry Sanji! It was a joke… a joke! Honest! I left you that n-n-n-no don't kill me!" The long-nosed one flinched and shuddered when Sanji's foot had begun to move from the ground. "The note! The note! I left it so you'd have the work around! So that you'd be ok until you brought the notebook to me! It was just a joke… a joke!"
"It wasn't fucking funny! How was I supposed to-"
"Hahahaha…" Luffy's voice seemed to drown out Sanji's outrage, the campus clown nearly unable to breath. Wiping at his eye, the black haired kid looked Sanji dead in the eye. "Usopp did that to my computer. Hid all my icons and toolbar and junk. Took me a minute to figure out what he'd done… haha…" Luffy lapsed back into laughter. Usopp nervously tried to join in and Sanji… Sanji went absolutely still. Luffy… Luffy had… figured it out? Luffy had been smart enough not to flip out and think his computer was broken? Luffy… Luffy… had puzzled out a trick that Sanji had… not…
His fingers went slack, his hand releasing Usopp who wasted no time in scrambling away and to safety. Sanji's gaze went glassy, his body swaying slightly before his shoulders hunched down in utter defeat. 'Honestly… Luffy?' His arms sagged down, his head bowed. A cloud of doom seemed to grow over him, and without a word the blond started his way out of Usopp's dorm room and back towards his own moss infested one. Usopp heaved a sigh of relief while Luffy poked his head out of the room.
"Hey Sanji, when are you gonna cook for me?"
The blond stopped for just a moment before he kept on walking.
He fucking hated college.
He fucking hated computers.
End Notes:
Yes… I affirm that even Luffy could use a computer better than Sanji. At least… in this story he can. Anyhow… Zoro… I think you might want to hide your computer…
