What I Want My Words to Do to You
or
A Series of Extracts Belonging to the Epistolary Courtship of Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, with Suitable Additions of Edifying Thoughts and Actions
by Severus Snape and Hermione Granger
edited by Lm. Samiko
Fourth Posting
Dear Hermione, Well, I Sincerely,
Minerva.
Hermione herself was hysterical for a good twenty minutes after receiving Minerva's letter, particularly when she noticed the last set of italics. Keep it up, indeed!
My Hermione, It has been quite some time since either of us last wrote a letter to the other; I find that, in spite of certain... benefits in You asked me the other day what I thought of Minerva's powers of observation. Simply put, beloved, she has none. She is Gryffindor, after all, and subtleties tend to elude you all. I believe she still thinks you are trying to 'socialize' me (completely ignoring the fact that you yourself are far from sociable) and that I am alternately finding it to my liking and despising it with a vengeance. The latter was in ascendance the other day after we had fought about the Billywig spots. But as long as it keeps her nose and spectacles out of my business, I have no great difficulty pandering to her delusions. One might say it keeps me in practice. Speaking of which...
Several paragraphs of a technical nature omitted.
I must admit to being at a loss as to our next excursion. We have been to your flat. We have been to the BM and the Bodleian Archives. Cambridge, as we both know, is a next to total loss. As fascinating as it would be, having you here would be uncomfortable and counterproductive. Restaurants are dull, nightclubs abysmal, shops indescribable. The Tower, I suppose, is a possibility, if you don't mind Muggle-dodging. Any thoughts, dear one? My own thoughts remain with you. I remain, Yours faithfully, You're being both maudlin and absurd. I insist that you cease at once. It's disturbing. I have no objection to furnishing you with further letters; in fact, I am completely delighted to do so. I myself look forward to the day when I can pull the bundles of letters from their box and read them fondly. However, I have no intention of doing so alone. Or with any other wizard at my side except you. For practical reasons, I shall refer you to some of my earlier letters, copies of which I have included with this one, not knowing whether you burnt these particular ones. Another point that I would like to make is that I chose you to last, Severus Snape. You cannot accuse me of walking into this relationship with my eyes closed to who and what you are. Nor can you accuse me of being a flighty teenage nymphet. I knew what I was doing from the start--though I couldn't be sure of where it was going--and I fully intend to see it through. So if you end up old and alone a century from now, it won't be my fault. Particularly as you are built like a bloody Minotaur on steroids. There. Have I pandered to your vanity enough? I suppose not; I haven't commented on your level of intelligence. Well, I will tell you now that I simply refuse to do so when you are acting like such a silly bugger. Love a thousand times over, PS - There is one place, though I hesitate to suggest it. I'll save it for when I see you, lest it colour our excursion tomorrow. In the interim, what do you say to Normandy and the Wizards' Whinge? I said it before we went and, at the risk of being redundant, I shall say it again: you must have been insane to suggest such a thing. Correspondingly, I must have taken leave of my senses to agree to this 'excursion.' Both of us should have known better. I suppose, however, that there is some merit to having gotten it over with. We have been physically involved for nearly a year now and corresponding for a year previous. Meeting your parents was, I suppose, the next logical step. That said, it would not have been a misstep on your part to have prepared both parties somewhat better than you did. To have your father call me... whatever it was he called me--the meaning of which was only too clear--was not something I would have willingly subjected myself to. You should be grateful that I am possessed of such self-control; I would, otherwise, have done something which all of us would have regretted--and which would probably have been permanent. I did not spend those years in the Death Eaters learning how to crochet doilies. Nor was I busy taking advantage of Muggle-born children, no matter what your father might say. I trust we shall not engage in a similar experiment in future. I can only thank the Great Wizards that my own parents have long since shuffled off this mortal coil and are safely ensconced in Hell where they belong. Severus. You Silly me. Hermione. I will not apologise for my pride. I am not about to let some Muggle--or, indeed, some Wizard--walk all over me. Never again. Full stop. If you cannot accept this, then perhaps you should reconsider this entire enterprise. Severus. It's not about letting someone walk all over you; it's about acknowledging that other people have a right to address you as equals, at least during the first five minutes of your acquaintance. Those Muggles--those Hermione. As I said before, if my attitude and personality bother you, then you are perfectly free to leave them alone. Severus. You know my opinion on that matter, though I admit that at the moment I am seriously reconsidering my decision. Hermione.
Severus.
My dearest Severus,
Hermione.
To my Hermione,
Severus,
Hermione,
Severus,
Hermione,
Severus,
Intercastle Memorandum -- From the Desk of the Headmistress
Severus-- As I Minerva. Do not waste my time with such trivialities. I have no idea where the girl has got to. Severus. Please have the courtesy to reply to Minerva's letters; she is beginning to bother S. Snape. You carry this silence too far. What the devil is the matter with you, woman? S. Snape. Severus. I am sorry, really, for making you worry. But how was I to know that a little cold was actually Acromantula flu? It's not exactly a common disease, you know. I have yet to figure out where exactly I picked it up; I only hope no one else caught it at the same time. Still, I can't be entirely remorseful, Severus. After all, my flu forced you to... well Anyway, I Thinking of you (in various positions), Thank you for keeping me updated about your condition; we need to be wary of a relapse. I do not wish to go through this whole muddle
Minerva--
Miss Granger--
Miss Granger--
Never do that to me again, woman. Do you realize that you could have died? What were you thinking, not to contact anyone if you were ill? Or were you thinking?
Severus--
Hermione.
Dear Hermione,
several paragraphs omitted
I request that you not make any plans concerning our appointment this weekend. I have several exceedingly serious matters I wish to discuss with you (including the one you mentioned in your last missive) and cannot be certain how much time they will take. Yours sincerely,
Severus.
Mr. and Mrs. Robert J. Granger
cordially invite you to attend the wedding of their daughter,
Hermione Jane
to
Professor Severus C. Snape
on 15 May, 200x
at 5.30 pm.
(a.n. - Formatted at last! One more posting and an epilogue to go...)
