AN: Ok, I know this story is weird in how non-interactive the characters are kind of being, but Draco and Hermione do get closer in a way here and next chapter is where it's really going to happen. And trust me, I'll straighten it all out...you'll see what I mean ;) Once again thanks for reading and please review! This story is going to get really epic really soon.
I was invited to a beheading today. I thought I was a butterfly next to your flame .A rush of panic and the lock has been raped. This is only a game, this is only a game...But then our star rushes in, feeling like a child and looking like a woman...She has been forecasted with an attempt to kill herself, but the ending didn't test well. So picking my skin and my scales. I see my horror mirrored in your sundown of your blank stare. -Eat Me, Drink Me
Hermione paced nervously outside the doors of the Quidditch locker room, she had watched Ron practice flying and then angrily make his way here to change. She needed to talk to him, to get everything out, before she lost her chance again. Or before Ron found her with Malfoy in a seemingly friendly position. She tried to decide what she should say in her head, but the ideas were buzzing too fast, her mind too worried, she couldn't even out her thoughts. She would just say what needed to be said and hopefully he wouldn't completely hate her for it. For a second her mind went to Draco Malfoy. In a way he had put this idea into her head, convinced her that she didn't need to sacrifice her happiness in order to make Ron happy. She could be selfish. Just as all these thoughts enveloped her, the door to the changing room opened and Ron's eyes met hers and he frowned.
"Surprised to see you without the ferret…" Ron responded darkly as he moved past her but Hermione quickly grabbed his arm, he was going to make this hard, she knew he was.
"Can you just let me explain Ron? Your temper gets the best of you and you make it impossible for anyone to talk some sense into you," Ron's frown deepened at her words and she sighed for this, "There is absolutely nothing going on between Malfoy and I. He's just been…more civil towards me since we've come back…."
"See that's what doesn't make any bloody sense Hermione. Don't you find it even a little bit odd that Malfoy's hanging around you? He's a Death Eater! He will never change," For some reason this one statement made Hermione's heart sink. Maybe part of her did want him to change, she saw it, even if it was rare, "I don't want you anywhere near him."
"Well that will be a bit hard considering I live with him! I have Head duties to perform with him!" She raised her voice slightly, getting angered. He was being intolerable, unbearable…he was being Ron.
"Oh don't give me that rubbish…I know you can avoid someone if you really want to. I've seen it. Why are you defending him? You don't…fancy him do you?" It was then Ron's face seemed to drain of color as he fully took in what he was suggesting. Hermione looked into his eyes, trying to convey as much truth as she could.
"No. I don't fancy him. And I'm not defending him. I'm defending me," At this Hermione stepped back and clasped her hands together, tears beginning to form in her eyes because she knew she had to hurt her best friend. And she knew it wouldn't be easy, for either of them, "I wish it didn't have to be this way Ron…"
"Hermione…don't do what I think you're going to do…" His green eyes were pleading as he looked at her, begging and full of love. He knew what she wanted to do, what she had to do, but he was going to go down with a fight.
"I can't keep doing this Ron. You have to understand…I care about you, more than I could ever say, but it's not enough. Not anymore. I'm not the same Hermione. I can't be who I am and be your Hermione at the same time." A tear fell down her cheek and he stepped closer, still looking at her with pain and disbelief in his eyes.
"You could've said no when I asked you at the Burrow. You could've stopped me from feeling this way. You could've told me you didn't want to be with me." The sadness remained in his eyes but his voice was slightly angry, placing all the blame on her as more tears fell down her cheeks.
"I tried to tell you at the Burrow! I wanted to try to make us work but I can't do this. I'm not happy! I haven't been in weeks…I've tried to make this work because I know you wanted it to, but right now I need to do what's right for me." Hermione took a deep breath to try and compose herself and Ron was silent for a moment, taking it all in.
"You never wanted to be with me did you?" He said after a few moments, his voice low and Hermione stepped closer to him but he stepped back, barely even able to look at her.
"No. I did. For years I did. And I realized it all last year. It isn't that I don't love you Ron, because I do, but right now, I can't love you the way you want." With these words of finalement, Ron turned to leave without a word, Hermione reached out to touch his shoulder but he brushed her off.
"Do me a favor Hermione. And stay the hell away from me." His voice was low and guarded as he spoke, not even daring to look back at her as tears threatened his own eyes and he walked out of the Quidditch Pitch and onto the grounds. Hermione simply stood there in shock for a moment until it all came back to her. She had lost her best friend, and she may never get him back. And with that thought, she broke out in racking sobs to the empty air.
Draco's eyes opened and he gazed upon darkness once again. But this time, far in the distance was a light he could barely make out, something opaque. Slowly it seemed to move closer, or maybe it was him that moved, he had no control of his body. It felt as if he was paralyzed. And then, from the distant light he once again heard the voice calling out his name. His mind went rigid with this. Had he not severed his tie to the Dark Lord? Was he here again, calling for him? And once again he found himself scared of all this. Part of him knew this had to be a dream, yet he felt terrified. That same chilling voice called his name and if it was Voldemort, there was nowhere for him to run. He just kept being pulled towards this faint light, helpless. When finally it seemed as if he had come to the end of wherever he was being led, he saw a prison cell before him. The opaque light was streaming through the single, barred window high above the ground, moonlight darkly spilling over the saddening place. This was one thing Draco wished he didn't have to see, it felt too real. It was as if he was now standing in his own cell, the ground dirty, the air cold and damp. This place was a place of death. It was here he heard his voice being whispered again, the sound coming from the darkened corner where even the moonlight feared to spill, and he feared to look. A figure rose from the shadows. At first, all Draco saw was the white-blonde of his hair and horror encased him as he thought this may be a vision of his own future. But then as the man stepped into the moonlight, he saw the sorrowful, weak form of his father. His grey eyes were distant, near mad, as if he were trying to focus on something faraway.
"Father?" Draco said weakly, he didn't want to be seeing this, his father's turmoil. He had watched his father be taken away in reality, and a thousand more times in his nightmares, but now this was too much. Too vivid. It seemed as if hearing his name had broken whatever trance Lucius Malfoy had fallen under, his head darted quickly to meet Draco's eyes and the smallest of smiles graced his lips. It lit up his sunken, sallow face in an almost eerie way.
"Draco…." Lucius said softly. It was then Draco realized who had been calling him, why the voice had enstilled so much emotion within him, "Finally you have come to me. There's much for us to discuss…" Draco didn't understand what his father was saying, what he wanted. But as he tried to focus on the man before him, a distant sound of crying protruded in the back of his mind. An irritation. The sound alone made the scene before him, his father and the prison cell, begin to vanish slightly in a haze. Draco knew he was going to wake up.
"Wait…father!" Draco called out to his father who once more began to slip away into darkness, anger beginning to show on his own features as he was separated from his son.
"You must…" Lucius began to say but suddenly the dream was shattered into nothingness.
Draco once more sprang up in bed, his mind reeling as he tried to wrap his head around what had just happened within his sleep. He was angry, furious even that he wasn't able to further talk to his father. He felt as if seeing him there was a feat not easily accomplished. What if he never saw him again? And then he heard it. He had been distracted at first but then he finally came to terms with the noise coming from downstairs in the Common Room. It was the same sound that had awoke him from his dream. Crying. And he knew it was Hermione. He couldn't feel bad, he couldn't muster any sort of pity for her now. She had ripped him away from his father. Away from whatever important thing he had wanted Draco to know. And now she would pay. Draco quickly got out of bed, not bothering to throw on a shirt as he angrily thudded down his stairs and into the Common Room. And there she was, sitting in a chair by the fire, hands over her eyes as she tried to control her sobs.
"Would you mind keeping the pathetic blubbering down to a minimum? Some people are actually trying to sleep." Draco hissed the words at her, his mind still wrapped up in everything. Hermione looked up suddenly, her face wet with tears and looked at him with slight disbelief. After dinner she had finally broken away and collapsed here, frozen in the spot by her own sobs and then Draco had appeared.
"I did it….I ended it with Ron." Was all she could say as her saddened eyes looked at Draco who sneered at her, an action that took her off guard. Had it really only been hours ago that he had skipped class with her? That she had helped heal him?
"And why in Merlin's name would I give a fuck about that? If you're so torn up about the Weasel you shouldn't have dumped him in the first place." Draco said the words that came to his mind first, the ones he knew would hurt her. He didn't care how upset she was, she had taken him away from the answers he so desperately wanted. Now it was her who got angry and stood up to face him.
"How could you say that? You were the one who convinced me to leave him! You said I deserved to do what I wanted. Well I did, and I lost my best friend because of it. Are you happy Malfoy? Was this simply a ploy to make me more miserable?" Angry tears now fell down Hermione's cheeks. She couldn't take all this. She especially couldn't take Draco's indifferent stare as he gazed at her.
"I thought you knew enough not to trust a Death Eater." The look in Hermione's face told Draco he had truly hit a nerve. She couldn't believe that after she had stuck up for him when she fought with Ron, he was here now making everything a lie. A slight pang of guilt racked through Draco as he looked at her, so innocent, but he forced it away. He knew what he wanted, revenge, and now he was getting it.
"I do. But I didn't know I couldn't trust you Malfoy. You certainly fooled me." She spoke with conviction but it was faltering. And her words stung more than he'd like to admit. He knew she didn't deserve to be treated like this, not after everything. But before he could say anything else, good or bad, she had taken off to her room and slammed the door shut behind her. Draco sighed and simply went up to his own room, knowing he wouldn't be seeing his father again that night.
"Well look what we have here, a lonely, sad Weasel." The voice of Pansy Parkinson took Ron off guard as he moved off the edge of the Astronomy Tower to look at her. A dark smirk was on her lips as she shut the door behind her and walked toward him.
"I'm not in the mood Parkinson…" Ron's voice was low, dangerous. After dinner which he had surprisingly barely eaten, he had come up here to be alone, to think. His mind was still stuck on the conversation he had with Hermione in the Quidditch Pitch. Pansy's dark smile changed slightly as a look of curiosity crossed her face.
"And why aren't you? Did you and Potter get into a lover's spat?" She stepped closer to him, amusement in her eyes but Ron simply grunted and turned back around to face the grounds.
"Piss off. I want to be alone. Why don't you go find some Slytherin to shag?" Ron muttered and he thought she had left but instead she moved next to him to lean on the rail and look out at the sky.
"Maybe I came here to be alone too Weasley, ever think of that? Maybe you should stop thinking you're the only one," She turned to look at him for a moment and their eyes met. But before he could register what she meant, she turned back again, "Besides, the one person I would want to shag wants nothing to do with me."
"Malfoy," It was the first name he could think of the first that spilled from his lips and Pansy sighed softly as she looked at the grounds below, "It is him?" Ron said quickly after a few moments of silence.
"You really believe I plan on spilling my guts to anyone? Especially you….face it Weasley, if anyone here needs a good shag, it'd be you," At these words Ron looked at her with his mouth slightly agape that she would say that to him. She laughed softly, "Careful, a doxy might fly in there." At this he quickly shut his mouth.
"And what makes you think that?" At these words Pansy gave Ron a knowing look.
"Well I know Granger certainly doesn't put out…" The frown on Ron's face deepened as she said this, and he didn't even have it in him to defend Hermione's honor, he didn't care. He was too upset with her to care. Pansy looked at him carefully and nodded slowly, "That's why you're up here isn't it? She ended it."
"I won't spill my guts to you Parkinson…" Ron said as he looked at her and Pansy smiled slightly.
"Didn't have too." They both turned back to look at the grounds and after a few moments of silence Ron let out a deep sigh.
"Maybe I do need a good shag. It would distract me at least..." As Ron spoke, Pansy looked back at him with a curious gaze.
"You're a virgin aren't you Weasley?"
"So what if I am?" Ron said defensively as a mischievous look came into the girl's eyes as she grabbed for Ron's hand and began to pull him towards the door, "Where are you dragging me to?"
"There's a broom closet right down the stairs…come on Weasley." She opened the door and pulled him through as they began to descend the staircase.
"Why are we going to a broom closet?" Ron asked at the base of the stairs and Pansy stopped to look at him in near disbelief.
"You're as thick as a troll Weasley…" She said with a slight smile as she looked up at him, "I'm providing you with a distraction. So just shut up and go with it." With that Pansy Parkinson tugged on Ron's shirt and their lips collided hard. At first he didn't respond, but as her hands grasped at him he couldn't help but kiss her passionately back as they stumbled into the broom closet. And here it was, a perfect distraction. As his lips touched Pansy's warm skin the thought of Hermione began to slip his mind as he slowly slipped into undeniable pleasure.
Impossible. Completely impossible. It seemed as if time had slipped from Hermione's mind and made her forget even the most trivial yet important things in her life. Now as she took into consideration exactly the date and how vital it was to her in this moment, it felt as if her world was even further crashing around her. It couldn't be. It couldn't. Not after everything that had happened. It couldn't end this way. Without realizing it she began to shake, terrified of what it all meant. It had been well over a month, but she had been too wrapped up to realize what had suddenly stopped. What was missing. She knew it wasn't simply stress, it was far beyond that. And if she was right, and a dark part inside of her knew she was, she was pregnant with Lucius Malfoy's baby. A knock on the portrait outside the Common Room made her jump, her heart nearly breaking out of her chest. Taking a few deep breaths she was able to force herself to go downstairs, her mind and body sick with thought, and opened the door.
"So mind telling me what's going on?" Harry asked as he stepped into the Common Room and all Hermione wanted was for him to leave. She couldn't be with someone right now, she couldn't handle it. All she wanted was to curl up on the floor and lie there forever. His emerald eyes watched her but it was now, more than ever, that she fought to hide how she felt, hard as it was.
"Harry this really isn't a good time…" She said softly as she moved over to begin busying herself with some of the papers she had left on the table by the fireplace. Harry followed her over.
"Seems like it's never a good time with you lately. Wanna talk about it?" He asked calmly as he sat in the chair in front of her as she still tried to keep herself from going absolutely hysterical. His gaze was curious and she knew he wouldn't just leave without some sort of explanation.
"I'm sure Ron has told you plenty…How he hates me and I've broken his heart. I can't say I blame him. I deserve for him to hate me." She said softly, not wanting to dwell anymore on what had happened with her and Ron she was already on the brink of losing control with what she had just realized. Pregnant…she was pregnant….A wave of emotion caught her off guard again and she had to bite her lip to keep from bursting into tears or screaming out her lungs.
"Actually he hasn't said much of anything to me. He's been distant. He keeps disappearing at night…I thought it might have something to do with you but I guess not," The information alone surprised her but she still looked down at the papers to try and compose herself. She didn't understand why Ron was acting this way, but she could hardly share her thoughts with Harry, if she spoke again now she may lose it, "But Ron will be fine…he's Ron. Who I'm really worried about here is you. How're you holding up?" A few seconds passed before Hermione finally looked at him, anger somewhat building in her along with a thousand other emotions.
"Do yourself a favor and don't worry about me Harry. I was the one who brought this on myself. I deserve all this pain because I didn't fight back in the first place," She realized then she wasn't really talking completely about Ron and she quickly fixed that before Harry caught onto anything, "I can't be with him. He wants me to stay away and I will until we're both ready. So please Harry, just watch out for him for me?"
"I thought you loved him…" Harry said softly as he looked at her, contemplating everything. Hermione was done, done with everything. It was the same conversation replayed over and over again. And she couldn't deal with it, not now.
"It isn't about love! Love doesn't change anything. For all I know it makes things worse…or better yet, it doesn't even exist," Lust exists, she thought to herself, lust is what drives people and the evil within them. Love couldn't be real, whatever she had felt for Ron had only lead to pain. How could she love someone that she couldn't even touch? Harry frowned at her words, taken aback, but the look alone was enough to tell her he was going to try and get more out of her and that couldn't happen, "Now I'd really appreciate it if you left Harry. I have a lot of homework to do."
"But Hermione…" He began to say but she had quickly moved over to the door and opened it, her face somewhat empty but the truth behind it was soon to envelop her.
"Please Harry….just go." Her voice quieted, nearly pleaded and with a sigh, defeated, Harry left the Common Room. She listened as his footsteps disappear down the hallway before shutting the door and falling to the ground. Once again she began to sob for it all. For the child that may be growing inside her, for the loss of Ron, and even somewhat for Draco Malfoy who she knew may never again comfort her in her despair.
Draco felt like a complete ass, he couldn't deny it. Even though he had been furious at Hermione for waking him up from his dream with his father, he still couldn't help but feel bad. She was right, he was the one who put the idea of breaking up with Ron in her head. But he just wanted to help…in his own way. Why…well that he didn't understand. She was a Mudblood. His rival in every way imaginable. He hated her….didn't he? Then why did he feel a pang of sadness every time he saw her? He pushed these thoughts around and came up with the one conclusion he would allow himself to bare…he was simply sorry for her. It was pitiful, weak, but she needed someone to talk to. And if it kept him from dealing with Potter and Weasley's bullshit he would take it. He knew he was over being a Death Eater. The burn on his arm proved that. It was getting late, he knew he should go back to his room. As he walked down the hallway, he stopped suddenly when he saw the familiar form of Hermione Granger sitting against the wall next to a broom cupboard, knees against her chest. Once again he felt a pang in his own chest at the vacant, lost look in her brown eyes. Would she ever have peace?
After Harry had left, Hermione fought everything within her to lie on the ground and lay there for as long as she could. She knew that her life may as well be over. Lost. The darkest part of her wished Lucius Malfoy had killed her that night, at least she would be free. Here she was trapped by everything and everyone, her only ally had shown once again he was heartless. She was alone. Her only company was the child possibly growing within her. It explained so much. The sickness on the train, in the mornings, changes in mood…maybe she had known all along and mentally fought away the truth as long as she could. She couldn't just lay here, she needed to walk around, do something. Her thoughts were everywhere and nowhere. So she pulled herself off the ground, feeling as though her limbs were weighted with sand. It was getting late but she didn't care. She let her feet guide her, her mind focused elsewhere as she walked, eyes distant and filled with sorrow. Walking down the hall the sound of a familiar voice sobered her and she stopped as she heard a conversation happening, and in all places, a broom cupboard.
"Missed me did you Weasley?" The voice of Pansy Parkinson carried weakly through the wooden door and Hermione strained to listen as she heard the sound of lips coming together, she was frozen, "Haven't told anyone about this have you?"
"I think you missed me Parkinson," And there it was, although Hermione wished it wasn't true, Ron's voice, his breathing heavy from kissing, "I haven't told a soul. Wouldn't want to lose my distraction would I?" Hermione felt as if she had lost all her breath. The lustful tone of Ron's voice gave it all away.
"No, neither would I." Pansy said as Hermione once more heard their lips come together in a long, passionate kiss. For the second time today her world had begun to crash around her. Instead of moving, instead of thinking, she sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest as she simply stared at the wall. She could hear every sound coming out of the closet beside her, driving her to the brink. Ron was in there, forgetting her, and she was outside losing her mind. She fell back into the night she was raped…the night that changed everything. She cursed it, with everything she had. And now as she heard the sounds from the room next to her, she sank further down into her dark memories, wanting nothing more than to be forgotten and sink into the floor itself.
"Granger?" Malfoy called to her. She hadn't even heard his footsteps come up. Part of her was gone. She felt his gray eyes staring at her, forcing her to look up at him. What he saw in her eyes chilled him to the very bone, "What happened to you?" The amount of disbelief in his voice slightly surprised her but right now she was beyond caring about what had happened between them. The pang was heavy within Draco as he looked at her, no one should ever look that way.
"Ron…." Hermione managed to murmur as she slightly inclined her head towards the door beside her. Draco carefully stepped around her and put his ear to the door, gray eyes widening in sudden anger at what he heard. He wanted to break in and strangle the blood traitor right there, for reasons he couldn't even explain, but he knew right now Hermione needed help. He knelt down to look at her and the emptiness threatened to engulf even him.
"You need to get up and come back to the Common Room." He wasn't asking, he was telling. She knew he was right but she couldn't bring herself to move. Even breathing seemed like a chore. It wasn't worth it. Her eyes were back on the opposite wall, staring but suddenly she felt a soft hand on her cheek, gently but assuredly turn her head back to look into his eyes, such an intense gaze.
"I can't…." She whispered as it all began to piece together, everything, and tears filled her eyes. Draco's brows furrowed at this slightly and he nodded, seeming to understand that it was too much for her to handle anymore. And then he did something she didn't expect. One arm he moved under her bent knees and the other came around her shoulders as he began to lift her up. Without thinking her arms went around his neck. She needed this. She needed someone to carry her away from it all. And she rested her head against his shoulder, his whole body so much warmer and comfortable then she had ever imagined. But what she, and barely what he understood was that he needed this too. Something inside of him felt comforted as he held this girl in his arms, protecting her from the world. They entered the Common Room and he placed her gently down on the couch, both realizing the sudden cold without the presence of the other. She curled up in a ball, her eyes closed, and she listened as Draco's footsteps went upstairs and his door closed behind him.
Hermione's eyes opened suddenly as it all came crashing back to her. She sat up on the couch and knew it had to be after midnight. She felt heavy, sick, empty still. Her mind flashed back to her realization, to hearing Ron, to being in Draco's arms. It was almost too much. She stood up and slowly walked over to the table where a book sat. She had looked up a spell to inform her if in fact she was pregnant…if she was a glowing white light would appear from her stomach. Instead of risking going to see Madame Pomfrey, she would rather do it herself, yet as she picked up her wand, she found her hand trembling. Try as she might the words just wouldn't come, she couldn't bring herself to do the spell. Having stood there long enough she knew only one thing to do, one thing that would give her the answer she needed but feared so much. And so with that she climbed up the stairs to Draco's room and knocked lightly on the door.
"Malfoy?" She said softly at first and thought she would have to knock again, as awful as she felt about it, but she heard noises inside his room. The door opened and the shirtless form of Draco Malfoy looked down at her, his gray eyes somewhat sleepy, taken off guard. When he saw her he frowned slightly.
"This room's off limits Granger…." He muttered darkly as he started to shut the door but the look in her eyes and her voice made him stop.
"Please….I need your help," She looked into his eyes and his own were curious at what she wanted, "Grab your wand…and come downstairs…" Her voice was soft as she turned and walked back down the stairs, Draco didn't wait to grab his wand and followed after her. The fire was still lit and she stood in front of it, visibly trembling. Concern entered his eyes as he moved in front of her, one hand wrapped around his wand.
"What's going on Granger?" He asked as he tried to find the answer within her eyes but found only sadness there. She tore her eyes away from his, barely able to get the words out that he needed to hear. Finally she took a deep breath and looked back at him.
"I think I may be…pregnant…I…I can't do the spell to check myself. I couldn't…" She bit her lips to keep herself under control and not even Draco could hide the shock within his eyes, "I'm sorry to keep asking…"
"Don't be," He cut her off suddenly and stepped closer, the pang in his chest coming forward and seemingly overtaking him, "What do I have to do?"
"It's a spell…Procreatio. Just please…do it quick." Her voice was soft as she spoke and he nodded in agreement, so taken aback by what she had told him but he still wanted to help. Despite her condition he knew she was still too stubborn to get any help herself. And so he raised his wand and pointed it at her abdomen.
"Procreatio…" He said softly as light shot from his wand into Hermione. For a second they stood still, silent. It seemed neither of them breathed. Hermione even believed that maybe she had been wrong. But then, there it was, the light now glowed brightly around her stomach, she knew without a doubt now. And with that, Hermione couldn't help but once more burst into tears. She went to fall onto the ground but Draco caught her halfway and eased them both on the ground in front of the fire. Without thinking or caring she clung fiercely onto him, grateful for something real, for someone who didn't force her back into the dark place of her memories. And surprisingly enough he clung back to her, his arms wrapping around her tightly as he rocked her slowly, "It's ok…It'll all be ok…" He whispered in her ear as she slowly began to regain control of herself, even though she knew it would never be ok. As she calmed down she still remained in his arms, their fight seemed distant now. He wasn't willing to let her go, not just yet, he needed the comfort too.
"Don't leave me…" Hermione said softly into his neck and he nodded as he pulled back slightly to look at her, wiping the few stray tears away from her cheeks as he did.
"I won't…" And with that he gently laid down, not daring to release her as he did, and she moved down to cuddle up beside him, his arms once more trapping her against him. And for once, through all of this, she felt better…safe even. Yes, she was pregnant, yes her world was crashing down around her, but being here in Draco's arms, the last place she ever expected to be, made her feel better than she had in months. Yet suddenly the darkest thought came into her head as her heavy eyes began to close and the boy beside her began to relax…not only was she pregnant, but she was pregnant with a baby who was undeniably Draco Malfoy's brother. She fought back her own tears then just to get a good night's sleep…all she wanted was to forget.
