Santana POV
I can't believe it. This seems like just a bad joke or a well-planned nightmare in this shitty world I'm living in. After every fucking thing we've been through she's willing to start all over again? After everything?
What about all those nights we cried over each other, those nights where the only thing I could think about was die if I could never have her. What about those days where everything seemed dark. What about all those days and nights where her heart was craving mine as much as my heart was craving hers. It wasn't worth it at the end? It wasn't worth all the pain, all that deep ache in our hearts, all the tears?
And what about love?
What about all those thousand of sweet kisses we gave each other; all those long nights talking and laughing and unforgettable moments. All those shared secrets, the sweet words we used to whispered to each other; what about those long nights making love? lingering gazes. Those gentle and soft touches. What about averything?
Does she wants to have that now with someone else, someone who isn't me?
She's willing to share that now with Puck? I mean, fucking Puck?
Why the hell him? Puck it's just... he's short, useless, ugly, gross, stupid, always smelling like men hormones; and that's just to mention a few of his characteristics. I know I thought at one point that he was better than me for Quinn, for a lot of reasons, but not anymore. I know now, that no one else is better for her than me. No one will love her like I do or care about her like I do, less Puck. He was always chasing after Quinn, trying to get into her pants, and now too apparently, that's all he wants nowadays. But I'm not going to let him. He's not going to get close to Quinn, in any fucking way. If I keep seeing him trying to do something I'll have a very serious conversation with that douchebag. She's already taken, she's mine.
I know all the fights lately, all Quinn nasty comments towards me are because of what she thinks I did. I just have to prove to her that I didn't do anything. Or at least that's what I think. Brittany it's now in Paris, attending a business trip or some bullshit. Everytime I call her she still doesn't want to say anything to me about that night, she keeps just saying that we slept together. But I really don't think so. All I need to do now is find a way to figure out all of this, and fast. I want my woman back. I want her back before she forget me completely.
What calms me though, is that she said she could like him. That means she doesn't like him just yet.
Quinn can say whatever she wants, she can say to me the most painful things, but her eyes however, says otherwise. I know her eyes better than I know myself. After all these years I think I know how to read Quinn, kind of. If it were to judge that deep gaze she gives me sometimes, I'd say that she still feels something about me.
My phone starts ringing again and I looked at it, hoping to see her name on the screen but again, is just Kurt.
I sigh before taking the call. What the hell does he want?
"What Kurt?" I cranky answer while murmuring to the driver to drive as fast as possible to any damn bar. It's Friday, I'm sad, and a little alcohol in my veins sounds awesome.
"Hello to you too Miss" He says imitating my tone, I'm almost seeing him rolling his eyes.
"I really don't want to talk right now Kurt" I say a little more calmer "You're impeding me to get to my destination faster"
"Neither do I. I don't want to talk" He says sighing and that's striking because he is always happy "I had a big fight with Blaine and the first person that came to my mind was you. You're the only one that would take a drink with me so, where are you?" Ironies of life.
"Should I be honored that I'm some type of alcoholic to you?" I joke
"You should!" He says with a playful tone.
"We're both feeling like shit then. I'm precisely on my way to a bar gayman" And just when the taxi bow in the corner, I see one. Fantastic.
"Okay, send me a message with the address" He says with authority before ending the call. What the hell is his problem?
Well at least I'll have a partner.
"And don't even make me start with his bathroom accessories, they're everywhere!" He exclaims with his hands, making a grimace. "And my birthday it's in less than a week! He still hasn't asked me what I want" I chuckle while shaking my head, he's so childish.
The worst thing I could have done was accept Kurt's call.
I haven't even had a single drink, he's really fucking drunk and talking nonsense. Besides he arrived here driving so now I'll have to take care of him. Fucking awesome.
"You see that blond boy over there?" Kurt drunkenly asked me, pointing to a table on the corner. I just sigh looking in that direction. This wasn't what I signed for. Tonight, after the conversation I had with Quinn the only thing I wanted was get drunk, I still want to actually, but now I can't.
"What about?" I asked before taking a sip of water.
"He's been looking my way the whole night" Ugh great, time for some horny Kurt now. I arched an eyebrow as I looked back at him.
"So?" I asked and he just keeps looking at this guy with a flirtatious smile.
"Well maybe-" I cut him.
"Okay stop right there Kurt" I apply my serious face and tone "Don't do something you'll regret later, don't be stupid" I softly finished. I know how that feels first hand. It fucking sucks.
"He deserves it" Kurt angrily says, drinking in one sip her whisky. Damn this little man really knows how to handle his drinks. The rage on his eyes tells me that he really is mad at Blaine right now.
"Listen to yourself" I try to reason with him, I don't want Kurt to make a mistake "Dude you're just upset, you really don't want to do it" I take the bottle off his hand when he was about to put more liquid on her glass. I think he had enough.
"Maybe I do want to do it" Yeah sure, he's so in love with Blaine that it's almost funny. They're genuinely in love and happy.
I wish I could have their luck.
"Okay, just look at me for a second, look to where one big mistake has left me" I try again and he looked up at me.
"It's not the same" He's so damn stubborn. "It wasn't even your fault Santana" I sighed rubbing my eyes.
Well maybe not, but it was still a mistake.
I feel my phone vibrate inside my pocket and I pulled it out. My eyes gets fucking big when I see Quinn's name on the screen. Why is she calling this late? It's almost 1:00 am. To say sorry or something?
I stand up telling Kurt that I need to take this call and he just nods. I quickly walked away from there and once I reached the exist, I answered.
"Quinn?" I stupidly ask. Of course it's her, I have ID.
"Santana I need you to come here" Her sweet voice sounds really worried and that scares me.
"What happened? Is Bella okay? Are you okay?" I quickly asked.
"I... yeah kind of. I was going to call you tomorrow to take Bella to the doctor and-"
"To the doctor? Why?" Why does my baby needs a doctor?
"Because she catched a cold the other night, that's why" She sharply answers me. "I was going to take her tomorrow but-"
"Why you didn't tell me then Quinn, she's my daughter too" I walk further into the street to get away from the noise.
"Could you please let me finish?" She says without patience and I just nod, as if she were about to see me "Of course I was going to tell you, my intention was calling you tomorrow but I'm calling you now because I think we need to take her to the hospital now. She's been sneezing and coughing for hours and I'm worried" Crap.
"Sure, of course I'll be there in five minutes" I hear her sighing before listening to one of Bella's sneezes. Well she sounds sick.
"Okay thank you," And with that she end the call.
Fuck why she didn't tell me before? We could have taken her early this afternoon.
I quickly headed to the bar to find Kurt, sorry for him but I need to go. As fast as possible, my girls are waiting for me.
I see him from afar and walked towards there, almost running "Hey" I say once I reach our spot "I need to go Kurt, sorry" He looks at me with puppy eyes and frowning.
"Why?"
"Bella is sick and we're going to take her to see a doctor" I take one last sip of water before putting my jacket back on and pulling out some cash from my pocket.
"Oh, is she okay?" Kurt asked concerned.
"Yeah I think so, just a cold" He nods and then frowns when she sees me leave on the table a lot of cash "Give me your car keys, I need to get there fast and you can't even drive in that condition so just take a cab" I say in a rush.
Kurt shakes his head with a small smile "Okay just go" He says standing up, guess he's leaving too. Well that's good. He took his keys from his pocket and gave them to me "You're right, but I do this for little Bella not for you" Kurt jokes with a drunk smile.
"Whatever, see you later" I give him a pat on his shoulder and started to walk away.
"Call me to know how is she!" Kurt shouted after me and I just lifted up my thumb, walking as fast as possible.
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"So taken those pills twice at day, she should get better in a week or so" Doctor Miller tells Quinn as she listen intently.
Thank god Bella had just a cold, normal for this time of year where colds for babies are as normal as the sun rising.
The doctor injected Isabella something to relieve a little her cough and she slept with a small smile a little while later, she was tired apparently, poor baby. Now Quinn just has to take some pills to transfer the medicine through the milk and everything will be better.
I look down at my little girl, who keeps peaceful sleeping. "You'll not leave the apartment Bella, not until your cold is gone" I softly whispered just to her before kissing her cheek. I'll not let this happen again, she is still so baby and fragile.
"Thanks doctor" Quinn says smiling.
"Don't worry, as I said before it's something really normal, babies at her age are really vulnerables and things like this happens. Just call me if anything happens okay?" He finished with a kind smile. His formal tone and his sixties years or more makes him look expert on the subject.
"I will, thank you" Doctor Miller goes after a few seconds and Quinn turns around to look at us, sighing in relief.
"She's already far away dreaming" I commented and she nods.
"I can see" Quinn gets closer, staring lovingly at Bella while stroking her face with her delicate fingers. Is it normal to feel jealous of my daughter? Because I'd kill to feel those soft hands caressing my skin again "Let's go then" She lifted her head to give me a small smile, that same smile that keeps having a strong effect on me "We need to arrive to our apartment as soon as possible, right baby?" Quinn takes Bella from my arms and she quickly starts to walk away.
I unconsciously looked down at her so nice butt before starting to follow her, ignoring the warm feeling she gives me in all my body. My crotch mostly.
"Open the door please" She says gesturing to her bag with her pretty eyes. My baby girl is still in a deep sleep, probably till tomorrow said the doctor. At least she's finally getting some rest.
I put my hand into her purse to find the keys through all her lady things, this allows me to get a little bit closer to Quinn and enjoy her scent, how I wish I could just hug her or kiss her, feel the warm of her body next to mine. I miss her so badly, I need to do something soon to stop this distance between us that only seems to grow with time, otherwise I'll go crazy.
Once I find the damn keys, I immediately put it in the door lock.
"Hurry up San" Quinn softly says after a while. I bet she doesn't have idea the things I feel with her just saying that short nickname. It might means that at least she isn't mad at me anymore? "It's freezing" She whispered next to me, hugging Bella who is with like three blankets on her and my jacket.
"Okay get in" I opened the door for them and Quinn quickly entered the apartment walking straight to her dorm.
I for my part, headed straight to the kitchen to make some coffee to warm up our bodies.
So I began to heat some water and then I walked towards Quinn's room, it's pretty fucking late so I guess after that coffee I'm out of here. It would be great to stay though, I'm tired too, but Quinn wouldn't let me stay even if I were dying.
Once I reach her bedroom I support myself on the doorframe, looking at her as she looks down at Bella who is still sleeping on her crib, I'd love to just walk towards them and feel like a real family. Walk towards Quinn, hugging her waist and whispering in her ear that it's time to sleep before kissing her. But I can't do that, I can't do the most simple things with them, and all because of me.
At least she hasn't talked about the divorce again.
"What are you doing standing there Santana?" Quinn asked me looking behind her shoulder, and I can almost see a smile on her face, almost.
"Nothing" I shake my head, getting back to reality and walking towards them "I'm making some coffee, are you still cold?" I asked standing next to her now and she keeps looking down at our daughter.
"I think I will sleep with her tonight, it's really cold and I don't want to be away from her, you know, in any case" She ignores my question, deep in thoughts apparently. Quinn is a really good mother, the best mom I've ever seen. Always taken care of the most little things so that way our daughter can be safe and happy. Is indeed fascinating to see her.
Quinn lifted up her face after a while to look at me, I haven't even realize of how fucking close we are until now. I look straight into her hazel eyes and she does the same. Her eyes has always been so mesmerizing at nights, mysterious, spellbinding. Well they always looks beautiful, day and night. All of her it's so perfect. Her lips, cheeks, nose. She really looks like a princess, beyond reality.
I catch her eyes in a brief look gazing at my lips, softly capturing her bottom lip between her white teeth. Fuck this is a torture. I just have to lean a little more to feel her sweet mouth on mine, but she quickly turned around her head looking at Bella again. Supporting her weight with her left hand on the crib.
She seems to be out of her now.
"Yes, it's really cold" I softly commented and she just nods.
I looked down at her hand resting on the thick timber and I can't help but smile. If one thing really gives me hope and keeps my heart beating here, it's her ring still on her finger. Despite everything that has happened, we still wear our marriage rings. And it's fucking comforting.
I lifted up my own left hand, with the ring on my finger, taking a risk and placing it over hers, intertwined our fingers. I just can't take this need to touch her anymore, in ways that just lovers do. I hear her sigh, but luckily, she doesn't slap me or pull her hand away. So I lean my body a little bit closer to her, standing right behind her and putting my other hand around her waist. I'm sure I felt her leaning her weight on me and tightened the hold on our joined hands, but everything it's so unreal to know what it's true or not anymore. I just close my eyes, enjoying our proximity. My front is touching all her back, every inch.
It's been so fucking long since the last time I had her this close to me. Almost nine months to be exact. But it felt like nine years.
After a while, I feel her left hand over mine, over my left hand that it's still on her waist. "What are you doing?" She weakly whispered, with the intention of protest I guess, but the only thing she does, is grabbing my hand and hugging herself tighter with my arm. A strong feeling starts to take over my whole body. It's overwhelming.
I lifted up my right hand, slowly guiding it to her face, she is with her eyes closed. I touch her cheek, softly caressing her skin with my thumb and I can't help but give her a long kiss there. She sighs when I leave my lips resting on her soft skin for long seconds, before kissing her again.
I lean further bringing her face towards me, she doesn't do or say anything. So I slowly lean in, giving her time to lean back, but she doesn't. I close the distance between us, finally, finally feeling her lips on mine again. We both sighed into each other mouths at the soft and familiar contact. God how I missed this. We start to slowly move our lips against each other, slow, but with an incredible passion burning within us. I captured her bottom lip in between mine, receiving a soft whimper in response. She touches my lips with her sweet tongue and I part them immediately, this time, it's my turn to blurt out a heavy sigh when I feel our tongues play with each other.
This is amazing.
Quinn turns around for a better angle and begins to kiss me with more passion, more feelings into it and more rushed as her soft hands grabs my face. I kiss her back with the same force, hugging her completely with my arms. Damn why we had to wait so long for this.
After several seconds we pulled away from each other's mouth, breathing deeply. That easily felt like a dream come true. It felt like coming back home.
I gently hugged her even tighter, trying to believe all of this.
I was about to say something when I feel her lips once again on me. I'm surprised at first but then, I quickly kissed her back. Quinn's lips are so damn soft and addictive. She puts her hands around my neck bringing me closer as I part her lips with my tongue, feeling her sweet taste again.
I lifted my hand to touch her face, softly caressing her cheek and I panic when I feel something wet on my thumb
She slowly pulls away from me, I opened my eyes to see her and that's when I saw the few tears that had fallen her eyes. My eyes gets big and my heart broke.
"Leave" She whispered, looking me straight into my eyes and pulling slightly away from me. What the hell, why?
"Quinn" I try to touch her again but she pulls back.
"Please Santana" Quinn says, and I don't have idea of what she's pleading anymore. I don't understand anything, less now that I'm still trying to get back on earth after our kiss, I'm still flying. It was something I said? Something I did? "Please go" She adds before walking to the bathroom, locking the door.
I open and close my eyes a few times to make sure I'm not dreaming or something.
Was that just a dream? or it really happened?
The scent of her fragance and the throb of my lips makes me believe that it did happen though. But apparently, she didn't feel the same.
My heart literally can't take any more pain.
I sigh, trying to hold back my own tears before heading to the door.
