As Sheldon and Winona ordered a late night pizza - another precedent broken for the narrow-framed scientist, as he'd never eaten a meal in his life past the hour of nine pm - and discussed the situation from the very beginning, Leonard sat on Penny's couch absently flipping through the channels and feeling as far from relaxed as it was possible to feel. How could he feel relaxed with just the two of them there like this, something they'd down countless times before...before their relationship came to such a crashing halt after he'd discovered she'd lied about the whole interest in college things and had only gone back to try and impress him. Not only had the romantic side of things ended but it was even harder still to maintain their friendship, knowing that they had such a tangled and sticky romantic history as well.
No wonder Sheldon had been so irritated when they'd left for work that morning, Leonard started to think when another thought hit him and chilled him to the bone. Had he acted like Sheldon was acting now, after his liaison with Penny had imploded? No, no, that would be impossible, he concluded hastily. In order to transform into Sheldon, he'd not only have to lose all common concept of social conventions and structures, but also grow about four and a half inches in height. Still, it would be nice to be able to have an evening with Penny alone like they used to and not feel like his colon was tying itself into a sheepshank knot.
Hoping for a little distraction, Leonard glanced over to Penny's kitchen table where she was sitting and working on her laptop, apparantly engrossed in an online video of a Jenny McCarthy interview.
"So how crazy is this, that Sheldon got a girl knocked up?"
"The only thing worse than thinking about Sheldon being capable of reproduction is thinking about what would be sexually attractive to him. I mean can you see him ever buying porn?"
Leonard closed his mouth; the derision and tension in Penny's voice was one he'd heard before and he knew that it would be unwise to pursue any kind of conversation with her. He turned his attention back to the television and found a rerun of Stargate SG-1 he hadn't seen in awhile, and was watching quietly for a straight ten minutes before Penny spoke to him again.
"I'm making tea, would you like some?"
"Sure that'd be nice."
The heavy silence returned once again, as the scent of warm fragrant water filled the apartment, making Penny feel like a total heel. She knew that it shouldn't have to be so awkward with Leonard. Why did they have to act like polite strangers so often now? It both sucked and blew at the same time, if it was at all possible. Pouring the tea, she added cream to hers and without even thinking she added the two spoons of sugar she knew Leonard would enjoy. Just the sort of gesture that would have once been a token of friendly thoughtfulness, and now seemed like a tactic of an exgirlfriend seeking attention. Was she his ex? Was she not? There were still too many questions to have answered, and finding some of those answers would probably be more painful than she cared to know.
She took the cups over to the living room table and sat down beside him. "I'm sorry for biting your head off," she said quietly, avoiding his careful gaze. "I was distracted."
"It's all right, I guess." Leonard's voice was full of weary resignation, used to women snapping at him for no reason other than him opening his mouth.
"No it's not, we're both still shocked, I think. I mean it's one of my closest friends, and...Sheldon. I mean, could you ever picture Sheldon with a woman?"
"Not unless she was an exact replicant of him with breasts."
The laugh escaped from Penny before she could stop it, and moved closer to Leonard. "I just couldn't help thinking, what if it had been us?"
"What if it had been us what?"
"What if it had been us who'd split up and then you found out I was pregnant from the few times we spent the night together."
Leonard had thought about it - he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it - and dragged his hand across his face. "Well, hopefully I wouldn't become catatonic when you told me, like Sheldon apparantly did. And I'd try to do the right thing for you, whatever you would think that'd be."
"Well, you tried to do the right thing for me before, and look how that turned out," Penny retorted without thinking. The last word was just out of her mouth when she saw the look on Leonard's face, one of wincing pain and awkwardly embarrassing memories rushing back to him. "Oh Leonard, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..."
"I think I'm going to go for a walk," Leonard said getting to his feet. He was almost to the door when he felt Penny's hand on his shoulder, turning im back around.
"Leonard, I'm very sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I only thought that...well, I mean I know you tried to do the right thing for me and I was a little nasty to you about it."
"It's okay, really-"
"No it's not. I've always had a difficult time with men doing nice things for me because they genuinely want to do something nice. I've never been in a relationship or friendship with a guy who didn't give something with no strings. Not like the way you do."
Leonard felt the warm liquid rush in his belly he'd first felt when Penny kissed him nearly a year before on Hallowe'en: a mixture of hope and cold reality. "You're just saying that because you don't want me to leave here upset with you."
"Leonard I really mean it. You're the first..." Penny trailed off as a sudden rush of tears filled her eyes and her throat. "You're the first guy who I think has ever genuinely liked me. Not what I look like, not what I can do for you physically or whatever, just me. And I hate this."
She was crying in earnest now, and for the first time in her life, didn't give a damn about it. "I hate not being able to spend time with you like we used to before we started dating, or spending the night with you. And I really hate not being able to kiss you, because you're so good at it, and it just makes me feel special how you'd kiss me, and..." Penny trailed off as the tears got the best of her and she threw her arms around his neck, weeping like a child against Leonard's shoulder.
Leonard had no idea that she'd been feeling so bottled up, regretting their decision to end things so abruptly. He brought his arms around her in an automatic gesture to soothe, placed one hand gently on the back of her head to stroke her soft blond hair. Then she whispered something that made him nearly forget everything in the universe.
"No one has made love with me the way you do, and I miss it, so much."
At this, Leonard leaned back a little, brushed a tear away from Penny's cheek. Her eyes were so full of hope and longing, Leonard did the only thing he could think of only one right thing to do: he crushed his lips against Penny's, feeling her tremble with shock, then finally settle on a sigh of acceptance and a little lust. When they came up for air, Leonard pulled her tight against him and whispered back, "Why don't we start back at square one and go on our third first date?"
"I'd love that."
