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Chapter 4 – The Ambitious Resolution

Tanya

December 31st 2010

All of my life I had only one dream, one goal.

While other little girls imagined their knight in shining armour sweeping them off their feet and into the sunset, I imagined being swept off my feet literally, to soar through the air in the arms of a fellow dancer. While they talked about their wedding day and wedding dress, I talked about my concert recitals and costumes. And while others discussed their first kiss in great detail, I explained the thrill I had when I received my first standing ovation.

Growing up had not been effortless for me. I didn't make friends easily, and if it hadn't been for the 'dream team', I no doubt would have been utterly alone.

Most girls had seemed to be intimidated by me. Generally adolescent girls can be cruel and by the time I was a teenager, I was often ostracised for my good looks and family wealth. In most cases this would garner popularity, but unfortunately I was deemed not approachable, therefore labelled a snob and cast aside.

The boys however were no better. If they weren't trying to get in my pants to tame 'Forks' ice queen', they completely ignored me. It seemed that they were threatened by my determination and drive to achieve my dreams, and god forbid they actually be involved with someone who had ambition in this small town.

All of this had never really bothered me much though. Alice, Bella and Rose were all that I ever needed. They honestly believed that everyone liked me, but I knew better. They never saw the looks, or heard the whispers as I walked past. But it didn't matter. Every step of the way, all three were by my side and supportive of every decision that I ever made.

But as much as they were like the sisters I always wanted, there were occasionally times when I felt like the fourth Musketeer. These moments were few and far between, but every now and then I felt like I just didn't have quite the connection that the other three had. I had to admit that this was mostly down to me though. Sometimes I tended to distance myself from everyone and anyone, I had always been too independent for my own good. And sometimes - like now – it was to my own detriment.

The last twelve months had been crazy to say the least. I would never have guessed that I would be sitting in our bonfire spot at the beach on New Year's Eve – by myself. I had never felt this lonely before in my life.

I wasn't totally delusional though – I kind of knew that nobody else would turn up for our usual gathering, bit it didn't stop me from hoping all the same.

In the distance, I could hear fireworks. The New Year had arrived and was being celebrated by everyone. Well, mostly everyone. As I sank to the ground, I contemplated how alone I really was now. I couldn't stop the silent sobs that racked my body, coming from deep within as I hung my head in despair and shame.

I was so caught up in my own misery that I did not notice that I was being watched the whole time, and I certainly did not notice that after watching my breakdown, they slowly headed in my direction.

December 31st 2009,

"Right, well you guys have known me for virtually my whole life, you all know my dreams and desires, so I'm sure this will come as no surprise. My resolution for 2010 is…"

Well if it was good enough for Alice and Rose to pause for effect, then it was good enough for me. I had to add a little suspense as well, and I was always best known for my theatrical performances.

"Yeah, yeah. We get it Tanya. Spit it out." Rose still hadn't learned any patience.

"Okay. So my resolution is to make principal dancer. Surprise!" I yelled sarcastically. Of course they new that this was my goal; as if I had ever indicated wanting anything else.

"I don't care what I have to do or who has to go to make way for me, but one way or another, I will be top dog on that stage if it kills me. It just has to be, and this year it will happen, believe me."

All I was met with was silence. So I may have been a little emphatic with my statement, but they didn't have to respond like I was a serial killer confessing to a murder.

Finally Alice cleared her throat and broke the rising tension.

"Surprise indeed. We have all know that this was your goal since your tenth birthday and we saw the local production of "Swan Lake". Can't you give us something different - something exciting? Something like, oh I don't know, a love child with Edward or a secret passion for pole dancing." Good to know that Alice could still crack a joke even though she was missing out on the cocktails.

"The pole-dancing thing, just ugh, Alice. Not ever going to happen. And Edward is…well Edward. I love him but I'm just not interested in marriage and babies. Maybe one day I'll change my mind, but not now. Not for awhile." Everyone went quiet, except for Bella who just sighed. I didn't understand why they all were so melancholy after my announcement.

"So what are you going to do differently this year, you know, to be top dog as you say?"

"That, my dear Rose, I have not figured out as yet. I have a couple of weeks off to come up with some sort of genius plan, and then I will let you know. Hell, you may all be even able to help me in some small way." I did have an idea of what I wanted – no needed- to do, but there was no way that I was going to share it at this moment. Somehow, I didn't think that they would understand at all.

Everyone had fallen silent again, and I needed to move onto another topic. The less I talked about my plans the better.

"So where are all your better halves tonight?" Time to get onto a relatively safe subject.

"Jasper is out with some old school friends, something about hitting a couple of local bars and celebrating our good news as well as the New Year." As always, she got that faraway look in her eye when she spoke of Jasper. I couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that I felt.

Not that I was jealous of the fact that her and Jasper were married and expecting a baby. I couldn't think of anything worse to tell you the truth. I was just jealous that she could feel so much for one person, and then have that adoration returned in spades.

They were in for a rough year though, with the search for Alice's birth mom and all. Alice was always an optimistic, upbeat person, but I couldn't help but feel that on top of the pregnancy, it would put strain on their relationship. Hormones and all that could seriously change a person, and I really hoped that it didn't engulf their relationship.

"Where's Edward?" Bella asked whiled digging her feet in the sand.

"I'm not sure, really. I think he said something about meeting up with his older brother who lives out of state." It made me feel kind of bad, that I couldn't remember exactly where he was going or what he was up to.

I loved Edward. Truly. But I don't know if I ever felt that overwhelming need to be in his presence. I enjoyed our time together. The sex was pretty good. He was incredibly handsome and he had a ton of money. What more could I ask for?

Our relationship was kind of like a well-worn pair of shoes, as horrid as that sounds. It was comfortable - he was a perfect fit for me. We had never had the type of relationship that was all consuming and awe-inspiring, but we were happy and content in each other's company. At this stage in my life, it was exactly what I needed - especially now that I was going to do everything in my power to land my dream job. The less complications in my personal life, the better.

Rose's response to my earlier question about the boys dragged me out of my musings.

"Royce said that he was going to some big party thrown by one of his friends. There's always some sort of party happening, special occasion or not. Sometimes it worries me, what with him not having a job and all, but I'm sure that it will all stop when we get married and pregnant." Rose shrugged her shoulders, while I looked incredulously at the other girls. They all wore the same look of disbelief on their face that I did.

Why such a smart, beautiful and talented woman gave two shits about an asshole like Royce I'd never know. She did everything for him, and he gave her nothing in return. When she said that to marry him was her resolution, it made me want to gag. Not just because it was the furthest thing from my own dream, but for the fact that if she tied herself down to that loser, she was as good as lost to us. He made no secret of his dislike for the three of us, and unfortunately Rose was completely oblivious to his childish and disgusting behaviour. My only hope was that she woke up to him and his ways of her own accord in the very near future.

"So Bella, how about you?" I asked her. I had to get my mind of the despicable Royce.

"How about me what?" she said, eyebrows arched. "Do you mean my resolution?"

"Well, eventually yes. But I wanted to know where your guy is tonight?" I knew that she didn't have a boyfriend, but thought that maybe she was keeping a little secret from us. Bella never really spoke too much about the men in her life.

"What do you mean, my guy? You all know that I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, and that is just fine with me. Between my jobs and my dad, I have plenty to keep me occupied." There was no way that I bought that story, and I know that neither did Alice or Rose. Bella was a pure romantic. If she could step into one of her classic period novels, she would do it in a heartbeat.

"Come on, Bells. Who do you think you are talking to? You know that you can tell us anything. Is there someone that you fancy at least that you will tell us about?" Alice prodded.

"Yeah, Belly. You can tell us. Who is it? Please don't tell me it's that boy from the reservation? The one that follows you with the puppy dog eyes all of the time." Rose did not like Jacob for some reason. I had no idea why. He seemed like a pretty decent guy to me, even if he was a little shaggy around the edges. He doted on Bella and she could do a lot worse for herself.

"You mean Jake, Rose. Don't pretend like you don't know his name. And no, I don't harbour a secret crush on Jacob. In fact, I think that he has started to see someone else. He hasn't been around as much lately, and has really backed off trying to convince me how good we could be together. Thank God, I don't know if I could have continued with our friendship if he kept pushing things all of the time. I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about that now."

"So stop avoiding, Bella. We know how you feel about Jacob. Is there anyone else you have your eye on?" I could tell that she was squirming and trying to get out of answering the question.

"Uh, no. No one at all." If she thought that any of us bought that lame ass answer than she had another thing coming.

"Wrong answer, chicky. I need details…now." Leave it to Rose to get straight to the point.

"How about I just tell you about my resolution?" Avoidance, thy name is Bella.

"Sure, but only if it involves this mystery man of yours." Good one, Rose. Now we're back on track with the Bella interrogation.

"Just shut it Rose, and let me speak," Bella answered, and I could only wonder what her resolution would be. She was not overly ambitious, so I didn't think it would have something to do with her job. She did not have a boyfriend, so it couldn't be a proposal or family planning.

"I haven't really put a lot of thought into this, and I'm not quite sure what I want to make my resolution yet. I have a couple of ideas though. Maybe you can all help me decide?"

We all looked at each other as we nodded our heads. Every one of us would do whatever we could to help her.

"Well, the ideas I have are…"

None of her ideas were unattainable or earth shattering like Alice's, predictable like mine or objectionable like Rose's. In fact, all were achievable and totally Bella. All we wanted was to see Bella happy, and to come out of her shell a little. Maybe she could do that with one of those resolutions. I just hoped we picked the right one for her.


A/N: So most of you guessed correctly for Tanya and Rose. What are your thoughts for Bella's resolution?

Hope you all enjoyed it, and if so, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks.....