AN: This whole story is more of a character piece than an action one. There will be a lot of Leo reflecting on himself and his family, including this chapter.

Again, beta'd by the wonderful Kamerer220.

Chapter 3 – Chasing Pavements

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
― Frank Herbert, Dune

-o-

Leonardo sloshed his way back to the lair later that night. The Wizard of Oz had been much better than he had expected. While he wasn't a fan of movie versions of beloved books, especially if they deviate from the original plot, this one he thought was excellent. And, as he expected, April watched him half the time, gaging his reactions to certain parts of the movie and seemed very pleased that he was enjoying it. Casey, on the other hand, seemed mostly amused throughout the whole thing, though he tried to keep a straight face for April's sake. He had turned to April when they would start singing on screen, because she just couldn't help herself and sang along. The amused look in his eye would disappear and Leo saw how much love the semi-barbaric man had for his friend. His eyes just lit up and he looked like he was the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world to have this amazing woman by his side, despite her off-key singing. Leo knew that the mesmerized look on Casey's face, along with April's happy-go-lucky grin when the munchkins started singing, was going to be etched into his brain forever. It was going to be his happy memory of them. His only hope was that if his life did flash before his eyes, that this was the memory he would want of them. When they were the happiest and when they were the safest.

When the movie had ended, Casey looked about dead on his feet, having been lulled into submission. He grunted his goodnight to Leo before trudging his way into the bedroom, no doubt already feeling at home in his apparent new digs. April had just smiled after her boyfriend, shaking her head slightly as she started picking up their mess off of the coffee table. Leo aided in the cleanup, before heading out.

He hadn't left without letting a few more words being spoken between the two of them.

"If you could, April," he had said in parting, "I would appreciate you wouldn't say anything to the guys about what I said about the Foot," or love, or Karai, or Donnie's crush, as a matter of fact. "I know I'm probably just being obsessive, I don't want to worry them."

April's smile was sweet again and followed him to the window to lock it behind him. "Don't worry, Leo. I doubt I'd get to see you guys any time soon, unfortunately. The shop's been so busy."

Leo grinned at her and exited the apartment into the cool night, but he turned to address her one more time, "Thank you, April. For the movie, and… the ear."

"Of course, thanks for the food." She smiled expectantly at him, and Leo wanted desperately to request more things from her, just to spend a little more time with her. He wanted her to promise to look after Casey, and make sure he didn't get into any more trouble without him there. He wanted the both of them to look after his family if anything were to happen to him. He wanted Casey to look after Raphael, and to keep him from doing something stupid. He wanted, desperately, for her to be happy and find peace with his decision. He wanted so many things, and he knew he couldn't express them in the allotted time he had left.

So Leonardo just smiled at her in return and finally turned away, heading home in that freezing October night.

He entered the sewers from the East side, very mindful of what was discussed yesterday about Don's dark mood and the cameras that were in that area. He had done what Raphael had requested and hadn't talk to Don the rest of the night, letting him vent out his anger in private as he always had done. His brother seemed a little off still this morning during practice and at breakfast, and disappeared for the rest of the day, but this was actually normal for his fellow introvert and so Leo left it be. When Don was usually in a snit, he was quiet and the topic of the security cameras hadn't come up, so Leo had no clue if they had been rectified or not.

Still, it couldn't hurt to check them out anyway. It had been him who was in charge of that side, so it was only fitting that he be the one to fix it if able.

The east side sewer system, being closer to the harbor, was larger to allow a better flow of water in case of flooding, and so some of the tunnels seemed cavernous when walking around at night. It lacked the many twist and turns the west side had, nor the multiple levels towards the north, making it easier to navigate. Unfortunately, due to its large size, it sometimes required multiple cameras in the same area to cover all of the area. Don, the genius he was, had done wonders with the materials he had on hand and had created all of them to be able to rotate to help with this, but still, it was not impossible for someone to try to find a blind spot if they knew the condition of the cameras were faulty. He passed the first few ones without seeing anything amiss. Raph hadn't been specific, perhaps because Don hadn't been, about which one or ones were having trouble, so he wasn't sure if he hadn't already passed up the problematic one already. Upon approaching the fourth set of cameras, a trio set, he saw the one closest to him move towards him so he was directly in view of the lens. While he did not think it was a fluke, he purposely took a few more steps to be certain, and sure enough, the camera followed his movements. He knew that Don did not have the resources to make the cameras themselves motion detection, so that could only mean that they were being moved manually. He halted his steps and gave the camera a wave.

"Hey, Donnie," he greeted, knowing that Don had allowed audio to stream through at least one of the cameras, though there was no speaker on this side to allow Don to communicate back to him. He was about to take a look at the camera's wiring when he felt his shellcell beep, indicating he had a message.

Of course, there were always other ways to communicate.

"1/2 mile down, 2 the left, 2nd cam. Won't move."

Leo gave a thumbs up at the camera and jogged the down the tunnel to the two cameras in that area. It took him only five minutes to get to the location, and an even shorter time to figure out what was wrong with the camera. One of the wires had come lose, whether Leo hadn't plugged it in correctly the first time or it came loose during the install, he wasn't sure. But it was a simple fix, even if his fingers were almost too fat to do it properly. It took longer to try to fit the wire back into its spot than it was to get there, but eventually, the nasty little bugger righted itself and snapped into place for him. While Leo was grateful for the security and the luxury of electronics and technology, he secretly detested it with a passion and sometimes longed for the days he could leave it all behind. Though, he grinned at the camera as it started moving the second he stepped back, he would probably miss readily made hot meals.

"Is everything in working order now?" Leo asked out loud, knowing Donnie was listening in. The camera moved up and down as if nodding, and Leo's grin grew stronger. "Excellent."

He wiped his hands, which had gotten a little dirty thanks to the dust that had already started to build up on the cameras, and took note of the time. It was nearing eleven o'clock, when all good little turtles should be getting to bed for early practice the next morning, but somehow the lone solitude of his room was not as appealing after spending some quality time with his friends. He knew that Don would most likely stay up for another two to three hours, and wondered if now wasn't a good time to talk to him?

Leo moved away from the cameras, barely noticing how they still followed him down the tunnel as he took the most direct route home now that the problem had been solved. He took out his shellcell again and texted a quick inquiry.

"Have any other projects you need help with tonight?"

Don's answer was quick and succinct.

"No, Im good."

Leo paused in his walking. A mixture of disappointment and relief flooded him at a bigger degree than he had anticipated. The relief he understood. Don was a very perceptive individual, second only two Mikey in being able to read someone's moods and motives. And while it's late and he might be tired, but that meant Leo was too and he already felt he had been through the ringer with April. He didn't want his brainy brother to catch him unawares and let his whole plan go up in smoke.

The disappointment was the stronger of the two emotions, and that disappointment was mixed with worry. Don was usually welcoming when it comes to having helping hands and rarely turns them down, unless the project as extremely dangerous and the hands belong to someone named Michelangelo.

Half the stuff in their garage was made up of a mixture of Don's brain power and Raph's hard muscles. Michelangelo, being the gamer he was, would sometimes help Don with coding for all of their electronics. While Leo wasn't the most tech savvy turtle in the lair, and didn't like getting dirty as much as Raph does, he helped in his own way. He was the ideal brother to bounce ideas off of and he helps with schematics of future projects. He also had the patience to handle chemicals, unlike his two other brothers.

There was a time when they were younger that Don would do most of the work on his own. It's not like he complained about it. Tinkering was his favorite hobby, aside from learning everything under the sun, and he still got his chores done and made it to practice. His projects still took a lot of time and effort, and around the time they were fourteen, Don started to appear tired and haggard with the demands that everyone, included himself, put upon him. He would skip meals and go without sleeping for days at a time before Splinter put a stop to it. They had learned then that if they had wanted to get Don to bed at a more reasonable hour and start getting the nourishment he needed instead of just a forgotten sandwich brought to him in the middle of a brainstorming session, they had to pitch a hand in with his projects. Because, unlike Leo's love of calligraphy, Raph's busting heads, and Mikey's video games, Don's hobbies ends up benefiting them all in the long run. To have Don start pushing them out of his projects now started worrying Leo. It made him feel the doubts that were always so close to the surface since he had made his final decision about accepting Karai's request.

As he continued to splash through the wet tunnels that led through to his home, he continued to question his choices in this matter. Of course he was going to have some doubts in his plans. Despite his nickname, "Fearless," Leo feared a lot of things. He just had an uncanny ability to hide them from those around him. One of the things that had made him a good leader is that he has the ability to see the pros and cons of each decision he makes and was able to make snap decisions when he needed too. Raph had the tendency to jump into things without follow through, Mikey was too reliant on the actions of others, and Don could quickly come up with a plan, but slow to act upon them.

What he was planning on doing, to potentially sacrifice himself for his family would have unforeseeable consequences, he knew. He couldn't predict every outcome that would come from this, but it wasn't the unanticipated variables that scared him the most. It's the ones he could see easily happening. His father falling into despair at the loss of a son. His brothers disbanding, unable to cope without him as a leader. Karai not keeping her word… Those thoughts caused Leonardo's doubts to rise up and almost choke him with fear. Was his family ready to take the responsibilities he's had to shoulder since he was thirteen, and Splinter had named him leader? Leo knew in his bones that each of his brothers had it in them to be a leader, but if anything should happen to him, he always pictured Raphael being the most ready to take up that mantle. He was so protective of his family, and when he wasn't losing his head to his anger, he was actually a great strategic thinker. He was undoubtable the strongest fighter and could easily overpower any combatant. Leo wasn't one hundred percent sure that Raph was ready to take on the responsibilities and everything that came with being a leader. His red-masked brother had always wore his heart on his sleeve, and he was afraid that any failures he would perceived to be his fault would crush that indomitable spirit.

How would Raphael handle the rest of the team? Would he be able to have enough authority to get Don out of his lab and into the dojo for training? Brute force was not the best way to handle their intellectual brother, who despite his peaceable nature, could fight back as much as the next turtle. Raph would have to appeal to his reasonable nature and make sure he knew he was doing it for the good of the team. Don could be a little snitty and passive aggressive if one tried to talk down to him, and it had taken a lot of practice to not get the bo-wielding turtle to turn the conversation around on him when trying to get him to do something or get something from him.

With Mikey, would Raph be able to get him to focus during training and during battles? Mikey just had such an energetic spirit that needed to be reined in so he could reach the potential they all knew he had. Would Raph have the patience he hasn't really shown in the past to handle the hyperactive turtle in a leadership capacity? Would Don and Mike submit to their older brother's authority? Or would they feel like they deserved to occupy the role as leader? How would they feel about the new leadership, because there is no doubt that Raph would have a different way of running things? Would Raphael's strong heart be enough to override his hot-head?

All of these thoughts were swimming in his head as he finally made it home. The lair was quiet again, and it did nothing to appease the feeling he had gained during his walk. As he passed through the empty living room as he was headed towards his bedroom, he realized that all of this worrying was only borrowing trouble. There was no use in obsessing about the 'what ifs' and 'maybes.' He knew that even if they filled his every thought from now until the deadline, he wasn't going to change his mind about what needs to be done. His job now was to prepare himself so those things don't happen, and to say his goodbyes for in case they do.

AN2: I read once about how some of the great leaders aren't those who are without fear and doubt, but those who know when to pay attention to them and when to block them out. This is how I see Leo, a man (er, turtle) with a lot of fear for his family and the world around him, but has the fortitude to move past them and to never show them. It is something, I think, he's picked up from Master Splinter, who has shown an inordinate amount of patience and stoicism when faced with the task of raising four young turtles without any experience.

Fear, though, is a healthy and useful thing, and sometimes Leo ignores it a little too much, which I will hope to clarify in a later chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the last one in 2014 and have a happy and safe New Year.

Chapter title is from the Adele song.