Now that the holiday's are over I can have more time to update some of my older fics :)

Disclaimer for this chapter: The flashback Sam has of Dean's dream doesn't belong to me. That's from the Supernatural Dream a Little Dream, and while it may not be exact, it's close enough to put a disclaimer on so please don't sue because I'm broke! :(


Slowly the brothers drove back to their room in silence. Dean was still tossing guilt around him about saving the boy. Was this what Sam felt whenever he couldn't save someone? The guilt was almost unbarable.

Sam stared at the trees on the side, using Dean's eyes, knowing that nothing he would say would change the way Dean was feeling at the moment. Suddenly his mind snapped back to an unfamiliar room.

He stared in shock as he saw his brother standing in front of what looked like another Dean. Only his brother didn't seem nearly as surprised.

"I get it," he was saying. "I'm my own worst nightmare right? Doing a little Superman 3 and..." But Sam wasn't paying attention. He was more than a little confused. The other Dean finally spoke.

"You can crack jokes all you want, Dean, but I know the truth. I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. How you look into the mirror and you hate what you see...."

Sam blinked. This was all news to him. He knew Dean felt worthless, but did he really hate himself? He struggled to understand where this was coming from. The only thing he could think of was the time that Bobby was trapped in his own nightmare and both him and Dean went into Dean's dreams. They had split up than. Sam had asked what Dean dreamt about. He knew Dean lied when he responded, but he didn't know what Dean had dreamed was so intense. Now this other Dean was talking about their father, and him.

"Why outside of Sam you've got nothing. You're just as mindless and obeident as an attack dog.."

"That's not true," the real Dean scoffed. Sam was surprised by this accusation. He had always hated how obedient Dean was to their father. He had never realize that a part of Dean hated it too. He also couldn't believe that Dean thought this low of himself. That he thought he was nothing outside of his brother. He knew that was far from the truth. If anyone was nothing, it was him.

"No?" The other Dean responded smugly. What are the things that YOU want? You're dreams? I mean, your car? That's dad's. You're favorite leather jacket? Dad's. You're music? Dad's. Do you have any original thought? No. All there is is 'Watch out for Sammy! Protect your brother boy! Why you can hear your father's voice right now.."

"See, now I'm getting angry," growled the real Dean. Sam watched in horriefied fascination at this confrontation. Never before had he seen this vulnerable side of Dean who hated himself. It unerved Sam more than a little.

"He just trained you. You were a little good little soldier, and nothing else. But it was Sam he doted on. Sam he loved-" Sam's eyes widened at that. Dean didn't REALLY believe that, did he? "You were just Dad's blond litte instrument and nothing else.."

"I mean it!" The real Dean warned.

"I mean your own father doesn't care if you should live or die, why should you?!"

And than much to Sam's surprise he watched Dean attack himself with the gun.

"My fatther was an obsessed bastard!" He screamed, causing Sam to flinch. "The crap he laid on me about protecting Sammy? That was his crap, not mine! He was the one that couldn't protect his family! He was the one that let mom die!"

THAT one stunned Sam. Sam had always felt responsible for their mother's death. He had naturally presumed that Dean had blamed him as well.

"He wasn't the one that was there for Sammy! I always was-" That statement had weighed with truth. Dean always took care of Sam. Even as a child Sam had hated the fact that their father was never around to take care of them. "I didn't deserve the crap he laid on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!" With that Sam watched in shock as Dean shot himself to death.

Sam shuddered, thinking this horrible flashback was finally over when the dead Dean's eyes snapped open. They were liquid black.

"You can't escape me Dean! You're gonna die! And this? This is what your gonna become!"

"Sam!" Dean hit Sam's shoulders. No hit his shoulders, actually. Sam jolted awake.

"Wha..." He used Dean's face to look around. "Where are we?"

"We're here," Dean told him. "And the motel room. Dude, you all right?"

Sam stared at him, still recovering from the quick flashback. His mind racing with thoughts.

"Uh...yeah..."

Dean used Sam's head as he nodded.

"Good," he said, forcing the kid's body out of his head as he got out.

"Uh...Dean?"

"Yeah?"

Sam stared at his own face.

It was Sam he doted on. Same he loved.

I know the truth. How dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know that you look into the mirror and you hate what you see...

Did Dean really think those things? He had to know, but he realized that now wasn't the best time. He shrugged.

"Nothing," he mumbled, and stared at the ground.

"Okay, freak," Dean responded and went inside.

Even though dawn was just coming both fell alseep pretty quickly.

Dean felt another ache inside him. Stronger than usual this time. It was the ache someone had when they lost someone important to them.

"Sir, haven't you had enough?" He felt himself respond before he could stop himself from doing so.

"No."

"Do you have anyone that I could call.."

"I have no one." He felt dead inside. Dead and dark. Not a good combination. The bartender sighed.

"Maybe a family member?"

He felt his eyes raise.

"My family's dead."

The bartender looked surprised.

"What?"

"All of 'em. My mom, my dad. My brother. They're all dead. Mostly because of me."

"I'm...I'm sorry, I had no idea..."

"My mom died protecting me. My dad died...well he died because he made a deal with Azazel to save my brother..."

"Azazel?"

"The demon that was after me. The demon that killed my mom. It killed my dad too."

"Demons huh?" He could hear the sarcasim in the bartender's voice.

"I'm not crazy all right?!" He slurred. "Demons are re...real. And they...they kill."

God, Dean managed to think, when was my brother such an idiot about letting these things slip?

"Even though dad died because he wanted to save Dean it was still the Azazel who killed him. So dad's death was my fault too. He wanted dad out of the way, so he could get to me more easily."

Even though he was still inside Sam's body during this memory Dean still sighed. He had to hand it to the kid for being creative enough to place blame on himself for their father's death.

"And Dean died to save me. So I could live. So much for that idea huh? He says that I'm the strong one, but he was wrong. He was. I can't....I can't do it without him...I just can't."

Dean felt that ache grow until he could barely breathe. He couldn't think clearly, that's for sure.

"Sir, I think you've had enough." He felt himself toss the glass down.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Sir." The bartender now stared at him. "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, or I'm gonna have to call the police."

"Call the police," Dean heard him say. "You're funny. God, now I'm not even wanted in a bar? How much lower can I get?"

"I don't know, but sir-"

"I know, I know...I'm leaving."

Dean felt himself stumbling out and getting into the car, praying that he'd get into an accident. That thought startled Dean. He was the reckless one, not Sammy. Or that was the way it used to be. Than he felt himself stumble back into the motel room, while sobbing pathetically as he collapsed on a dirty bed.

"I'm so sorry Dean," he heard himself slurr. "So sorry.."

Dean snapped Sam's eyes open. They were back in the present, but his mind was still in the past. He felt sick over what he had just experienced. Did Sam really endure 4 months of this? It was a miracle he was still alive.

He winced than as he felt a stabbing pain enter his body and before he knew it he felt Sam's chest being torn open...

I know that one scene with Sam was basically like the scene in the movie, yes I listened to it while typing this-lol, but I just felt it was an important scene for Sam to witness. If that makes sense, because it shows a different and more vulnerable side to his brother. I hope you liked this chapter though! I look forward to getting your reviews, hint hint!