Prisoners in Paradise
Rangiku on Gin
Gin has changed. He's different from what she remembers, from the child that saved her.
Set around chapter 180 (Something In The Aftermath)
Notes: This is the first of these I wrote, so it doesn't quite fit in with the rest, but I'm too lazy to edit it.
'Goodbye, Rangiku,' you said. 'Sorry.'
Do you honestly think you can just – apologise? 'Sorry' won't fix anything. Nothing will fix this.
You've changed, Gin. You're different from how I remember you, different from the child who saved me. But I can hardly trust those memories now. I'm not sure how much was real and how much was hero worship.
I should hate you. In a way I do. But I cannot find it in me to loathe you, the way I loathe Aizen and Tousen, Aizen for what he chose to do and Tousen because of what he believes.
There is no way this is justice.
What do you want? I don't know, never did, and most likely never will. Isn't it sad? I thought I was your friend, but I never really knew you.
For that matter, what do I want? I don't know, but I think that what I really want is to turn back time, to try again, to see if I could have changed the way things turned out.
When did this start? Where did you go, when you left all those times? Now you've left again, and this time I know where you went.
I wish I didn't.
'It's a little disappointing…'
You bet it is.
What was behind that smile of yours? They tell me you stopped smiling when I grabbed you. Would it have been different if it was someone else? Why do you show one face to the world and another to me?
Sometimes I wonder if I should have killed you when I had the chance.
Would I have killed you if I'd known how you would betray me?
When we were children we talked about our fears. You told me the one thing you were afraid of was death. I asked why. After all, we'd already died once. You told me, 'we fear the dark cos we don't know what's in it. We can't see anything. That's why I'm afraid of death. Cos we don't know what happens.'
I said 'but we do know - if we die in the real world, we come here. If we die here, we go back.'
'But we don't know. When - if - we go back, we don't remember. Do you know that's true? Do you know someone who remembers?'
I asked you about the blind man we'd seen the day before. You said that you didn't know how he could stand that existence. 'I'd go mad after a day.'
Why did you leave? Was it fear? Curiousity? Some combination of the two? Why have you changed so much?
And now there's just one thing left I want to ask.
Am I able to kill you now?
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