DISCLAIMER: Hah!
WORDCOUNT: 599
SUMMARY: Post NFA. Hello, fluff! This wasn't the fluff I was talking about yesterday, but the bunny attacked me at dawn. And why would I resist? I'm blaming Pat. nodnodnod This was written for the Short Fiction Challenge at Whedonverse&Beyond, a sort-of-sequel to this letter. I actually had to go through transcripts for this one!
THANK YOU: To Kristi (bashipforever) for the help and the encouragement (and giving me FIVE bunnies for B/Aus. She's evil, people. Evil! I shouldn't be allowed to i.m. with her. :-P hugs Kristi)
FEEDBACK: Yay!
written for the Short Fiction Challenge Challenge
DETAILS
by Leni
If she had to choose one reason to love Angel, this would be it. Details are his trademark.
He still doesn't know exactly what makes her tick; but he seems to remember what makes her smile. Like his unexpected apparition when she's patrolling, sliding in to cover her back, or his strong fingers kneading the muscles at her shoulders and down her back after a long fight, or Chinese delivery on Friday nights and enduring her friends' judgemental comments during their first Christmas together.
Or this letter at her bedside.
It's not that she didn't know how he felt. Those times are long past. Okay, not that long, but now she trusts when he says that he'll stay. She isn't a teenager anymore; she isn't scared that this love she feels is wrong or that one day he'll see her for the immature kid she is and leave.
She's stopped being that kid long ago. Losing him, losing her mother, losing her town and the belief that one day she'll be normal has built her into this woman. When she and Angel first began working together, Buffy knew that he'd see all the losses in her, all these holes eating at her heart since forever. He did; he discovered them one by one, showed her some she'd refused to acknowledge and then showed her all the scars he's received since he left Sunnydale.
They've changed; that's obvious. Some days it amazes her that the couple from her memories has become the him and her of today. That they still seem to fit together, that she still smiles whenever she sees him and that he will still whisper her name before they kiss. But in everything else, they've changed.
She once said that his kiss made her want to die. He'd been talking about control, about how they'd lose it if they got together. She'd wanted to shake him out of it, to tell him that she didn't care as long as he accepted her, that she didn't believe in fairytales either but she didn't care. Now she cares. She can't afford to lose control, not with a younger sister and dozens of teenager Slayers who look up at her as if she'd ever been a role-model.
Angel once said that he wanted to stop loving her, but couldn't. Later she'd realise that he'd been scared into that confession, that almost leaving her and then almost dying had pulled out the words by sheer fear. He'd still wanted to protect her, from himself. Now he knows better. She has protected her heart as best as she'd been able to, so much that it took her months and years to realise that she wanted him, them, back. Angel took all those months and years to prove to her that he'll fight for her, with her. He seldomly talks of love, but she doesn't need him to. His actions speak loud enough. He seldomly brings roses or teddybears, but he always says 'future' and 'we' in the same sentence.
Those are the details that matter.
His letter says that he doesn't talk enough about the important things. When will he realise that she's always known that? Cryptic Boy, she used to call him. He hasn't changed that much. But she has. There was a time when she needed to hear the words; she couldn't trust herself – Him? Them? - to deserve what he offered.
Now she believes. Every thing he does, she counts it in.
So, it's not that she didn't know what this letter says.
But it's the detail that matters.
The End
12/03/06
Feedback is appreciated.
