AN: So, yet another chapter. So glad I managed to finish it, I hope there's not too many mistakes, I am only able to do any decent writing at night and It's hard to spot typos and stuff when I'm tired, but I do try my best! Anyway, a little bit of romantic teenage angst because I wanted to remind everyone that they're just teenagers and do have normal relationship problems, despite the fact that there's a war going on. Enjoy my lovelies.

Chapter Three: Tricks and Traps

The Marauder's split up, Remus and Peter went off to place their deadly traps around the secret passage ways while James and Sirius went to the Marble Stair case. They reached it and looked down at the few teachers and students who had been given the task of guarding the Entrance, each time a new explosion rattled the building they flinched and looked around as if expecting Voldemort himself to materialise out of nowhere. "The Dark Lord's going to have a harder time getting in than he thinks." Sirius muttered as he crouched and began running his hand over the top step, he produced his wand and began muttering with a small frown, James stood at his side, watching him.

"I've only just realised," James said suddenly, causing Sirius to look up at him and raise an eyebrow. "You use 'The Dark Lord' instead of He Who Must Not Be Named."

"Yeah, and?"

"And, well, that's what Death Eaters call him."

"I've spent my whole life hearing him referred to as Dark Lord, I suppose it's become a bit of a habit…Maybe it's time we both stopped sugar coating it, huh?" Sirius straightened up, lifting his wand and pointing it down the stairs. "His name is Voldemort." The stairs shuddered a little beneath their feet and James watched as they flattened briefly, turning into one big slide before returning to normal again. "That should do the trick." Sirius stowed his wand away and turned to look at James, he smiled uneasily.

"I think you're right, you know," James stepped closer to Sirius, mirroring his smile. "He's going to try and kill us all, we no longer need to fear his name. Voldemort."

"Mouldy Butt." Sirius giggled a little madly at the stupid joke, his laughter seemed to release some tension in his chest and helped to make him breathe easier.

"Baldy mutt." James sniggered.

"Ok, ok, we're being stupid now." Sirius grinned widely, resisting the urge to pull James into a deep kiss. It would be a terrible mistake to be so open about their relationship, it was bad enough that they were stood there making jokes about the most feared man in Britain, if people saw them kissing he was sure a riot would ensue. He cleared his throat, looking away from James to help regain control over himself. "Let's go see how Remus and Peter are getting on, shall we?"

"Yes, of course. We're in the middle of a war." James replied, nodding and following Sirius as he began walking towards the place they had promised to meet Remus and Peter.

As they drew further away from people they drew closer together, their hands clasped and they gripped each other tightly, as if they were afraid to let go. Sirius took immense comfort in James' touch, as he always did in tough times and it was better knowing that for once he wasn't the only one who was afraid. His mind drifted back to when Mark had accosted him before the portrait hole and he felt sickness grasp his stomach, James had no idea what had happened between them and Sirius hoped that he could keep it that way. He loved James in a way he had never loved anyone, he was a brother, a friend and his lover.

James was everything to him and he had no wish to damage that by admitting his one, stupid mistake. Of course, they weren't boyfriends; James refused to allow Sirius to call him that, afraid that someone would pick up on it and start rumours. They were a couple in all but name, despite the fact that Sirius had tried to make it official numerous times. He understood that James had difficulty accepting the fact that he had romantic feelings for another boy, he had spent so many years mooning over Lily Evans that he had never once considered himself gay, and he still resisted the idea. Sirius understood his confusion, he had felt it too.

He allowed James to go at his own pace, to find himself in his own time but he still felt hurt whenever James skated over the topic of their relationship. It had caused a few heated discussions but only once had turned into a full blown argument, at that time Sirius had caught James doodling on a piece of parchment, he had noticed the initials he was writing over and over and he felt a pain he had never thought he would feel. James was writing Lily's name over and over and in many cases had changed it to 'Lily Potter' instead of Evans. They had argued fiercely about it, James insisting over and over that he wasn't gay, until finally he had said that what he and Sirius had was merely just messing around.

Sirius remembered the pain his words had caused, he had stormed out of the room and fled, escaping James' heated denials, escaping the pain until he had finally found himself somewhere near the Astronomy tower. He had found Mark there as well, standing at the top with his hands in his pockets and smoking a muggle cigarette, he had turned and offered Sirius one which he took thinking of how much it would piss his mother off. They had talked for a while until Mark had produced a bottle of smuggled firewhiskey, everything had gone horribly wrong from then on. It had been a night of discomfort, pain and had culminated in Sirius feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Mark had been rough in his intoxicated state, he had confessed to Sirius that he had liked him for a while but hadn't managed to find a way to speak to him without the whole school discovering his secret. He had smelt of tobacco and alcohol and Sirius had let him do whatever he wanted to him, trying to escape James' words in the flesh of someone else. It hadn't worked. It had merely resulted in Sirius telling Mark that he couldn't be with him and Mark becoming angry, Sirius had left him there, wearing little more than his open jeans and an empty packet of cigarettes. He had left and returned to James' side after a hot shower, he remembered turning into Padfoot and curling up at the bottom of James' bed, falling asleep surrounded by familiar arms as he whined softly to himself. He remembered James' hesitant apology that only served to make him feel worse.

Sirius hadn't told James anything about that night, hoping to take the secret with him to the grave. He couldn't stand the idea that James would leave him, that they would have an argument as bad as they had that night. He never wanted to hurt him. It had been a horrible mistake and he had never touched anyone else since but he still wished it had never happened. Over the months it had got easier to ignore it but having Mark touch him had brought it all back up again, he had very nearly punched him and broken his nose, he hated himself for what he had done but Mark had looked as if he might have blabbed, even in front of all those people. Sirius couldn't have that. If James found out it would be from his own lips, not from anyone else's.

They turned a corner and Sirius was snapped from his guilt ridden musings when James tugged him into an empty class room, Sirius let himself be pushed against a desk and lifted his hands to drag them roughly through James' hair. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened between you and Mark?"

Sirius tensed, feeling dread fill his chest with lead. "Um…what do you mean?"

"You know bloody well what I mean. The way he was looking at you, it was as if you'd hurt him but I've never seen you speak before."

"Well I-I…" Sirius looked away, unable to stare into James' eyes. "It's…it's complicated. Maybe we can talk about it later, we have bigger problems." He tried to extract himself from James' grasp but felt him hold on tighter.

"No. This needs to be done now because we don't know if we're going to survive this and I…" James' face twisted a little and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into Sirius' chest. "I'm scared, Sirius. I fucking terrified that when the fighting starts I'm going to lose you, I can't let that happen but i-if…if it does I want to know what happened between you and Mark."

"Why? If we're going to die, it doesn't matter any way."

James' fingers tightened on Sirius' arms, the grip was beginning to hurt but he showed no signs of releasing him. "Just tell me."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed, he should have known it would come to this but he had hoped it wouldn't. "Mark and I…well…remember that night when we had that big row?"

"How can I forget?" James lifted his head and looked Sirius in the eyes, he could read him perfectly and he felt his heart skip a beat. "You fucked him?"

"Well…kind of. It wasn't-I mean I didn't mean to it just kind of happened."

There was a long moment of intense silence, Sirius gazed at James as he waited in terror of his reaction. Finally James released him and stepped back, he scuffed his trainer against the rough stone floor and sighed heavily. "Ok, let's go." He breathed and moved towards the door, Sirius grabbed him and hauled him backwards.

"I'm sorry!" He gasped, pushing his hands deep into James' hair. "Jamie, please, forgive me!"

James smiled weakly. "You didn't do anything wrong, it's my fault. We're not exactly a couple, are we? I never asked for commitment from you just as you've never asked it from me either. We're both free to shag whoever we want to."

Sirius didn't know what he was hoping for but this wasn't it. Somehow, James' acceptance of it hurt worse than if he had flown into a rage, he had never really known how to deal with reactions like this at the best of times, he was too used to anger and violence that he would rather suffer through that than this cold rejection. "B-but…but I…I didn't want anyone else, not really. I never have done."

"But you do look at other guys, right?"

"Well…"

"Don't deny it, Sirius, I've seen you. In the changing rooms you have a way of looking at the other boys in a way I don't, I've seen you look at Professor Hart just like all the girls do. You're gay, I know that and I've known it for a long time but I…I'm not. I fancy girls, I've kissed girls, I've…done other stuff with girls. I'm not going to expect you to commit yourself to me when I can't give you that same commitment in return, that's not fair."

"Then why do you sleep with me?" Sirius asked in a small voice, unable to hide the emotions flowing through him at a rate of knots.

James paused, seeming to deliberate before taking a deep breath. "I like you." He said firmly. "There's something different about you, I don't know what it is but you make me do stupid things, I laugh louder when I'm around you, I smile more and you make me unbelievably happy. I feel a connection to you I've never had with anyone else before, it's like…well…like we're supposed to be together. Having sex with you just feels…normal."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, his face falling into a small frown. "And having sex with any other blokes isn't?" He asked in a voice that bordered on angry.

"No! No I didn't mean it like that at all! I meant for me! It feels normal to me, I've never liked a guy the same way I like you Sirius, you're different."

"Different…" Sirius repeated, his eyes falling so that he was looking at the floor. "I don't know what that means." He said finally, lifting his eyes and looking at his best friend through his fringe. "Do you want to be with me or not?"

"I do! Of course I do! I've never said any different, have I? I'm just trying to explain to you how I'm feeling…which is hard because even I'm not sure."

"You're so fucking complicated, Potter."

"Yeah, sorry."

"No, it's fine." Sirius pushed himself away from the desk and moved towards James, he slid one hand into his hair and tipped his head to the side. Slowly he pressed his lips to James' temple, closing his eyes as he did so. "You need to find out what it is you really want, Jamie, because I can't live in Limbo forever." He drew away, pain lingering around his eyes before finally releasing James completely and turning towards the door. "Let's go, we have traps to set."