So hello there. Sorry i didn't post yesterday buut I have a cold right now so I'm trying my best to write something good today drugged up on Tylenol. Haha ok so here we go.


Quinn's POV

I watched her leave the parking lot. I told myself I wouldn't let her leave every time it tried talking to her, yet here I am on the curb, crying like the idiot I am. I regret leaving that night after we had sex. I regret ignoring her for those months in middle school. I regret it because it was all time wasted. Now I see her with brittany, holding hands down the hall, stealing secret glances at each other. I could've had that with her. I could've been the one to make her smile, but instead I'm the one that makes her cry. I couldn't hate Brittany, because of her I was able to see Santana smile that beautiful smile of hers. Yes, it was afar like a creep, but at least I saw that she was happy.

I knew I fell in love with Santana when she came over one night after my dad yelled at me and then hit my mom. We were in fifth grade. The day started off as it usually did, wake up get ready for school then go to San's house for breakfast and go to school. That day was different. My dad would get pissed off by the tiniest of things. I was about to leave when he stopped me,

"Where do you think you're going dressed like that?" He asked while pulling me back by my sweater. I was only wearing dark pants and a dark shirt with my hair up, I didn't understand what his problem was.

"Um, I'm going to school dad. I've gone like this before." I told him while trying to leave again. He he pulled me back by my collar again and then pushing me up the stairs.

"Russell, just leave her alone. We're going to be late for work if we lecture her now." My mom said trying to get him away from me.

"My daughter will not go to school looking like a homeless dyke! You will go to your room and put a dress on, and let your hair down. Do you understand Lucy?" He asked in a harsh tone that wanted to make me cry.

"But dad we're all going to be late an-" *smack* I tumbled to the ground. My face felt numb. The tears came out silently.

"Russell, it's starting to bruise! Why would you lay a finger on her?! That's it get out dont come back today.I need time with her." My mom told my dad while trying to get me up off the ground. She couldn't though, because as soon as her final words left her mouth he kicked her to the floor with me. Then he picked her up and pushed her against the wall,

"Now you both listen to me very closely, Judy, you will have a nice dinner ready for us tonight, and Quinnie, you will not go to school until that bruise is gone and you will not be allowed to see ANY of your friends. Understood? Nod if you both understand."

I nodded quickly, too scared to know what would happen if I didnt. My mom in the other hand, she looked so lost. I don't even think she was paying attention, and because of that, he punched her in the face. He Knocked her out. I wanted to scream and hit him back and tell him I was going to call the police, but he was out the door.

I walked down the stairs to get my mom some frozen peas, she got it worse than I did. By the time I got back she was just laying there and staring at the ceiling. I handed her the peas. She took them and I lied next to her and hugged her. Slowly she started letting the tears come out and she apologized over and over saying she didn't want that for me. After some time we got up and cleaned up the house and by the time she started making lunch someone knocked at the door. I forgot that my cheek was bruised, so I opened the door, and was faced with Santana. I ran to my mom telling her it was an accident and Santana was close behind. My mom told me it was ok and let us go up to my room and talk. When I closed the door i sat next to her on my bed. I started feeling my chest getting heavier, my vision getting blurred. I don't even remember when she had wrapped her arms around me. We laid down and she held me. She kept whispering comforting things trying not to push me. But the one thing that stuck to me was when she said,

"I'll never let you go."

I cried harder. I believed it. But in freshman year, when I made love to her, I was scared. I was scared that she'd realize what we did was wrong and that she would let go. So I let go before she can hurt me. I left her in her bed alone at exactly 2:34 am. I remember walking home and crying. I couldn't stop crying. By the time I made it home I just wanted to forget, so I broke into my dads liquor cabinet and drank my pain away. The next day she knocked for an hour, she left me texts and crying voicemails saying sorry for whatever she did wrong.

I wnated to to go back to her, I really did. But I didn't want either of us to get hurt. A week after spring break she'd just look at me from afar. One day I was getting my things from my locker and Finn Hudson came to my locker with a dopey grin.

"Hey Quinn, you look really pretty today." He said while rubbing the back of his head.

"Thanks you don't look bad yourself." I tell him.

"Hey I was thinking, would you like to go out on a date with me?" He said leaning next to my locker. When he asked that Santana passed by and she stopped about five feet away from us with her back turned against me. I thought about bout it for a minute. I can hear Brittany's "San are you ok?" And I take that as my last push.

"I'd love to. I'll give you my number if you walk me to class." I told him. He gave me another goofy grin and walked with me. Santana stayed in the place where she stopped and when I looked back, I knew I lost her for good now.

In our sophomore year I remember crying when puck told me that he saw santana and Brittany "get it on". Since freshman year she had only talked to me five times, and that was only for school purposes. Everyone talked about Santana's hook up with Brittany and they all thought it was hot, but me, I wasnt sure if I wanted to yell at Brittany telling her Santana was mine, or slap Santana asking her why she would do that to me.

I had Brittany for third period PE. We were running the mile and Brittany caught up to me saying she needed to tell me something important, but instead I just tripped her. She scrapped her knee really bad but I was just so angry. When I realized what I did I waited until the bell rang for second period to skip the rest of the day, it was a Friday either way. When I got home I went straight to my room and took down every memory that me and Santana made in there. My room looked almost naked after I finished.

At some point I called Kurt over and cried on his shoulder. After a while he just shook his head and sighed,

"Both of you are idiots, but once you let your walls down, everything will be fine." His words have played in my mind everyday and they were especially loud today when I tried talking to her but failed. I knew I hurt her, so I did what I had to do. I went home and changed into a dark blue collared shirt and tucked into A black skirt that stopped right above my knees. It was I felt like myself for a moment but it faded when I looked into the mirror. I looked away and went down stairs and got the lillies I got for Santana's mom and headed down the street.

Five minutes later, I'm here facimg the door. Doubting if I should have come. I stop myself and get my shit together. I need her in my life. I'll do anything to at least even get my best friend back. Well, here goes nothing, *knock knock*


Ok so I hope you all enjoyed that! I will be posting another chapter in about an hour or so to make up for yesterday. rmeber to comment for suggestions or whatever you guys want!