Author's note: Happy New Year! This is my very first update for the year. :)
Any of you seen "National Treasure"? In the first one, if you remember Ian, the bad guy, that's Boromir! I just figured that out last night. So that's why Boromir had to be in this chapter.
From: Frodo
To: Boromir
Subject: Why?
So, Boromir, I'm quite curious to know why you were hiding in my closet.
- Frodo
From: Boromir
To: Frodo
Subject: RE: Why?
I was hiding from my brother. He was chasing me around with a giant replication of my horn. When you press a certain button, it sounds like a cackling clown. I hate clowns. That's why I was hiding. Besides, your cheese balls were really good.
- Boromir of the Cackling Horn
From: Frodo
To: Boromir
Subject: RE: Why?
YOU were the one who ate ALL my cheese balls?!
- Frodo
From: Boromir
To: Frodo
Subject: RE: Why?
Well… I just couldn't resist them! They were so orange and cheesy and tempting!
- Boromir
From: Bilbo
To: Gandalf
Subject: Recipe
Hello Gandalf,
I have just figured out a wonderful new recipe.
- Bilbo
From: Gandalf
To: Bilbo
Subject: RE: Recipe
Oh, are you trying your hand at cooking now, my little burglar?
- Gandalf, the once-was-Grey-now-is-White
From: Bilbo
To: Gandalf
Subject: RE: Recipe
Cooking? Ha! Oh, no, dear wizard. Not that sort of recipe. A far more dangerous one. The results are disastrous. It is a recipe for trouble. Take one hobbit named Pippin, add Boromir, Faramir, and a replica of the Horn of Gondor that cackles like a clown (what are those?), and now you know where Frodo's missing cheese ball collection went to. And he was even going to save them for Sam's wedding! If the lad ever plucks up enough courage to ask that Cotton girl of his to marry him.
- Bilbo
From: Gandalf
To: Bilbo
Subject: RE: Recipe
Hmm, I see. So Boromir feasted on cheese balls and Peregrin ordered a replica of the Horn of Gondor that cackles like a clown so Faramir could torture his brother? Very interesting. I think I know what to do with that horn and with young Peregrin.
- Gandalf the Wise and Cunning Wizard
From: Gandalf
To: Aragorn
Subject: That Took!
Greetings, Aragorn!
I know you are very busy running your kingdom and sorting things out for Gondor, but could you perhaps take a little time to extract your revenge upon Peregrin Took? It has been made mention to me (by Bilbo) that a certain Last Steward has in his possession a replica of the Horn of Gondor that cackles like a clown. Perhaps you could simply take the hobbit into the woods, tie him to a tree and have that earlier mentioned Last Steward play the aggravating sound over and over for Peregin's pure enjoyment. That should teach him to stay out of mischief for a while.
- Gandalf the Ever-Forgiving
From: Aragorn
To: Gandalf
Subject: RE: That Took!
Why thank you for your wonderful suggestion, Gandalf! I have already located the said Steward and taken possession of the horn. It is horrible. I played it for Arwen and she nearly returned home to Rivendell to Elrond. That's how awful it was. I'm not sure which is scarier: black riders attacking the Ring-bearer or a replica of the Horn of Gondor that sounds like a cackling clown!
- Aragorn
From: Pippin
To: Aragorn
Subject: Revenge
Oh, Aragorn! I never knew you were capable of such wickedness! I'm so sorry for hacking your email and I have sworn to hate clowns forever and ever.
- Pippin the Repented
From: Aragorn
To: Pippin
Subject: RE: Revenge
I'm sorry too, Pippin. It was awful cruel of me. But I was merciful and had Faramir only play it for two minutes. I hope you learned your lesson. Don't get mixed up in trouble again or Gandalf will find something far worse to torture you with. Blame him. It was his idea.
- Aragorn
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: Joke
Hey, Gimli!
Here's a joke for you: how many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
- Las
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Joke
I don't know. How many?
- Gimli
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: Joke
None! Dwarves don't have light bulbs! Ha ha!
- Las
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Joke
Legolas! That's so… insulting. And I was even nice about the blonde joke. But this is hurtful. How could you make fun of my people and compare them to light bulbs?
- Gimli the Offended
From: Legolas
To: Gimli
Subject: RE: Joke
I'm sorry, Gimli. I was just trying to be funny since you sent me that hilarious blonde joke. No hard feelings?
- Legolas
From: Gimli
To: Legolas
Subject: RE: Joke
Oh, alright, I know I can't stay mad at you forever. No hard feelings. Now let's go have a rum gurgling contest and travel all over Middle Earth hunting orcs!
- Gimli
Author's note: Hope you liked it! Gandalf got a little out of character there, but he was really fed up with Pippin's mischief. But do you think the lesson will last? Happy New Year!
