Title: Slipping Through my Fingers

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, yeah I wish. Just having fun. And no it's not worth it to sue.

Timeline: This is a combination of smaller sections, covering the start of Season 5. First part is 5X1 then ends with the office scene in 5X12.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 6. I used writers' creative freedom. (a lot)

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Greg, some mention of the others, and Ecklie.

Beta: Thanks again to CSI-GSR-BILLY-LOVER. Who puts up with my constant questions whilst trying to keep the relationship issues straight.

Author notes: A lot of this fic is off screen writing… I try to keep it as close as possible to the series, but have to improvise in places by adding scenes.

Summary: Sara returns after her summer "holiday" and PEAP sessions. Sections are split by lines.

Lyrics: Top - Sara, Bottom – Grissom.

Story word count: 2 915 +- (excl Lyrics)


It's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside.

I'm standing here, but all I want, is to be over there.

Why did I let myself believe, miracles could happen?

Cause now I have to pretend, that I don't really care.

High School Musical - When There Was You and Me.

Sara walked into the lab not sure of what to expect. Her heart was pounding with the anticipation of seeing him again. She had wanted to come in last week, if only to see him. On two occasions she had had to stop herself as she stepped out of her apartment. Unsure as to what he would have mentioned the others. She remained home, intending to face the music when she returned.

Sara entered the locker room, fully aware that she still needed to see Grissom for the post PEAP evaluation, as she went over her speech again. She had meticulously prepared it, having decided to stay, she had to get it right. Whilst working through it, Greg interrupted, introducing her to the new DNA lab technician, which was to replace him, and asked her about her holiday?

Sara was surprised at that, realizing that Grissom had implied that she was on holiday, and not temporary suspension. Readying herself for her shift, before making her way to the break room. On the way, she ran into Nick and Warrick, whom each greeted her by giving her a hug, welcoming her back.

"I think our Sara here has met someone." Nick stated, teasingly.

"What makes you think so?" Warrick asked, looking her over.

"Let's see… she was away from the lab for two whole weeks, not phoning or dropping in. She looks healthier… happier."

"Hey I'm here… and anyway I needed the break." Sara objected, bumping Nick on the shoulder.

"Sara Sidle, workaholic, actually admits to needing a break… No, I think there is a man on the scene." Nick said, as they entered the break room.

"Sara, a boyfriend? Hey I want in." Catherine commented. " I must say she does look better, some sun, rosy glow on the cheeks, you know I agree with Nick." She said before turning back to Sara. "Nice to have you back, evens the numbers out a bit."

Sara just shook her head, knowing that it would not help to argue with them. Turning to the coffee maker, intending to get herself a cup, before sitting down.

Grissom, for the first time in weeks had felt energized when he had arrived at work. He had not even tried to kid himself as to the reason, for he knew why, he had counted the days... Sara would be back tonight, having completed her mandatory leave and counselling. Walking down the halls his anticipation grew as he neared his office, he was tempted to pair her up with him, so that he could gauge her state of mind. He had missed her presence in the lab, her voice, her smile, but mostly her eyes... He could willingly loose himself in them. This last week had been the hardest. He had fought the temptation to go over to her place, to find out how she was doing. None of the others knew, he had told them that she had put in leave. Nick and Greg had seemed suspicious, claiming that she had not mentioned anything to them about it.

He heard her voice in the hall as Nick and Warrick greeted her. The tone of her voice washing over him like a balm as he fought to remain seated, to not rush out to see her. He started checking over the case notes, planning their evening. The appearance of five dead bodies and what looked like four separate cases. Decision made he would assign her and Nick to the body in the desert. It looked a simple enough case to ease her back into work.

Grissom stopped outside the break room. Taking a deep breath, he schooled himself before entering the break room. His eyes skimmed the room and came to rest on her. Whilst everyone stopped their banter, sitting down for their briefing. Grissom had heard the comment Nick had made earlier of her looking healthier, happier and he was right. She appeared livelier again. He was pleased to note that the sparkle in her eyes had returned as she smiled at him in greeting, before sitting down. Knocking the wind from his sails once again, as he prepared to hand out cases for the evening.

Just before the end of shift he passed the locker room, halting as he heard Nick and Sara talking.

"Can you believe that pastor thought we were there to get married?"

"Yea that was weird."

"What a first night back for you. So are you going to tell him you nearly got married today?"

"Tell who?"

"The boyfriend."

"Why would I need to do that?"

"Okay, so it's one of those relationships."

Grissom's hand clenched forming a fist as he thought of her having a boyfriend. Not that it was improbable… She had been away for two weeks, therefore she would have had more than enough time. She was also young and attractive, with needs… He reined his thoughts the moment they started on the subject of her needs. The thought of another man with her was still too painful to bear.

"No it's not." Sara stated.

"So when do we meet him, or do we know him and your keeping it a secret?"

"You know what Nick, when I find him, I'll let you know." Sara replied, whilst closing her locker door.

"So there's no one then?" he asked, surprised.

"Not that I know of Nick, unless you know something I don't." she threw back at him, intending to leave.

Grissom released a sigh of relief, his hands relaxing from the fists they had formed. Thankful that there was no one, but not entirely sure if he was comfortable with Nick taking such an interest in Sara's private life. Making sure to move away from the area, before she exited the locker room.


Grissom lay in bed that night. He had been thankful when the call had come through… It had saved him from answering her question. "You think they're happy?" His immediate response would have been "no." But he could not speak for others, only himself. If Sara ever were his, he knew he would loose it at the thought of another man touching her, he already did. But to willingly allow another man to touch her, he would kill, what type of man could do that? Just the thought of being allowed to touch her, kiss her, make love to her was enough to undo him. He would never allow another man near her if she were his. Staring up at the ceiling, he thought over her words again. "When you start looking for passion outside a marriage, you're in trouble, and your looking for trouble." Wondering just how much passion she at times withheld… He had seen glimpses of it during some cases, her temper red-hot at times. She was a passionate person in nature, could he cope with her? Or would she consume him so completely, that he would still be left hanging when she moved on… having finished with him. His body had long since responded, as his mind drifted to the thought of her, riding him, shifting on top of him, taking pleasure in his body, as he would from hers. It was one of the guilty pleasures he allowed himself. He may not allow himself to take the chance in life, but in his dreams, his fantasies, she was all his. Closing his eyes he allowed his imagination free rein…


Sara hated Ecklie, no hate was too a powerful emotion to describe what she felt for Ecklie. That would put him on par with the love she felt for Grissom. She abhorred him that was it. She hated having him split up the team. He had taken Nick and Warick away from her. Catherine was not as big an issue, but Nick she would miss. Ecklie had broken up their unit, all because he was jealous of the fact that their team was considered to be the best… And why not, Grissom had selected each of them, mentored them, it was only fair that they stay with him. If the other supervisors could not select the right people, then that was their problem. And now Ecklie was out to discredit Grissom, she knew she should have pushed more for her post PEAP council session. It had now given him something to pin on Grissom. She hated the fact that Ecklie had access to her file. It was nothing to him as long as she did her work. Her initial fear had been that he would take her off graveyard, that she and Grissom would be split, then she would have had no reason to stay here anymore, the thought had pained her. But Ecklie being hell bound on discrediting Grissom had seen her as a means. Her temper and performance record spoke for themselves. And with only Greg as the other reliable member, Ecklie was making things difficult for Grissom, and she was not willing to allow it. She would do everything in her power to make sure that graveyard kept its status as the best team.

Grissom watched Sara as she walked by his office. He had initially been upset when Ecklie had notified him of his intent to split up his team. His foremost concern having been that he would move Sara. For if she went to days, he would only get seen her in the mornings. Were she moved to swing, he would have only been able to see her in the evenings. It would have made his nights even harder on him. He would have been able to come in earlier or stay later, but she would have had no reason to speak to him. He would have been able to start a relationship with her, but it would not have lasted. Their shift requirements would not have allowed for much time together. He had been relieved when he had learnt of Ecklie's decision to leave her with him. Not entirely sure of what Ecklie had thought or intended, but unlike Ecklie, he knew that Sara at times had acted as the glue that had kept the team together. She was good at her job, and had taken Greg under her wing. She had no problem being teamed up with him, and patiently answered his questions. Grissom was still not entirely comfortable with that development… As Sara had seemed to take it onto herself to train Greg, thus allowing him more time to see to other lab matters. How he longed to spend time like that with her again, to have her attention centred on him.


Open mouth, insert left foot; then remove left foot and insert the right.

'What the hell was I thinking' Sara berated herself as she left his office, 'since when am I so honest with him, so honest that I as much told him I moved here for him, that he meant more to me than a boss, that I may have made the most stupid mistake in my life by coming here. Seeking validation in inappropriate places - Yeah right. Just give him some more power so that he can crush your heart some more. Let's just make things more awkward than they are already, and the last thing I need is him taking pity on me. Anyway, Sophia seems to have caught his attention, lately. How stupid of me, to even hope that some of my sentiments would be appreciated.'

Grissom remained seated in his chair, his eyes following her as she left. A sigh escaping him. His thoughts racing over the last few moments. His heart pounding, as his mind had registered what she had said. What it had meant? implied? She had always thought of him as more than a boss… His heart started racing again at the thought. He had to give her credit for her guts. She was capable of voicing her feelings… Where he couldn't even voice a dinner invitation, not even when faced with the fact that she would most would have accepted it. But he had not even managed to get the words out, he had blundered, once again. And instead of pushing him like in the past, she had given him the easy way out. He wanted to call her back, ask for a second take, another chance. But unlike her, he did not have all that much confidence in his capabilities of keeping her interest, or the belief in the attraction they felt for one another. Her just allowing him to be with her, would keep him enthralled, but would it be the same for her? He had long since given up on fighting or rationalizing it.

It had been the first time that they had spoken about them, where there had not been a catalyst or an upsetting case, pushing them towards each other. The first time with nothing pushing or causing for them to reach for one another, in some misguided attempt to connect with someone, seeking comfort, whilst trying to make sense of it all… Only to find that it would not last. They had both been thinking rationally and he had so badly wanted to ask her, to give them a chance. For the first time in four years the timing had felt right, and an opportunity had presented itself. But he had missed it. Missed it by once again over thinking things. What was he supposed to document for Ecklie? The fact that the one woman he desirers more than his next breath, had given him an open window. But because of his uncertainty, he had missed it, again. Should he put down on paper that she'd been right all along… That by the time he had figured it out, she'd be ready to move on, without him. That her attraction to him may only have been akin to that for a much-loved mentor? That it had been his worst fear, almost from the start.

During the last few weeks, things between them had started looking up. She had seemed more open again, her spirit and smile had returned. Not having been entirely sure as to why, he had just accepted it. Once again happy to bask in the glow of it. She had completed her counselling… Thinking that it had been the sessions, and that the treatments had improved her outlook? His heart dropped as he thought over her words again. "I sometimes look for validation in inappropriate places." Did she now consider him as an inappropriate place?

Was she going to move on now? Would there be another lover in her life, again? Another Hank? Nick and her were also no longer on the same shift, it would allow for something to develop between them? They had always had a certain understanding of one another. Grissom's hands clenched at the thought, as the image on Nick on top of Sara reappeared in his vision. He knew he would have a hell of a time, if that were ever to happen. Greg's crush on her was notorious throughout the lab, but that had never developed into more. Would it now?

She'd said that she'd moved here for him, but how much of what she'd said today did she still mean? How much of it was still applicable? Or had she just made peace with her decisions? They had been through numerous ups and downs… Would she now leave? The last time she'd attempted to leave he'd not even been as emotionally attached to her, and that had been hard enough to contemplate. Her leaving him now, would floor him.

She'd taken the splitting of the team hard, he' known. He also knew that, in her own way she had grown close to the other team members. He'd also seen into Ecklie's game plan. That by now leaving him with her and Greg… With what he'd considered an unpredictable level three and a novice level two, Ecklie was setting them up to fail. The cases they were assigned now, often ridiculous. But Sara had risen to every occasion, dragging Greg in her wake as she showed him the ropes. Her involvement with the new member limited, as she still made time to speak to the others, by coming in earlier when they needed help, or just to talk over coffee and case files. She'd shouldered a lot of the responsibility of their shift, without having been asked.

Their discussion about marriage had shown him a different side to her. She believed in fidelity, between lovers, between a husband and wife. His hand formed a fist as he thought of Hank having cheated on her. What idiot would do something like that? To have her, and still want to look at someone else, to use her… What he would not give for the opportunity to just once… NO! Once would - could never be enough for him. His mind wondered as to how adventurous she could be, with regards to sex. Her disclosure that she was a member of the mile high club had not only shocked him. It had left him in serious doubt if he would ever be able to satisfy her, completely. He was not a youngster anymore, and that thought had been partially responsible for his studying the Kama sutra. But discovering that she had read it, had given him an even greater cause for anxiety. Knowing that she possibly could have participated in those techniques… with another man...

Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to catch her every minute, her feeling in it.

Slipping through my fingers all the time.

Do I really see what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing, she keeps on growing.

Slipping through my finger all the time

Slipping through my fingers ABBA


A/N 2: Okay, don't hold you breath for the next chapter. I'm having SERIOUS trouble with it.

If you wanna flame me, warn me, so I can get the wood ready for the BBQ. Weather's nice here…

I'm looking for lyrics for Sara, for the next chapter. (Nesting Dolls) Something deep and distraught should do it… Any ideas?