Chapter 4: don't scare me again

Slowely she opened her eyes. On the couch. She was lying on the couch. She moved a little. She looked beside her when she heard a noice. Robbie was asleep in the seat next to her. He was looking over her. She smiled. She must have looked really bad for him to sleep in a chair. For a second she wondered where her mother was. But then she rememebered. Her mum would not get back before tomorow.

Slowely he opened his eyes. He jumped up. His hearth jumped up to. His little sister was gone. He sighed. Stay calm. It's not that he panicked easily, but they were all so afraid. He knew she was going to lose her eventually. That's why he was so scared all the time. She had not felt good yesterday. Maybe she was feeling bad now. He sighed in relief when he saw her come out of the bathroom.

Luke looked in the mirror. He felt ridicolous. He had never worn a uniform to school before. The shirt wasn't so bad. He felt relieved when he heard he could wear jeans. But why, oh why did he have to wear a tie? He didn't even know how to tie one. He smiled. It wouldn't be so bad. Not if he could see Matilda.

Jack walked past the room of his little brother. He could hear him swear very soflty. He walked in and laughed. 'Watch it little brother, if you keep doing that, you'll strangle yourself. Unless of course you're trying to commit suicide.' 'I'm not. This is ridicolous.' 'Come on. It's not that difficult. I'll show you.' Jack smiled at his little brother.

'And if you feel bad...' 'Yes. I will come home inmeadiatly.' 'I still think we should tell Sally.' 'No. Not yet. When it gets worse...' She stopped talking. The exprecience on his face changed instandly. She didn't wanted to say it. But it was the harsh truth. She would never get better. They had to exept it. It didn't make it any easier. She wanted to be able to say if it gets worse, but it would be a lie. She walked forward and hughed him.

He put his arms around his little sister. He wanted to hold her forever. He never wanted to lose her. But there was no point in lying to themselfs. He held her tightly. They had time. She was reasonably well right now. She could be fine for months. Maybe years if they were really lucky. All they needed was time. As much time as they could get.

Matilda was talking to Ric and Cassie. Her best friends. She stopped talking when she saw him walk in. Her hearth jumped up. He was so cute. She coudln't think like that. She couldn't drag him into her life. Not as a boyfriend. But that didn't mean they couldn't be friends. Just as long as he didn't fall in love with her. She smiled when she saw him look her way. When she turned back to her friends she saw Cassie smile at her.

Luke walked into the school. He was walking behind Sally Fletcher. He was trying to listen very good to her. He didn't want her to get mad at him. But when he saw Matilda sitting there he couldn't pay attention no more. His hearth jumped up. Especially when she smiled at him. He smiled back. He felt very nervous all of the sudden. He hoped that he was in the same classes as her.

Two hours later

She smiled at him. She couldn't help it. She liked hanging out with him. She liked being close to him. She couldn't be feeling like this. He didn't need the drama of her life. Her family had no choice. Her friends didn't know. But he didn't deserve it. She saw Cassie look at her. She knew what Cassie was thinking. Suddenly a feeling hit her. The room started to turn. She had to get away. Before she threw up. Or past out. Whichever came first.

Luke smiled at her. She was beautiful. He liked her. He knew he did. It was weird. He had just met her. He wished he could ask her out. But it was to soon for that. Ok. He was to chicken to ask her out. Same difference. He looked at Cassie and Ric. When he had first met her he had been afriad he was her girlfriend. Now he knew she had no girlfriend. He looked at Mattie. Something was wrong.

Mattie ran into the bathroom. She threw up. She could hear Martha walk in after her. Appart from her family Martha was the only one who knew the truth. Well Robbie told Tasha who told Martha, but still. She didn't mind. It was actually good to have someone else. Someone who would be there when she needed someone. Like now. She sat down on the ground and rested her head on the door. Tired. Dizzy. She closed her eyes. She could feel cold water on her head.

She smiled. Martha was helping. She knew she couldn't sleep here. Especially not since her friends were outside. And Luke. She smiled. Suddenly she felt strenth inside of her. He gave her strenth. She remembered the list. Maybe he was the strenth she needed to finish her list. To do everything she wanted. Or at least some things.

Luke saw Mattie run away. He could hear her say she needed to go to the bathroom but it didn't seem right. He saw his worry reflected on Ric and Cassie's faces. This was not good. After a couple of minutes Matilda walked out. She was pale. She was sick. No matter how much she tried to hide it. 'You ok?' 'My stomach. It's ok.' 'Maybe you should go home.' 'Yeah. Luke is right Mattie. Go home. We'll tell Sally.' 'Ok.' Mattie got up and the world turned again. She felt Luke's arms around her.

'You ok?' 'Yeah. A little dizzy.' 'You should see a doctor.' 'We can send Flyn.' Ric looked at her worried. She was his friend. 'No it's ok. I'm just going home. Lie down. I'll feel better tomorow.' More like I'll hide it better tomorw. She sighed. 'Ok. I'll take you.' That was Luke again. He looked worried. She didn't want to worry him. She didn't want him to know. But she couldn't walk home alone. She couldn't. 'Ok.'

He walked beside her. He had wanted to be close to her. But not like this. He was carrying her bag. She couldn't do that. She looked bad. He sighed. Probably just a bug. He could ask her out right now. They were alone. But he didn't dare. He needed to know her better. He smiled at her. 'It's not that far. you ok?' 'Yeah. I'm fine. It's ok.' He sighed. She would be fine.

Matilda walked. She could feel him close to her. But it didn't matter. She was trying hard to pretend that she was fine. She wasn't. She was tired of pretending. Tired of hiding the truth. She was in pain. She could barely walk. She kept walking. She kept breathing. Just because she didn't wanted Luke to realise how bad she was. She didn't want to have to tell him. She would lose him.

Mattie lied down on her bed. She closed her eyes. She had told Luke she'd be alright. She had gotten him outside. Just in time. She had practicly fallen on the floor. But somehow she had managed to lie down on the couch. She tried to remain calm. It wasn't ok. She was feeling bad. Tired. In pain. She closed her eyes. Slowely she got up. Get to the phone. Call Robbie. Call Flyn. Call anyone. She fell down on the floor before reaching the phone.

Robbie ran to the house. He had forgotten his cellphone. Again. This was the third time this week. He just hoped nobody had called him. He opened the door and saw Matilda lying on the floor. For a second his hearth stopped. He drobbed everything he was holding and ducked beside her. 'Mattie! Mattie! Wake up!' He sighed in relief when she moved. 'You ok?' 'Tired. Want to sleep.' 'No. No sleeping.' Soflty he picked her up from the floor and carried her to the couch.

'I'm going to call Flyn.' 'No. I'm ok. I just felt back for a second, but I'm ok now.' Robbie sat down beside his little sister. 'You sure?' She nodded and lied her head on his shoulder. 'Ok.' Robbie held his little sister close to him. 'Never scare me like that again you hear me? I thought you were dead or something. Don't do it again.' 'I won't.' She knew it was a lie. They both new it. But they said nothing. For now they wanted to believe it.

Matilda stared at the list. Robbie had carried her to her room. She was lying down but she couldn't sleep. Her book was lying on her chest. She stared at one of the most important things in particular. Fall in love. It had been so important. She had never thought it would be this hard. Maybe she would fall in love with Luke. But she could never act on it. She couldn't do it to him.

Luke threw his bag on his bed. Looking in the mirror he sighed. The new school wasn't so bad. The kids were nice. The teachers were nice. He sighed. He had to admit. The school wouldn't be so great if Matilda wasn't there. He liked her. He really did. He hoped she would be back tomorow. He wanted to know her more. He smiled.