Heeeeyy guys! I'm really, really, really sorry about the delay. My muse left me for a guy in my class and inspired him to shamelessly and pathetically flirt with me. I told him I had a boyfriend. If he asks who it is, I'm telling him his name is Nico and he's a sexy Italian bad boy. Yeah, he's part of a gang called The Demigods. And he has a really hot bod. No, I'm not a gay guy, I'm a girl. Not that I have anything against gay people.

If you didn't know before, Siri is an electronic personal assistant on the new Iphone. Like, she talks to you. Oh, yeah and if you're wondering why Nico has mood swings/random outbursts, it's the ADHD. And that actually does happen if you have ADHD. I speak from personal experience. Its why I get so damn off topic. ANYWAY, ENJOY!


Nico dodged a flying pomegranate as he walked to his father's library, on Chiron's insistence that he figure out from the source exactly what was going on. There was a girly scream in the background, which prompted Nico to turn around and see a random girl in the mouth of Cerberus. He ignored her pleading voice, quite valiantly, if you were to ask him. After all, he had a dark reputation to uphold. And the girl's voice was really whiny. He continued up the path, kicking aside several evil souls and upsetting quite a few world domination plans in the process. He shooed aside a killer fly guarding he main door to the library. The doors opened and he scanned the list of departments. Death hearings, Unlawful murder, Interspecies Murder, Alternate Universe Deaths…

"What is all this? Where's accounting? Accounting, accounting, ah! Level 543," Nico stopped another death fly.

"Uh, I need the rabbit hole to level 543." When the fly had gotten over the fact that it was speaking to the boss's son, and finished all of its bowing and stuttering, it directed Nico to the hallway on the left. Nico thanked it, remembering his manners, and proceeded through the dark hallway. He reached a door labeled "Rabbit Holes". He went in. A steward dressed in black bowed to him, and continued to do so for two minutes. Nico examined his nails.

"Ah, my Lord, please follow me this way to the rabbit hole for the 500 levels,"

Nico followed the steward past Wonderland, Exit to Wonderland, and Alice Highway. So Alice hadn't been crazy. Nico had always assumed she'd eaten some mushrooms or something. The steward's shrill speech jerked him out of his wonderings about wonderland mushrooms being more potent than normal ones.

"Please enter the hole, my Lord, and enjoy the ride."

Nico tried and failed to ignore how wrong this sounded. He glanced at the steward, seeing if he had noticed the accidental innuendo. The gleam in the man's eyes made Nico wonder how accidental it had been. The steward leered at him, waggling his eyebrows. Nico jumped into the hole as quickly as possible.


Harry was in shock that his Patronus hadn't worked when it had finally occurred to him that perhaps the black being was a dementor cousin or something. He was also recovering from the shock he had received when Dean told him that all four of his dormmates had already cast several potent spells, none of them having any effect.

Dean was looking at Harry, wondering how it was possible not to notice corporeal patronuses flying all around you, along with dangerous curses and hexes. Seamus was looking at Harry as if he had gone crazy.

Sorry, crazier.

The boys' attention was drawn away from Harry, however, when they noticed the dementor-cousin thing draw a small black rectangle from within itself, from what seemed to be its hand. They watched it raise the rectangle to what, as far as Harry could figure, was its head. Then what was presumably its mouth began to issue an odd waspish voice, of which they could understand nothing.

"What the hell…" Dean was peering at the rectangle.

"What?" Neville's voice shook, "What is it?"

"It's a goddamn Iphone!"

Seamus's whipped around to look.

"4S?"


As it just so happens, Nico was on the other side of the call, issued by what was not an Iphone 4S, because Hades found Siri annoying; he'd told nico she sounded too much like Persephone.

Well, what did he expect other than marriage problems? Nico had thought to himself. I mean, that is what happens when you go around having children with random Italian women.

Anyway, Nico was falling down the rabbit hole when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out and picked up.

"Hello?"

The unintelligible murmuring on the other side confirmed that it was a wreath.

"Yes, what do you want?"

Murmurs.

"You're there, okay. Is that all?"

Murmurs.

"Alright, you can leave now. I'll take care of it. And for Zeus's sake, turn off the godsdamn alarm!" Nico hung up. He hadn't bothered asking the wreath for information. Who knew what it would do? The wreaths had already risked exposure of Nico's infiltration plan, thanks to Percy. He sighed, just as his feet hit the ground. Nico shook his head to clear it, and walked into the Accounting lobby. A dark-suited man wearing sunglasses hovered at the front desk.

"Can I help you?" The man asked, not sounding very helpful at all.

"Yeah. I'd like to see the death records for London and surrounding areas,"

The man sneered.

"Well, little boy, I can't show those to just anyone, now can I? Are you even dead?" The man looked at Nico as if he were a stupid child.

Nico looked at the man as if he were a stupid child.

"Just show me the records." He said, his voice cold and hard.

"I don't think so."

Nico slapped his hand on the black marble counter, his ruby skull ring glinting. He watched the man's eyes widen as he recognized the ring; it was common knowledge within the Underworld that the wearer of the ring was the son of Hades- not only that, but to wear the ring, the demigod had to be extremely powerful.

"And I think," Nico growled, "that you thought wrong," The darkness in Nico's eyes would have frightened the bravest of men.

"Right this way," squeaked the receptionist. He led Nico through a doorway and down a hallway into a massive library. Nico was barely listening as the man pointed out the record books for different types of deaths and the new program recently installed on the computers for 'quickly and efficiently finding all kinds of death!'. When the man started describing the 'quick death' search button, Nico strode to the line of computers along the wall. When he glanced back, the man was still talking to the floor-he had been too afraid to look at Nico after he'd seen the ring.

Nico scanned his ring at the computer's identification pad. He clicked on the 'Death Browser' icon (killer-speed internet!) and looked around while he waited for it to open. There were shelves upon shelves of records, millions of years' worth of death. Nico shook his head. It blew his mind. Not literally, of course. Nico had no desire to be added to the most recent Kindle publication of death. Copyrighted 2011.

He turned back to the computer. He clicked on 'browse by location'. A map came up and he clicked on England. He observed the map. There were small blips all around-Nico ignored these. Souls reborn into ghostly lives sometimes appeared on death maps- a glitch in the system he would have to tell his father about. A large circle bleeped somewhere in the countryside. Nico clicked on it, and the link led him to a list of the largest concentrations of illegal deaths. Again, several ghosts, and some illegally reborn souls which Nico made a mental note to take care of later. He scrolled up to the top five cheatings of death. The first was located somewhere in the English countryside, right near the border to Scotland. Nico clicked on it.

"Malfoy Manor…" he muttered to himself. He went back to the list, and clicked on the second link. There appeared to be fragments of death here.

"seven illegal pieces of death," murmured Nico, reading the listed statistics to himself. "Where's the largest piece?" He continued to read,

Nico smirked. "I'm going to Scotland."


The alarm shut off just as Hermione burst into the dorm, only to see five teenage boys in various states of undress huddled together staring at the window, at…nothing. Hermione's brows furrowed in confusion; then in surprise, as she noticed how fit Seamus was. Her book about boys had not told her how good guys looked shirtless. Dean wasn't bad either. Actually, he was the opposite of bad. He was as good as Seamus. She was wondering what they did to get such fine-ass bodies when Harry turned around.

"Hermione!"

She started, and hurriedly jerked her gaze from Dean and Seamus as they turned their gazes to her.

"Uh…I was…just…um," Hermione stammered as she subtly wiped her mouth in case of drool. The five guys looked at her blankly. She realized once again that they were all half dressed.

"Shit!" Seamus said. "We're late, aren't we, 'Mione?"

'Mione. He called me 'Mione! Oh God he's so hot.

"Uh...I have to go!" Hermione ran out of the room-she had to double-check her book on boys!

Harry blinked. "That was…odd." He glanced at the clock. "Oh, we still have half an hour,"

Ron made an odd choking sound. "The sausages are gonna be gone!" he yelled, and charged into the bathroom, followed closely by the others, spurred into action by the prospect of no sausages.


I hope you enjoyed it! I wrote a longer chapter to make up for the crappiness of previous chapters and my disappearance. Look out for another chapter soon! Oh yeah, and let me know what house you think Nico and Percy should be in…I think I'll start a poll on my profile…hmmm. Oh yeah, please review. Oh, forget manners. REVIEW OR ELSE NO COOKIES!

-toxicjade