AN: Yeah, next chapter. Thank you all for your nice reviews, they are the wages of every fanfic writer! So go on with that!
And again special thanks to the fabulous LonePalm, who guards over my phrases. Of course all mistakes are my own!

Disclaimer Sons of Anarchy and all characters in this fic – except for Adam Learner – belong to Kurt Sutter and the FX Network.


Gemma sat on a bench watching her grandson dig a hole to the other side of the world, directly through the sandbox, while she was feeding Thomas. As long as she could see Abel's head she knew she didn't need to be worried. Not about him. Not anymore.

Despite enjoying spending time on the playground with the boys, worry wrapped itself tightly around her mind. Seeing Jax on the floor, unable to get up and practically being dragged out to the car shook her world to its very foundations. She felt like she had traveled back in time, to the day the doctors had told her that there was something wrong with her first son's heart. She had understood what they were telling her and what it meant for her son, it wasn't unfamiliar because it was her flaw too.

But Jax has been fine and he had slipped off of radar when Thomas was born. Jax had grown up and gained weight, while her younger son always was small and skinny till the day he had left this world. Jax had become athletic and took pride in toned and well defined muscles. He was a picture of strength to everyone – indestructible. No one would ever guess that there was a hole in his heart; and it was important that it stayed this way; otherwise his position in the club would be jeopardized. The handful of people who did know, knew even better the extent of Gemma's revenge if they ever dared to reveal that fact. So far everything was fine. Sure, in his life, Jax often came home beaten up, bleeding and bruised, sometimes with a deep cut or even a bullet graze. But Gemma had always known how to stitch him up, how to make him better, but not this time. This time was different.

••••••••••••••••••••

After an awkward moment of silence, Dr. Learner pursed his lips. Nice. Tara didn't even notice. The man shifted uncomfortably and took a breath, »And you were treated only at the Stockton prison?« he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible and ignoring the tension he had caused.

Jax sighed. He would never gonna like this guy, but that wasn't necessary. »No. I had surgery at San Joaquin County Hospital and stayed there for a week in ICU. After that I was transferred back to Stockton …«

»… and spent almost two months in their infirmary«, Tara finished Jax's sentence, who she could tell was struggling to speak about that dark chapter of his life, their lives.

»Stockton wasn't the best place to recover from an injury of this severity«, Learner noted and pulled out a printed x-ray photo of Jax's chest. »Do you see the brightened areas around the left side of your pericardium?«

Jax didn't know what that a pericardium was or what it was supposed to look like but he did spot the whitish areas in this unfamiliar mix of black and grey shades. »Yeah« he answered.

»It looks like the knife pierced your left lung two times; the third time it pierced the tissue dangerously close to your heart and probably even the heart muscle itself. I assume they fixed it … made rudimentary repairs so you wouldn't bleed to death but they didn't consider your heart defect. And now the scar tissues may be restraining the movements of your left ventricle. Under this amount of strain the muscle thickens and starts to get kind of stiff. In addition I wouldn't be surprised to find signs of an old infection, if we perform a biopsy.«

»That doesn't sound good«, Jax mumbled quietly.

Dr. Learner paused and looked him directly in the eye and soberly said »We really have a bunch of problems that have to be solved quickly or you will be in serious trouble; but at the moment I am not absolutely sure which path we should choose.«

»So what do you think we should do first?«, Tara asked.

Jax heard the worry growing in her voice and subtly reached for her hand. It wasn't lost on him that if Tara was scared, his problems were likely much worse than he had originally thought.

»First I would like to get an MRI so I can be certain about the extent of the scarring. It would also be helpful, if I can get the surgical and post op notes from SJCH. After that, I think our first course of action is to repair the defect and see if that improves your condition«, Leaner explained.

»What do you mean 'IF'«, Jax spat harshly.

»It might not be enough to repair the defect; we will have to wait and see. It will be a minor and routine procedure if the physiology of your heart allows it. I want to try and avoid an open chest surgery for the defect repair if possible.«

»Me too« Jax interrupted. Actually, if he had a choice, he would avoid being here altogether.

»I want to avoid it because it might not be the only one. Eventually we will most likely have to open your chest and remove the scar tissue«,

»Fuck. Are you serious?« Jax couldn't believe what he was hearing … he didn't want to.

»Remember, I said, at this point I don't know anything for certain. If you're lucky, your heart will recover with the closed shunt, if not, this is what you may be facing«, Learner added.

»What about his BP?" Tara asked quietly giving the monitor behind Jax's bed a glance, Alpha-adrenergic antagonists?«

»I think that would be the best choice« Learner replied as he looked down at his slightly confused patient. »Don't let this get you down. You're young and strong and, absent these problems, absolutely healthy.«

»I told him the same thing« Tara softly stated, squeezing Jax's hand tighter.

»Yeah. Thanks. Can I go home now?« Jax asked hopefully.

»Now? Absolutely not. We have to get you stabilized. Right now your heart activity is a mess. If I let you go now you'll be back in no time. Give the meds a chance to work and we will have you back home soon.«

Soon? Does this jerk have any idea what this means to him? What his body could withstand? Maybe he does, but that didn't change the fact that Jax wanted to go home, no, he needed to go home. Now. He needed to be back at the head of the table. This isn't how he planned things, Jax had planned them differently. Now was the time to show strength. Pulling the club in another direction needed a lot of energy and this wasn't the time he could start faltering.

Jax tuned out the voices around him. He was disappointed and angry and exausted. Anyway Learner had started talking to Tara, and she was a lot more capable of understanding what was going on with him, than he was. Jax glanced out the windows. Freedom lay just beyond this walls of glass. They were torturing him, showing him what he craved without any chance to get it. Fuck. Jax wished he could stab Putlova in the chest, kill the damn Russian for what he had done to him, but he had already done it and now it didn't seem like enough. He closed his eyes and ran his hand roughly through his short hair, business had finally caught up with Jax and he didn't know what to do.