Chapter 4-Our Little Shack
The Elrics and company plus Scar landed safely…well, not THAT safely. Most of their parachutes gave up on them ¾ of the way. With their collision with the sand, they were stuck in the sand with only their heads sticking out.
"I hate the damn author," Edward screamed. "What the hell kind of predicament is this?"
"SHADDUP!" The author screamed, kicking sand in Ed's eyes and running.
"Hey daddy, look at the palm tree!" A girl screamed, referring the Envy 's hair.
"I'M NOT A PALM TREE!" He screamed.
"Hey Al," Edward screamed to his brother, seeing how Alphonse wasn't stuck. "HELP US!"
"Shut up," Al said. "I'm waiting for…here they come!"
Cue the Baywatch theme as Al was looking at three women running towards his friends. When they got near, Al was pretending to act as if he couldn't help his friends and watched the girls in action. Horny mother…
The group was saved and Alphonse was being asked out until there was something wrong with these women…
"Is that an ADAM'S APPLE?" Alphonse screamed
"Yeah," the…he-she said. "What about it, big boy?"
The group ran away as fast as possible. Alphonse was the fastest.
As soon as they left the beach, Roy stopped them all.
"Wait! I've just remembered! Ever since that plane wreck, we don't have any money!" He screamed.
"So where are we gonna stay?" Riza asked.
"We can always stay with those women," Envy said.
"That's easy for you to say you cross-dressing bisexual!" Edward screamed.
"Shut it shrimp!" Envy yelled back.
…
"DON'T CALL ME A SHRIMP YOU FAGGOT!" Edward screamed, trying to escape Alphonse's grip.
"With your attitude and size," Envy began, "you have to be 9 years old!"
"LEMME GO!" Ed screamed.
"Now, now children," Armstrong said, "let's be nice!"
"Yeah," Maes said, "who cares if Ed's 4'9 or Envy's a bisexual, cross-dressing, palm tree?"
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" Envy screamed, trying to escape Armstrong's grip.
And little do they know, Envy WOULD get back at him for it in a future episode.
"Hey," Riza said, "look at that shack!"
The guys (Except Scar. We're trying to aim for non-OOCness for him) turned there heads to look at some woman.
"She said shack," Winry screamed, hitting them with her wrench "not rack!"
All of the men, who had bumps on their heads, looked at the shack on the beach. They went inside and it was like a lodge. Living room, cable, internet, kitchen, and only 4 bedrooms.
"Get out of my house," a bum in the corner yelled.
The gang just threw him out and conquered the shack.
"Hey look," Envy said. "Frozen milk."
"BURN IT TO HELL!" Ed screamed, setting the carton on fire. "I HATE MILK!"
"You hate milk, eh?" Envy repeated.
Envy's skin started to disappear and he turned into a cow. Ed glared.
"Take this!" Envy screamed, shooting milk in Ed's face.
"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GROUND BEEF!" Ed screamed, taking out a cleaver.
Envy tackled Ed like Alexander (Shou Tucker's dog) and stole the cleaver. Then he began to break dance.
"You've never seen anything like dancing milk have you?" Envy asked.
"Damn you Envy!" Edward screamed.
When night came, the gang had to divide themselves.
"Winry and I will sleep in one room," Riza began, "Roy and Maes will sleep in another room, then Al and Armstorng, and then Ed and Envy will be in a room. Scar here will sleep on the couch."
"SAY WHAT?" Ed screamed. "I'd rather sleep with Scar and snuggle with him then sleep in a room with Jealous here and get raped!"
"IT'S ENVY!" Envy screamed.
"Shut it," Roy growled. "You two need to settle your differences."
"You're right," Envy said. "If I'm lucky, Edward might get lost in the blanket!"
"You're right," Ed said. "Maybe Envy will give me a lap dance, just like his alter ego, Mr. Sexy, the porn star."
O.O!
"Oh my God," Alphonse gasped, snatching Envy's scruffy. "It's him! He's the porn star!"
"Stop saying God's name in vain!" Scar growled.
"Fine," Envy cried. "I am Mr. Sexy, but that's long passed! I HATE YOU GUYS!"
Envy ran into Ed's and his room, crying.
"That's the bathroom," Maes said.
Envy ran out of the bathroom and went into Ed's and his room.
"Wait a second," Winry said. "Was that…"
Everything turned dark.
"ANGST?"
"Ed," Riza screamed. "You got into the room and you apologize! You know how badly the author sucks at making angst!"
"Yes ma'am," Ed said.
He walked into the room and shut the door. He looked at Envy crying on the BIGGER bed. Envy turned around and leaped at Ed.
"ACK!" Ed gagged.
"Hey beautiful," Envy said, circling his finger on Ed's chest.
"Please don't tell me you're changing personalities and categories too!" Ed said.
"Nope," Envy said. "Just a case of PMS. Emotions are a bitch, aren't they? Well, now we're in a room together, all alone, and no one can hear your screams."
"And why not?"
Armstrong was practicing his speeches in front of a mirror, Al was polishing his head, Riza was target practicing, Winry was creating a new arm, Maes was bragging about his family, Roy had to listen, and Scar was watching evangelists.
"That's why," Envy said, pointing to the paragraph above.
"Ain't that a…" Ed muttered, looking up at the paragraph.
"But let's just get back to the subject," Envy said, nearing in on Ed.
432
Phoenix-Will Ed get raped? Will ANYONE hear his cries? Review to find out!
