Chapter 4:
Red cross - red cross . . .
I don't remember falling asleep, but when I squinted into the darkness, the clock read 5:40 a.m.. I glanced over to see Alice's empty bed, She must have went to Jasper's room I thought to myself. I forced myself to roll out of bed and flicked on the light in the bathroom. I relieved myself and went to the mirror, "AH!" I said to my reflection in the mirror, it was a whole different person. The person looking back at me was looking so rough and tired. I proceeded to wash my face and dressed in my favorite black leotard, a pair of comfy track pants, and my favorite hoodie. I didn't feel like messing with my hair right then so I pulled it up into a messy bun, grabbed my bag and keys. I contemplated leaving a not, but then I decided it felt childish and ended up just leaving, turning the lights and stuff off on my way out.
The crisp, cool morning air felt good, so I walked a little slower than usual. The sky was beginning to lighten up some, no sign of the sun ever appearing today. The dance studio was empty, quiet except for my soft foot steps across the worn, faded wooden floors. I easily found the CD player and popped in my mixed CD. Claire De Lune began to fill the room and I sat on the floor and began to lace my shoes up. The music calmed and relaxed my mind and muscles. I stood and began to warm up. Arms over head, hands to toes, point touch left, point touch right, stretch left - stretch right. I repeated the warm up as the music began to fade. Kiss the Rain began to play, an upbeat song. As I glided across the floor I thought of Alice and how wonderful she was. She was the best friend I could have here. I plied across the floor, spinning and twirling. I tucked my body in and out of the melody in the music, I felt like I was flying, the song came to an end and I stopped in formal stance, my head bowed to the floor. That's when I heard him, he applauded me, "Brava, Brava." he said and let out a whistle. I blushed and walked over to the CD player -changing my shoes as quick as they allowed- and walked back over to him. "Hi" I said like an idiot. He grabbed my hands and started twirling me into and effortless waltz. "Hello, How are you this morning?" he asked, his lovely voice practically hypnotizing me, "Fine, and you?" I replied and I gently rested my hands on his shoulders smiling up at him. I hadn't forgotten last night…
Suddenly he grew rigid under my touch and I let my smile fade away. He dropped his hands and I followed, I hadn't realized that we had stopped moving. "I cant ever let myself get carried away with you, Bella" he said with a sigh, gazing into my eyes. I watched his eyes go from a melted honey to almost black. Was that possible? I wondered to myself. The confusion crossed my face, "Why?" I asked, disappoint saturating my tone. He grinned a tight smile -trying to lighten the mood obviously- an my heart nearly fell through my chest. "It's just better if I'm not around you, it's -he sighed, caressing my face tenderly- it's just safer. I'm sorry-" I gently put my finger to his lips, "Don't apologize Edward, I'm not sorry. But… I -I felt the tears starting to build up behind my eyes, burning like acid- I… understand, sorry I cant be enough" I murmured, loosening his grip around my waist. I walked away. I felt his eyes burning into my back, but I didn't turn around, I gathered my stuff quickly and when I walked out the door, he was still standing there.
I went and sat at the water's edge gazing out over the water. How could I let myself get carried away? Like he would ever want or fall for a girl like me. I blinked the tears away from my eyes and grimaced at the sky when the rain started to fall. I got up reluctantly and walked back to my room.
The hot shower felt great and my shampoo sent me into a trance. The ringing of the phone broke the silence but then was interrupted. I heard a muted conversation -when had Alice come back?- and I got out the shower and dressed quickly. I stepped out the bathroom and Alice was standing at the dresser -leaning casually- holding a piece of paper with writing on it. Her eyes were wary, and the bruises under her eyes looked like she wasn't getting enough sleep. I walked over and smiled, she returned it and handed me the paper. "Here you go Bella, I'm guessing these are instructions?" she asked not bothering to cover up the burning curiosity in her voice and face. I grimaced -I had missed Angel's call, just when I needed to talk to her the most- "Blood-work clinic, Red Cross I assume." Knowing quickly masked over everything on her face. "Are you hungry Bella,?" she asked finally, I nodded and we went down to breakfast.
I was dreading having to sit at the same table with Edward. It would be awkward no doubt. But as I went to sit at the table with the rest of them, Edward wasn't there. Weird. I thought to myself. But, while I sat there and attempted to eat -disappointment vaporizing my entire appetite- I realized that the Cullen's plates remained untouched. Throughout the whole meal, not one of them looked down at their plates to eat any food. They didn't even bother to pick at it. I pushed those thoughts away quickly because my mind wouldn't let me keep Edward out. My mind was reveling over the rejection I had gotten from Edward this morning, but my reverie was broken when Alice began speaking to me. "Hmm…?" I replied, not fully hearing her question. "I said -A little irritated- What's wrong?" her tone automatically becoming cautious. Her voice distracted me. So beautiful, like a chorus of church bells ringing on Easter morning. I felt a fresh wave of tears coming along and fought them back, "Nothing - I answered, placing my fork down- it's nothing. Its really nothing, never was." I winced as the truth in the words hit me. It hurt worse than I would have expected. I got up slowly from the table and dumped my tray. I was on my way out when I ran into Edward. He looked down at me, hurt crossing his face as I gazed at my feet and walked away.
I tried to hurry away, but my chest ached and I was having trouble breathing. Oh crap. No, not here… Not now. I calmed myself and pushed the button for the elevator. "Of all days, it wants to take its dear sweet time" I mumbled under my breath. Then there was an icy hand on my arm. "Bella -he looked down at his shoe, then back at me- I'm sorry." I just stared at him. "Seriously? Do you get a kick out of doing this to girls? If so, I don't find it very funny…" I mumbled the last part and turned to get into the elevator, he was right behind me. I saw Alice through my peripheral vision, she was walking in this direction.
I looked up at Edward and he smiled. My heart stopped, sputtered, and restarted in overtime. He turned to face me and I looked straight ahead, afraid to meet his eyes. He took his finger and coaxed my face up to look at him. I closed my eyes, he sighed. "What?" I asked, my voice confused and sad. "I… don't know what to tell you. I want to tell you, but I cant… does that make any sense?" I shook my head. He laughed a quiet chuckle and bent his head down and brushed his lips against mine gently. I felt a tear run down my cheek. "Why are you crying, Bella?" I opened my eyes and his were liquid gold again. "…because, I like you a whole lot more than I should… and way more than you like me." he shook his head and pushed me against the back wall of the elevator gently.
"Bella, I don't think you truly see yourself. I cant believe that you don't have a boyfriend… and that you are interested in me" he said. "Who doesn't like you?" I muttered and let out a shaky laugh. He laughed with me and caressed my cheek again. I smiled up at him, "I don't care what's wrong with you Edward, I want to be with you… No matter what." I said, not caring what he would say in return, but he had to know. Excitement played around in his eyes and then sadness took over his face. He leaned his head down some, like he was torn about what to do next. I stretched up on my tippy toes and touched my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I put mine up around his neck, eyeing his face carefully to make sure he wasn't going to reject me again. He didn't, instead, he kissed my lightly… and then again with more fierceness. Kissing Edward was like dying and going to heaven. It was amazing, and I loved every minute of it. I'm not quite sure how long we made out on the elevator, but people began getting on. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. He tightened his grip, but I didn't care, I was content with just being with him. I ran my tongue gently around the edge of his bottom lip and he exhaled in a huge gust, my lips trembled as his cool breath played in my hair. His breathing came more and more uneven on my neck and I shivered. He chuckled and pulled away. I smiled -embarrassed and blushing- "Well…that… that was… great" I said smiling wider. He smiled back and brushed my cheek, I felt it grow hotter under his touch.
"I don't want to push this with you, but I've already told you how felt… and… well -I blushed again, I couldn't tell when they ended and started up again- well, I was wondering how you felt about me?" I asked, although it wasn't really supposed to be. He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his answer thoroughly. "Bella, would it be too soon if I told you that I was in love with you?" I shook my head and smiled bashfully and he took my hand in his. "So, are you going to be around? Or Are you going to avoid me on and off again?" he laughed a throaty laugh. "Bella, would you do me the honors of being my girlfriend?" I smiled and nodded. "I think I can do that - I laughed and squeezing his hand said- if you will have me?" He kissed me lightly as the elevator door opened, "Always, love."
I blushed all the way to my room. There, he kissed me again… and I kissed him back. He smiled my favorite smile, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tonight, Bella?" I bit my lip for a second debating the option. "Sure, I'd like that." I smiled again and walked in the room. He pushed the door and pulled me by hand into him again and kissed me again. I forgot to breathe and I was feeling lightheaded and I pulled away. "I'll see you later." and I closed the door behind me. I squealed silently and Alice laughed at me. My heart stopped and I dropped to the floor clutching my chest. "Yeesh, Alice, you're going to be the death of me one of these days" she laughed her soprano bell laugh. "Well, I think I should get this over with…" I grimaced. "Alice, … -I bit my lip again- Will…, will you go with me today?" she walked over to me and grabbed my hand. I'll be with you whenever you need me.". Her hand was ice cold again, like she had left it in the freezer for the early portion of the morning.
I smiled as Alice and I walked out to her car. "Bella?" I bit my lip nervously, "Hmm…?" she smiled briefly, "Would you tell me if you're going to get sick?" she laughed halfheartedly. I laughed with her and nodded. We had only been driving for a few minutes before I began to feel my stomach role with nausea. Alice kept throwing me nervous glances, "Bella - she paused- you are looking kind of green, Are you sure that you're okay?" I laughed, "I promised I wouldn't get sick in your car didn't I?" she nodded and smiled sheepishly again. "You did" she amended. I laughed and smiled. Then I started to tune her out because no matter how much I liked her, in a time like this, I really didn't want to learn to speak Car and Driver.
The all-too familiar red and white colors of the Red Cross building came into site sending my stomach into summersaults and swirling nausea all over again. She parked the car and we both got out, I walked around to meet her on the sidewalk. "Thanks again for doing this with me -I smiled- I'll owe you for a lifetime" she grabbed my hand, "No problem, Bella. That's what friends are for, right?" we laughed and ventured into the building.
"can I help you?" a plump woman at the front desk asked as I walked up to her. "Uh, Actually, yes. I need some blood work done. You see, I forgot to take my AZT a couple days ago and I need to check up on my cells and everything. Just a precaution is all." I forced myself to stop talking because I was making myself even more paranoid. She smiled up at me and rummaged through her desk for papers. "I just need you to fill out these papers fro me -she handed me a clipboard- are you new to the area? -I nodded- okay dear, well, I just need you to fill these out as well and as soon as you are finished, a doctor will be out to see you." I took the papers and walked back to Alice.
"Bella - Alice said, her voice unsteady- I… need to step outside." confusion crossed my face. "I'm sorry, I thought I could do this but I cant, I cant be around blood… it's driving me crazy." she smiled as if she was embarrassed and walked swiftly out the door, leaving me staring stupidly after her.
The paperwork wasn't nearly as bad as I though it was going to be -thirty minutes tops- and so as I was promised, before I could make my way back to my seat "Isabella Swan?" I turned and was asked to follow a handsome doctor behind the big double doors. The doctor was plenty of nice, just like back in New York. It didn't take very long before the questionnaire began. "I have copies of my medical files, if it would make it easier for you" I said while searching in my bag. I handed them to you. He smiled, "Thanks." "So how long have you been detoxed Miss Swan? And - he paused scanning through the papers again- Have you had any sexual partners since the last time you were checked up on?" I thought for a moment and then answered with a grim tone to my voice. "It's been about a year and a half. No, I haven't been with anyone since." I winced as I said the words. That statement made memories of home creep into my mind, things I was trying so hard to forget. While he wrote some notes on my chart, I twiddled my thumbs. He put his pen back in his pocket and smiled. "Well, I just want to check a few things -he snapped on his sterile rubber gloves- and then I'll have a nurse sent in to draw up the blood and we will have you on your way." he smiled a friendly open smile. An eye-crinkling smile, he reminded me so much of Charlie… I gulped and pushed that thought back away.
I watched the clock as I waited for the nurse to show up. Tick-Tock -ten-fifteen-twenty minutes- Tick-Tock. Then finally a gentle voice came from behind the bland door to the room, "Can I come in?" I smiled, "Yes, sure." The knob turned and in walked a bulky guy dressed in scrubs. I tried to hold in a laugh. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Eric and I'll be your nurse today." he smiled a warm, open smile and I couldn't help but smile back. He chatted easily with me and took my blood pressure and checked me out some more. He took my blood and kept chattering. He made this seem like it was no big deal and I appreciated it. I felt woozy over and over again as he removed first one vile and then another one of my blood. "Last one" he said in a bright voice and smiled again. I was beginning to like this guy. He finished quickly and I was asked to go out into the waiting area and wait for about 10 minutes to make sure that I was okay. I would have been able to stay less than usual if I wouldn't have stumbled off of the examinee table and everything.
Walking back into the waiting room. I began to wonder why Alice felt crazy around blood. It didn't make sense. And then the way her cold skin felt flashed in my memory and the full plates at every meal. I was lost in thought and hadn't realized that the yellow Porsche was no longer in the parking lot until the nice receptionist woman called me over. "Miss Swan, I have a message for you from the young lady that was here with you earlier today. It says that a Mr. Cullen will be picking you up. The lady told me to tell you that she was terribly sorry, but she had an emergency errand to run." she said with a smile. I nodded and headed outside. Sure enough, there in the corner of the parking lot was a shiny silver Volvo, its driver insanely beautiful… his face was torn with what looked like pain and anger.
Afraid of what might be in store for me, I walked slowly over to the car. Relief washed over his face and a smile slowly crept across my face. I got in and sat down, staring at my feet. I felt his eyes on my face, but I didn't dare look up to see what was hidden deep inside. "How are you?" he asked in his seductive voice. It shattered my concentration, "Fine, and you?" I replied in a faint voice. He smiled and shook his head, "Better now, I missed you, ya know." I bit my lip hiding my smile and just nodded. I risked every bit of control and looked up at his face, it was so gorgeous, it stunned me and I looked away… down to the speedometer. "HOLY COW! Slow down Edward!" I shouted at him, he was going close to 90 miles per hour. "Bella, Calm down. I always drive like this, don't worry. You're safe."
He grabbed my hand and held it in his, rubbing soothing circles into the back of my hand with his thumb. "Please? Slow down… I don't want to become a Volvo pretzel today." I laughed a shaky laugh and watched the speedometer as it slowly dialed down to 55 mph.
I smiled up at him, "Thanks you Edward." he pulled our hands up and kissed the back of my hand gently and continued to rub it. I rested my head back on the seat. I don't remember falling asleep. I was only vaguely aware of anything when I felt myself being laid down. I opened my eyes -shock crossing my face- Edward saw and leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Shhh my love, don't worry. You're home now." I remember smiling and that was about it. I stretched and woke up, the clock read 10:30 a.m. SHIT! I was late for school. I jumped up and threw on the first things my hands touched. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I made it to my 3rd block class 10 minutes late.
I quickly took my seat and began copying the notes from a classmate. The rest of the day flew by. I skipped lunch so I could catch up on some of my school work and everything. My final class of the day blew by in a breeze and I went back up to my room to shower and call Angel. The shower was same old same old and when I called Angel I was sent to voicemail. What was up with that? I went and sat on my bed and picked up a copy of Wuthering Heights and read for a while. It was about 8 'o clock when Alice showed up again. "Hey Bella, How are you today?" I put the book down, "Good, you?"
She smiled at me and came and sat down next to me. "Sorry I wasn't at school today, we… well we had to take care of something is all." she smiled tightly at me, I noticed that her eyes were darker than usual. What was with that?
