Chapter 4

Pairing: SS/RL

Author's notes: Thank you all for being so patient! Reviews make me happy, so thank you for those as well. For warnings, summary and disclaimer, see chapter 1.


Normalcy returned, or what could be called normalcy. Severus continued to ignore Remus, and Remus gave polite greetings at the start and end of every day.

Meetings continued as usual, though Remus was secretly glad that Severus had not been summoned again. Mostly, he kept to his lab in the basement. Somehow, Remus knew he was brewing more of that awful bruising potion. The thought sickened him. What sickened him even more was that Severus had no choice in the matter.

"Do you mind, Lupin, or are you going to hog the entire coffee pot?"

Remus started as a potion-stained hand reached past him to grab the hot coffee pot. He stepped back slightly.

"Oh, sorry, Severus."

Snape predictably sneered. "You do remember that Albus is coming this morning?"

Remus nodded, vaguely remembering. That was the most Severus had said to him in a fortnight, and he wanted to relish the moment.

Almost as if on cue though, Dumbledore entered the kitchen, smiling brightly.

"Good morning, Severus, Remus!"

Severus ignored him in favor of his coffee. "Good morning, Albus," Remus said. "Would you like some?" he asked indicating to his mug.

"Yes, thank you." After the three were settled at the table, Dumbledore put down his mug and looked at the two younger men with a thoughtful smile.

"How are you both? I realize I have not been here in a few days. Hogwarts matters and such."

"Albus, I have no time for this. Kindly say what you came to say so I may get back to my lab."

Severus was clearly in an agitated mood, thought Remus. He idly wondered how he could relieve the man's tension, before he found himself blushing. He also did not fail to notice the other man carefully watching him with a raised brow.

"Forgive the timing, Severus, but this concerns both of you." He turned to Remus.

"Remus, I have been informed that more werewolf packs are being beckoned by Voldemort. I think it's time you intervened. Greyback has been busy, I'm afraid to say. More reports are coming in of young men and even a few women, being bit. He is starting a new army for Voldemort, we fear."

Remus shook his head in disgust. "I will do what I can."

"Be cautious, Remus. Greyback will most certainly not remember you, but he has absolutely no qualm about hurting even one of his own kind."

"I will be careful, Albus. I'm glad to be of use." Again, he noticed Severus watching him, this time with an unreadable expression.

"Severus, the Order, as you know is becoming more and more agitated."

"Albus," Severus intervened, "I do not have anything more to give. I can't rip it out of His mind." He placed his elbows on the table, folding his hands slightly.

"I am aware of the fact, Severus. Nor would I encourage you to do so. Though powerful your mind may be, Voldemort will instantly know." No, that isn't precisely what I was thinking." He sighed before continuing. "I am speaking about Malfoy."

Severus looked incredulous. "Malfoy?"

"Yes, Severus. Lucius may be our key. Many meetings are held at the Manor. Surely, Lucius may know something, anything that perhaps wasn't divulged at meetings, or to you."

Severus briefly shut his eyes. "You do not believe me to be in His confidence."

Remus frowned. Severus seemed almost...disappointed by the thought.

"I imagine you are, Severus. He trusts you, of that I am certain. I only meant that Malfoy may have some information that you do not. Any little bit would help."

Severus nodded slowly in understanding. "I shall write to him then. Maybe I can get myself invited to dinner," he added sarcastically.

"Albus, is that wise?" asked Remus. "Why go there? What if Voldemort just happens to be there? Why walk right into potential danger?"

"Your concern in noted, Remus. However, it is really up to Severus. Only he would know if the timing is right." Two sets of eyes looked to the potions master.

He ignored them both, in favor of scrutinizing his stained fingernails. He appeared to think it over, when in reality, he knew he had no choice in the matter. Surely even Remus knew that this wasn't a request?

"There is no need for maudlin exaggerations, Lupin. It is only Malfoy." He turned to Dumbledore. "I will write to him immediately."

"Thank you, Severus." He looked at Remus. "I will await your report, whenever you make contact." Be careful, both of you. He left them soon after.

Severus glared at Remus, who refused to meet his eyes. It was actually Remus that made the first move. He suddenly stood and stalked out of the room, leaving Severus alone at the table.

Taking his time finishing his coffee, he carefully placed his mug into the sink and casually walked upstairs. He first went to his own room, and after penning a quick but indifferent sounding letter to Malfoy, he sent it out with Remus's owl.

He then went to his lab where he retrieved a potion-filled vial. Carefully handling it, he made his way back up to the second floor and in front of Remus's bedroom door. Swallowing down his uncertainty, he softly knocked.

He heard a muffled 'come in', and, rolling his eyes at Remus's lack of safety precautions, opened the door. He found Remus packing a small bag. He watched until Remus acknowledged him. Looking up with a frown, Remus took in Severus's obscure appearance, then noticed the vial he was holding.

Immediately his eyes went to a nearby wall calendar. He loudly sighed.

"I don't think that will be necessary this month, Severus. It would be pointless to use it in front of them."

Severus pursed his lips as he approached. "It won't keep. You know this. I do hope you aren't telling me my time brewing this was wasted?"

Remus looked deathly tired as he gave Severus an almost aggravated look.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know it would be so soon. I wasn't expecting to leave so quickly." He turned back to his pack. It looked pathetically shabby, thought Severus. He walked briskly around and in front of Remus.

"Take it anyway. They won't know."

"Why do you care anyway?"

Severus looked slightly affronted, then masked his features.

"I don't." He threw the corked vial onto the soft bed and turned to leave. At the doorway, he paused, looking back slightly.

"I have no wish to explain to Albus why you did not take your potion this month." He left the room, softly closing the door behind him.

Remus paused, sighing. He stared at the vial on the bed. Something nagged at his mind, something Severus said. For some reason, he didn't think Albus was the true reason Severus came to him tonight. For the briefest of seconds, Remus could have sworn he saw something akin to concern in Severus's eyes. Or it could have just been wishful thinking.

Either way, he grabbed the vial and carefully placed it in his pack, fully intending to use it tomorrow. He had been so preoccupied with so many things, he had nearly forgotten all about the full moon. Severus, had not. God forbid he be left under the same roof with a werewolf without Wolfsbane.

He hated that Severus still held that grudge against him. True, Hogwarts wasn't the most pleasant time, for either of them really. But he really had no control over the Shrieking Shack incident. They both knew it. He guessed some wounds just never heal.

Done packing, he went to find Severus. Truthfully, he was happy to have an occupation finally. He was morosely starting to realize what Sirius must have felt while cooped up in this depressing place. It was like a tomb. No matter what you did to occupy your time, it was still like being permanently stuck in claustrophobic hell.

He knocked on Severus's bedroom door. It swung open almost immediately.

"Yes?" Severus replied, staring at Remus as if he were a leech.

"I-I wanted to inform you that I'm leaving."

"Good for you," Severus replied with his usual sarcastic air.

"Try to stay out of trouble," Remus joked, weakly smiling at the dour looking man. Receiving a raised brow for his troubles, he nodded and turned, walking back down the hall.

"Lupin."

Heart skipping a beat, he swallowed, slowly turning around. Severus stood exactly where he was, one hand on the doorframe. His expression was unreadable.

"Don't do anything stupid."

Surprised, Lupin could only grin in acknowledgement before Severus rolled his eyes, closing his door. Shaking his head in amusement, he turned to the task at hand. Mentally preparing himself as best as he could, he left Grimmauld Place and went to find Greyback.

***

Severus paused at the stillness of the house. He sat silently reading until the words starting shifting into each other. He looked out the window at the bright moon, full and glowing, basking London with its gloomy haze.

A disconcerting sense of foreboding flitted through Severus's mind. The quiet of the large house only made it worse. Not a peep had been heard from Remus, not that he expected to be contacted, thought Severus.

He had gone to the kitchen throughout the day, but was unable to take even a single bite of food. He sat by the evening fire, periodically glancing out the window, musing to himself. Finally setting his practically untouched book on the settee, he rose, sighing.

Before he even felt it, he sensed it- the powerfully dark magic coursing through his veins. A flash later, he was hissing in familiar pain, his grip on his forearm tightening with each passing excruciating second. He ran through the house and up the stairs to fetch his robe and mask, then down to the cellar.

He grabbed a small box filled with Voldemort's requested potion, holding it tight to his chest. Just as a precaution, he pocketed a few other healing potions. One could never be too careful.

As soon as he apparated, he knew something was different. His grip on his wand tightened at the uneasy feeling. The location was unfamiliar but he felt the anti-apparition wards as soon as he walked through them. The gloomy fog surrounded him and he had to light his wand to see his way through.

A very large and dilapidated barn loomed ahead and Severus briskly walked towards it. He didn't wish to tarry and earn the wrath of Voldemort this night. Again, a sense of something he couldn't place gave him pause.

Two death eaters stood at the entrance. Severus could tell by their masks that they were unimportant and useless. He passed them standing guard, not bothering to even acknowledge them with a nod.

The barn was lit with candlelight and shadowy figures stood casually conversing with each other. Severus immediately spotted Malfoy and he walked over to him with a bored expression.

"Malfoy."

"Severus." His steely gaze briefly flickered to the box in Severus's hands. Severus almost smirked. Sometimes Malfoy was so transparent, he didn't understand how the Dark Lord could stand him. Maybe Malfoy knew things that Severus did not, but Severus's usefulness as a potions expert could not be so easily swept away. Malfoy was jealous and Severus could not be more pleased.

"I received your letter. Friday would be best. I shall inform Narcissa that we are to expect you for dinner."

Severus merely nodded. That's when he noticed the strangers. They blended in the shadows so well, Severus hardly noticed them at first.

He swallowed hard, eyes flickering over their glowing orbs. Werewolves. Surrounding them. Severus tried not to flinch and attempted to regain his composure, though it was with difficulty that he kept his voice neutral.

"What is going on?"

Malfoy shrugged, uncharacteristically. "A merry party."

Snape rolled his eyes. Joking and Malfoy went together like Longbottom and potions.

"My loyal sssservantsss!" hissed a dark voice. Immediately, every lingering figure in the barn dropped to their knees, eyes down.

"Rise, my friends. We have much to celebrate tonight."

Severus didn't like the sound of that in the least.

"As you can ssseee, we have guests tonight," Voldemort indicated with a bony finger.

The said 'guests' snarled and growled at the amassed crowd. Voldemort merely smiled, clearly pleased.

"Our friends here have joined our cause. Our army will be unstoppable. Fenrir," - he indicated to a gruesome, enormous wolf- "Is an undeniably unstoppable force. He has done well." He actually walked up to the beast, stroking his mangy fur lovingly. Severus thought he might be ill.

His eyes briskly passed over every werewolf in the barn, searching for- and praying, he wasn't going to find Lupin. He stiffly pursed his lips as he indeed located the familiar-looking wolf. He would never, as long as he lived, forget what the hideously grotesque alter ego of Lupin looked like.

Lupin appeared calm and not as fidgety as the rest. Severus lip quirked slightly as he realized that Lupin had indeed taken his potion. However, now they were in a predicament and Severus willed himself to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"Severus, come here." Damn and blast.

"My Lord," Severus said before bowing deeply. He stood and allowed himself to look straight into the eyes of the devil. Occluding was a second nature to Severus. He didn't even break a sweat, not even when his peripheral vision noticed Lupin wolfishly glaring at him. Damn his luck!

"Ah, is that what I think it is, Severuss?" Voldemort asked pleasantly, eying the small box in Severus's grasp.

"It is, my Lord. Twenty vials, as you requested." He graciously held out the ornate wooden box and watched as Voldemort eagerly grabbed it, his finger grazing over Severus's hand slightly. It was all he could do to not retch right then and there.

"You have done well, SSeverus. You will be greatly rewarded once this war is over."

Like a good slave, Severus dropped to his knees, promptly kissing Voldemort's hem. "Words cannot describe how thankful I am, master."

He heard Voldemort utter a sound which Severus knew to be a laugh. It sounded so inhumane, that he would rather listen to the sound of the werewolves growling. He felt rather than saw Voldemort move away to speak with Malfoy. He rose slowly, his eyes immediately going to Remus's.

The wolf eyed him warily, as if uncertain how to behave. For the first time in his life, Severus wanted to legilimise the wolf. He didn't even know if it was possible. He was about to experiment when a sharp scream tore threw the air.

Wand out, Severus turned to the sound. Two death eaters were attempting to drag a young girl, clearly a muggle, into the center of the barn. She was probably no more than fifteen or sixteen. Severus swallowed, looking around. This would not end well, he knew.

Voldemort came around in front of the sobbing girl. His smile was almost sadistic as he took in her ragged and weeping form.

"Avery. Goyle. Have her parents been dealt with?" he asked.

They both nodded. "They are dead, my Lord." The girl only sobbed louder.

"Come, come child. There is no need for these tears. Crying about it will do you no good."

Severus swallowed down the bile as he watched, horrified as Voldemort carefully lifted one of the vials out of the box that Severus gave him. Thanking Merlin for his mask, Severus winced slightly as three drops were forced into the young girl's mouth.

Almost immediately, the screaming started. No longer restrained, she was on the ground writhing in pain, her limbs swelling with each passing second. Severus briefly glanced at Lupin to find him baring his teeth at the sight.

Fool! Snape wanted to yell. Of course he calmly stood where he was, and pretended to enjoy the sight, as the other death eaters were doing. The poor girl's body was now black and blue, her face unrecognizable.

"Severuss, you withstood seven drops. How many would you say she can handle?"

Severus whipped his head at being addressed. He somehow tore his eyes away from the sight to answer his master's question.

"My Lord, it is difficult to say. The dose you gave me would surely kill her."

Voldemort laughed once more. "We would not want that. Yet." More laughter. This time from the various different death eaters. Severus forced a smile.

Voldemort leaned over the girl's body and dripped one more drop into her bruised lips. More screaming commenced as gashes appeared over her arms and face and her torso, pools of blood spreading through her clothing.

The wolves were salivating, licking their chops in anticipation. Lupin growled. Severus knew no one here would know the difference, but he was horribly aware that only he was fully conscious of what Lupin was really thinking at the moment.

The screams echoed throughout the tall barn, piercing Severus's eardrums.

"I think that is enough of that!" Voldemort declared, putting the vial away. "Who would like to be the first to play?"

A deep growl ruminated and Greyback approached, yellow eyes ablaze, teeth bared.

"No, Fenrir, tonight is for my death eaters. You will get your turn."

Someone approached and bowed. Voldemort nodded happily and a 'crucio' was uttered. Severus watched as the girl's body spasmed and squirmed under the spell. Death eater after death eater approached, hungry for power and blood, each curse weakening the girl until she could no longer even scream.

He felt Voldemort's eyes on him. He met them levelly even as Voldemort gestured with his head to the bleeding and broken girl.

Severus approached the girl, wand aimed. Without even a second's hesitation, he pointed it at her. "Crucio!" She writhed pathetically. Severus cancelled the spell as he noticed bleeding coming from the ears and nose. Slowly, he turned back to Voldemort.

"My Lord, she is done." He went to step back but Voldemort halted him with his hand.

"Then finish her."

Severus blinked, trying to think. He licked his lips. "Master, I appreciate the honor, but Malfoy has yet to take a turn. Perhaps-"

"No. It is my gift to you, Severus. For the potion." Voldemort eyed him levelly and Severus had no choice but to obey. He bowed once more and turned to the pale and broken girl on the dusty barn floor. With imperceptibly shaking hands, he raised his wand.

"Avada Kadavra!"

Green light shot out the tip of his wand and hit the girl in the chest. She never even made a sound. Severus immediately turned away from the dead girl, as if the sight already bored him, and stepped back into the circle of Death Eaters.

"We will be victorious..." Voldemort said with an air of finality. The meeting ended and Severus turned on his heels, briskly walking out the barn and past the apparition point. His breathing was coming out in gasps by the time he staggered back into Grimmauld Place.

With shaking hands he tried to open the first bottle of alcohol he could find, drinking it straight down. It was a miracle he was able to hold onto the contents of his stomach. Then he realized he never really ate anything that day, and that was why. He plopped down on his bed, eyes shut.

He replayed the scene in his mind. It was almost as if in slow motion. He saw himself approaching the girl and he felt Lupin's damning eyes on him the entire time. He felt the anger and disappointment. The disgust.

He rolled over and tried to quell the image. Lupin must have known what it was like. He could hardly be surprised. Still, nothing could appease him. He felt wretched and vile. He lazily stumbled off the bed and to the nearest floo. He immediately called Dumbledore.

"Severus. I feel as if I just spoke with you. Surely you do not miss me that much," he said with a wink.

"Albus, I just returned from a meeting." He was pleased to see all traces of cheerfulness disappear from the older man's face.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Albus." He sighed. "Can you come through?"

"Of course." Severus stood back allowing the Headmaster to walk through the floo. Immediately, concerned eyes were taking in Severus's haggard appearance.

"Severus, what happened?"

Severus looked away, swallowing. His hands shook slightly, a fact that Dumbledore did not miss. He gently placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Severus blinked but did not protest the touch. That alone troubled Dumbledore.

"I killed her." His voice was so low that Dumbledore barely heard him even inches away. He frowned, deeply concerned by Severus's pale, expressionless face.

"Who, Severus?" What did he make you do?"

Severus closed his eyes, exhausted suddenly. He stepped back and sat in the closest chair he could find. Dumbledore stood over him. Severus placed his face in his hands, his fingers grabbing at his lackluster locks.

"A girl. I'm not even sure of her name. She was...young. A muggle."

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed and he silently fumed at Voldemort. His nostrils flared as he stared down at the morose-looking potions master. He shook his head sadly.

"It wasn't your fault, Severus."

He heard a noise come from Severus. An almost half-laugh that bordered on hysteria. "Why don't you ask Lupin that next time you see him."

Dumbledore looked at Severus in confusion before comprehension suddenly dawned on him. He looked out the window at the startlingly full moon, then back at Severus.

"Remus is a smart man, Severus. He knows-"

"He knows nothing!" Severus was on his feet, eyes flashing. "He stood there like the beast that he is, and watched it happen. He knew we both had a part to play, except in this case, it was my fault no matter the situation. No matter what I do, he's going to remember me as the monster that I am." He walked past Dumbledore.

"Severus, wait. Remus would never think that." He heard the door slam loudly. Sighing, Dumbledore walked back to the fireplace, and back to Hogwarts.