REDs Tiny Big Problem

Mission 4: One Horrible Travel Agency

WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAP? Here's the fourth mission of REDs Tiny Big Problem. I Hope y'all enjoy. ENGINEER!

Engie: Y'all know what I don't understand? Why these people think that if all of you li'l authors don't put this up, they think y'all are claiming ownership. It's FANFICTION! Fer crying out loud-

ONWAAAAAAAARD!

"RUN COWARDS! RUUUUUN!" The RED Heavy roared as his Sasha 1000 fired across the bridge connecting his Convoy and the BLU team's. He grins, and then aims up before the BLU Scout can use Bonk! Lightspeed to get the jump on him. The buff Russian grins as the thin Bostonian drops to the ground, and he reincarnates again. Then, he hears the RED Medic yell, "HELP!" Heavy turns, and sees the BLU Spy, with the RED Soldier's Bright Blazer searing a hole through his chest, narrowly saving the RED Medic from imminent death. Then, the RED Demoman fires off a few sticky bombs, and then runs across the bridge, yelling, "NO MERCY, YA PANTY-WEARING BATH-TAKING LILLY HUGGERS*!" Then the Demoman activates the bombs, electrocuting the Engineer's sentry, therefore disabling it, and giving the perpetually drunken Scotsman time to fire his grenades down the tunnel, and tearing up the inhabitants of said tunnel. Demoman grins, and then his eyes go blank as the BLU Spy rips his knife out of his body. The BLU then runs off, in search of more prey.

While he does that, the RED Pyro grins behind his mask, which makes no effort to give away his thoughts. The RED aims his flamethrower as best he can, and unleashes high-end technological hell upon the BLUs arse. As he runs off, coated in flames, the Pyro quickly turns, and digs his Backscratcher into the unfortunate Sniper who dared to attack him. The Sniper gasps for air, even though the weapon penetrated his lungs. The Pyro then aims his shotgun at the Sniper's head. He fires, unleashing the gray matter across the entire deck. The BLU Demoman is blinded by this material, and runs off of the edge. Of course, he was already drunk, and was going to anyways. Then, the Pyro gives the incoming RED Scout thumbs up as he swing by, but then gasps as the boy is knocked off. The Pyro facepalms, and gasps AGAIN when he sees that the red-draped Boston boy is KEEPING UP with the two freight trains. He then jumps onto the BLU Convoy, and begins to climb up it, towards the engine room. The Pyro smiles, and then says through his communicator, "Huh hah, Huddah huh!" "Good job, little guy!" The Scout shouts back, "YEAH! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT HOW SMART I AM! TAKE DAT, YA STUPID TEXAN!"

The Engineer snarls upon hearing this, and then shouts, "BOY! YOU BETTER WATCH YER MOUTH! CUZ I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO DISABLE THAT DURN THING!" Then he just chuckles, and says, "Come around, to me. You too, Spy." The Spy in question was prepared to backstab the BLU Heavy, because he was giving the Sniper trouble. He then just groans, and says, "Give me a minute." He stabs the overweight Russian, and then uses his cloak, with his decoy making the BLU Medic misfire enough for the Sniper to get out from cover, and send the opposing Medic's head rolling in the dirt between the Convoys. The Sniper grins, and then he frowns. He heard someone ring the bell he set up, but no three taps, pause, and two taps. He swings around, and chucks Jarate, and then stabs the target. The BLU Pyro wasn't quick enough. He lifted the corpse, and then chucked it out of the Convoy's crow's nest.

The Spy extends his hand, and lifts up the teenage trash talker. Then he looks at the Engineer, and says, "Well, you brought us here. Vat do you want with us, toymaker?" The Engineer grins, and then says, "Frenchie, give Scout one of yer sappers. I've got a plan, and it involves that sodie pop." The Scout has a look of pure fear, realizing what the Engineer intends for him to do, "Nuh uh! NO WAY! You can make me run from a flamethrower wielding… FREAK! But YOU WILL NOT! I repeat, WILL NOT! MAKE ME PUT ONE OF THESE THINGS ON A MACHINE! THAT'S SPY'S JOB! LET ME JUST WHACK THE THING! Please, please please?" The Engineer smacks the (somehow) taller then, and then points towards the enemy Convoy, "You will drink that sodie pop shit, and you WILL run into that engine room. And you WILL put that sapper on. And you WILL do it without hesitation. One moment, please." He turns around, and shoots the enemy Spy with his shotgun, therefore taking away his ammunition, and he uses that to take his Teleporter to Level 3. Then he turns around, "Or you get NO MORE of that Bonk stuff. Are we clear?" The Scout looks around, and then drops his head in defeat, "Fine, fine." Then he turns around, and says, "HEY, DOC! Would ya mind overhealing here?" The RED Medic motions for his minigun totting ally to cover him. The Heavy complies, and watches in amusement as the Medic launches a small probe that hovers in air, and fires multiple healing lasers towards its master and his comrades. The Scout drinks the radioactive soda, and then shudders as the soda steals away all of his life, leaving only a sliver left. Then he prepares, holding onto the Spy's sapper as tight as his feeble hands can. Then, he runs, and fast. He goes straight off of the Convoy, and circles around, getting into position for running straight up to the engine room. He does so, but is cut off from his path by a similar, but somewhat shorter, BLU blur, "Oh, yeah? Two can play at that game!" The BLU Scout swings his bat at his doppelganger, intending upon leaving him in the dust. The RED Scout can't change weapons, because he'd need to drop the sapper. He gets an idea, and slows down, getting FAR behind BLU Scout. Then, he accelerates again, watching as everyone else is in slow motion. He runs up, and right into the window of the engine room. He then closes the window, and says into his microphone, "YO! I'M HERE! WHADDYA NEED ME TO DO?"

His RED allies wait for ten minutes, keeping a solid defense. Then the Engineer hears something on the radio, something that's very fast and annoying, "YO! I'MHEREWHADDYANEEDMEFOR?" The Engineer smacks his face, and then says, "ALRIGHT, listen closely. Imma have Spy tell ya what to do." The Frenchman then walks calmly over to his extremely educated friend, and then leans into the microphone attached to the radio, "Scout, you vill need to place zhe sapper onto zhe main control panel. Do you see zhe main control panel?" He receives a calmer, "yeah…" which is filled with a lot of breathing. The Spy's eyes narrow. The Lightspeed has quite the aftereffect. He then says, "You vill see an outline, which you vill place zhe sapper upon. Are ve clear, boy?" He receives a less breathy, "I got it, I got it." Then he hears the sound of electricity, and then says, "Now, you vill have to die with zhem. Don't worry, you vill respawn here. I theorize zhat zhe vill respawn back at 2fort, and vill need another form of transportation. See you in zhe respawn room, little virgin." Then he looked over to the enemy bridge, and they all tried to cross, only to be mowed down by the Heavy's and the sentry's heavy line of fire. Then they heard a loud groaning and creaking. They all looked to the engine room, where the RED Scout was trying to bash open the window. Then the BLU Convoy went off course, colliding with a large stone, and erupting in a huge flame, with the Soldier playing his Buff Banner to honor the enemy. He then salutes them, and walks off. The RED team reports to the respawn room, and all of them smile as the Scout reappears, grinning from ear to ear, "DID YOU SEE DAT? I SHUT OFF DAT DAMN CONVOY! ME! No other class is gonna do dat!" Then he began to flex his muscles, while the whole team began to party over another victory.

Later, into the night…

The Scout began to tuck Madison in for the night, when the Administrator called them, "RED TEAM! FALL IN!" He rushed to the communication screen, and he saluted, as well as the others, "RED TEAM, REPORTING FOR DUTY MA'M!" The Administrator was pleased, and it showed on her face, "I am impressed with your creativity, and for that, I have the utmost… pleasure of giving you the news that you all will receive a significant pay raise." She also was ticked; because that meant that she'd be putting more of HER precious money into THEIR wallets. The team danced around, and then they heard the sound that officially meant that they were screwed, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The Administrator had a look of utter shock that the team would have laughed at had it not been for the fact that they were in deep dodo. The Administrator asked, "What was THAT? Was it my imagination, or was that a baby crying? And I DON'T have one, REDs." The RED team bowed their heads in defeat, with the Soldier saying, "Medic, get Madison." The Medic only tipped his head in reply, and walked off, returning with a small child in tow. The Administrator then bore the following emotions in exact sequence: confusion, anger, deep thought, and wrathful happiness. She then said, "I think we can come to an agreement?"