Revolutionizing a Robot
Chapter Four: Oh, the Drama!
Thank you, as always, for the reviews. Usually it takes me forever to update multi-chapter fics, but this one has captured and held my attention hostage. The ransom is too high to pay, so I'll just keep writing until I finish it. Somehow. As a side note, I don't have a clear ending in mind yet. I mean, I sort of have one, but not really. You know. Or not. Anyway, rambling aside, here's your next chapter.
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"Well you seem awfully quiet." The Robot Devil chided playfully. Bender had drifted off into silence awhile back, and while he had been more interested in playing his gold violin, it was getting a bit boring. Unfortunately, the Robot Devil hadn't been given a very good attention span chip. "Something wrong?"
"No." Bender immediately responded, earning a look he couldn't quite make out. Probably skepticism, but such emotions were difficult to see on a robot. Difficult to understand as well. Hmm.
The Robot Devil put away the fiddle and continued walking a few steps ahead of Bender, leaving the two in silence for a little while. It was an overbearing, awkward silence rather than the peaceful one of hell. Then again, Robot Hell was always filled with the screams of the tortured, but hell, they deserved it. Pardon the pun. "Well anyway, Jersey Hell is right up ahead here. There's only one other thing…" He paused as he reached a sudden end of the tunnel, and Bender joined him on the ledge.
Below them lay a river of green ooze, surrounded by dark and decaying houses. The streets, also dark and decaying, were quiet save but a few creatures shuffling around across them. It would have looked like the mutant's underground back home, but instead, these things weren't even remotely humanoid. "What is it?" Bender finally asked, lowering his voice a decimal or two.
"Mutants." The Robot Devil answered, his voice surprisingly grave. "As you well know, Jersey became nothing but a toxic waste dump in 2409, and has been used as such ever since. These mutants used to be humans."
"Ew," Bender remarked, leaning over to get a better look. He telescoped one of his eyes to see a dark green scaled mutant, looking more like a lizard than a human. The general anatomy was similar—in that it had a head, a body, and some limbs, granted it had twelve rather than four… "Wait, where do we go from here?" His eye shot back into place and he looked around for the rest of the tunnel they'd been following. Nothing. Then again, he wasn't programmed to see in the dark, so maybe he was just missing it? They didn't have to go through the mutants' town, did they?
The Robot Devil didn't give Bender a straight answer. Instead, he just pointed down in the direction of the green slime. "There used to be more of this tunnel, but it's been blocked off by massive backups of sewage. Jersey was also used as New New York's garbage disposal in the early twenty-first century."
While Bender was curious how the Robot Devil knew all this, he didn't ask. There were other things to attend to, after all. Like sneaking through the mutants' town to get the hell out of here. But wait! The Robot Devil had to have gone through here at least once, to get to Vegas Hell, right? So hopefully he knew a way around and away from the mutants. While Bender didn't like organic creatures, he could understand them (or at least have a grasp at their existence). But mutants were so different and confusing, and they always wanted to kill him for splashing sludge down there on top of them. Please, like they didn't like it. "So, uh, how do we plan on gettin' past all these freaks?"
Unfortunately, Bender's voice carried far enough for one of the 'freaks' to hear. A loud howl was heard, sounding to Bender like some sort of wounded animal attempting to gnaw its own leg off, or something like that. Bender wasn't too good with animal sounds. He had broken that stupid toy Leela had bought him with the stupid animals sounds. The buggalo says "Moo," and all that stuff. The only one he did know was the spiceweasel. The spiceweasel says "Bam!" No wait, that was Elzar.
"Hello," The Robot Devil was waving a hand in front of Bender's face, causing the other robot to jump. "We're still in a bit of trouble, so daydream later."
"Right, right." They were boned, weren't they? The creature—this one a mix of fur and flesh in a way that Bender righteously considered 'disgusting'—was now charging up the near-vertical slope to get at them. "I've never been happier to be a robot." He commented.
"It's not going to help much." The Robot Devil remarked idly, leaning over a bit to watch the mutant charge up at them. "They aren't that dumb. See, I kind of brought a huge army through here one time, and they shut them all off. They're good at finding off switches."
"Oh." A long pause and the only sound that could be heard was the panting of the strange dog-creature. "We're boned."
Another wounded howl sounded and the mesh of flesh and fur leaped over the two robots, positioning them with their backs to the ledge. Bender felt some of it crumble away as he attempted to take a step back. He let out a rather feminine shriek and latched himself to the Robot Devil's arm. Oh if only they had fire! …Wait…
Almost as soon as Bender had considered that option, flames burst up all around them, causing the ground to shake and groan, but not quite give way. The Robot Devil lightly shook Bender off his arm. "The fire startles them, but these mutants must have lost their sense of fear. We'll have to run for it."
"Why don't you just burn him?" Bender asked, still lingering close to the Robot Devil, and shrieking again as more of the ground tumbled to the sea of ooze below.
"Because," The Robot Devil sighed in frustration, "I'm only programmed with a background in flame technology. I can't just shoot flames wherever I want! They can only come up around me, and typically in a half-circle, occasionally a line."
Now would be a good time to tell him to forget the programming, but Bender didn't get a chance to. The ground caved completely this time, causing him to lose his footing. He slipped down with a scream, but was surprised when he didn't feel himself hit the nasty-looking green goo. Instead, the Robot Devil's extended arms had caught him, keeping him just high enough above the mutants below to keep him safe. Bender glanced up and saw the dog-man approaching, only to get socked in the face by the Robot Devil's third arm. That was a convenient weapon. Bender wondered how much it would cost to get a third arm installed.
A loud growl notified Bender that he had company. The mutants below him were beginning to form an angry mob, and Bender didn't like the looks of this one. "Uh, hey, you wanna pull me up now?" He asked nervously, tugging on one of the red arms. "Otherwise, I'm boned."
The Robot Devil's response went unheard, but the message was too clear. Instead of pulling Bender back up to safety, he tossed Bender over the heads of the mob. With a loud crash, Bender landed several feet away. "Crap." He remarked, before turning and sprinting for his life. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" He picked it up as his personal mantra, surprised that he was keeping ahead of the mutants. That didn't mean he'd lost them though, for if he'd had a tail, they would have been right on it.
Then suddenly something appeared, a light. Bender had never been happier to see the light of day. He found the ladder and quickly scaled it, not at all surprised as the mutants stopped. They probably melted if they went in sunlight, or something ridiculous like that. "Hah hah, suckers!" He waved, and opened up the manhole, appearing somewhere in the midst of trash-filled Jersey.
It was only then that he thought to look for the Robot Devil. It wasn't right to just leave him there, though when had Bender ever had a sense of right and wrong? Morals hadn't been installed yet, and the reminders were wearing thin. Oh well, Bender still didn't want morals. But this was something that felt different than just a moral obligation. Not that he knew what one felt like, but the point remained. The Robot Devil had saved his life.
There were two things wrong with that sentence. One, Bender had never expected his life to be put on the line. He was a robot, after all, much tougher than any organic being. Two, the Robot Devil had saved his life. Why would he save anyone's life? It didn't make any sort of sense to him. He wanted to know why though. He had to know why.
Maybe he could have left. He probably could have found his way back to New New York. But instead, Bender sat at the top of the manhole, waiting for the Robot Devil to surface and complain about the sludge, or something. But hours passed and still nothing. Bender looked down in the manhole again, but all he could see was the green slime and the rungs of the ladder. A terrible thought struck him—what if he's dead?
"But it's not my fault," Bender immediately protested to himself. "He saved me, but he died, that's not my fault…" He wasn't buying it. Oh no, guilt sensors overload! When the hell did he even have guilt sensors? Nevertheless, he knew what he had to do. Part of him didn't want to, and the other part knew it was the only right thing to do. He blamed that damn chip, making him loyal and all.
With a splash, Bender landed in the green goo. It was probably more potent than the one in the sewers of New New York, but that didn't affect Bender any. How long had it been since he'd escaped the sewers? Three hours, twenty-two minutes, and four seconds, he counted. Okay, he still had a bit of time. Robots, if left off for a long enough period of time, shut down completely and were rendered inactive. That was why Bender was rarely turned off, and usually only by Leela, because she was a jerk. "Just gotta find him and get out, find him and get out…" Bender repeated, sneaking as quietly as he could back into the town.
For once things were tipped in his favor. The mutants had all disappeared, leaving the streets quiet and desolate. That was fine, Bender liked desolate. But where the hell was the Robot Devil? Again, pardon the pun. It would be stupid to call out for him, considering the fact that he'd probably been shut off by now. Bender gave him five hours tops. If he could survive longer than that while shut off, then he had to be Godbot.
A loud clank alerted Bender to someone nearby, but before he could raid his chest cavity for a weapon of some sort (didn't he have King Arther's sword hidden in there? That would explain the pain in his leg!) he caught sight of just what he was looking for. The Robot Devil was several feet away, eyes open but blank, a sure sign of deactivation. Unlike Bender, he didn't possess the patented Eyeguards that covered Bender's eyes in sleep, or in deactivation, he'd imagine. He'd never actually seen himself deactivated, so how would he know? Now wasn't the time to consider that though, he had to grab the Robot Devil and get out of here, faster than an ice cube out of hell. Unless it was the December-to-March season, where Robot Hell was frozen over.
There were mutants surrounding him from the back, one of them slamming a hammer pointlessly against the Robot Devil's right horn. That's what the clanking noise was, but it also meant more of a hassle for Bender. How was he supposed to get over there, grab the Robot Devil, and run? Ugh, so much work! So he just extended his arms, dragged the Robot Devil over, and sprinted for his life, again. "Damn, you're heavy!" He whined to the deactivated prince of darkness.
The ladder posed another problem. How was he supposed to get up while carrying the Robot Devil? Bender didn't have time to think though, that dog-man kept snapping at the Robot Devil's tail. Bender freed one of his arms and extended it, pulling himself up as a crocodile (alligator? What was the difference between them anyway?) mutant attempted to snap his ass off. "I never said you could bite my ass!"
Finally he settled back down outside the manhole, with the Robot Devil intact, apparently. Now then, where was that button? Bender searched around the Robot Devil's metal exterior before realizing that the only obvious place would be in his circuits. Bender's was, after all. It just so happened to be connected to the inside of him as well. "Alright, so just gotta figure out how this comes off…" He mumbled to himself, searching for the opening to the Robot Devil's chest cavity. After several failed attempts, Bender was almost ready to give up. But… he couldn't. The Robot Devil had saved him, he had to return the favor, at least so the guilt wouldn't weight him down as much.
There was another reason, of course. One he'd been ignoring this whole time. He was scared. He didn't want the Robot Devil to deactivate permanently. He… cared about him. And that was saying the absolute least. Bender groaned as his own analysis of the situation and finally found the side clip that released the chest cavity's opening. Inside was the golden fiddle, as expected, about a thousand brochures for Robot Hell, and several matches. He probably was a pyromaniacbot. A lot of the older robots had been, until they'd been shut off. How old was the Robot Devil anyway?
Click.
A loud noise alerted Bender that he'd found the on and off switch, for a whirring noise started up and the Robot Devil's eyes flittered into appearance. "What…?" He asked, and Bender detected quite a bit of pain in just that single word.
"Well, I managed to get out of the sewers, but you didn't, so I had to go back for you, and damn I thought we were boned." He admitted, sitting back as the Robot Devil managed to sit up. His recuperation was slower than Bender would have imagined.
"Ah…" The Robot Devil nodded, which earned a look of pain. "I don't believe… all my circuits have… reconnected yet." He moved a little more, as if to stand, but couldn't quite make it up.
Bender helped him, noticing that the Robot Devil's legs still weren't responding properly. Odd, was he such an old model that it took this long just to get back up to running speed? "But we're good now, so…" He stopped. The next words were what he wanted to say, but in a way, couldn't. Let's go home. Home. What an odd word for a robot. Did a robot truly ever have a home in a society where he was expected to serve humans? Enough psycho-mumbo-jumbo. The point was, 'home' for him was different than from the Robot Devil. If he returned home, he wouldn't see the Robot Devil again. Maybe not ever. That was a lie, he knew he was going to Robot Hell anyway.
While the Robot Devil struggled to get his legs to cooperate, Bender wondered what it would be like if he didn't go back to Planet Express. He'd miss Fry, maybe even Leela, but that was about it. He didn't like the others after all. He tolerated them, sure but certainly didn't like them. Especially the Professor! Giving him that damn chip… and Zoidberg! He just hated Zoidberg in general, there was no real reason behind it. But what if he didn't go back?
But… he couldn't do that. Fry was his best friend, and he really cared about him. Besides, Fry didn't have the key to the apartment. "I guess… I guess I have to go back."
"That's the whole point of this expedition after all." The Robot Devil agreed amicably, his voice back to normal at least. "Unfortunately, I seem to have lost control over my legs. I can point you in the right direction, but I'm afraid I'd be of limited use otherwise." While he said it in the usual jovial tone, Bender knew it wasn't what it was supposed to sound like. If Bender had lost control over any part of his mechanical body, he'd be scrapped in an instant. Maybe the same wasn't quite true for the Robot Devil, but that feeling of uselessness, that was the same.
The light bulb clicked on just then. What if Bender brought the Robot Devil back with him? Maybe the Professor could do something right for once and fix the Robot Devil's legs? That would give him more time to decide what to do about this strange situation as well. To get rid of that chip, he'd have to burn it out. And with both Fry and the Robot Devil around, that should be easier to do. Yes, it was brilliant. Every one of Bender's ideas were brilliant though.
"Why don't you come with me? Farnsworth's an idiot, but he's pretty smart." Bender's statement earned a blank stare from the Robot Devil. "And no, it's not ironic."
"You beat me to it." The Robot Devil admitted with a laugh.
"Anyway," Bender continued, "you could get your legs fixed." He didn't mention anything else that was racing through his processors. Those were going to be kept secret thoughts.
A critical moment passed, and then the Robot Devil nodded. "Very well. It won't hurt, I would assume. I can't walk though." He warned Bender, who shrugged, nearly causing the Robot Devil to topple over. "Don't do that! I'm leaning on you for support!"
"Sorry," Bender would have shrugged again, just to irritated the Robot Devil, but luckily managed to keep that urge in check. "Let's go home." He finally felt comfortable saying it.
