A/N: Sorry for the long-ass wait! Honestly I wanted this out before Christmas but I decided to wait until the show started back up. I've lost the plot of the show a long time ago, so lets see if I can get it back on track? Time for my favorite bit of dialogue from the show. Of course, it won't be the exact dialogue (poetic license or fear of mods? Both!) but it'll be pretty close. Also, sorry for leaving you hanging on this chapter, but I'm evil... And I love cliffhangers. Guess I'm not really sorry, then. Drop a review. Flames accepted, I've got my big girl panties on.
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory and it's characters do not belong to me.
Word Count: 893
Rating: M
Summary: Amy's birthday is coming up and Sheldon has the perfect present for her. After five years, he finally decides to show Amy just how much she means to him.
Sheldon paced the floor of his apartment, lost in deep thought. Amy's birthday is today and he wanted to do something special for her. But what? He'd narrowed it down to three unique choices: A chance for Amy to play with the L.A. Philharmonic, a trip to the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool festival or... Or.. Sheldon cleared his throat, finishing his own mental thought aloud "Or have coitus with her," he gulped, his entire body beginning to tremble. "I need help with this!"
*knock, knock, knock* "Penny" *knock, knock, knock* "Penny" *knock, knock, knock* "Penny"
"It's open." Penny called out. He opened the door and headed towards the kitchen where Bernadette and Penny were drinking wine and giggling at each other.
"What's up, Sheldon?" Bernadette smiled up at him.
"I'm having a dilemma. I am unsure what to get Amy for her birthday," he heaved a sigh. "I've narrowed it down to three options."
"Well, okay, what are the options?" Penny reached for a bottle of wine, topping of her drink.
"The first is a chance for her to play the harp with the L.A. Philharmonic."
"Wow, you can really arrange that?" Penny looked at him in shock.
"I said a chance," he explained. "When you tell them it's your birthday at Bennigin's they make a fuss, I don't see why Philharmonic would be any different."
"Okay," Bernadette said with a nod, sipping her wine before continuing. "How about something a little more realistic?"
"Well, Amy enjoys knitting her own sweaters, so I was thinking of getting her an all expense-paid trip to the Wisconsin Sheep and Wool festival." Silence washed over the room as both girls just stared at him in wonder.
"Uh, sorry, I was waiting for the bazinga." Penny's brow rutted in confusion. Wisconsin?
"Come on," Bernadette ribbed at Penny. "It could be romantic! The two of them away together, keeping each other warm in snowy Wisconsin."
"She'd be going alone," Sheldon butted in. "If you think I'm scared of birds, you should see me around sheep."
"Okay," Penny shook her head at his arrogance. "What's the last option?"
"That I have coitus with her." he spoke as calmly as possible, still on the outside and panicking on the inside. Both of their mouths dropped, Penny's glass sliding from her grip and breaking on the floor.
"W-w-wait, wait, wait," Penny held up her hands, shaking them emphatically along with her head. "Okay, okay, okay. Let's just review our options. We have the harp thing," she racked them off on her fingers, trying to keep herself from squealing in excitement. "The sheep thing-"
"Wild thang," Bernadette interrupted her, looking over at Sheldon with a huge grin.
"Which do you think she'd prefer?" This is getting tedious. "Because I checked the Sheep and Wool website and there's only eight thousand tickets left."
"Sheldon, you've never been physical like that with anyone. This is a big step," Bernadette tried to sound serious, but her excited grin and the lilt of her voice failed her. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"Well, I've been thinking about it.. And I love her.. And I want to show her how much she means to me." his voice was noticeably shaky as he stumbled over his words, the familiar ache of nervousness prodding his stomach.
Penny and Bernadette, however, couldn't smile any wider. "I think that Amy would love that." Penny nodded, looking over at Bernadette and mouthing 'Oh my God'
"Then it's settled," Sheldon regained his composure. "Amy's present will be my genitals."
Later That Evening...
*knock, knock, knock* "Birthday Girl" *knock, knock, knock* "Birthday Girl" *knock, knock, knock* "Birthday Girl"
Amy waited not-so-patiently for Sheldon to finish his knocking ritual before opening the door excitedly. "Hi, Sheldon." she flashed him a thousand watt smile.
"Hello, Amy," he smiled back at her, offering her a bouquet of flowers. "Sorry I'm late, I also got you a balloon, but it floated away and I chased it for a while."
"That's okay. Let me put these in water." she scurried off into the kitchen. Sheldon went to sit down, the sound of glasses clinking and water running invading his senses. She returned not long after and took a sit beside him. "So, what have you got planned for tonight?" her smile fell along the lines of something less innocent as she scooted even closer to him.
"Umm," he could feel himself beginning to perspire. "I was thinking we could go out for dinner. If we pick a place east of here we might catch up to the balloon."
"How about," her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "Presents first?"
"Umm," Definitely perspiring. "There's something I need to tell you about this present before I give it to-"
"Sheldon," Amy stopped him before he could begin to ramble. "I know your present is for us to be intimate together."
"A-and that's okay with you?" he barely got the words out before she captured his lips with hers, arms snaking around his neck. She pulled back, her chest heaving and her pupils dilated.
"Yes." it came out a breathy moan.
Sheldon gulped. "Ohh boy."
