In all the times Gray had dared to imagine kissing Juvia, it never, ever went like that. She wasn't furious with him in his fantasies, and maybe he was being selfish and childish, but he imagined more… not worship, because that made him sound like a colossal dick, but…. Well, more happiness, for one, less pain, more choice and less ultimatum, more of a chance to kiss her back and less of a 'hey, so this is happening and I'm going to pull away before you can figure out what the hell to do with yourself.' He swore that before this point in his life that he wasn't a dork, that when a girl kissed him he knew exactly what to do, but not Juvia.

He never knew what the fuck to do with her.

That sure didn't change as he stood there and tried to figure out if he was going to go to her or not, what it meant if he did—what that meant for them both in the future. How much would change if he agreed to go with her? Would she just be a girl that he kissed sometimes? Would she be a girl he came home to and told he loved? Would she be a girl that, providing they both lived that long, he could settle down and have a family with? Being a mage of Fairy Tail was tough these days—defeating Tartarus was proof enough of that. Everyone had lost so much, everyone had given it their all and yet no one had walked away unscathed.

Even if they could dodge the various random perils that seemed to lie in wait, there was his promise to eradicate E.N.D. He didn't imagine Zeref's strongest demon would just let him walk up and destroy it, and he certainly didn't think Juvia would just let him try to do it, either. No, she'd try to be by his side every single step of the way and that was a dangerous place to be. It was his experience that the people in his life that tended to stick around and get close to him never got the chance to live very long.

Logically he knew she was better off away from him. She would be safer, at least. She'd get the chance to walk away and live happily. He told himself that was okay. He was prepared to give up everything to stamp out Zeref's influence on this world. The man that had taken everything… would have everything stripped of him as well if Gray had anything to say about it.

His devil slayer mark pulsed as if in cheerful agreement. That expanding coldness was enough to allow for some sanity to creep in. He couldn't be with Juvia. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. But hell, he enjoyed her kiss even if it was the most ephemeral, hurt-filled thing he had ever tasted.

That's what made it beautiful.


The next morning dawned in a cloudy haze. Juvia's eyes felt like they were filled with sharp, prickly sand when she finally pried them open. She lay in bed for as long as she dared and tried not to think about Gray, about his absence last night, about what it meant. There might still be time for him to say he wanted her. It was that thought alone that gave her the energy to roll out of bed and stumble into the washroom.

She glanced in the mirror and wished that she hadn't. Dark bags lay under her eyes and her cheeks were too pale. She tried not to feel too despondent as she turned away from her distraught self and climbed into the shower. She stood under the spray for a solid ten minutes trying to wake up enough to wash her hair, only really getting motivational when the water started turning from hot to cold. For all her boisterousness, the cold bothered her a little when it wasn't Gray's ice making her that way.

Ten teeth-chattering minutes later, Juvia was dried, dressed and packed for the road. She pulled at the bottom of a light blue tank top, dragging its edge down over her dark jeans and worried if Gray would like it, then admonished herself for thinking about that at all. She avowed to wipe him from her mind for as long as she could that morning, though, admittedly, that wasn't going to be very long at all. Soon they'd be leaving together for a trip into the foothills and they'd have no one but each other for company.

This was going to be an awkward excursion. She worried at her lip, wondering if she'd gone too far last night, if she shouldn't have kissed him, if she should have waited until they were back at home and they didn't have to look at each other with words of rejection between them.

Why are you so sure he's going to turn you down?

She never thought she was horrible before, but her self-esteem was slowly being worn away. Before she could never imagine a world where Gray casted her aside, but now that's all she saw.

Sting thinks you're attractive, a traitorous internal voice chirped. You could have him, if you wanted. But she didn't love Sting. Not like she loved Gray.

Juvia blew out an aggravated breath and took to the hallway. She thought about getting Gray but then discovered that she was far too cowardly for that. Let him find her in the lobby.

She forwent the death-defying elevator and took the stairs instead, eager to put some distance between herself and her nighttime misadventures.

She didn't get too far.

When she opened the door downstairs, Sting stood against the interior wall, facing the stairwell exit as if waiting for her. He grinned and her heart skipped that same old beat it always did when he was near. It wasn't fair, the effect he had on her. She wished she could totally ignore it, and would have too, but it had been a long time since a man had paid her so much mind, had looked at her with so much heat…

She flushed and debated ignoring him, but he broke away from the wall and came to her as if expecting her to do such a devious thing. Sting Eucliffe was not a man that enjoyed being ignored and he let her know with a flash of annoyance in his blue eyes.

"I was going to come to your room."

Juvia's stomach twisted. She looked over her shoulder to see if Gray was anywhere around. He wasn't. "What made you stop?" She could have used him this morning with how miserable she was feeling.

"I saw lover boy last night toting a bottle of some bubbly and thought maybe you two managed to patch things up." He raised a brow in a silent question.

Juvia hated that she had to correct him. "Nothing quite so fantastic happened." Was it odd to be talking to a man she was sleeping with about convincing another to love her? Perhaps, but Sting was different, rough around the edges and unafraid to be unorthodox. Sometimes she felt like she desperately needed that.

"You look miserable." There was that ever present gleam of indifference in his eye, but under that was a small, smothered spark of concern that Juvia ignored. She needed Sting's pity least of all.

"I didn't know you cared so much," she said sarcastically.

He held up his thumb and index finger and squinted through a small space between the two. "Just a little."

"Yeah, about how long we can keep fucking around for." Why was she taking it out on him? Because she could. Because he was good for it.

He was unfazed by her bitchiness. In fact, it only seemed to instigate him. He snaked out a hand and wrapped it around her waist. "With a body like that, can you blame me?"

Juvia tried to push away; they weren't alone in that lobby, people looked on with curious expressions, questions on their lips. The dragon slayer didn't let her loose as she had been expecting. He kissed her right then and there, unmindful of the attention they garnered—or perhaps he was relishing, who knew with Sting? Either way, people were looking but pretending not to as he kissed her thoroughly, tongue exploring her mouth, nary a space between their bodies.

He drew back after too long together, pleased to see Juvia's pinked cheeks and glazed eyes. That's how he liked her best, muddled, confused, and on the verge of taking her clothes off if he asked. A low growl left his lips and he was just pulling her in for another mind-numbing kiss when the stairwell door opened and Gray Fullbuster walked into the lobby.

Their eyes met over Juvia's head of sapphire hair and there was an instant where Gray had been ready to dismiss him. And then his eyes landed on the water mage standing too close to his body.

"Stop that," Juvia was saying, unaware to their audience. She pushed ineffectively at Sting's chest, trying to get away, though admittedly not incredibly hard. She kind of liked when he took charge and kissed her so roughly, held her still and seemed to know exactly what she wanted and the way she wanted it without her ever having to say a word.

But something was different this time. When she gazed up into his eyes he wasn't looking at her. He had a sneer on his mouth that made him look savage and remote, not like the man that had been kissing her just seconds before.

"Sting?"

"Juvia?" Gray's voice sliced through her.

Her whole body went cold, her legs weakened, and she would have fallen over but Sting still had a hand wrapped around her middle.

Gods. Juvia tried to pull away again but the dragon slayer only held her tighter. She didn't know what kind of game he was playing, but she was not in. "Sting, let go."

"I don't think I want to," he replied coolly.

"Seriously, this isn't funny anymore," she said, panic rising. What was she supposed to say to Gray now? How could she possibly explain what kind of person she was? The kind that claimed she loved one man but kissed another? She moaned in trepidation and tried to wriggle free.

"No one's laughing," Sting replied. She searched his eyes and was met with a hard, no nonsense glint of steel there.

"What the hell are you doing?" Her voice was pinched out through a pinhole.

"Maybe I'm tired of fucking around, Juvia. Maybe you and me should get a little more serious."

Juvia started to hyperventilate. They weren't ever supposed to be anything more. They were supposed to keep their feelings and their desires separate. That was the deal.

Why was he pushing that away now?

The lobby had gone quiet.

Gray fumed, his whole body chilling. "She told you to let go."

"Gray," Juvia twisted in Sting's grasp and met his steely gaze. He was furiously mad. "Gray, it's—"

But she didn't get to finish. The whole lobby dropped in temperature as a thick, frozen hand appeared and wrapped solidly around Sting's middle. He finally let go of Juvia, a curse on his lips. His words were cut off when a thick finger folded over his mouth and suffocated the sound.

Juvia stumbled back a couple of steps and Gray grabbed her elbow to keep her upright. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"Gray, he wasn't trying to hurt—"

The ice exploded in a fine dust. Sting appeared, panting, the smile finally gone from his face. "That's it, I haven't even spent any time with you and I'm fucking sick of your shit. I don't know how you do it, Juvia, I would have drowned the little prick a long time ago."

Gray steamed. "Don't talk to her, pervert."

"Big words coming from a guy who's half naked," the dragon slayer pointed out.

Gray hadn't even noticed his shirt had disappeared. He ignored the jab and felt for the coolness in the air.

"Stop this, both of you," Juvia interjected. The only thing they did was ignore her.

Sting gathered energy for a blast of light that would likely do more damage than he had intended but couldn't seem to help it. He was feeling suddenly, insanely violent. The air vibrated. Gray called on his devil slayer's magic, ready to pull out the big guns if Sting was, too. Juvia gathered her own magical energy, prepared to get between them if necessary.

"That is enough!" A reedy man came teetering out of the kitchen, a thick butcher's knife in hand as if that would be some protection against the battling mages. "This is a respectable establishment! Get out, all of you! And don't come back!"

"But—" Gray started, not sure what he was about to say. But he started it? Really?

"But nothing. There are families here!" The knife was waved threateningly in their direction. Gray looked around and saw that he was right; a family of four looked on with duplicate expressions of rapt horror.

That was enough to have him grab Juvia's hand in his and stalk to the exit. "He's right. Come on."

"Gray—" Juvia started to protest but then let the words die. She shot an apologetic look to Sting and didn't miss the accusation in his eyes. He expected her to stay. Her heart sank. When had their non-complicated relationship become so suddenly complex?

Gray tightened his grip on Juvia. He felt Sting's power dissipate with every step he took and knew the dragon slayer was regaining control of his temper.

The ice mage snorted, not so easily placated but smart enough to know that if they really got into it in that damned hotel a lot of people would get hurt.

There would be other days and other places to settle the score.


Sting watched them go with a sense of numb detachment, a little frustrated, a lot angry. He didn't know if he cared about Juvia in the traditional sense; he had never loved anyone before and didn't suspect that was going to change any time soon, but he wasn't really happy to watch her walk away. Why? He told himself it was because he liked touching her, liked the way she moaned and needed him. That was clear enough.

Months ago he was just happy to put it on her, happy to sneak her in at night and look away during the daylight hours. It worked because the ice wizard didn't show any signs of interest and it wasn't like he had any commitments. Being master of the second busiest guild in Fiore was challenging, time-consuming work. He didn't have time for relationships ever. Enter Juvia; miserable, frantic and wild, just waiting to give it away, though the guy she wanted was too fucking dense to take her up on the offer. Sting was all too happy to step in and help out. No ties, no expectations. Just two people wanting to pass the time, wanting to burn out some energy.

Who needed relationships anyway? Feelings just mucked things up. At the time, he figured let Gray deal with her emotional highs and lows and he'd just reap the reward of her frustration.

Turns out he kind of liked her misery. No one ever accused him of being a nice guy. He just liked the way she was passionate and crazy in bed after Gray turned her down. That suited him just fine.

Or it had, until seconds ago.

He gridded his teeth, appalled with himself when he realized he had expected the water mage to pull back from Gray and come to his side. It was that moment that clued him in, that let him know that there was a seriously big issue.

Suddenly things got a little realer.

Sting pushed against the revelation. He never, ever wanted to be tied down and definitely never thought—whenever he bothered to imagine those days—it would be to Juvia Lockser.

Yeah. A big bloody issue.

He let the two mage's go and chewed on that little bit of enlightenment.


Outside in the late-summer air Gray asked again, "Are you sure he didn't hurt you?"

Juvia's hand was still tucked into his. She gave herself a second to enjoy the coolness of his skin, the roughness of his hands, the little electrical pulse that raced from his body into hers. She wanted to stay that way forever but knew that wouldn't be possible, that the time had come for a confession before things could be blown out of proportion. He deserved the truth.

"Gray..."

He glanced over at her, took in the hesitation and thread of fear in her eyes and almost turned back to finish things with Sting, thinking it was the slayer that made her feel that way.

"I—" She almost couldn't do it, then she remembered that cord of bravery she discovered last night and squared her shoulders. "I wanted him to be there. He wasn't... He didn't force himself on me."

The words hung between them for a breath. "What?" Gray asked finally.

"I... I mean... Sting and I..."

She didn't need to finish the sentence. He got her meaning. His neck flushed and his ears roared. What he actually meant to say was an indifferent, 'oh,' but what came out was, "What the fuck was last night then?"

Juvia flinched. "I thought it'd help you choose..."

"Choose? Sounds like you've already made a choice." Calm down. Calm down. Be cool. He couldn't make enough ice to bleed the hotness from his neck. The word betrayal sang through his mind, though logically he knew he didn't deserve to feel that emotion. What was Juvia to him?

Rain fell out of the sky in a sheet. It was cold for summer. "Yes, you, Gray—"

"And yet all this time you've been fucking Sting? How long?" He had no right to ask, didn't even rightly want to know, but there it was.

Juvia looked away. "Shortly after the Grand Magical Games."

He pressed his lips into a thin, tight line, a scowl pasted to his face. "All that time?" They had lived together for god's sake.

"Yes, but Juvia doesn't love Sting... She loves you," she hurried to say. "You've ignored me all this time and then you were gone for months, and yesterday you said yourself you wouldn't care if I was with another man..."

Gray was quiet for so long Juvia thought he'd be silent forever.

Then he squared his shoulders and took in a deep breath. "I did. I did say that." This is what he wanted. The reminder helped quiet his mind if only temporarily. There was that little pang of betrayal that rattled around in his chest.

You always turn her down.

That was when you thought she'd always be there.

Selfish.

"Gray-sama, please don't look at Juvia like that," she rushed to say, ignoring her 'no sama' rule, but that was an incorrect statement; he wouldn't even glance at her let alone meet her eyes.

He pulled away, sliding his fingers out of hers with some difficulty because she tried hard to keep hold. As soon as he was free he stuffed his hands in his pockets so she couldn't try to pull him back. "Good. That's good that you're... moving on." It didn't feel good. It felt like the breath was being stolen from his lungs.

"No, Gray-sama!" She was close to tears. "That's not what... I don't love him, I love you—that… it didn't mean anything."

Gray swallowed around the lump in his throat, anger bubbling hotly. It had certainly meant something to Sting. That only made the situation worse. "Just give it up, Juvia, you're almost there. We're never going to happen, so forget about it. I don't want you." He was such a liar, but a good one. She recoiled like he had slapped her and the first tear fell. He wasn't quite satisfied to leave it there. "Stop crying. It's not like you didn't know that. I wasn't going to suddenly change my mind; it was no before; nothing's different." He didn't want to hurt her any worse than he had to so he stopped there when he could go on for hours about what a traitor she was.

"But..."

He turned away, lost in a mess of emotions. Anger warred with regret and pain and jealousy and sadness, too.

Juvia wasn't ready to give up. "Never? You never thought of me like that?" Her voice was choked.

He couldn't bring himself to answer. Instead he pretended like he didn't hear and walked faster.

"I don't believe you," she said, though he hadn't replied. "I don't believe that all this time you felt nothing." She rushed to keep pace with him, feet clopping over the uneven ground. She stumbled but came upright. "Gray-sama, stop and talk to me! Please!"

He groaned and faced her, grabbing selfishly at her shoulders just for an excuse to touch her, needing to do so only because she was suddenly unattainable. "And say what? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to understand that this thing with Sting—"

"Doesn't matter to me one bit?" he finished and was pleased when his voice came out evenly.

Juvia's chin warbled. "I don't believe it."

"Well," he shrugged, "you always were great at denial."

Juvia would have crumpled, but there was that newfound vein of iron in her blood. "Kiss me and tell me you don't feel anything."

Gray started. "What? No."

"Because you know I'm right. You love me too." He had to, she had championed him to Sting at every turn. She didn't know what she'd do if she had been wrong. "Kiss me."

"No. Let's just go and do this job."

Juvia crossed her arms over her chest, tears slowing, a sense of purpose taking their place. "I won't, not until you do this."

"What's the point?" he hissed. She opened her mouth to respond but he cut her off. "There is none, Juvia, you're just prolonging this fucking wild fantasy. It'll be easier to let go when you just accept that it's not going to happen."

"Gray—"

"Is he cool with you fawning after me? 'Cause I'm not. It's not healthy."

She clenched her jaw stubbornly. "Sting knows who I am." A kind of wicked, sinful girl who lusted after two men. "Just do it, Gray. Kiss me." She needed to know for herself, as well. Would kissing Gray be as wonderful as she had imagined, or would it leave her hollowed out? Would she figure out if she was just a flake of a girl, unable to think only about one man, or did she have staying power? "Sting knows how I feel."

It was that comment more than anything that had Gray relenting. He didn't like that Sting knew something about Juvia that he didn't and it seemed lately the dragon slayer knew quite a bit. It was a terrible reason to kiss her, one that would only extend the heartache, but no one ever accused him of making excellent decisions.

He grabbed her roughly and pulled her close, not giving much warning. Juvia squeaked but the sound was cut off when Gray crushed his mouth to hers. For a second the rain fell harder, in thick, drowning sheets, and then it petered back to a light drizzle.

This time the kiss was a bit different, but no less wretched. And let's clarify, not the kiss itself was wretched, the kiss was excellent, but it was cold and wet and full of unsaid accusations, hurt and a certain amount of hopelessness, for Gray knew the inevitable end, what he would have to say when it was through. That would come after, though. For now he dragged her close, breathed in the smell of late summer rain, and kissed the woman he thought would always be there but was slipping away faster than he could blink.

Juvia finally managed to do something other than stand there. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly just as she had imagined doing. This was better. He didn't just sit numbly like he had the night before, he moved his tongue against hers, let his fingers thread through the ends of her hair, and kneaded the flesh at her hip. She sighed into his mouth. This is how it was supposed to be, just her and Gray, and she knew she hadn't been wrong, she did love him, though there was a guilty patter to her heart because she couldn't quite stop thinking about the way Sting had kissed her earlier. Or looked at her with such betrayal when she walked away.

That was something she'd have to deal with.

Gray pulled back, breath panting in his lungs as if he had run miles. His skin was afire, prickly and uncomfortable, but still he couldn't quite bare to let go of her. He dug sharp fingers into Juvia's shoulders wishing desperately things were different.

He wanted to drag her back in for more.

He wanted to turn away and leave her standing there.

"That didn't change a thing," he croaked. It changed everything, though it wasn't as if it mattered. The only thing it really served to do was solidify in his mind what exactly it was that he would be walking away from if he let Juvia go now.

It hurt worse than before.

"You didn't feel anything?" Juvia didn't want to believe him but he had a twisted, pained expression on his face.

Gray shook his head, not trusting himself to reply.

She sucked in a warbling breath then swiped roughly at the tears on her cheeks. They were coming again, fast and hot. "Really?"

Gray released her reluctantly and started walking again, ignoring her question, not wanting to repeat himself. The truth would simmer out if he did.

After a moment Juvia followed, feet heavy over the ground. She really thought he'd be less apathetic. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with her?

They travelled in silence for ten whole minutes before Juvia hiccoughed and asked, "Is it because of Sting?"

"No." Not only, anyway. Things were much more complex than that.

"Is it because you hate me?" She couldn't see another reason for his refusal.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. Yes. A little. "I don't hate you Juvia, there's just nothing between us. No chemistry." Who was he kidding? Juvia, obviously.

She wrapped her arms around her middle and stared at the ground. "I guess I thought…"

"You thought wrong." He felt like an ass but shrugged it off. Why was he consoling her? He wasn't the one throwing around proclamations of love and then sleeping with other people. He wasn't the one that went after that goddamn loud mouth cocky bastard.

There's nothing wrong with her seeing other people. You told her so last night.

Yeah, before you thought that was a possibility.

He told his brain to shut up but when it did his mouth moved instead. "Why Sting?" he asked without meaning to. "And how?" They never had much to do with each other, as far as he knew.

She looked at him with watery eyes. "I don't know. We were celebrating late one night in Crocus after the Grand Magical Games… You… you had just left, and I was feeling kinda down. Sting came over and offered to buy me a drink and, well…" she flushed, wondering how much he wanted to know.

It wasn't very much. Gray waved at the air, cutting her off. "Alright, alright." He couldn't get the image out of his head. It made him steam. "He's a loser," he added for good measure.

Juvia bit her nail and didn't reply. She liked Sting. He made her feel good—physically and emotionally, even if he was only offering escape. She couldn't bring herself to speak badly of him so she said nothing at all.

Her silence didn't escape Gray's notice. He grumbled incomprehensibly.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing," he snapped. "Let's just get moving. We've wasted enough time on this shit."

Juvia sighed. She didn't even want to do this job any more. "Okay." The sooner they were done the sooner she could go home and wallow.

The rain followed.


Inundated with chapters. That's what you get.