"Pass your homework to the front," Professor Snape drawled. "Carter, Li, Abbott...Ms. Baker, where is your homework?"
"Well," Allie said with a smile, "it's a long story. Are you sure you want to hear?"
"No," Snape grumbled. "But I'd probably better."
Allie nodded seriously. "Ok. So, I was going to the library to get my work done," she paused for dramatic effect.
"And?" Snape prompted.
"Oh, right!" Allie cleared her throat. "However, I took a quick detour outside to check for the unicorns, nargles, and Flibbertigibbets.
"What's a Flibbertigibbet?" Anthony Carlyle called out.
"Why, Anthony, I'm glad you asked!" Allie grinned. "Luna told me about them. They are pesky little creatures that cause your spells to go wonky."
"Do Flibbergibbets really matter?" a girl sighed.
"It's Flibbertigibbets," Allie corrected.
"Can we get back to the story please?" Snape snarled.
Allie nodded "SO, I went to visit the unicorns. And they were really pretty. One was gold, and some were white, and there was even a silver one. There were also off-white, and cream, and pearl colored - pearl colored is really pretty. But I wanted a pink unicorn-"
"Miss Baker!"
"Fine, fine," Allie huffed. She cleared her throat. "And so I went to the library, but the potions book wasn't there!"
"Don't you have your own copy?" Snape asked exasperatedly.
"I lent it to Mia," Allie explained. Snape turned to look at the brunette, who waved.
"You took mine, remember?"
Snape scowled at Mia, before turning back to Allie. "Continue."
"Kay, so but then it was dinner, so I didn't have time to find Mia. Because it's not healthy if you don't eat three meals a day," she said importantly. "But dinner that night was pesto chicken and tuna salad. I'm a vegetarian."
"Since when?" Snape asked.
"Since when?" Mia echoed.
Allie scowled. "Since I met Hagrid. He taught me that all creatures are amazing and should be respected. Well, except for bugs."
"But you ate brisket last night," Mia pointed out.
"Stalker," Allie muttered. Mia gave her a wide grin.
"You say that like I wasn't ta-" Allie cut her off,
"I stopped being a vegetarian after three days though. Pasta was getting boring."
"So are we finished?" Snape asked in a bored tone.
"No!" Allie exclaimed. "Because I didn't eat dinner, I was hungry, and went to the kitchens. The house elves gave me chocolate pudding and treacle tart and cupcakes! Do you like cupcakes?" she blinked innocently. Mia made a gagging sound.
"I hate cakes and tarts."
"Are you not human?" a boy questioned. Mia grinned wickedly.
"No, I'm a witch."
"No," Professor Snape scowled, ignoring the students.
"What about chocolate? Vanilla? Red Velvet? Shut up Mia!"
"Since when is 'Shut Up Mia' a cake flavor?" Snape said dryly.
"Since Allie decided it was?" A boy from the back of the class called out. Everyone but Snape laughed. Mia hummed.
"I'll bet it tastes like those blood pops Luna showed me, if it's a human flavored cake."
"MISS CARTER!" Snape looked horrified, but Mia just shrugged.
"I'm a strange, morbid, girl."
"Mia, why are we friends again?"
"Seven years and I'm still asking," said girl sighed.
While the girls were finishing their conversation, the Hufflepuff boy in the back had turned around to talk to his seatmate. A couple Ravenclaws has pulled out their books, and a Puff or two was sleeping.
"I would like to finish my story!" Allie announced loudly. When everyone had quieted down, Allie took a deep breath. "Now, where was I?"
"Cupcakes," a Ravenclaw called out.
"Right. Thanks. So, after visiting the house elves, it was time for my daily half an hour of reading. I was in the middle of Percy Jackson again. They just found the monster donut shop. So that got me thinking. Where can I get a sword? Cause we all know I'd be wicked at it."
Mia coughed, hiding a snicker. She'd tried to teach the other fencing before and it was a mess.
Allie ignored her. "And you want to know what I found- about the homework," she added hastily, seeing Professor Snape's glare trained on her. "In conclusion, by the time I got back from the library, talking to McGonagall, and begging Dumbledore to let me get a sword, it was bedtime."
"But you still had three days!" Snape said incredulously.
Allie tilted her head to the side. "You're not the only teacher who gives homework," she pointed out. "But I have an explanation involving birds, an old cat, ripping intestines, and two huge eggs. Do you-?"
"No!" Snape practically yelled. "I want to start my lesson!" he said, only to be interrupted by the bell. "You did that on purpose!" he accused his student, only to turn around and discover that they were already gone. Anticipating Snape's mood, they had scurried out the minute the lesson ended.
(OvO)
_ ( )_
# #
"Baker!" Professor Snape yelled, spotting his target in the Great Hall. After the girl had run out of class, he had chased her down all over the castle, until she had Transfiguration.
Snape stomped over and grabbed hold of her sleeve, dragging the protesting girl to Headmaster Dumbledore.
"Headmaster, this girl refused to shut up and talked of nonsense for the entirety of my lesson!" he complained. Mia snickered, drawing the trio's attention. "And since when is Carter here?!"
"Since you left the door open," Mia responded. Her face became unreadable. "Don't worry, it happens a lot."
"Headmaster, I want her expelled," Snape said, pointing to Allie, who had an innocent look on her face.
Dumbledore turned to Mia. "Miss Carter, what happened?"
"Well, Professor Snape said that Allie could explain why she didn't have her homework, and it's not her fault that it was a long reason," Mia shrugged.
"Severus, is this true?" Dumbledore turned to his colleague.
"Albus, she was spouting off nonsense about pink unicorns, monster donuts, and Flittigibbets, whatever those are!" Snape exclaimed.
"Flibbertigibbets," both Allie and Mia corrected.
"Severus, just because you don't know of something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Dumbledore said disapprovingly.
"Wait, your name is Severus?" Allie cut in. Mia's face lit up.
"OOH! Like severed fingers. Speaking of fingers, did you know the last man in England to be given the thumbscrew was taken to Edinburgh, because it was illegal! I've always wanted to perform a thumbscrew."
Dumbledore laughed jovially and Snape growled.
"Now Severus, I believe that we can simply take five points from Miss Baker for not having her homework, and you two can be on your way," Dumbledore said.
"What about detention?" Snape complained.
"But then I won't have time to do your essay!" Allie told him innocently.
With a swish of his robes, Snape stormed out of the room.
"Bye Professor Sevvy!" Allie called out behind him, waving. "Thanks Headmaster," she added, turning to leave.
"Five points to Hufflepuff for a great story," she heard behind her.
