What's happening? Why am I so sad? Why has my sudden world of happiness is gone in just a few days? …Now, I remember…

Anyway, people, get on with the reading of this chapter that I poured my sadness into… I don't mind if anybody didn't review in my story, besides who would even want to review in this story of mine anyway? It's not worth it… I don't care anymore…

I write stories because this is the only thing I have right now… to express myself…

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice… obviously…


Chapter 4: Proven With Guilt and Lies

Its dark, very dark, but I can feel warmth, good warmth around me. I wish it won't go away, please don't. You're the only thing that's good so far in this sorrowful life of mine. I don't ever want to live anymore, but, if I can hold on and embrace the warmth forever, I would have hoped to live my life.

…If only… this warmth was him

These are all lies anyway, I've been living in a lie, I'm not even sure anymore if this is all the truth, this event, the people I know, this whole life…

… I can't seem to trust anyone now…

…I'm tired… so tired…

… Whoever has warmth like this I'm feeling now…

… Bless this person's soul… Thank you…

I wonder though, if this person is alone and is feeling being kept up in the darkness, who does he turn to? "I must open my eyes, to seek the truth, if it is true, the image will stay for more than five seconds" I thought.

I tried very hard to open my eyes, but it seems like I have a big burden to even lift up one eyelid… the moment I first felt the warmth, I immediately opened my eyes by instinct. All I saw was a pair of glimmering lights, that seem to remind me of the bright moon in twilight. The moon… the lake… and… that person… I groaned in frustration and confusion by just even thinking about it.

Somehow I felt the unknown person's hold on me getting a bit tighter, I guess he must have thought that I'm about to wake up, he must be expecting me to open my eyes and finally look in the light, the light of the new day…

A new day, a new day to start over, a new day to have a chance of forgetting the past and into the future…

If that person longs for me to see the light, which I doubt though, I would have to hope with him, so I can finally realize what it feels like to finally be able to see for myself what does the light feels like.

And yet, if can look into the future, there will always be traces of the past… the scars, the tears, and the darkness still left within my heart…

"Once again, I must try to open these eyes of mine, please, no more darkness!" I shouted in my mind. I am determined to face it all, as long as I will know this person who has those eyes with light and hope in them, I also must know, if he is real, if he is not a lie!

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The lady opened her eyes with effort, and finally opened, Ruka flinched in surprise when Mikan responded to his hug. Then he distanced himself to look at her.

"Are you the person, who wants me to see the light?" Mikan asked him. Her vision was blurry, but she can still see a silhouette of a man kneeling before her. "I must see if he is real" Mikan thought.

One… He's not yet gone…

Two… is he real?

Three… My eyesight has been starting to get better

Four… is he an angel?

Five… Who is this person?

Ruka was startled by what she said. He was then out of his thoughts for a moment.

"He is real" Mikan murmured to herself. She placed her hands out to him with hesitation, but she still held her hands to him and held his face.

Ruka came back to his senses and has turned slightly pink due to her sudden gesture. "It's dark, so I can't see you, but I'm sure you're filled with warmth and light in you…" Mikan started, "I'm so glad you're real." Ruka was at loss for words on what to say, and thought for a moment, "If she recognizes me, she might get upset again. But I must let her know". Ruka held both of her hands that were placed in his cheeks and kissed them.

Mikan quietly gasped and blushed at his sudden gesture. "… Are you the person who wants me to see the light?" Mikan shyly asked him again.

The moon has peeked over the window of the cottage and has shown over to the couple. In the moon's light, Mikan can see the whole figure of the "stranger".

Mikan gasped in realization of who it was. Mikan was about to loosen and remove her hands from Ruka's grip but Ruka kept his hold on Mikan's hands. "I want to be the person who wants you to see the light" Ruka whispered to her suddenly, "If you could let me…". Mikan was silenced by his words and unwillingly blushed in the process. "I also hope to be the one to love you, the one beside you, and to be the one who you love…" Ruka whispered to her gently, close to her right ear.

"I-I, R-Ruka…" Mikan stuttered. "He's the one, the one who might let me see the light again and would be the one who would make me feel good inside, but…" Mikan thought, "My heart still belongs to someone else…"

"I-I'm sorry…" Mikan closed her eyes then Ruka finally let go of her hands. "Oh, I… I'm sorry, that must have…" Ruka pulled away from her and looked away. Ruka shut his eyes tightly closed and slowly stood up.

Mikan placed her hands to her chest and looked at the hay she was sitting on. "I'm still confused about this Ruka, I need time to cool off and clear up my head, a lot has been happening lately…" Mikan said to him. "O-of course, I'm sorry if I've added another problem to you---" Ruka was cut off by Mikan.

Mikan whispered a "no" to him and shook her head then looked back Ruka's retreating figure. "You helped me out a little today, despite the… things…" Mikan looked away and turned slightly pink. "My heart, this feeling of warmth, it makes me feel so safe… is this feeling, caused by him?" Mikan thought.

"Thank you…" Mikan looked up at him. "Mikan, I should be the one thanking you…" Ruka mouthed the words without Mikan noticing, never hearing him.

Ruka looked back at Mikan and said "You're welcome, besides, we're still best friends!" Ruka said to her, giving her one of his smiles. "I have to hide the sadness I don't want you to blame yourself saying that you make all the people, your precious loved ones sad, that's why I smile, only for you…" Ruka thought.

Ruka got closer to Mikan and held out his hands to her. "Shall we go back?" Ruka asked her, smiling. Mikan nodded in reply, "Ruka… I will… think about it…" Mikan felt her cheeks very warm. Ruka paused, his eyes were covered by his hair, hiding his features as well and then he nodded in reply. "I can wait, I can wait for her, even if it takes forever for her to give me the answer…" Ruka thought.

"Let's go then." Ruka smiled at her. "Right." Mikan nodded and took his hand.

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We both went out of the cottage, holding each other's hand. Outside the cottage, the whole surrounding had a scent that reminded me of night rain, the night sky had all the stars shimmering down on us and the stars and the moon were the only things that can guide us in our way. The wind was breezing in a cold manner, but the warmth between us kept us from feeling cold.

"Ruka?" she calls my name. "Hm?" I replied while still walking back to the dormitories. "Can I sleep with you tonight?…Your dormitory is much more closer, and I don't want to go alone…," she said while she looked at me.

"You can," I said in my teasing voice, "but you may not…" I smiled, looking at her pouting face. "Meanie," she called me. I chuckled at her, "No wonder Natsume teases her a lot, it's fun… and she's so cute."

"Fine then, may I sleep with you tonight?" she said while making a funny face that's supposed to mean she was pissed. "Sure, you may…" I smiled at her. "Yay!" she smiled at me and squeezed my hand a little.

"What is it?" I asked her. "Promise me, don't let go of my hand, until we get into your room at least…" she told me then looked at the night sky.

I blushed by what she said, and gave her hand a little squeeze in response.

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Mikan was still holding Ruka's hand during walking in the path of the forest.

When they arrived to the boys' dormitory, all was silent, the crickets were still chirping, but there were a lot of fireflies flying around the front garden.

Mikan suddenly went in front of Ruka and placed her right hand on his shoulder. "Let's dance for a while, okay? It'll be fun…," Mikan smiled at him. Ruka blushed in surprise, but nodded.

The couple then started twirling around the garden happily. They danced around the fountain with the fireflies around, dancing with them.

"Dancing with her like this, makes me the happiest man in the universe…," Ruka thought, while smiling with her. "I didn't know you can dance well, Mikan," Ruka complimented, making her blush. Mikan giggled at him, "Why, thank you, sir," she said while doing a curtsy.

"Shall we go in now, my lady?" Ruka said bowing then holding out his elbow to her. "Yes, thank you for that lovely dance." Mikan said to him while walking in the dormitory, holding his hand.

We walked into the room, still hand-in-hands, and opened the door gently. I finally felt a whole new feeling, a feeling of home in his room, but I can't help but think about it…

His question, a whole new decision…

My heart must make a decision…

I…I am still confused…

Ruka laid me down to his bed. He kissed my forehead like a mother, then gently pulled away. I quickly pulled his sleeve, "Where are you going to sleep Ruka?" I asked him, feeling sleepy. "Well, I'm just going to change... I'll sleep in the couch, you can sleep here," he told me.

Mikan pulled a bit harder on his sleeve, "No, sleep with me here." She whispered to him. Ruka was taken back.. Ruka's bangs covered his features and nodded. Mikan let go of him and felt her eyelids getting heavier.

Ruka went to the closet and changed. After, he went to the bed where a lady is half-sleeping, he held her hand and kissed it, then climbed up to the bed beside her, both now sleeping…

While the other is yet to have a dream…


I'm done, that is all for this chapter, I doubt if I'll ever get reviews… ever. Anyway, this is all pointless, but I'm continuing this story just for him…