Well, we're getting into the thick of this thing now, so these opening blurbs are going to get shorter and shorter, and contain less blithering, self-indulgent praise and more actual information. Just to let you know, the few of you that care, there will be a new chapter next cycle, on the 24th. Just because we have some holiday doesn't mean that we're slowing this thing down. If we ever do, it's likely because our project leader got into some kind of accident. Anyway, thanks to… Peloponnese for reviewing again! As for the rest of you… we can see the traffic figures you know, we know you're out there, and we're just happy that you came back to read this. But seriously, tell people about us. We'd do it ourselves, but like we said in the first chapter, we're too busy cranking out chapters every four days to promote ourselves. And if they're skeptical, tell them that it will get much better as it goes on and we have more material to make fun of, we promise.
Last time on the Gundam Universe Project: Thinking it was a group of spies and without Dren to keep him on track, Char destroyed Papua's supply ship and went on to defeat the White Base in battle. However, he let the White Base go, which continued on to Luna II.
Episode Four: Char Aznable's Bogus Adventure
"So, did we manage to recover any of the supplies from Papua's ship?" Char asked.
"Well, most of it was incinerated by our extremely well-aimed beam cannons, but there was some stuff that survived."
"Give me a rundown of all the supplies we lost, and the stuff we recovered."
"Let's see… Ice cream, melted. Steaks, burned. Toilet paper, disintegrated…"
"However, the popcorn is nicely popped." Crown said, eyeing the kernels.
"Well, thank god for small victories." Char said. "What about the Zakus they were transporting?"
"Sir, I know you asked for three Zakus, and two were destroyed along with the supply ship, but there is one left."
"Great!" Char said. "How soon until we can take it into battle?"
Crown hesitated. "Well sir… How do I explain it? You'd better just come down and see it yourself."
The White Base, now securely inside Luna II next to a Magellan battleship and a Salamis cruiser, was being looked over by Commandant Joachim.
"You don't understand, Commander Bright. This is a secret base! As in, nobody's supposed to know it's here!"
"Then how do you know about it, Commandant?"
"Uhh… I don't really…" He trailed off. Joachim thought about it for a full seven minutes before he responded. "Oh, that's right! I'm the commander of the secret base! That's how I know about it."
"That really took you way too long to figure out sir. How much are they paying you for this gig anyway?"
"Not much. Still, the fact remains Bright. We can't let civilians onto a secret base! This place is hiding the greatest secrets of the entire Earth Federation!"
"You mean like the emergency stash of ice cream?"
Joachim looked confused. "I'm sorry?" He asked, not knowing what Bright was talking about.
"Commandant, that's what Luna II is hiding." Bright said. "All that's here is a massive stash of ice cream."
Joachim moved closer to Bright. "Who told you that?" He whispered. "Nobody ever told me that all I was guarding was ice cream!"
"Yep, that's all they thought you were worth." Bright said in a normal voice. "And even that's better than what I think of you."
"I mean, I'm glad I know, but wow." Joachim said, still whispering. "Somehow the value of this base has just…"
"Plumetted? Crashed, like the stock market?" Bright asked, afraid of what he thought the actual answer would be.
"Skyrocketed!" Joachim whispered. "Now I know why it was kept a complete secret, even from me!"
"And you get a commander's salary for this?" Bright said, taking a deep breath. "Okay," Bright turned around, addressing his crew. "Who had 'Delusional Moron' in the betting pool?"
"I… think that was Kai, sir." Ryu called back.
"Hmm, Kai?" Bright said, thinking. "Well, I'm certainly not giving him any money." He muttered to himself.
"Well, we definitely can't let civilians onto the base now." Joachim whispered. "I mean, what if they found out? What if they had spoons?"
"Why are you still whispering?" Bright asked.
"Actually, now that I know that secret and I know that you know the secret, I have to assume that everyone on the ship knows the secret." Joachim pondered, still whispering. "Nope, I will not be able to let any of you leave the ship."
"Are you serious?" Mirai questioned.
"Perfectly." Joachim whispered. "If I let any of you off the ship, you might go after the stash, and I can't let the stash fall into the wrong hands. But where to put you?"
"Alright, let's just leave." Bright said. "Clearly this guy isn't really all together up there."
"Aww, don't hurt his feelings!" Mirai said.
"Why not? This guy probably can't even figure out how to order his men to detain us."
"We'll have to detain you on your ship, until we can arrange to have your memories erased."
Bright pointed at Joachim, who was still hunched over whispering, even though Bright had moved away from him by now. "Do you see what I'm dealing with here?" He began to walk away.
"Men, detain these comrades of yours, then begin taking them down to interrogation." Joachim whispered, narrowing his eyes. "I need to find out what they know…"
But none of his soldiers heard him, because Joachim was still whispering.
"Why can't they hear me?" Joachim whispered, now to himself. "Bright must have confused them somehow." Joachim pulled a megaphone out from underneath his massive hat.
"Earth Federation soldiers, detain these… Earth Federation soldiers." Joachim whispered into the megaphone, producing a sound almost like normal speech. The soldiers, expecting this command but waiting for Joachim himself to give it, quickly surrounded the retreating Bright.
"Damn, I almost thought I was going to get away with that one."
"You almost did." Sayla said. "The ship's three feet in front of you."
"And why did I go back to the White Base?" Bright questioned his own logic. "I already knew they planned to detain us in there, I just made his job easier. Which he's getting paid for somehow!"
"Commandant, we need a reason." One of the soldiers said to Joachim.
"A reason for what?" Joachim returned to his normal voice, but was still using the megaphone.
"For detaining officers and soldiers."
"We need a reason to do that?"
"Yes, sir."
"Oh." Joachim paused. "Well, we'd better let the crew from that Zeon ship go then. We didn't really have a reason to detain them."
"No, sir we can detain them, because the Zeons are our enemies. We only need a reason for detaining fellow Earth Federation soldiers."
Joachim paused again. "Does it have to be a good reason?"
"No, sir. It just has to be a reason."
"Okay then, we are detaining the crew of the White Base because they, a bunch of civilians and trainees, have borne witness to Triple A + B + C… lassified materials."
"That's actually a good reason sir. So you mean the White Base and Gundam were the classified material, right?"
"No, something…" Joachim narrowed his eyes again. "Even more secret."
"So… what do you think it does?" Char asked, back on the Musai.
"I don't know sir; I was hoping you would have some kind of creative idea." Crown said. "You know, like the surge of brilliance that led you to destroy our own supply ship."
"Still not letting that one go, are you Crown?"
"No, sir."
"Good call Dren!" Char said, still talking to his own imagination. "I'll just use it as motivation to not do that again."
The Zaku they were looking at was certainly a strange thing. While still possessing the distinctive shape of a Zaku, several odd modifications had been made to it, all of which were questionable at best. First, and most obvious, a giant satellite dish was mounted on the head of the Zaku, pointing straight up. There were two antennas on its shoulders, both pointing inwards to the gargantuan head mounted dish. It had two kneecap-like bulges on its knees, one labeled 'Send,' and the other labeled 'Mail.' On the back near the engine was a massive Ethernet port, labeled 'In.' On its chest was an antennae pointing outwards, the labeling above it read 'Mobile Print.' Lastly, there was one peculiar dish on its foot labeled 'Direct TV.'
"Hey look over here, it says 'To Serve and Detect' on the side of it!" One of the Musai crew shouted.
"Shouldn't it say 'To Serve and Protect,' like on those Police Zakus?" Char asked.
"No, sir. If the instruction manual is to be believed, it is not a good idea to do any protecting in this thing." Crown said.
"Well, we can still use it." Char insisted. "All we need to do is give it some weapons."
"Sir, in case you haven't noticed, those aren't radar dishes in its hands; those are radar dishes instead of hands. It doesn't have any hands, Commander."
"So, then what possible use could it have?"
"I don't know sir, but the instruction manual says it seats three people."
"A three seater Zaku?" Char pondered. "Why?"
"Apparently, one person controls the right hand and left leg, another the left hand and right leg, and the third person is the one with the external camera feeds."
Back on Luna II, people were wheeling the real Captain of the White Base out of the sick bay.
"Good luck Bright." The Captain weakly called out from his gurney. "I'm just glad I don't have to deal with that idiot!"
"Great, now I'm getting made fun of by an old man who's almost dead." Bright muttered, then walked over to Joachim to try to talk some sense into him. "Commandant you really don't get it, Char's Musai is out there, and he's going to continue his attack at some point.
"Why do you think that Bright?" Joachim was back to whispering again, and the megaphone was back inside his hat.
"Because I've got two hundred bucks riding on it."
"Well, I think that was a stupid bet, because the Red Comet has to be an experienced soldier who knows his limits. He would never foolishly jeopardize himself or his crew to challenge Luna II with a small cruiser like the Musai."
"Commander, I'd never believe that you were about to foolishly jeopardize yourself and your crew to challenge Luna II with a small cruiser like the Musai!" Crown said, back on the bridge of said Musai. "But strangely enough here we are, and I'm not really surprised at all."
"Well, we can't exactly eat popcorn forever Crown." Char said. "And Luna II is a really big base, there's got to be some food in there."
"So, let us get this straight." One of the other crewmembers said. "You want to try some lunatic, nearly suicidal attack on Luna II, and not because we could steal the Gundam or the White Base, but because there might be some food in there?"
"Precisely." Char said. When he did, most of the bridge crew ran down to the sickbay of the Musai to help resuscitating Dren, who was still passed out down there.
Char turned around. "Where did everybody go?"
"They went to try to save all of our lives." Crown said. "Actually, I'm going down there to help them."
With even Crown abandoning him, Char was left alone on the bridge of the Musai. And without anyone to distract him from himself, his mind wandered even further than it normally did.
"I wonder, what if that girl back in Side 7 was really my sister?" Char asked no one, but not himself. Char was never alone in his own mind.
"You're right Dren, it did look a little bit like her, but it has been ten years. She might look completely different now. Like if she'd gotten a brain transplant or something, I'd bet that she would look very different."
"I remember back a long time ago…"
A long time ago, in an imaginary land…
"Casval! Casval!" A small blonde haired girl called out. "Casval, where did you go?"
"I'm right over here Artesia." Char responded. "I was just playing with Mr. Sunrise, the bunny rabbit!" Char pointed to an empty space next to him.
"Oh cool, Mr. Sunrise!" Sayla exclaimed, upon noticing Mr. Sunrise, who did not actually exist.
"Artesia, we can play with Mr. Sunrise later." Char said. "Why don't we go out and get some lunch?"
"Okay!" Sayla said happily, running off with her brother to their favorite food place, a combination pizza/taco restaurant.
"What are we gonna eat today, Casval?"
"That's a silly question Artesia; we always eat the same thing here!" Char said.
"Oh right." Sayla said, grinning from ear to ear.
"Tacos it is!" Char said, as the dream world faded away…
"Damn, those were some great tacos." Char said. "Yes of course Dren, I'll be sure to take you there someday."
Back on the White Base, a soldier was bringing Bright's captive group their food.
"Only five trays." Bright said, pointing to Ryu. "Do you see the size of this guy in here? We're going to need like, fifteen trays if we're going to meet his nutritional needs."
"What if he eats the little guy?" The soldier asked, pointing at Hayato.
Bright considered it. "What if he does eat the little guy?"
"Ooh Bright, can I eat him?" Ryu asked, eying Hayato with that… insane look that food crazy people give to food.
"Hmm, now that you've suggested it yourself Ryu, I don't think that it's a good idea anymore." The soldier closed the door, right as Kai quietly crept up to the pile of food trays and carefully removed one of them. He then retreated back to hiding in the corner.
"Alright, but can I eat Hayato's tray?" Ryu complained.
"Yeah sure." Bright said. Ryu picked up one of the trays and took a huge bite out of it, his huge jaw easily crunching the food as well as the plastic of the tray.
"Mmm, this is good stuff Amuro, you should take some." Ryu pushed a tray into Amuro's hands. "Because eating is just like loading your gun, you need lots of ammo in order to be worth anything!"
"Well, then I guess you should be in charge Ryu, because you've got the most ammo of all of us." Bright said.
While Sayla was in her cell, she got to thinking about a time long, long ago…
A long time ago, in an imaginary land…
"Casval! Casval!" A she called out. "Casval, where did you go?"
"I'm right over here Artesia." A blonde haired boy responded. "I was just playing with Mr. Bandai, the giraffe!" Char pointed to an empty space next to him.
"Oh cool, Mr. Bandai!" Sayla exclaimed, upon noticing Mr. Bandai, who did not actually exist.
"Artesia, we can play with Mr. Bandai later." Char said. "Why don't we go out and get some lunch?"
"Okay!" Sayla said happily, running off with her brother to their favorite food place, a combination pizza/taco restaurant.
"What are we gonna eat today, Casval?"
"That's a silly question Artesia; we always eat the same thing here!" Char said.
"Oh right." Sayla said, grinning from ear to ear, as the dream world faded away…
"I can't really remember much after that, but I was pretty sure we always ate Pizza." Sayla said to herself.
"I really don't see why we had to take the Recon Zaku with us sir." Crown said. "Won't they see us coming from pretty far away?"
"I don't think so." Char said. "You see, I'm betting that when they see the Recon Zaku, the Feddies will be just as confused about it as we were, and not consider it a threat. Plus, I've got Dren backing me up on the ship."
"Sir, this thing is not a threat." Crown continued. "It's useless."
"But they don't know that." Char said. "And I'm not totally convinced that this thing is useless yet. I mean, there must have been some reason to build it."
Outside, two patrolling Federation soldiers spotted the Recon Zaku.
"Look over there, it's a Zeon Zaku!" One of them yelled. "Sound the alarm!"
"No wait," The second soldier said. "That doesn't look anything like a Zaku. Look at those neon colors. And that big dish on its head! It's not a threat, just let it pass."
"He did what?!" Dren bellowed, the real Dren mind you, as soon as he was resuscitated. "You let Commander Char try to sneak into a heavily defended Federation base without any backup?"
"Well, he does have a bunch of solders with him…"
"You idiots!" Dren yelled. "He could get killed in there!"
"We didn't want to get killed with him!" A soldier said. "And he blew up our supply ship; he kind of deserves whatever happens to him in there."
"Morons!" Dren shouted. "You just don't get it, do you? You people may think Char is an idiot, but he's still the best commander Zeon has!"
"I guess you might be right. I mean, Commander Cima crashed her cruiser into a space colony, claiming she couldn't see it."
"And Admiral Delaz replaced all of the guns on his ship with floodlights."
"And Commander Gato… well his name is Spanish for 'cat.'"
"And Conscon…" Everyone shuddered. "Don't even get me started about Conscon."
"So it's settled then." Dren said. "We need to save Commander Char… even from himself if need be. Prepare to attack!"
"Amuro, why are you getting so jittery?" Hayato asked. "You look like you're on a sugar buzz."
"Or a drug withdrawal." Bright suggested.
"I just… need something!" Amuro panted, getting frantic at his inability to do anything. "Look, I know how we can get out of here, I just… need my book!"
"Yep I was right, drug withdrawal." Bright said. "Kai, you owe me fifty bucks."
"But I didn't even place a bet." Kai said softly.
"Fifty bucks!" Bright insisted, holding out his hand. "Come on, Ulysses S. Grant. In my hand. Now."
As Kai grudgingly reached for his wallet, the force of an explosion threw them all against the wall. Although Bright held on to the table, Ryu was hit with several pieces of silverware.
"Ryu, are you okay?" Hayato asked.
"I'm fine, I wasn't even hurt."
"Ryu, you're…" Hayato trailed off, unable to find the words.
"What?"
"You're leaking fat." Everyone looked over to see that the sharp silverware had punctured several holes in Ryu's belly, out of which was indeed leaking fat.
"Not on my floors you're not." Bright said. "Let's get out of here and get to the Medical Bay so you can plug those holes."
"But Mr. Bright, we can't leave." Hayato said plainly. "The door is locked."
"No it's not. None of these doors lock."
"Then, why did we just sit in there for three hours?"
"Because I wanted to see if I could really get Ryu to eat you."
"Commandant Joachim, we're under attack!" Said a terrified officer, who had a helmet instead of a hat for some reason. "It's the Musai!"
"Hmm, prepare to deploy the Magellan."
"Uh-oh, that's not good." One of the Musai crewmen said.
"What's 'not good?'" Dren asked.
"Luna II has detected our attack, and is launching a Magellan battleship to come and get us."
"You're right, that's not good at all." Dren said. "Keep firing anyway, we need to cover Char's infiltration!"
"Damn, if Char were here he'd think of some ridiculous, but ultimately functional way to get us out of this."
The hero they were speaking of was currently in the cockpit of his Recon Zaku, playing with the buttons on it.
"Hmm, I get the feeling that someone needs one of my bizarre plans to get them out of trouble." Char said. He pushed a big green button labeled 'Detecterizer.' Nothing happened.
"Sir, we're in the middle of one of your bizarre plans to get us out of trouble." Crown said. "I really doubt that even you could produce two working bizarre plans at once."
"Well, I hope they don't reassign you Crown; we've got thirty nine episodes left." Char said, then broke the fourth wall by turning towards the audience. "And that's just in this show."
"But we're under attack; don't you soldiers have something better to do than watch me babysitting children?" Frau asked.
"We don't have any orders about that."
"So why don't you contact the Commandant for new or updated orders?"
"We don't have any orders about that."
"Then how did he tell you to watch me?"
"We don't have any orders about that."
"Then frigging leave!" Frau snapped, yelling very loudly. "I have diapers to change here, and if you're not going to help then get the hell away from me!"
"We don't have any orders about that."
Frau ripped Katz's diaper off and threw it at one of the two soldiers.
"We don't have any orders abo… Oh god it smells!"
"Ha!" Frau pointed. "I knew you weren't robots!"
"Aww, it burns! Now you're under arrest!"
"Well, you've collected your last paycheck." Bright said behind them, right hand raised above his head. Two Brightslaps later the soldiers were gone.
"Alright everyone," Bright began. "I know none of you are worth the money I pay you, but you need to purse up here! We need to get this ship out of here before Char blasts his way inside. All you guys in the blue shirts, go get the Gundam. All you girls in red shirts, come with me to the bridge."
"I wish they were pink shirts…" Mirai said.
"Hey, for all we know they might be!" Sayla said. "This anime was made in 1979; the coloring wasn't what it is now."
"Oh crap!" Crown panicked. "We're blown, they made us!"
"What do you mean?"
"Look at that Magellan over there. It's coming to kill us! Commander, we must turn around!"
"No, not until I figure out what all these buttons do." Char said calmly.
"Now, as soon as we can target it, fire all weapons at the Musai." Joachim whispered.
"What was that sir, I didn't really hear you."
"I said…" Joachim took out the megaphone again. "As soon as we can target it, fire all weapons at the Musai!"
"Hmm," Char pondered. "I wonder what the 'Ping' button does."
Char pushed the button. There was a slight ringing sound aboard the Magellan.
"Do you hear something?" Joachim asked.
"No sir, I don't hear anything."
"Aww, I guess it does nothing." Char said, then pushed the button again.
"Yeah, now I hear it too sir."
"Ooh, I like this button!" Char pushed the button rapidly.
"Oh god, get it out of my head!" Joachim yelled into the megaphone, plugging his ears with his fingers, hopeful to quiet the noise. As he did, the combination of the ringing sound and Joachim's megaphone made the eardrums of the helmsman explode, causing him to grasp his ears in pain.
And with no one to drive the ship, the Magellan crashed into the side of the launch tube.
"Amazing!" Dren said aboard the Musai. "Commander Char has destroyed the Magellan!"
"Hooray for Char!" The Musai crew chorused.
"Oh no, Char found a way to disable the Magellan, without actually shooting at it." Bright said. "Considering our last battle, I'm not even surprised."
"Maybe he used sound as a weapon this time." Mirai chirped up.
"No, don't be ridiculous." Bright said.
"Alright, now that all of their personnel will be busy trying to fix that big ship, we can scrounge for food!" Char said.
"One question sir," Crown said. "How are we going to get the food out of the base and on to the Musai?"
"So all you need to do is remove that one, that one, that one, and that one." Amuro said, pointing to the metal braces that were restricting the Gundam.
"You're sure those are the only ones you need us to take off?"
"Yeah!" Amuro insisted. "After those ones are off, I can move the Gundam and take the rest off myself."
"Wow, that's amazing Amuro!" Hayato said. "How do you know so much about this stuff?"
"Good books." Amuro said, clutching the book to his chest. "I've read a lot of good books." Kai, Hayato, and Ryu went off to start removing the braces on the Gundam, leaving Amuro alone with the book.
"Oh, I love you, you wonderful account of everything that's about to happen!" Amuro said, rubbing the side of the book. "You're gonna make me into a star!"
"Stop, you're not allowed over there!" Joachim said with his megaphone.
"Whatever." Amuro said, then remembered something he had read. "Piss off loser; you're not going to do anything!"
"Oh yes I am!" Joachim said, edging closer to Amuro. "You are trespassing on Secret Federation Government Property! Prepare to have your memory erased!"
Amuro moved over to Joachim. "You know, if you want to really seem threatening, you should really have a gun." He said. "Here, take this one."
"Thank you… trespassing criminal." Joachim said. He looked in between the megaphone and the handgun, not sure as to which one he wanted to use as a weapon.
"Alright, now I really need to get over to the Gundam and start saving all of your asses." Amuro started walking over to the Gundam. Before he could make it, Joachim shot him in the leg.
Across the hangar bay, Char, Crown, and the Zeon soldiers heard the gunshot as they were rummaging about looking for food.
"No Garma, I don't think they were shooting at us." Char said, imagining someone else now that Dren was awake. "Has anybody found anything?"
"Actually no." Crown responded. "There isn't that much food here."
"What about this big door that says 'Emergency?'"
"Well, Commander, that's a solid metal door. We can't eat it."
"No, I mean what about behind the door." Char said.
It took the soldiers a few seconds to figure it out. "Oh!" They said collectively. They opened the door, peering behind it to find the Earth Federation's Emergency Stash of Ice Cream.
All 450 tons of it.
"Why'd you shoot me?" Amuro screamed in pain, writhing around on the floor of the White Base's hangar bay.
"Like I said, you were trespassing, and a criminal. And then you were resisting arrest." Joachim said triumphantly. "We needed to detain you until we could erase your memory, so I shot you."
"But you're not supposed to shoot me!"
"Huh?"
"Oh god! How could it have been so… wrong? This isn't what was supposed to happen at all!"
"Woah, that's a lot of ice cream." Crown said.
"Yeah, we're going to need some help."
"Yes sir, I'll call the Musai and tell them to send more troops."
"No, don't do that."
Crown paused, deciding it was probably better to indulge his commander rather than argue with him, as all Char seemed to ever do was ignore his suggestions and come up with crazy ideas anyway. "And why shouldn't we contact the Musai?"
"Because we can get all the people around here to help us."
"But… they're Earth Federation soldiers!" Crown said. "And we're Zeons!"
"Not if we don't tell them that."
"So, although I'm not yet disagreeing with you, why did you shoot him, Commandant Joachim?" Bright asked, having heard Amuro's pitiful screams from all the way up on the bridge and come down to see what was the matter.
"He was trespassing, and a criminal, and resisting arrest."
Bright nodded. "That seams pretty reasonable. Amuro, were you trespassing and resisting arrest? That would make you a criminal, wouldn't it?"
"It hurts!" Amuro continued to scream.
"Well, he's not denying it." Bright said. "Alright, I'll dock him three weeks pay as a punishment. Does that seem okay, Commandant Joachim?"
"Yes, that seems fair." Joachim said, then took a moment to think. "Wait a minute; I seem to have forgotten why I was here."
"Good. Then you can help us with our departure preparations."
"Hey, guys!" Char called from across the hangar bay. "Can you help us move this ice cream?"
"Wait!" Joachim yelled with the megaphone. "That's the secret stash! You can't know about that! Prepare to have your memory erased!"
"Um…" Char started, not knowing what to say. "You told me about it." He lied plainly.
"I did?" Joachim asked, confused.
"Yeah." Char said. "You said that: now that it's no longer a secret, we need to load it all on to the Salamis and move it to another secret location."
"Do I get to know where it goes?"
"No."
"Well…" Joachim said. "Okay then. All Luna II personnel, assist in loading all of the base's ice cream on to the Salamis over there." Joachim left the White Base, and all of the Luna II soldiers did too, completely forgetting about the Zeon attack and going off to load the ice cream onto the Musai.
"Should we…" Mirai began.
"Yes, please just leave." Bright said, tired of all of this nonsense.
The White Base left Luna II through the other launch tunnel, and soon enough the Luna II personnel were done loading the Salamis with the ice cream. Char also got them to paint the Salamis bright red, but that's less important.
As Char's Salamis was leaving Luna II, Joachim looked around.
"Hey guys," he began. "Where did the White Base go?"
"Mr. Bright, the Captain's dying." Frau said.
"Who didn't see that one coming?" Bright said. "I mean, he was impaled with shrapnel like, two episodes ago."
"He wants to see you, sir."
"Do I have to?" Bright asked. Mirai gave him a stern look. "Fine."
Bright went down to the medical bay, where the Captain was being attended to by Frau and Sayla.
"He's pretty much out of it, but he says that he has some 'important financial information' to tell you." Sayla said. Bright was at his side before Sayla could even think another thought.
"What is it, sir?" He asked eagerly. "What do you have to tell me?"
"Bright, I 'm going to entrust you with this fine ship, this… 'crew.' The ship is yours now, and so is the fate of the entire Earth Federation, I guess." The Captain said. Then he drew himself a little closer to Bright. "Oreo Cookie Sliders." He said, and then died.
"Seriously, those are your last words?" Bright asked, highly agitated now. "Not… you know, bank account number and PIN?"
"Mr. Bright, he's dead!" Mirai exclaimed. "Have some respect."
"Goddamn cheapskate." Bright muttered. "Well at least with him dead, I'm really the Captain now, and get his big fat paycheck."
"So, you're telling me…" Dozle said, back on the communications line with Char. "That you infiltrated a highly defended Federation Base, found the Federation's Secret Stash of ice cream, then convinced them to load it onto a Salamis, which you just… flew away in?"
"Pretty much yes." Char said.
"And how am I ever supposed to believe that?"
"Because it's true." Char insisted.
"You know, normally I'd just call you a liar and get back to my television, but your story has been confirmed by a Mr. Crown, your XO Dren, and by an imaginary giraffe. So I guess I have to believe you."
"So I'm going to get my Zakus?"
Dozle sighed heavily, a common thing for him in the last few days. "Yes Char, you'll get more Zakus."
"And my Breakfast Burritos?"
Dozle paused. "Yeah, why not." Then he cut the transmission.
"Damn, that guy is good."
Next Time on the Gundam Universe Project!
Episode 5: Is That The Gundam?
Thanks for reading again; we're starting to get into some of our better work now, so this will only get better and better. Review if you feel so inclined, but other than that please come back.
