Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, Victoria Secret, PSP, or Nintendo DS, but we do own Fred the Fish.
In bright neon letters reads THE SHOW WITH NO NAME. Cameras pan through the crowd to the stage where our two hosts and cast are revealed.
Chara: Welcome back to…
Everyone (including the crowd): THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!
Jocelyn: This week we have received 5 letters concerning our favorite or not so favorite Death Note characters.
Chara: Some of these we warn you are quite long so get ready once again. Go grab some popcorn and a drink and settle down.
Jocelyn: Actually, if you have bladder issues don't bring a drink…please.
Chara: Let's get straight to it then. Our first letter is for Matt, Mello, and Near. Stay in your seats because this is fan and hate mail.
Jocelyn:
"This was a great chapter! .
My friends who don't have accounts want me to tell you this...
Fan Mail -Matt and Mello- My friends Bailey and Courtney are being you for Halloween.
Hate Mail -Near- You are an annoying little kid.
And Bailey also had this to say, "Light, the longer you use the death note, the crazier you get.""
From: Spinningisfun
Matt: Nice.
Mello: Good luck trying to match the awesomeness that is me.
Near: First of all, I'm not a kid. And second, I don't really care what you think of me.
Light: You're calling me crazy? –points to Mikami-
Mikami: -imitating a teapot- -sing song voice- I'm a little teapot short and stout!
Matsuda joins in.
Light: Why am I chained to these idiots?
Chara tallies on the chalkboard one smiley for Matt and Mello. One frowny for Near.
Jocelyn: Apparently a rabid monkey came in this morning and destroyed our extra chairs so you guys have to stay in your seats.
Everyone: …..
Chara: Next question.
"I want to ask something!!
For L: Wow, you have 6 smileys-- you're probably the most popular death note character. I don't really like telling others that I like you a lot because I know rabid fans will definitely kill me. D: So, I'll start with the question: Why aren't you arresting Light yet since you said he's Kira (Also Misa) and where do you buy your clothes??""
L: Well currently I am chained to a chair and I am being held captive so I can't exactly do anything about the Kira case right now.
Chara: -cough cough- What L is TRYING to say is that he is currently working with us on the show and does not have time to arrest the two Kiras at the moment –cough cough-
L: As I was saying, to answer your other question, Watari buys all my clothes for me because I am usually working. I don't exactly have the luxury to expose myself out in the open.
Misa: Then why are you on the show?
L: I told you I'm being held captive.
Matsuda: Does anyone want to know where I go shopping?
Everyone: -groans-
Matsuda: VICTORIA SECRET!
Everyone: Oo….
Mello: Now that's disturbing.
Jocelyn: OK moving right along now. Continuing with the same letter.
"For Light: Yeah, most of the mails are hate mails about you being a jerk... I think your Kira-self's just really cool!! The distorted smirks though are another thing. Can you tell us how your early mornings go when it was the Yotsuba arc?? You're chained to L right?"
Light: Yes. Kira is God, therefore of course he is cool. And I don't have distorted smirks –smirks distortedly-
Chara: -points accusingly- You're doing it right now!
Light: I AM NOT! –smirk becomes even more distorted- Anyway, when I had lost all memory of the death note, L would make me get up at 5 am. I would have to sleep on the floor since we were chained together and I didn't want people to get the wrong idea.
Mello: What is the wrong idea? –smirks-
Matsuda: Heeheehee. Maybe he's lying and he did sleep with L.
Light: Matsuda, shut up.
Mello: Hah! You don't deny it!
Light: WHAT?!
L: Well actually he did sleep on the floor, but since I have trouble sleeping, I was unfortunate to witness him sleep-crawl into bed. He was too heavy to shove off. And he mumbles in his sleep. I would rather not discuss what he was saying…
Matsuda: Teeheehee.
Light: -grumbles- I do not talk in my sleep. And yes I am currently chained up next to L, unfortunately.
Matsuda: You're just saying that.
Mello: Is everyone gay here except for me?
Chara: Ok, on with the letter.
"Matt: Why did you have to die so fast? They didn't even show more about you!! Oh and which do you prefer... a PSP or a Nintendo DS?"
Matt: -looks up from PSP- Why does everyone keep on saying that I die? I'm right here.
Light: Yes, people keep on mentioning that I die as well which is of course ridiculous.
Jocelyn hands Light Death Note Volume 12
Matsuda: -looks over Light's shoulder- Hey! Look, there's me!
Light: …..
Mello: -grabs Death Note Volume 12- -flips to page where he dies- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! HOW CAN I DIE?!
Near: Because you act before you think.
Mello: Shut up, Near.
Jocelyn: Ok Matt, would you mind answering the question about whether you prefer a PSP or Nintendo DS? –swoons-
Matt: Well, a PSP cuz it has a cool touch screen with a pen. It's way better than DS.
Chara: Thank you, Matt. Jocelyn please continue with the letter.
Jocelyn:
"Mello: Why tight pants? It reminds me of Ryuk's! Don't get me wrong, I think Near wouldn't have won if it wasn't for your awesome role as the... 2nd.. in... line. o.o; But you're still cool!"
Mello: Of course I'm cool. –fumes- How dare you compare my pants to a shinigami's! Mine are custom made! And tight pants make me look hot and sexy. Yes, Near wouldn't have won shit if it wasn't for me.
Near: I never said I did it without your help.
Mello: I hate you with a passion.
Chara: Next question,
"Near: Not that much fan-mails, eh? Well, I think you're a suitable successor and also, are you trying to copy L?"
Near: Yes, unfortunately people don't seem to realize my potential. L is above me, I could never copy him.
Jocelyn:
"Misa: I don't quite like you but I think you're a better pair than LightxKiyomi!! (Die Kiyomi!) May I suggest the death note? xD"
Misa: Misa-Misa wishes she had the death note so she could kill Kiyomi.
Light: Where is Takada, anyway? –looks around-
Chara: Oh, we locked her up in the happy –cough- torture chamber –cough-.
Jocelyn: -evil grin-
Near: A "happy" torture chamber?
Jocelyn: We're making her watch Teletubbie reruns.
Chara: If you listen hard enough you can hear her scream.
-silence-
A muffled scream is heard in the background.
Jocelyn and Chara laugh evilly.
L: Why did you lock her up?
Chara: Because she was being a bitch and complaining that she didn't get room service.
Everyone: -wide eyes-
Chara:
"The rest 'cause this review is getting long: What's your favorite color and what are your hobbies? 8D (Sorry Matsuda for not asking you a question But, it's unfair that you shot Light. I also wanted to shoot him!)"
From: DigitalWing
Jocelyn: Since Takada is currently unavailable-
Muffled scream in background.
Jocelyn: Um….only Matsuda and Mikami are left.
Mikami: -cringes- Colors frighten me…
Chara: Um…right.
Matsuda: I LOVE PINK!
Everyone: -wide eyes-
Mello: Ok that's it. Matsuda is 100 percent gay.
L and Near: Agreed.
Matsuda: But I'm not gay!
Mello: We all know you are so stop hiding in the closet.
Matsuda: -cries- But I'm not gay! I thought pink was supposed to be bold and manly!
Light: Now you can be best friends with Mikami.
Mikami and Matsuda: -cry-
Jocelyn: Um…..what are your hobbies?
Mikami and Matsuda stop crying
Mikami: Talking to myself.
Light: That's a really strange hobby.
Matsuda: Shopping!
Everyone:..…
Chara tallies one smiley for L, Light, Matt, Mello, and Near. We couldn't decide whether or not Misa's was fan or hate mail.
Misa: Hmph.
Jocelyn:
"I love this story. now on with the questions. mawhaahhahahahaha
(fan mail/question) Marsh-Mello/Matt/Near: Why weren't any of you in the movie! that completely ruined it.
Marsh-Mello -How much do you spend on chocolate per year? (don't kill me for calling you marsh-Mello)"
Jocelyn and Chara start laughing uncontrollably.
Mello: What the hell is wrong with you?
Jocelyn and Chara: Omg, Marsh-Mello! How cute!!!!!
Both run over to hug Mello tightly.
Mello: ARG! GET OFF OF ME! CAN'T BREATHE!
They let go. Chara runs over to hug Near while Jocelyn goes over to hug Matt.
Jocelyn and Chara: You are soooo cute!
Near: Is this really necessary?
Matt: -hugs back-
Jocelyn: OMG! –falls over and faints-
Chara runs over to hug Matt who also hugs her back. Jocelyn revives from faint and runs over to hug Mello while sticking tongue out at Near. Mello is acting like a bull trying to throw off its rider.
Jocelyn: Oh great, now I like Mello too. This isn't fair…
Chara: It's ok Jocelyn, I like L, Near, Mello, and Matt. So don't feel bad.
Both let go.
Light: You two are weird.
Jocelyn and Chara: Yes, we know.
Matt: This is my lucky day. –wry smile-
Jocelyn and Chara: Omg we want to hug you again but we have to go on with the show unfortunately. –puppy dog eyes-
Near: Well to answer the fan question, we were the first ones to be taken captive and so we couldn't exactly be on set to shoot. And everyone else had to find replacements because they were also snatched up and brought here.
Mello: Why am I called Marsh-Mello? I'm not white and squishy! And I can't kill you anyway because you're not here.
Jocelyn: Harsh. It's ok, Tarna, Mello hates everyone.
Chara: If it makes you feel better we think it's uber cute!
Matsuda pokes Mello to see if he's squishy.
Mello: STOP THAT YOU PERVERT!
Matsuda: You're not squishy. –sulks-
Chara:
"fan mail/question for L:You are my favorite person in death note, then Light, Mello, Matt, Near, Rem, Ryuk, Matsuda and then Mikami (I just love the crazy people, they have such weird mood swings:D)(fan mail to all mentioned people/shinigami). anyway on with the questions because I started ranting. L, how much do you spend on sugar/sweets per year?
You say that if you sit like other people your reasoning ability's drop 40, so what would happen if sat normally?
Does Light talk in his sleep, if so what does he say(you were chained to him so you should know)?"
L: Thank you. I spend about 600,000 dollars per year.
Everyone: Woah.
L: And as I mentioned before Light does indeed talk in his sleep. Due to the fact that we are on live television I would rather not say…
Light: -blushes-
Jocelyn and Chara: Normally we would comment on Light blushing, but we need to move along.
L: Well, I have never actually tried to sit normally.
Everyone/Crowd: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
Security guard comes by to force L to sit normally and clamps cuffs on legs to keep them from moving back to their original position.
L: -stares down at feet- -wiggles toes- Hey, I can wiggle my toes! –giggles-
Everyone: -wide eyes-
Light: Witness the great detective L in all his glory.
L: Can't think straight. Can't think straight.
Chara:….This is kinda making him seem unattractive. But I feel sorry for the guy.
Jocelyn: Awwww I think its cute!
Chara: You like dumb guys?!
Jocelyn: No, I like them smart. He's just adorable this way….anyway.
"Random questions to anyone who wants to answer:
Whats your favorite color?
Whats the longest you ever had a song stuck in your head?
What was that song?
Do you like spam?
If Light was only using Misa/Takada that means he doesn't like them so therefore he doesn't like girls so he must be gay. Also his last name backwards is imagay so he is gay. He is also obsessed with L so that must mean that Light is kira and loves L. mawhahahahaahahahaa mawahhahahhaahahaha
I will give Ryuk all these apples if he comes to the show to say hi (20 apples pop out of nowhere).
Misa tell Rem I say hi."
Chara: Both Mikami and Matsuda have already answered that question. So we will quickly go through the other characters.
Light: Red. It's the color of power.
Matsuda: The longest time a song's been stuck in my head has been for a week. And it was Barbie girl.
Mello: You scare me.
Mikami: SPAM?! NOOO NOT SPAM!
Fred the Fish pops out of nowhere.
Fred: Hello, Mikami. Long time no see.
Mikami: WHY??!!!! –sobs-
Light: Ok, this person put me in her fan mail and yet she still calls me a gay? And I said last time that I know that my name spelled backwards is…..I won't say it. That doesn't necessarily mean that I am gay. I am not obsessed with L.
L: Ho hum.
(yes he's still sitting normally the poor guy)
Security guard lures Ryuk out onto the stage with an apple on the end of a fishing pole.
Ryuk: -stares blankly into cameras- Hi mommy. Wait, I don't have a mom.
Mikami: MOMMY!!!!
Mello: -bangs head on wall repeatedly-
Ryuk: Where are my apples?
Ryuk gets bombarded by 20 apples that pop out of nowhere.
Ryuk: Hyuk Hyuk. –starts munching apples contentedly-
Jocelyn:
"Hate mail for Light/Takada/Misa- you and your minions killed some of my favorite characters so can the authors throw all these mellons at light, takada, and misa (brings out 10 watermellons).
sorry about the long time-wasting reveiw. please update soon :)
-Tarna"
Security guards drag out 2 cannons from shadows and start loading them with melons.
Chara; Yay! This is gonna be fun!
Jocelyn: Hehehe.
Chara lights fuse to cannon and melons are shot at Light repeatedly.
Light: OWW! HEY! STOP! I'M GOD! OUCH! ONCE I GET MY DEATH NOTE BACK I SHALL KILL YOU ALL! OWW! –whimpers- MOMMY!
Mello: Hah, you're pathetic, Light.
Jocelyn lights fuse to cannon and melons are shot at Misa repeatedly.
Misa: EWWWW! YOU GOT MISA-MISA'S NEW OUTFIT ALL DIRTY!
Chara: Takada isn't here right now so we will gladly throw melons at her later.
Jocelyn tallies one smiley for Mello, Matt, Near, L, Light, Matsuda, and Mikami. One frowny for Takada, Light, and Misa.
Chara:
"hey! that was a hilarious/great chapter!!
okay! i have questions/fan mail/hate mail:
the hate mail go to: (sorry guys!)
light (me screams bo! loudly), some to misa-misa (cuz cuz sorry man... ur an accomplice! you suck!!), mikami (you're psychotic and you're scaring me!), and takada! (you killed MELLO! Or, atleast i think so...)
the fan mail go to:
L! (me screams: WOT!), Near! (same screams), Mello! (same screams), MATSUDA (WOT!), a couple fan mail to misa-misa, Ryuk!, Rem! Matt! (For the super awesome googles) and .. did I mention Matsuda? XDD"
Chara adds tallies.
Jocelyn:
"OK! On to the questions. My first one is to Light Yagami
Dear Light,
You're a selfish bas-tard and I hate you with a passion! You think you're God. HAH, you are FAR from God, never was close to being God, and never WILL be God. Sorry man, you were awesome the first couple books, but you just went downhill from there. I knew you were going to die from the very beginning, sorry man, and I just waited to see how gruesome your demise was, and I thought the author of Death Note portrayed your sorry demise pretty well. I mean, you begged, how sweeter can that be?? And your facial expression was priceless (XD). Anyways, my question to you is: If you were that original, cool guy in the beginning, and didn't pick up that notebook, and happened to come across Misa-Misa and Takada later on in the course of your evil-free life, who would you genuinely fall for? Misa-Misa, or Takada?
Love,
3v07 or Love. "
Light: I am not a selfish bastard because I thought of the whole world and used the power of the death note to make the world a better place by destroying all evil.
Near: Except for yourself.
Light: I am not evil, I am righteous.
Mello: -scoffs- Sure.
Light: Would I choose Misa or Takada? Well…
Mello: He wouldn't choose either because he's gay!
L: LOL!
Everyone: -blinks and stares-
Matt: -looks up from PSP- This is scaring me. Put him in his freaky crouching position.
Jocelyn: Awwww. Matt you're so cute.
Chara: -sweat drops- Um security, please take the chains off of L. I totally agree with Matt.
Security guard does as asked and L crouches "normally".
L: Thank you Chara-san.
Chara: You can repay me with a hug.
Jocelyn: A hug? If you're gonna go for it ask for a kiss.
Chara: HECK YES!!! OK L I CHANGE MY MIND!!
L: I prefer hugs, Chara-san.
Chara: Fine, we'll take it slow then. –hugs L-
L: But we're not a couple.
Chara: Yet.
Jocelyn: All right enough of this. Let's get going.
"My second question goes to L!
Dear L,
L, you are totally sweet and awesome and I love you!! You are the best character (second comes Near!) of the whole Death Note series and you will be remembered. Also with Watari.. He will be remembered -runs outside to memorial for L and Watari, and puts a flower on both memorials, and runs back inside-. Anyways, even though you are a sugar junkie (aren't we all?), you are totally awesome and you wouldn't be L without being a sugar junkie, cuz that's just sweet! (get it? sugar junkie- sweet? XD) My question to you is: If you didn't die... Would you um, ever considering... –cough- um... –coughgoingoutwithmecough- -COUGH-? Um... ANYWAYS, I LIKE BANANAS! What's your favorite fruit/veggie (if they are in your food group) XD
Love,
3v07"
L: -asks innocently- Why are you coughing? Are you sick?
Light: You're clueless.
Near: He's smarter than you'll ever be, Light.
L: Well, I am very busy and I don't exactly have the time to go out with anyone. Also due to the fact that I don't know who you are. No offense to you personally. And my favorite type of fruit are figs and I don't really eat vegetables.
Matsuda: Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?
Fred: Everyone says something different so it could be both.
Matsuda: Hey! There's Fred!
Fred disappears.
Mello: Oh crap, not you too.
Mikami: -sobs uncontrollably- FRED!!!!!!!
Chara: -ignoring Mikami-
"My next question goes to Matsuda:
Dear Matsuda-san,
You are totally awesome Matsuda! I'm glad you didn't like, die. You know? Anyways, Imma get straight to the point... Are you really a pedophile?! I mean, dude, Misa has a point. You like totally hit on Light's younger sister (WHO I MUST SAY IS COOLER THEN LIGHT HIMSELF! OH BURN LIGHT!), and she's still in high school! –gasps- How Matsuda, HOW! WHY! That's like the only flaw in your character, other then totally being blind and not seeing that Light was like God, but you did shoot him in the end, so I was like: WOOT GO MATSUDA -flies banner- And, if you were young and in the same grade, would you consider going out with her? (me: aw) I kknow, strange questions, but w/e! Lol curiousity for me is my randomness... well, a little XD
Love,
3v07"
Matsuda: Yay! People think I'm awesome! I feel so loved!
Mello: Besides the fact that you're a pedophile.
Misa: -points again- Pedophile!
Matt: -not looking up from PSP- That's getting old, Misa.
Misa: -folds arms- But it's true.
Mello: Doesn't make it any less annoying.
Matsuda: Well, no I'm not a pedophile. Sayu's not that much younger…..
Light: Only 10 years or so.
Matsuda: -blushes- Would I go out with her? Well, yes.
L: Now it's an 8 percent chance that Matsuda is gay and 17 percent chance that he is bi. It is now a 4 percent chance that he is straight.
Near: I agree.
Mello: You never have an opinion, Near. You always go along with L.
Near: -rolls eyes and twirls hair-
Jocelyn:
"My next goes off to Misa-Misa:
Dear Misa-Misa,
You know, Misa-Misa. You were like so my fav. character earlier, when you didn't turn out to be so... so... well, disliking... you know? lol. No offense. But anyways, my question to you is: Why did you even want to marry that two-timing/player, loser, who totally sucks, is a selfish guy, uses you, never thinks of anything else but taking-over-the-world, and being God. And even when you found out he like, had it with Takada or was atleast going out with her, why didn't you like leave him?! Are you Psychotic? Oo
Much hate/love,
3v07"
Misa: Light loves Misa-Misa no matter what! He killed Takada so he didn't care about her, only me!
Light: Yes, Misa. You think that. –secret evil grin-
Misa: And Misa-Misa is NOT psychotic! Why does no one say that Mikami is?
Mikami: -sing song voice- Do you know the muffin man! The muffin man, the muffin man. Oh do you know the muffin man who lives on some lane that starts with a D!
Light: L you sound just like Mikami when you sit normally.
L: I will pretend that I did not hear that Light-kun.
Chara:
"My next is for... Mikami!
Dear Mikami,
I'm sorry for the hate mail man... I still kinda, some small part of me likes you. If you didn't die, would you consider being my friend? I wanna get to know you more, I mean, Light had cookies, so like it was inevitable that you were gonna join him in the darkside. (XD)
See ya 'round,
3v07"
Mikami: I WANT A FRIEND!
Light: Good then you'll leave me alone.
Fred: What about me? I'm your friend.
Mikami: -starts wailing- GO AWAY! EVIL FISHY'S BEING MEAN!
Fred: I'm never going to leave you. You're stuck with me forever and ever. –evil laugh-
Mikami: NOOOOO!
Jocelyn:
"And lastly, to Mello and Near:
Dear Mello,
Hello! Btw, you are like totally smexy in those tight pants and it is true, it is your trademark, aside from the chocolate bar of course. I totally love chocolate (XD). Woot go chocolate! The long hair/bangs over face/scar so totally makes you way more likeable then before!! XD You're so awesome. Anyways, my question to you is, and it is way random, but what kind of chocolate do you eat all the time? Dark chocolate? White chocolate? Pure chocolate, or milk chocolate? Tell me!
Fellow Chocolate Lover,
3v07"
Mello: I'm smexy no matter what! With or without these awesome tight pants! And for your information I looked hot without my scar.
Jocelyn: You scared me before you had your scar. Now I think you're hot and sexy.
Chara: Same here. Before I couldn't tell if you were a boy.
Mello: -fumes- Well anyway, who doesn't love chocolate? Pure chocolate all the way! By the way white chocolate isn't real chocolate. It's just crap.
Chara: But I like white chocolate.
Mello: Then you're full of crap.
Chara throws a live raccoon at Mello. Mello screams as it starts clawing at his face. Mello throws it into the audience and everyone screams.
Jocelyn: Finally a live animal!
Chara: Well it wouldn't be able to do any damage if it was dead.
Jocelyn:
"and to Near
Dear Near,
You are like the second best character in the whole series! You are so totally awesome XD and... –cough- if L did die, same –cough- question...
UM and, I have another... Why are you and like Mellow fighting all the time? I mean seriously, I know you'll like totally beat him anyday, but you didn't do anything to him! You're just like solving and re-solving that puzzle at the orphanage right? Idk, well yup!! D
Byes!
3v07"
Mello: Hey! At least spell my name right!
Near: I do not have time for girls and dates.
Matsuda: Do you have time for boys? Teehee.
Near: I'm not gay.
Mello: Unlike you, Matsuda.
Matsuda: You're mean!
Near: And I'm not the one who starts the fight. Mello does.
Mello: Do not!
Near: Do too!
Mello: Do not!
Light: Shut up already!
Chara:
"And this one is to... the hostesses:
I'm like so sorry for writing the longest review ever! Hope you forgive me!
And lastly:
To Fred the Fish: Are you in need of an owner? I'd gladly take you in! XD
Signed,
3v07"
Fred: No thank you. I have Mikami to keep me company.
Mikami: NOOO! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!
Jocelyn: Well, 3v07 you won the award for the longest letter sent to this show! Lol.
Chara: Please no one try to break that record. We are begging you.
Jocelyn: Though feel free to keep asking questions and fan/hate mail!
Chara: Currently in the lead is L with 9 smileys, followed by Mello with 8, Matt with 6, Matsuda with 3, with Mikami and Near with 2. As for hate mail, we have Misa with 1, Takada with 2, and Light is not even running since he received 4 fan and 4 hate mail.
Light: This is so unfair.
Jocelyn and Chara: Well that's it for now! Tune in next time on…
Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!
Cameras pan out as lights dim.
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This is officially our longest chapter. As you might have guessed. Please continue to send in questions and fan/hate mail.
