"Loki picked out a lovely suit, you know." Jane said as she leaned on the edge of Thor's desk.
"Mhmm." He noted passively, flipping through papers.
Jane bit her lip for a moment, analyzing her gruff husband surrounded by piles of work. "Why don't you like him, Thor?"
Thor hesitated, and then set the papers he was studying so intently back on his desk. "Why don't I like Loki?" He echoed.
She nodded. "I feel this awful tension whenever you guys are near each other. And now that I've actually started getting to know him, he's…" Her sentence trailed.
"Overdramatic? Obnoxious?" Thor suggested.
"No, Thor, he's wonderful." There was a glint in her eyes as she said it, and just a hint of a smile teased the corners of her mouth.
Thor let out an exhausted sigh. "I don't have time for this right now, I'm sorry. I have so much to get done." He gestured to the papers on his desk with endless lists of houses. "And I don't really enjoy discussing the topic of my brother. Go to bed, darling."
Darling. The word rang in her ears and left a bad taste in her mouth. It was the very same word Loki said countless times but for some reason it sounded so different coming from Thor. It was cold and hard and unfeeling.
"You're just dismissing me?" Jane snapped.
Thor rubbed his beard, exasperated with the situation already. "Jane, I have so much to do-"
"I'm going out." Jane hopped off his desk.
"Out?" He asked incredulously. "It's nearly midnight."
"Don't worry about it." She said by the door. "You've got so much work to do."
She slammed his office door behind her and headed out to her car. The reflection of the moon glistened on the dark red glossy paint of her ferrari. The car had been a gift from Thor for their three year anniversary. She'd said it was too much, and insisted that he keep it. However, he would not back down, and in the end she accepted. Four months later, she moved in with him.
Jane turned the dial of the radio until she stopped at a station that was playing "Hey Jude" by the Beatles. The sound of music concealed the noises of bumps her car hit and the whirring of the engine. She didn't know where she was going. She just drifted into town until she drove past the suit shop she was at earlier and stopped abruptly. Luckily, there were no cars around at this time, and she continued on unscathed.
Just like that, all the memories from today flooded into her mind. Loki sitting meekly at her dining room table, walking into the closet and finding him nearly unclothed, the kiss on her cheek, the elegant suit that formed around his body with such grace.
I could go to see him. The thought left as quickly as it came. It was a ridiculous proposition. It was beyond inappropriate, and Thor would definitely not approve.
But, something inside her was pulling her there. A small tug at her heart and ache in her chest. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her hands, and she gripped the steering wheel tightly. She would go.
Just a few minutes, though. No more.
But even she knew that was a lie.
/
Loki rose from his couch in a bout of confusion. Who on earth could be ringing his doorbell at this time in the night?
Overbearing light streamed in from the hallway and Loki had to squint to see who was there. He gaped at the sight in front of him. "Jane? I-" He gestured inside. "Come in. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She tentatively stepped into his apartment. No going back now, she told herself.
"Would you like me to get you something?" It sounded uncomfortable coming from him. Small talk clearly wasn't his forte.
Jane shook her head. "No, I just came to see you."
He blinked, tucking a lock of dark hair behind his ear. "Oh, alright."
Noticing the paint-stained apron he was wearing, she jumped at the opportunity to avert the conversation to something else. "What were you painting?"
He lit up from the mention of his art. "Let me show you." Taking up a canvas not too far from them, he held the frame in front of his torso. Acrylic, Jane noted. A number of haphazard brushstrokes streaked into a whirlwind of color that made up the face of a blonde woman. A gray dress fell loosely on her arms, exposing her shoulders.
"Loki, that's incredible." Jane beamed. "Who is she?"
Loki's expression darkened as he took the canvas back to its easel. "She was my mother. Her name was Frigga." He lightly stroked the frame of his canvas, taking care not to smudge the wet paint. "She died when I was very young. I don't remember her at all...only seen a few pictures."
"Oh." Jane wasn't sure how to respond. That was definitely unexpected. "Thor told me about your mother. But, I…" She paused for a moment. "I didn't know that was her. I'd never seen any pictures."
Loki took one last glance at his mother, and then turned back to Jane. "You said you wanted to ask me something today."
"Yes, I was going to ask you what happened with Thor all those years ago. What pulled you apart?" Loki's face grew even paler. "But, you don't have to answer if you don't want to." She added quickly.
"No, no, it's fine." He waved her concerns away. "Here, come to the living room."
The 'living room' was only two steps away and connected to the kitchen, but Jane followed anyway. They sat side by side on a tattered couch, and Loki took a few breaths before beginning his story.
"You don't have to tell me." She insisted.
He placed a hand over hers gently. "I want to."
Her pulse lurched and she pulled her hand away quickly, folding it over her lap. Loki smirked at her reaction, puffing air out of his nose.
"My brother and I got along well as children. We had a lovely life. Of course, we had to- we lived like royalty. My father spoiled us both, but I could always tell he had a greater liking for Thor. As a teenager, it became even more clear how much Odin favored Thor. When I decided I wanted to be an artist, Odin was extremely displeased. He sent me to art school as I wished but he never visited me or asked me to come home even though I was miles away in New York. I guess that animosity towards me sort of spread to Thor. He called me the first few weeks of college, but that stopped gradually. Once I finished art school, I came back home and my father begrudgingly let me back in. Thor had already graduated with a degree in business a few years earlier and my father had employed him in Asgard Real Estate. I lived in his house for about a year until he forced me to go out and finance myself with my art. That's when I bought this apartment." He gestured around him. "Thor would come by to say hello every now and again but it was awfully formal and stiff. He would talk to me like a stranger. I think he only did it to ease his conscience.
"Three years after that, Odin passed away from a heart attack. In his will-" He winced as though it physically hurt him to remember this. "In his will, he left everything to Thor. His house, his cars, his company, his fortune. Everything. I inherited nothing. Thor came here to see me that day, apologizing for my misfortune and telling me that if father wanted it this way, this was the way it had to be. An unknown rage exploded from within myself and I punched him right in the jaw. He retaliated, though not with his full strength. He knew I was hopelessly frail compared to him. We did this pitiful dance for about fifteen minutes until the broken skin on my knuckles was pouring out blood." His hand rose to show the scar. "Now alone, I was left to deal with my father's death and the realization that he never really loved me. I always had this miniscule hope inside me that my father truly cared about me. That one day he would tell me to come home and he would love me the same way he loved my brother. But, that will made everything clear. I started to develop an anxiety disorder. I've had times where I didn't sleep for three days straight because I just- the attacks wouldn't stop. And, then when you and Thor came to see me- well, I hadn't seen him in two years, Jane."
He was broken. Completely broken from all that his own family had done to him. Jane hesitated at first, shifting awkwardly on the couch. The cushions creaked underneath her as she leaned over and threw her arms around Loki's neck. His arms moved slowly and unsurely to her back, returning her embrace.
His breath caught in his throat as he attempted to cease the stinging threat of tears in his eyes. "I don't know how to see myself as anything more than a worthless failure anymore."
"Loki," Jane breathed, pulling away to study his face. His eyebrows folded into a creased and agonized mess on his forehead. The beginning of tears fell into the hollows under his eyes. And there was a strained apathy fixed on his lips as though he was trying to feign to Jane alone that he was still alright. "Don't-"
"Can I-?" Loki interrupted, moving closer to her and sweeping her hair away from her face with a trembling hand. His gaze flickered down to her mouth swiftly.
"Y-yeah." She stammered.
"Are you sure?" He asked, wiping the moisture from his cheeks.
She nodded, although she still wasn't quite sure she should be agreeing to this. The gap between them closed and Loki pressed his lips gently against hers. His tall, slim body enveloped her tiny figure, holding her, touching her, caressing her.
Abruptly, she pushed on his chest, breaking their kiss. "I can't do this. You know it's wrong."
"Please," Loki tried to regain their earlier state. "Jane-"
"He's your brother." Jane shook her head. "Thor is your brother. I have to leave." She stood up from the couch, walking quickly to the door.
"Jane!" He grabbed onto her arm just before she could unlock the door. "I'm sorry."
She paused, caught between the hallway that led to her car, that led to Thor, and the doorway that led to a beautiful, dilapidated man. Then, with an overwhelming desire, she reached up and kissed him one more time.
And it was wrong. It was so wrong. And the fireworks exploding in her head were wrong, and the adrenaline rushing through her body was wrong, and the feeling of wanting him closer, wanting more of him, was so undeniably wrong.
