"Dad." I say, entering the room.
It is cold in here. I always hated hospital rooms with their thousand shades of white. It's so unnatural, it's makes it impossible to feel at home there. Not that there it would be possible to feel at home in a place where there's a hospital bed with a sick person lying there, with thousands of tubes and wires glued to them, but the color palette sure didn't make things any easier.
"Gray." My father turns his head over to the door, where I'm standing. He smiles, but you can still see the concerned expression stamped across his face. The dark circles under his eyes are not helping the disguise, either.
"How is she?" I ask, coming in.
I look over to my mother, lying there, unconscious. This is the second heart attack she has had. I remember the shit show it was when the first one happened. But now it's a better situation. She has my father now, at least.
"She is fine. She is just sleeping now. She'll get better."
"Good." I say, putting my hand on my father's shoulder. He is sitting at an armchair, pointed to my mother's bed.
I look over to my father and can't help but smile. He has done good to my mother this past years, contradicting everyone's expectations.
"Silver…" We hear a week voice say, suddenly. Me and dad look over to my mom, who just woke up.
"Hey honey." He holds her hand. "Gray is here."
"Gray…?"
"Hey, mom." I kneel down on the floor, so we can be face to face. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm great." She smiles in irony. "You didn't have to come, you have stuff to do."
"Stop being silly mom, of course I had to." I hold her hand as well.
She smiles at me, like the way she used to do before going to work during my childhood, saying how much she loved me, and kissing me on the forehead. I respond with another smile. Her hands are warm, and her ebony hair, otherwise so tidy up on her head, is messy as hell.
She looks tired. It's very unusual to see my mom like that. But it is good to see her letting her guard down, for her to see she can count on us, and not just be the firm figure that everyone fall back into when there's trouble. For years, she sacrificed her own humanity to give the people in her life the illusion that she was a safety island that everyone could count on, without having any problems of her own. Now it's time for us to provide her that safe space she provided for all of us.
"I love you."
"I love you too, mom."
…
"So, Gray, what's going on in your life today?" She asks, as I sit down in the couch, seeing her in front of me.
This is forth session in two weeks, and I'm already start to feel the impact in my life. Everything seems lighter, especially me, like I'm getting huge weights of my back, one by one. Unless, of course, I think about him too much. But that's another conversation, the one I'm about to have right now, by the way.
"My mom, she had a heart attack. Yeah… But, it's okay. I mean, she's getting better. She already had one before, a few years back."
"And how does that mix up with all the emotions that you've been feeling?"
I look deeply at the psychiatrist sitting in front of me, trying to figure out an answer. Man, that woman is good. Her abilities to left me speechless at every session is uncanny.
"I guess, like everything lately, it falls back into old memories…"
…
I ran, slipping on leaves and twigs on the way. The uneven grass ground was not ideal for someone in a hurry. Finally, I got to my boyfriend, sitting in a picnic towel, right in front of the lake, like we agreed on. I arched my back, with my hands on my knees, taking a time to breath before I could say something. He was just sitting there, looking at me with a not very pleased expression on.
"I know…" I paused, still needing time to catch my breath. "I'm very late… I'm sorry, okay? I didn't intend to, I just…"
"Gray, it's okay…" Pink head said, unconvincingly, standing up and turning his back on me.
"No, no…" I ran to him and put myself in front of Natsu again. "I really am sorry. Let me make it up to you…" The pink haired boy started walking once more, and I put my hand on his chest for him to stop. "Please…?" His angry eyes were staring directly at mine, as I forced a smile to lighten the mood.
"Fine…" My boyfriend snorted. "Just help me carry the baskets and…"
"No, come on! Let me really make it up to you!"
"It's just frustrating Gray, I mean, we already had to reschedule two dates because you're busy with college, and I know it's serious, but you haven't had any time to be with me, and…" He started to throw up words at me, making me more ashamed of what I've just done.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. Let's do something! Say, anything you want, I'll do it, I promise!"
"Anything?" A dirty smile formed on his lips, as he put his hands at my butt. "Well, then… I can actually think of something or two for you to do tonight…" He joined his body closer to mine, while his face was screaming second intentions. I smiled, uncomfortably as I heard those words. "What?" Natsu shot at me, seeing my expression.
"It's just, I just came here to apologize, I actually still have work to do, my group is waiting on me at the library…"
"Ugh! Forget it…" Pink head let me go and turned his back on me again.
"No, please!" I grabbed him by the wrist, making him turn around. "During the weekend. I promise, I'll be all yours."
"The weekend?" He looked at my eyes, still frustrated. "Fine, I can work with that. No excuses!"
"No. Excuses."
"Okay then." He smiled, and grabbed my hand that was holding him, kissing it.
Pink head, then, pulled me by that same hand, pressing our bodies together, and gave me a tender, passionate, kiss. That's why I loved him. Part of me just wanted to tear his flannel shirt apart, and start fucking him right there. Then, a beeping noise woke us both from our fantasies.
"What is that?" He asked slowly, with a threatening voice. The kissed was interrupted but our lips were still glued together.
"Shit, that's my phone."
I grabbed it from my pocket, taking it towards my ear, when Natsu grabbed my wrist.
"Give me that."
"What? No."
"You're not gonna answer it now Gray."
"I have to, it's this girl from my group…"
"No."
"Natsu!"
I tried to unleash myself from him, stretching my hand, so he wouldn't grab my phone. We were both laughing while I moved around so that he would let me go, while he was still holding tight to me, till I tripped, and we both fell, he on top of me. I accidently dropped my phone, and it slid towards the lake, falling on the water.
"Shit! My phone!" I poked the pink haired boy on top of me with my elbow, so he would get off.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry babe…"
"No, it's okay… It's just that… I have to go."
"I'm sorry…"
I got up, cleaning my pants from the dirt.
"No, it really is okay. The weekend, right?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder, as he looked at me with a contained smile.
"The weekend."
I pulled him closer for a soft kiss and followed my path. I just lost a phone, but I really didn't want us to keep fighting. The sooner Saturday came, the better, as we could keep on loving each other without obstacles on the way.
…
"So, you're going out with Natsu?" Loki, asked, as he watched me pass deodorant, sitting on his bed.
"That's right. And it's really important that you're not here when we come back".
"Aw, man, why don't you guys go to his bedroom, for once?"
"Because…" I paused for a second, putting a shirt on. "It stinks. And, his roommate isn't as comprehensible as you."
"Yeah, right. I wanted to play videogames."
"Here." I took some crumbled money bills out of my pocket and threw it at his direction.
"Oh, sweet! Thanks man."
"Yeah, yeah, just go do something fun and leave this room." I talked, as I left by the door.
I walked my way out of the campus, going to meet Natsu. Our plan was to catch a bus and go to this fair that settled itself by the west side of the city. Natsu had been wanting to go for a while, and I was also pretty excited, actually. In the small town I grew up in, there was a fair that was built during a whole week during the town's birthday. Those fairs were the highlights of my childhood. My heart sank when I thought about the fact that the town's anniversary was happening in that very same day.
Not that I would admit it, but I've been homesick actually. I missed the bedroom that was my shelter during the first eighteen years of my life, I've missed my fights with Lyon, the breakfast with him and my mom in the kitchen, the dinners in the living room, as we watched TV together, eating takeout food, in our underwear, as my brother yelled at me that I left my pants in the middle of the living room, forgetting that he'd done the same thing.
Tokyo was at the same time amazing and intimidating. It didn't have the cold winter breeze that my hometown had, the welcoming neighbors, the little candy store owned by Mrs. Nanase and Mr. Hazuki's dinner. There, everyone knew me since I was a baby in my mother's arms. She moved there from Tokyo actually, when I was three months old.
But, at the same time, I loved the glowing lights, and the smell of adventure waiting to happen that my new town had. The crowded streets, the giant skyscrapers, the food trucks at every corner. It was just that, sometimes, it was just a lot to take in all at once.
Lost in my thoughts, I was soon awaked by a motorcycle coming at the opposite direction as me at full speed. It suddenly turned left, stopping exactly in front of me. I shook at the sight of that vehicle sudden stop. Then I realized I knew that motorcycle.
"Lyon…?"
The person driving the vehicle, wearing a brown leather jacket, got out of their seat, and come towards me, still with a helmet on.
"What is your problem?!" That was definitely my brother's voice.
With a sudden move, he punched my face with all he got, making me fall on the floor, hitting my back. Still confused, I tried to formulate a sentence;
"L-Lyon…? What…?" He grabbed me by my collar, out of the floor, putting our faces really close.
"Don't you have a phone?! Why don't you answer a fucking call?!" He let me down, making me fall into my back again. He opened his helmet's visor, and started to walk back and forth, still shaking and trembling.
"Lyon…" I walked to him, getting up, and putting my hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened, you moron!" My brother yelled at me, pushing my arm away. "Mom had a heart attack!"
"What…?"
"And apparently, you idiot doesn't know you have a phone, making me come all the way over here to drag you back to Snow Bent, because I can't do this alone!"
"Wait, what…? Mom had a heart attack?" Lyon arched his back, putting his hand on his knees, breathing with difficulty, clearly, he was having some sort of break down.
"I can't…" He stopped to get some air. "I can't do this alone, Gray…" He looked up towards me, tears pouring down his face.
"Lyon, come down… What happened to mom?"
"She… She…" My brother couldn't get himself to finish a sentence, as he was having problems to breath. "I don't know Gray, I don't know!" Lyon broke down into tears, and I ran to him, pressing my arms around him, into a hug.
"It's okay. I'm sorry. My phone fell into a lake… I don't have it anymore…" As I started to explain myself, Lyon got up and responded to my hug, resting his face into my shoulder. "Calm down. Mom's going to need you to be strong…"
"You're really being missed back at home, you moron."
"I know I am. But you're still there. And I know you can handle stuff, because we were raised by mom. That means we are the perfect mixture of sweet softy woosies and hard ass bitch bosses." Lyon laughed, calming himself down. "And I know you're perfectly capable of looking out for that lady I left at home at your cares. I know that because I look up to you too, Lyon.
"Oh, stop it." He got out of our hug, drying his tears with his hands. "You're just flattering myself."
"No, I'm not. I never said that, and if you tell anyone that I'm going to deny it, but, growing up with you, I always wished that I was a bit more like you, more in touch with my own emotions."
"And I always wished I was more like you. More determined and disciplined, more capable of getting the job done."
"But you are Lyon. Now calm down, and tell me exactly what happened to mom." He took a deep breath before starting to talk.
"I don't know. She was grocery shopping, and she just passed out in the middle of the supermarket. They got her into the hospital, and they called me at school. I panicked, I needed you there. You would know what to do, but you weren't answering your phone, so I just left Mrs. Nanase and Juvia there…"
"Juvia?!" I shivered at the name of my ex-girlfriend being spoken.
"Oh, not this now Gray!"
"Fine, fine. So, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"
We both hop on my mother's motorcycle and went our way towards the university's exit. As we took the turn left, instead of right, I looked the other way, and remembered my plans with my boyfriend. I had completely forgotten.
"Natsu…" I said, as we drove away, and the other turn was getting distant.
"What was that?"
"Nothing we have to worry about now."
Getting my attention back at my mother and my brother, I begin to realize how rare were these moments with my brother. He is just a year younger than me, and we lived alone with my mother my entire life, having to fight for not only her attention, but since our town was really small, and we were always sharing schools, friends, and activities, we had to fight for nearly everything.
And I always envied Lyon's abilities to show his emotions. He was always coming back from school with drawings and cards to my mother, saying how much he loved her. And when he didn't like something, he would always throw a tantrum, and cry until he got what he wanted. I on the other hand, was much more led by my head, by logic, then by my emotions. And that made opening up to people much harder. And so, I always suspected my mother ended up being closer to Lyon than to me. That also made Lyon much more popular. When I was a kid, my friends were Lyon's friends. It was only on middle school that I found a friend group of my own.
The only time I could remember that Lyon and I shared a moment like that was during our early teen years. I found Lyon crying on his bedroom. At first, he pushed me away, but then he started to opened up to me, asking how did I do it, how could I be so persistent, how could I be much better at everything than he was. He said I was the good son, that I never got in trouble in school, that I took good grades without having to work hard for them. Meanwhile, I thought that he was the good son. He was much better at keeping conversations, he was always opened up to my mom at how much he loved her, sharing moments with her, while all I could do was watch. Whenever the three of us were together, I always thought she had the most fun being with him and not to me. But I didn't say anything. I just helped him calm down. And then I helped him face the reason of all that crying, his final exam. I studied with him. And he got an A. I'd never forget that night.
Our town, Snow Bend, was only an hour and a half away from Tokyo, and luckily, there wasn't much traffic at its direction. We didn't talk much during our trip, he just drove, while my arms were holding his abdomen, and the wind was blowing through our hair, as we hit the highway. Something out of a movie.
My heart warmed as I saw the plate "Welcome to Snow Bend". It was the first time I've come back there since I moved to college. During Christmas, me, my mom, and Lyon went to an Inn in the mountains, it was a family tradition, that started when me and my brother were four and three years old, respectively. We were fighting a lot with each other, and complaining about the fact that there wasn't a Christmas tree in our house that year, when suddenly our mom picked us up by the arms and put us inside the car. Scarred, we looked into each other's eyes, as our mom went inside the house, and came back with three suitcases. As she drove away, we beg her not to abandon us, promising that we would behave, but she continued silent all the way to the end of the trip. What wasn't our surprise when she parked the car in front of a huge Inn in the mountains, while in our heads she would just abandon us in the snow, to be eaten by bears.
I grabbed Lyon tighter, as we entered that town that nursed me since I was three months old. I passed the town square, with the gazebo right in the center of it, the fair was taking place there, with the attractions and the stalls, and the very excited children running with their friends, holding a portion of cotton candy. This used to be us, I thought looking back at my brother. Every Saturday the square would host a movie session outdoors. I smiled seeing as the snow started to fall. Convenient. I then I passed the school where I studied for four years, until I became Todai Material, the dinner where mom would take me and Lyon every Friday after picking us up from school, and then we would pass by the candy store before going home. I was getting lost in memories with every street we crossed, with every turn we took, locations we passed by and people we spotted on the street, moving my head around from one side to the other, and the smile on my lips growing bigger and bigger.
I got lost for a minute, when Lyon parked the motorcycle, didn't understanding why we stopped. I wanted more of that ride down memory lane.
"We're here," My brother got out the vehicle as I look at his eyes for a split second before my senses came back to me.
"Sure." I tried to disguise my confusion.
We looked at one another's face, looking for support, before heading our way to the hospital stairs. I hated hospitals lighting, it made everything be even whiter, and cold, and unwelcoming. Once inside, Lyon led the way to the reception. He went to the receptionist, as I stood there, a few steps away from the balcony.
"Hi, I'm here to see my mom. Can you tell me if she's already in a room?"
"Yes, the name of the patient, please?"
"C'mon, Mrs. Kaname, you know who my mother is. It's me. Lyon. I went out with your daughter…" She stared at him, unamused", from her pink glasses.
"Fine!" My brother snorted. "It's Ur Fullbuster."
"Lyon!" We heard someone shouting his name, and both our heads turned to the voice's direction. "Oh, you're back. It's okay, they're with me." Mrs. Nanase said to the nurse. "Gray!" The woman said, noticing my presence. She came towards me, as I smiled blushingly, putting her hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "We've missed you over here." A smile appeared on the woman's lips, as she squished me into a tight hug under her fat arms.
"I missed you, too." My voice weakened saying that.
She, then, proceeded to guide us to my mother's room, telling us all she needed now was to rest.
Mrs. Nanase was an old, chubby lady, with grey, short hair and was the owner of the candy store. She could not have kids, so she opened the shop to be closer to children. She was the one that took my mother in when she appeared by the town with me in her hands, and she always was like a grandmother figure for my family.
"It's just that, she's been so stressed lately. Since Meiko moved out she's been handling the school all by herself, and it has really been consuming her, you know? And then she was also in charge of the organization for the town's anniversary, and, well, you know, one can only do so much…"
She explained to us what happened in the way to the room. My mom was a swim teacher in the town's sport school, until the owner's move out and it closed. So, she started a project with her friend Meiko to open their very own school, and three years ago they managed to realize that dream. But, a few months ago Meiko got a job offer and moved out, leaving my mom the only in charge of the school.
"We're here." Mrs. Nanase turned over to us, stopping in front of the hospital room's door.
Me and Lyon exchanged looks and got inside, that was when I heard her voice.
"Lyon, you're back!"
Juvia stood up from the chair she was sitting in, seeing my brother walk in. That was when our eyes met.
"No, please, it can't be over!"
"I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."
The girl dropped on my feet, and hold my legs tightly, crying.
"No, please! I love you, I'll do whatever it takes! I'll get better, I promise! Please Gray, don't leave me!" I freed my legs and I walked to the door.
"You don't love me, Juvia. You love the idea of me. And it's honestly overwhelming. It isn't healthy, and it's exhausting me and you."
As I turned over to the door, a vase came flying through my head, hitting the wall. I turned around suddenly. Juvia was standing now, with a raging expression on her face.
"You'll regret it! If you pass that door, I swear you'll regret it!"
All I could feel was pity for her. And anger towards myself to put Juvia and I on that situation. If I ended it when I started to notice the signs. Or better, if I never started it in the first place…
"Bye Juvia…" I turned around again and got out of there, leaving her screaming and crying echoing through the hallway.
I turned my head down, blushing. Seeing my ex-girlfriend in the same room where my mother was, passed out, was more than I could handle.
"How is she?" My brother asked.
"The doctor said she is stabilized. All she needs now is some rest. He said she'll probably be discharged by tomorrow."
"That's is a relieve…" My brother sighted in alleviation.
He walked to her, who was on the other side of the room, and then the most bizarre thing happened. My brother grabbed my ex-girlfriend and kissed her. My eyes popped seeing that scene. What the hell was happening? This was too much to handle in one day. When they stopped that horrendous showcase of awkwardness, Juvia looked straight to me, visibly embarrassed, and then faced the floor. I took my eyes off of her and looked to my brother, who was surrounding her in his arms, wanting an explanation.
"I'm actually hungry." Lyon said, obviously trying to get himself out of that situation. "Gray, you want to grab something to eat?" I couldn't get myself from responding, as I was still shaking from that show he and Juvia put up for me.
"Go my dears, me and Juvia will stay here." Mrs. Nanase secured us.
As me and my brother walked out of there, I ran at his direction and put my hand on his shoulder stopping him.
"What the hell was that?!"
"What?" He turned over to me.
"Don't you play the fool with me, Lyon!"
"Dude, calm down. It's nothing major…"
"Nothing major?"
"Look, I know you have your own issues with Juvia, and I get that, but she is changed, I swear it."
"Don't you see what she is doing? She is only with you because she wants to get closer to me."
"Woah, obsessed much? What, she couldn't like me?"
"That is not what I meant and I know it!"
"Hey, silence!" A nurse shouted at us from the other side of the hall, as we both looked over to her, emerging from our fight.
"Look, I don't want to fight, okay?" He looked back at me, distracted with the nurse's reprimand. "Do you want to go grab something to eat or not?"
"You go first, I got to take a call."
"What the hell, Juvia?!" I blasted into the school's cafeteria, shouting. All eyes on me, as I went over to the girl, sitting by herself, eating lunch.
"What?" She acted innocent, drinking from her box juice.
"Oh, don't do all that! You burned my bicycle!"
"I don't know what you're talking about…"
"My bicycle was gone, yes? And then I just opened my locker and found this!" I threw a burned bike bell at the table. "Where's the rest of it?"
"What makes you assume it was me?" She looked directly into my eyes, with an impassive face on.
"Stop that now! Why would you do something like that?! I don't even recognize you anymore!"
"Look!" She yelled impulsively, standing up, slamming her hands in the table, and then proceeded to say calmly but scarily, looking straight into my eyes, almost whispering. "I don't know why you're acting so surprise, I told you, you were going to regret breaking up with me…"
"What?! Are you crazy?!"
"Hey, is everything okay over here?" Aru, some stupid jock, barged in into our conversation.
"No." She smiled at me saying that. "This man is harassing me!"
"You're crazy Juvia! You're crazy and a lunatic, and I can't believe I ever let those psycho hands of yours touch me!"
"Het, man, let's turn it down a notch, shall we?" Aru said to me, as I looked at him confused, not understanding what he was doing there in the first place.
I snorted and walked away, in anger.
"C'mon, pick up!" I talked to myself, pressing a payphone in my ear.
"Hello…?"
"Natsu! Thank god!"
"Gray…?"
"Natsu, I'm sorry I bailed on you again, but I can explain!"
"Explain the reason you left me standing like an idiot at the bus stop waiting on you?"
"Natsu, my mom had a heart attack." Silence. "Natsu…?"
"Oh… wow. I… I don't even know what to say. Gray, I'm so sorry!"
"No, it's okay. She is stabilized, she is fine now."
"And, where are you?"
"I'm at my hometown, I'm calling from the hospital."
"I'm really sorry. Look, I'll go over there. What's the name of the town again?"
"No, please. There's no need for you to worry. Everything is going to be fine, I swear."
"Gray, if you don't tell me I'm going to find out anyway and show up, you know that…" I smiled at those words. Only he could bring me joy in a moment like that.
"No, I'm serious. I'll call you to tell how things are going okay? Now I have to go."
"Gray…" He insisted.
"Bye, I love you."
"Love you too."
I hung up the phone, and smiled. Just listening to Natsu's voice made everything lighter. I was galvanized. I knew I could do this. Took a deep breath and went meet my brother at the cafeteria.
…
My mom was deep asleep during our time in the hospital, she was sedated so she probably wouldn't wake up till the next day, anyway. I sat right next to the hospital bed, holding her hand, watching she sleep, so peacefully, trying to distract myself of the awkwardness that was having Juvia in that same room.
The doctor then proceeded to explain to me and Lyon that her blood pressure went up due to stress, but she was okay and didn't have any major problems. Just that she should keep on taking care of her own pressure, and he prescribed some medication. He also assured us that our mother was due to leave the hospital in the next day. We stayed there until the visiting ours were over, and then, went home.
I took a deep breath, standing in my living room for the first time in months. Everything was still there. The two couches, the center table, the television, the rug. I smiled seeing it. Even the smell of the house was getting to me. It smelled like home. I stood there like an idiot for many seconds, absorbing everything.
"Gray?" My brother's voice woke me up from my trance.
"Yeah?" I looked over to him, trying to disguise my silliness.
"I said, I feel bad for Mrs. Nanase staying there watching over mom for the night." Lyon was already lying on the couch, with only his underwear on. Stripping off ran in our family.
"Yeah, totally. She has done so much for us already. But I just couldn't lie down in that uncomfortable couch and sleep in it, after everything. I need a real bed." I said, as my brother surfed through the television channels.
"Lyon, I think I'm going to go to your room, is that okay?" Juvia's voice spoke up, and I was reminded that she was also there.
My ex-girlfriend was sat on the other couch, the one that was right in front of the television, while my brother was in the one by the left of the room. She was contracting herself by tip of the piece of furniture, like she didn't want to be noticed.
"Yeah, yeah." Lyon responded, without taking his off the television. "You can go."
Still acting retracted, Juvia got up, holding her hands together. She kissed my brother's forehead and passed by me. She was wearing a blue dress that I gave her, with a blue jacket, and brown boots. Blue was her favorite color. Hell, even her hair was blue. Silently, she got up the stairs, like she didn't want to be noticed, and wanted to disappear as quick as possible. I looked at her go, still shook by the fact that she was even there to begin with, and then lied on the couch she was in before.
"Dude, I know she is going out with you and all, but did she really need to come here?"
"Well, pardon me to want my girlfriend next to me the day my mother had a heart attack."
"What?! I didn't know she was your girlfriend…"
"Can we leave this subject for another time?" Lyon asked, still fixated on whatever game show was on.
I shivered in agreement.
I was walking down the street with Maiku. We both eating popcorn and laughing at whatever joke he was telling. He was good at telling jokes. When suddenly, I heard someone shouting my name.
"Gray!"
"Oh, my god…" I trembled seeing Juvia on the other side of the street.
"Who is that?" The man next to me asked, seeing my ex running in the asphalt, toward us.
"She is…"
Before I could finish my sentence, she was already in front of me, puffy from the running, and putting her hands right on top of my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.
"Gray!"
"Juvia are you okay? What happened to your hair?" I asked, noticing that her otherwise brown hair was blue now.
"I painted it. Which I know is stupid, because no matter what crazy thing I do with my hair or my body, it will never fill the gap that I feel ever since we broke up…"
"Juvia…"
"Hear me out Gray! I know it wasn't perfect before, but nothing is perfect, is it? And if you just give me another chance…"
"Juvia, I…" All I could think about was the boy behind me, and how scared he must had been with the whole situation. It was my first real relationship, and I didn't want it to be ruined by my first non-real relationship.
"Please, Gray!" She bursted into tears, while still holding tight into my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "I need you! I love you! Tell me that you don't love me! That you never loved me! I dare you!" I was shaking by that whole spectacle and I could feel Maiku was too, from behind me.
"Juvia…" I couldn't find a follow up word to her name, that was when she pressed her body into mine and forced me into a kiss, as I turn my head. "Juvia! Stop!"
"Please Gray, I know you want me, I know you do!"
"Stop!" I held her wrists tightly, as she blushed, tears still falling down her eyes. This time I was looking directly into her eyes, making she blush and look away. "I'll take you home. You're clearly not okay, you need some rest." I looked over to Maiku behind me, who was scared by that whole affair. "I'm sorry, I have to go…" He couldn't manage to say anything in return.
I looked away, and, holding Juvia's hand, crossed the street, making my way into her house.
Taking my clothes off, I lied down in the couch, stretching myself. Me and Lyon, watching TV with only our underwear on. All that was missing was…
"Ew, Gray, take your clothes off the middle of the living room, you pig!"
Yeah, now it was home.
Lyon and I watched TV together, making comments, teasing each other, fighting occasionally. I went to the kitchen to make popcorn, and we ate it together. For a moment, we almost forgot the reason why I was back home. But the truth is, it was like I never left.
Suddenly, we heard the bell ring, and looked at each other.
"Who is it?" My brother questioned, putting his pants back on.
Then, I remembered.
"Don't worry, I know who it is."
"Aren't you going to dress yourself first?" Lyon questioned me, as I went over to the door still half naked.
"There's no need to…"
I opened the door with a dirty smile on, knowing exactly who was standing in the other side. What was my surprise when…
"Nice look…"
The woman outside spoke, after staring at me blankly for a few seconds, unamused. I blushed and wished for a button that I could press to sink under the ground, in shame. So, it wasn't Natsu by the door.
"Ul-Ultear…" I stuttered seeing my big sister standing there with a big faux fur coat, staring at me half naked.
"Ultear…" Lyon came over to us.
"So, am I going to be invited in or what…"
"Man, I wish you could see your face right now…" Lyon whispered into my ear, as my shame rose bigger and bigger. "Sure, come on in…"
My two siblings went onto the kitchen, leaving me behind to dress myself. All dressed up, I appeared by the door, seeing the two of them sitting on the kitchen table.
"Oh, don't dress up on my account…" My sister smiled in amusement and I blushed harder.
She was sitting in one side of the table, and Lyon in another, completely separate. I went over to Lyon's side and pushed a chair.
"So, Ultear…" My brother began to speak. It was always awkward when Ultear showed up, because she lived with her father, and we never got to be close to her, so we never knew how to act around her, even though she was, indeed, our sister. "How did you know about… mom?"
"What's so hard about saying that word?" She sighed. "She is our mother, after all. Even though she always were more of a mother to you than to me, but…"
Me and my brother looked down with that comment. That was exactly the kind of stuff that made awkward our relationship with Ultear. She was seven years older than me, and eight years older than Lyon, so she had a life with our mother that neither me or my brother knew about. My mom brought her along when she came to Snow Bent with me in her arms. Ultear's father saw that as an attempt to run away with their daughter and prosecuted my mother to get full custody of Ultear. He won, and she was taken away from my mother's arms.
"But, hum, Ultear, how did you know about mom?" I tried to break the ice in the room.
"What kind of world is this where a daughter comes to visit her sick mother and is questioned about how she knows about the mother's state.
"It's just that you and her never were really close, and you don't live here, so we are curious to know about how this information came to you, that's all…" Lyon explained.
"That woman, from the candy shop or something, she found my number on my mom's agenda and called me. So, I came. Is that a big surprise?"
"Yeah, I can see that you made a big effort into being in here. Seeing that the hospital is already closed and all…" My brother shot at her.
"Ultear, do you want something?" I intervened.
"A glass of water would be fine, love, thank you."
"And are you shooting a big movie or something now? What's your next project?" I asked her, walking to the refrigerator to poor her a glass of water.
"I'm not supposed to tell yet, but, maybe there's a chance for me to fly to the United States to work with a big director."
"Woah, that's major." I said, handing her the glass, ad sitting back where I was.
"And how long do you plan on staying?" Lyon barged in.
"I don't know, since I am already here it would be silly to live without saying hi to her, wouldn't it?"
"You can sleep here if you want to…" I proposed.
"That's sweet, thanks."
"Mom's room is clearly available…"
"I don't think that would be the best option…" My brother was quick to interfere, and I kicked him under the table.
"Why not?" Ultear asked, with a smile on her face, as she took a sip of the water.
"Well, I mean, the couch is right there…" He stopped for a bit, as I looked down, seeing that this conversation couldn't end well. "And I would prefer, in behalf of my mother…
"Our mother…" She shot at him.
"Our mother, if her room stayed intact until she comes back."
"Well, if it's going to be that difficult, I'll stay at the Inn they have here…"
"Do Miss Celebrity Superstar has a problem with sleeping in the couch?" I kicked Lyon harder this time. "Ouch!" He punched me in the shoulder. My veins were popping with his lack of discretion.
An awkward silence took the room for a few minutes. With only the ticking of the clock echoing through the walls.
"So, what happened to her, exactly?" Ultear questioned it, breaking the silence.
"She has been really stressed out lately…" I explained with the least amount of words as possible.
"Stressed out?" She was surprised. My daughter capabilities to push the wrong buttons was uncanny. Of course, she was doing it on purpose. "What has she been doing? I mean, don't get me wrong, but unless things changed around here, the only thing I know she did was use her capabilities of completely ignoring everything and everyone but herself…
"That's it!" Lyon stood up, landing his hands hard on the table. I rolled my eyes with the sign of the erupting volcano. "I don't care what your problems were with my mom during the past, but you should know that she is a very hard working woman, she raised me and my brother better that anyone ever could, without having the help of anyone! She built her own sport school out of the ground, and she runs it with precision! And even with all this responsibility on her shoulders she never stopped being a kind, caring woman, even to entitled spoiled brats like you!
"Alright Lyon!" I stood up and turned over to him, while my sister was openly having fun seeing how shit was going down. "You need to take it down a notch."
"No! She has done nothing to our mother but bring her sorrow and disappointment. Every time she comes into our house she manages to treat our mother like crap, and then leave after the damage has been done! I'll won't take it anymore, especially not today!
"I think you should go to your room and get some rest."
"Fine!" He went to the door, stopping by Ultear first. "And I think you should leave!"
After Lyon was gone, Ultear also stood up and went out of the house. I went to her, to see where she was going, and saw her sitting on the balcony, lighting a cigarette.
"Ultear, it has been a really long day. If you're only here to disturb us, I really think it would be better for you to leave."
"I'm sorry." She said as I turned back into the house.
Hearing those words, I came back to the balcony and watched her smoke from a distance.
"He's right you know. The only thing I brought my mother was sorrow. But it's not like it's been easy for me. I know you guys over here see me as the villain of the story."
"That's not true." I barged in, and went to sit next to her. "Every time you came here, and you left, me and Lyon saw our mother cry. We went to hug here, and you know what she'd say? 'Don't feel sorry for me. I know she is crying too'".
"It's just that, it has never been easy. When we leaved in Kyoto, before you were born, Ur wasn't a good mom, she really wasn't. I would always be left with my grandmother, we leaved with her, as she would go out, and come back late at night, when I was already asleep. I tried to wait awake till she came back, but I never could. She didn't like expending time with me, it's like she almost avoided it. Looking back at it, I realize now she had some sort of post-partum depression… And then there were the boyfriends, she would always come back with some guy, some brute, while grandma would yell at her to stop bringing those man into her house. The fight they had in front of me, I will never forget."
I saw the tears falling down her face as she told this to me. I never heard her side of the story before. And all my mom ever told me was that she wished she was a better mom to Ultear, the kind of mom she was to us.
It was really bizarre how much similar they looked. My sister was almost the exact copy pf her mother.
"And then she got pregnant with you." She said, after a moment. "And your father left, and the fights with grandma got bigger and bigger. But then she met Mikami." Lyon's father. "He was my swim teacher. He was the one that got her back into swimming you know? She stopped after high school, where she won several medals." I smiled, picturing all the medals she'd won, hanging on her wall. "And they fell in love, and it was the best part of my childhood. He was good to me. And he made her closer to me. It was like for the first time ever I felt loved by her. And he used to tell me we we're going to leave together in a big house. Me, her, him, and my little brother. And there were going to be several other babies that they were going to have." She stopped to smile. "And we moved out of grandmas'. And then my father appeared. He was rich, and he wanted to help raise me. And she didn't want to let him at first, but Mikami convinced her. I used to listen to their conversation in secret. And then you were born, and I felt like a real family for once. Me, my mom, my dad, and my baby brother. She got a job. She was happy. And then the accident happened. Mikami died in a crash. We had to go out of their house and moved back in with grandma. She fell back into ignoring me. She stayed inside her room for days, I wouldn't even see her. I cried saying I wanted my mother to my grandma. I invaded her room, tried to get her to talk to me, but she wouldn't say a word, she would only lay there, facing the other side. And I would yell at her, say I hated her. And it was like this for weeks. You would also cry and cry, and all I wanted to do was make you stop. I wanted to hit you, to get you out of your crib and throw you on the floor until you stopped. And then, one day…"
"She got out of her room, picked me up, woke you up and told you we were going to go on an adventure. And we came here…" I remember my mom's exact words. When telling me this story, she told me she was very sad in her room for days before she did bring me and my sister here.
"Yes." Ultear smiled. "And on our first night here, as we were being sheltered in Mrs. Nanase extra room, she picked me up from the mattress I was lying in on the floor, putted me in her bed and tickled me, and she said things were going to get better. And she would finally be the mom I deserved. And she got a job at the candy store in exchange for the room, but of course Mrs. Nanase paid her anyway."
"So, you know the 'candy store lady's' name, huh?" I teased her and she smiled.
"But then, my father found us. He stopped inside the shop with his BMW. I remember like it was yesterday, I was sitting in the balcony, as my mom was attending the customers, and I yelled to see him from the glass. And Ur came running from behind the balcony, she stood in front of him, they argued in front of me as I cried. And he picked me up, and I cried as he took me to the car, and she came running behind him. I cried and cried from inside the car, putting my hand on the window's glass. She put her hand too and said; "I'll come back to you." But she never did. And even though it wasn't her fault, I always resented her for it." By this time of the conversation, I was with my head lying on her shoulder, and my arm stretched across her back touching her other shoulder. "And that is why coming here has always been this hard. It's the life I could have. The mother I could have. That I wished I have.
"But you have it. She is your mother. It is not too late; do you know that?"
"Yes, but it's not the same. It won't be the same."
"So, what? You have to give yourself the chance to live different stories. Don't get stuck on the past. I've been handling this saying the hard way. I've been missing home, part of me wants to leave in the middle of the night, and come back here, to my mother's arms and give up on life, on growing up. But if I give in to those thoughts, I'll never have new experiences, and develop as a person."
"You're right. It's just that… It's easier said than done."
"I know. But you don't have to solve all your problems now. One step at a time."
"You're really smart. No wonder you got into Todai." We both smiled.
"I just have one question." I paused for dramatic effect. "When did mom find out she was pregnant with Lyon?"
"I don't know. But she didn't tell anyone. I guess it was after Mikami's death for her to want to keep it a secret. Even grandma was shocked when she found out."
"See, that is one thing I wished I had that you have. You're close to our grandmother."
My mom and her own mother were very reserved from one another, ever since she favored her ex-boyfriend during the suit to get Ultear's full guard. We almost never saw her. She came to visit from time to time, but it was very rare, and I think I only went to her house in Kyoto once in my life. At least she always sent me and Lyon birthday and Christmas presents. And since Ultear lived in Kyoto her whole life, and her father was closer to our grandmother than her own daughter, she and our grandma were actually close.
Me and my sister stood like that for a few minutes. Two siblings that never were really close catching up on all the time they waisted apart from each other. This was the first moment I ever saw Ultear without being her spoiled brat movie actress self, and I would keep it for life. As we watched the time go by, the winter breeze blowing through our faces, and the snow melting on the ground, I got caught up on reality when I heard someone shouting my name.
"Hey, Gray!" It was Mr. Hazuki. Around his arms was a really uncomfortable Natsu. "This kid over here was yelling your name in the town square. I guess he wants to talk to you."
"It's cool, Mr. Hazuki, thank you very much. One second." I said, turning over to Ultear, as Mr. Hazuki walked away, leaving a blushing Natsu behind. "So, you actually came…" I said, pulling him closer by the jeans.
"I told you I would…"
"Come, I want to show you some people…" I walked with him, my arm around his shoulder, as Ultear stood up, seeing we we're coming at her direction. "Ultear, this is, huh…" I took a deep breath. "This is my boyfriend. Natsu Dragneel." It was the first time I introduced him to anyone before, and, I think, the first time I called him boyfriend out loud.
"Hi, nice to meet you." She pulled in for a hug and a kiss in the cheek, as he stood still. "Is everything okay?"
"Y-You're… You're Ultear… Ultear Milkovich…"
"Yes, I am." She smiled.
"Oh, my god, I loved you on The Queen's Sisters. I know it's a chic flic and if anyone asks me outside of this conversation I'm going to deny it, but it's one of my favorite movies of all time! You're a goddess!"
"Well, thank you!"
"Can you sign me shirt?"
"Easy, fan boy! Let's come inside." I pulled him over before he started to kiss my sister's feet. "Lyon! Come here! There is someone I like you to meet!"
"Is this me meeting your family?"
"I guess so…"
After a minute or to, Lyon appeared up the stairs and as soon as he started to come down them, Juvia appeared right behind him. Shit! I had completely forgot about her presence there…
I was eating on a table in the cafeteria, alone, when suddenly I heard a bang from a tray being dropped on it. I looked up and there was Juvia. That's not exactly what I needed in that moment. In any moment, really.
"Juvia…"
"Aren't you going to say anything?"
"About the scene, you're throwing right in the middle of the cafeteria?"
"Look at my tray Gray!" I looked quickly to the empty tray in front of me. "Do you realize something?"
"Realize what?"
"Exactly! It's empty! Look at what you're doing to me." I stood up in a jump, and grabbed her by her arms.
"Juvia, listen to me! This is crazy! You're not implying right in front of me that you're going to stop eating!"
"That's right! I am going on a hunger strike until you get back with me!"
"Juvia, this is crazy!" I whispered to draw less attention to us. "You can't blackmail me into getting back together with you, this is insane!"
"Well, once you're in love…"
"Juvia!" I said that louder than I intended, interrupting her. "This is not love, this is sickness, you're only hurting yourself. You should get help!"
"Take your hands off of me!" She untied her arms from my hands. "If you want me back, and if you want me to start eating again, you can have me, but until then I don't want you to touch me!" She turned around and walked away, as I looked at her go, worrying.
"What is it Gray?" I woke up from my own thoughts, seeing Lyon standing there, with Juvia right behind him, staring at me.
"Oh, right! So, Lyon, this is something I want you to meet." I looked over to Natsu, with my arms still around his neck. "This is Natsu. He is my boyfriend." I said that in a single breath.
I turned around to Lyon, anxiously. He was just staring blankly at me, and then at Natsu. I could feel the tenseness grew around the room, while everyone was waiting on his response. Finally, he smiled.
"Boyfriend, huh? What's up man, I'm Lyon." He shook Natsu's hand, and I thought I was going to pass out after that dramatic build up.
"Nice to meet you!" Natsu smiled.
I was so happy during that moment, that I completely forgot about Juvia. I didn't see the expression on her face after I said the words "my boyfriend" but I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant one.
"Uh, Lyon…" Ultear's voice interrupted us. My brother look over to her, with what definitely wasn't a pleasant face. "Can I talk to you for a second? Outside?" Before he could respond, I put my hand on his shoulder, making him face me.
"Go."
With one word from me Lyon consented, and they both went outside. That was when I heard heavy steps climbing the stairs at full speed. When faced the stairs, there was no one there. That was when I remembered Juvia.
"Are you okay?" Natsu questioned.
"I'm fine. Let's go upstairs."
I showed him the way to my room, and went to the bathroom. When I came out I bumped into my ex-girlfriend.
"Juvia!" I was scared for a few seconds.
"Don't worry I don't bite…"
"I know…"
I clear the way for her to get to the bathroom, and followed my path to my room.
"Gray." She called me from behind, and I turned around cautiously.
"Yes?"
"Boyfriend, huh?" Juvia's face wasn't showcasing any expression when she said that, so I didn't really know what to think.
"Yes…"
"Gray…?" I heard her voice coming from behind me. "Mom? Dad?"
Me and Juvia's parents were sitting at Mrs. Takada office, she was the school's psychiatrist. I felt the duty to go to her and tell about the Juvia situation a few days back.
"Miss. Lockser, take a sit, please." Mrs. Takada said.
"What is going on here?"
"Mr. Fullbuster came to me a few days back, and told me that you're going through some issues. Would you care to have a conversation?"
"I don't know what you're talking about…"
"Juvia, me and your father noticed that you haven't been eating, and you've been having difficulty to sleep, and your grades are falling. We didn't know how to approach you about it. That's what it was, boy trouble?"
"Sweetheart, it's okay to open up to us, we're your parents…"
"No! I don't know what you're talking about!" Then she turned over to me with rage running across her face, before storming out of the room.
Shaking my head, trying to get those memories to get out of it, I opened my door's room. I smiled seeing it. My blue rug on the floor, my desk with my desktop, my bed, my wardrobe. And then there was Natsu, sitting on top of my bed. It was like the perfect mixture of the past with the presence.
"So, this is your room… Gray Fullbuster's room…"
"I just have one question…" The famous pause for dramatic effect. "Who are these people?" He pointed at my Radiohead poster on top of my bed's head.
"What? You don't know Radiohead? They're like my favorite band!"
"Never heard of them…"
"That's got to change. Thank god you're dating me…" I sat by his side, lying my head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath. "It's been a long day."
"How are you feeling?" He said, passing his fingers through my hair.
"Tired, I guess. But also, a bit guilty."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I guess I should see something like this coming. I should have paid more attention to her, while I was still here. During me and Lyon's childhood, she always worked very hard and tried very hard to give us the support we needed, always making sure that we were okay, and happy. I didn't realize when I was little, but she, more than often, sacrificed her own happiness to provide for us, never cracking up, handling everything with precision, not wanting to give us any sign that there was something wrong."
"Yeah, but if that's the case, I don't think it was something you could change in her just by telling not to worry so much…"
"Yeah, but it's not just that, you know?" I took a breath. "I guess there was other ways of showing her that me and Lyon… That we could take care of her too. She tried to always act like there was nothing wrong going on in her life but of course there was. She had to raise two boys by herself. Her older daughter lived with her father, and didn't want to have anything to do with her. Her other affairs, one left her with a child, and the second one died before she could give birth to their son. And even so, my mom was always with a firm expression on her face, exhaling plenitude. She would give swim classes at the town's club from morning till night, and on the weekends, no matter how tired she was, she would always propose activities for me and Lyon to do. I feel like she sacrificed her own humanity to give us this perfect life…
"But that's what parents do. I guess what you can do now is just stop dwelling in the past and start to think on what you can do from now on to show your mom that is okay for her to have a life of her on…"
"You're right. God, you're so smart. No wonder you got into Todai…" We both laughed.
"Then, that means you're on the same level as me."
"Yes, I am!" I squeezed him into a tight hug.
"I just got one last question." I turned my eyes to him. "Who is that girl with blue hair in the living room." I sighed. It was time for the Juvia conversation.
"That is Juvia… She is my…" Took a deep breath to find the courage to finish that sentence. "She is my ex-girlfriend." Natsu stayed quiet for a few seconds.
"Well, well, well, Gray Fullbuster, who would've thought you, too, used to be a heterosexual."
"Stop!" I released him on the hug and gave him a pretend slap on the cheek, as we both giggled. "It's not like that. I'm not bisexual like you. What we had wasn't real like you with Lucy. I was just scared to assume my own queerness and used her, as a beard." I said all that facing my wardrobe in front of me.
"Wow."
"Yeah, I know. It wasn't the brightest of moments for me. I feel guilty every day for what I've done to her. Especially since she didn't do well with the break up."
"How well did she do?"
"She had to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital."
"Yikes."
"And now…" I took a breath again. "My stupid brother is dating her… I mean, can't she see that she is just using him to get closer to me?"
"Maybe you're giving Juvia too little credit. Maybe she's better, I mean, you're not even living here anymore…"
I looked back to my boyfriend's face. When did he get this lucid all of a sudden, giving advice? I smiled seeing this new side of him that hasn't come up till now.
"Maybe you're right…" I lied my head on his shoulder again, and we stood there in silence, for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry, I have to ask…" Pink head broke the silence, and I smiled. That was more like him. "Did you and Juvia… You know…"
"Oh yeah… Juvia took my virginity." I put my hand on his chest.
"Oh, wow. And after her…"
"Okay, so this is the exes' conversation." I took his head out of his shoulder, preparing to this talk.
"It's not fair, you now who my exes are. Lucy. Now I want to know about yours, mister." He faced me, smiling.
"Fair enough. Well… After Juvia, there was this guy…"
"Oh, a guy…"
"Yes…" I smiled. "His name was Maiku, I started to go out with him, in secret, soon after me and Juvia's break up. We had some fun, but Juvia wasn't the lightest of ex-girlfriends, so it didn't go well…"
"Oh, bother…"
"You're so stupid." I laughed. Natsu was now with his legs, stretched, in my lap. "You know, you should thank him. I mean, he was the one that taught me all I know now…"
"Hum, is that so?" I pulled him close to me by his neck and we pressed our lips together, into a hot kiss.
"You know…" Natsu said, our lips still close to one another. "I have a condom in my pocket…"
"Oh, no babe…" It hurt my heart to say that. "No hot sex tonight, can we just cuddle?"
"You? Turning down on sex?"
"I know, I'm sorry, it's just been a full day…"
"Sure." He kissed me again and I went up to turn off the lights.
Then we lied down, he shrinking himself on the bed, and I, hugging him, the perfect cuddle, the perfect partner. Finally peace.
…
It was still early, I couldn't sleep much, waking up at six thirty in the morning. Went down stairs, the couches were empty. Apparently, Lyon let Ultear sleep in mom's bed after all. Outside, it was already snowing. I took a deep breath, seeing as everything was calm, at last. That was, until I went into the kitchen.
As soon as I opened the door, Juvia was sited there, cigarette between her fingers, facing the other side. I froze for a second, not knowing if I should proceed or not.
"Lyon! Gray! See if they took anything from your bedroom!" My mom yelled at us, as we entered our house in panic, seeing that someone broke in into our house, as the door was busted.
I went up the stairs, trying not to make sudden moves, with a vase in my hands. Walked to my door, there was a gap opened. Carefully I opened it, accidentally dropping the vase and cracking it on the floor, as I saw the blue haired girl asleep on my bed.
"Juvia…" I ran towards her, shaking her by the arms, trying to wake her up. "C'mon wake up!" That's when I noticed; by her side, five or six empty boxes of medication, and a handwritten letter. "Oh shit! Mom, it wasn't a robbery!"
"What?"
"Just… Call an ambulance! Quick!"
Firmly I decided to walk in.
"Good morning." I said to her, going in the cabinets direction, to grab the cereal. Then, I walked back to the table, after putting it and milk into a bowl, sitting at the opposite side of my ex-girlfriend. That's when I realized she was crying. Don't ask anything. "Juvia… Are you okay?"
She pretended to just notice my presence there at that moment, finally looking at my direction.
"Lyon broke up with me…" She said, taking a pull at her cigarette.
"Oh…" Part of me couldn't help but feel relieved. "I'm sorry to hear that…"
"Don't do all that…"
"I didn't know you smoked…" I tried to break the ice after the silence that installed itself at the room.
"I started because of you, asshole!" She snapped at me, hitting her hands on the table.
"Look Juvia…" I tried to stay quiet, but just couldn't. "I know that you're channeling all the anger you're feeling towards me, but I hope you'll realize one day that all I did was because of your own good…"
"Spare me! I lost one year of my life because of you! I was deemed as crazy, I was put in an asylum!"
"I know you think you hate me" I continued talking, ignoring her snaps. "Just like you thought you loved me. But it wasn't love Juvia. And I'm sorry that I dragged along for as much time as I did, and one day you'll move on to greater things, I know you will…"
Silent came back to reign the room, until, this time, Juvia broke the ice.
"He was right, you know." She wanted me to ask what she was referring to, which I did not. "I was only with him to get closer to you…"
I didn't know what to say, therefore I kept on eating my cereal. When I took my head off of the bowl, Juvia was sitting right next to me, which made me jump with surprise.
"Gray…" She put her hand on my thigh.
"Don't, Juvia." I said, slowly, trying not to look directly towards her.
"I know you still have feelings for you, Gray." She kept rubbing my leg. "I know you still love me."
"I never loved you Juvia." I snapped back at her. The sound of the slap she gave me after echoed through the room. She bursted into tears, looking down, and stopped rubbing my leg.
"I'm so pathetic."
"You're not…"
"I don't need pep talk from you!" She stood up. "How come you say that to me? My feelings meant nothing to you?"
"I said it, because is the truth. I never loved you. I used you as a cover up, which was wrong, and I apologize."
"What do you mean, as a cover up?" She turned to me again, with rage going through her body. "You mean as…" she stopped for a second, lowering her voice, in disbelieve. "You mean because you're gay?"
"That's right Juvia. I'm gay, and I've always been gay, I'm sorry…" She looked at me shocked, still crying.
"Well… To hell with you. To hell with this house!" She yelled, bursting out of the kitchen by the back door, slamming it.
I looked back at me cereal bowl, sighing. I didn't handle that the best way, again.
Suddenly, Natsu comes through the door, and I smile at him, trying to disguise my mood. He sat right next to me, putting his hands on my thigh, smiling back at me. The past left by one door, in a rage tantrum, but the present came by the other, smiling, ready to warm my body after all that rain.
"Is everything okay?"
"Now it is."
