Hello Die-ary!
Does Brian like me? It seems like he does. Oh, gosh, do I like him?
I guess I do. I mean, he's sweet and funny, and kind. he seems like the only person in my life that doesn't spend
all his time dumping on me like everyone else. He understands me and takes after my own soul. I bet you he feels misunderstood inside too. Bet you he would tell me if I asked. I guess I do like him. Everytime I see him I feel weird. I mean weird in a good way. And whenever we touch, it feels wonderful and amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I feel... I feel... Love. I know it sounds weird, but for the first time in my life, I feel love. Loved and wanted. the two things I've never felt until now. So I confess Die-ary. I'm in love with Brian. I won't tell him. But I am. I really truly am. Now Die-ary, instead of filling you with sappy feelings, I will now tell you about my day.
Today is saturday, so I classically slept in. I woke up at twelve, remembering that Brian was going to take me to the mall. I rushed around, took a shower, rushed around soem more, and put on makeup. Than I stood in front of the mirror, wondering what to wear. I finally settled on something, but than changed it because I thought it looked stupid. I brushed my hair back. Why was I caring what I looked like all of the sudden? Usually I just sthrew something on, but now I was actually wondering what Brian would think when he saw me.
Brian rang the doorbell. He was nervous. That's odd. he thought. I'm usually never nervous around Lly. I can just be myself around her. She understands me. I like that about her. I like everything about her. I like her. A man opened the door and looked Brian up and down. He was tall and thin, with tousled and messy black hair and a scary look in his eyes. Brian flinched when he saw him. He had heard stories about the man who lived here. He still had trouble believing that this was Lly's dad. "Is Lly here?" he asked tentatively. The man raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm Brian. I'm taking Lly to the mall today." The man nodded slowly, as if he took a while to digest what Brian was saying.
I heard the doorbell ring, so I scrambled like a madwoman to get there quickly. I tripped over my own clumsy feet and almost collided with Johnny. "Hi Brian." I said. My face flushed red from embarrassment. Brian smiled. That made me blush harder. I walked over to stand beside him and turned back to Nny. "Hey, we'll be back at..." I turned to Brian quizzicly. "Four?" Brian said. Only he said it more like a question directed at my father. Johnny nodded. I smiled happily. I was going to have a great time.
Devi put the car in reverse and coasted out the driveway. She was headed to the mall. It was the best mall in town, and a hot spot for every teenager. She knew she would find Elly there. "But what would I say?" Devi asked herself. "I'm sorry Lly, you're not an accident, let's go home?" No, that wouldn't work. "How about, I messed up, I'm sorry, don't live with Johnny, he'll kill you?" No, that wasn't it. Devi pondered hard over this. Usually she wasn't this... At a loss as to what to say. Her and Elly weren't that close, but she still never had to think about what to say to her. But then again, usually she only told her that she was an accident. And it was because she did this that got her into this whole mess.
"Just admit that you were scared and get it over with." I said, smiling. "I wasn't scared!" insisted Brian. "Uh huh, sure. You saw her coming with it and you freaked. I could see it in your eyes."
"I wasn't scared! I was just... tense."
"Oh, tense huh. Elly help me!"
Brian smiled. "I never said that."
"You were thinking it."
"So now your a mind reader?"
"Well at least it looks good", I finally settled. After two hours of wandering the mall and eating lunch, Brian had finally gotten his ear peirced. I made him a deal. If he got his ear peirced, I would die a streak of my hair red. "I only made that deal because you were chickening out." Brian stopped and looked at me. He touched the red streak in my hair. "That looks good on you." he said. Suddenly, a familiar song blared over the speakers in the mall. "I love this song!" said Brian happily. he grabbed me around the waist and spun me around. I laughed. the song ended in a couple of minutes. Brian looked at me in the eyes. His face was so close to mine. we both moved forward slowly, getting closer and closer. My eyes widened suddenly and I turned away from him. I hoped I hadn't seen what I just thought I saw. The person I had seen looked a lot like Devi. "Lly, what's wrong?" asked Brian. "Shhh, I'm not here." Brian turned around and searched for a second. "Hey, Lly, there's a lady over there and she kind of looks like y-" I pulled his head down. 'Brian, that's my mom!" His eyes widened too. "Yeah." I said. I pulled him into the space between two stores. He stood really close in fron tof me, blocking the view for my mother. I watched her veer closer and closer to our rather conspicuous hiding place. I saw her expression as she caught a tiny glimpse of my face. When she was about two feet away, my sanity left and my last resort entered. I pulled Brian in front of me. I pulled him really close and closed my eyes.
I threw my arms around him and kissed him. On the lips too! I pulled him so close that every part of me was touching him. And it wasn't a fast peck on the lips either. We were literally making out until she left. Once she left, I kind of pushed Brian away from me a little bit. His hair was tousled and messy and he had a shocked and pleased look on his face. We were silent for a second. "Lly." he finally mamaged to say. "Elly, what was that?"
"She's gone." I said.
Brian stared at me in a daze. I laughed a little. "I had to do something. she would've seen me if we hadn't...you know..." "Oh, I know." said brian. he sounded kind of like a hypnotized robot. I reached out and fixed his hair. I straightened the collar of his shirt and untangled his arm from my shirt. The cramped space we were crammed in seemed to have gotten smaller. brian was still staring at me like I had sprouted wings. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked him. he shook himself out of his daze. "Yeah, I'm fine." I looked past him. He was kind of standing in front of me and barring my exit. I looked at my watch. It was three fifty seven. "Brian." I said. "Are you gonna move any time soon?" he was in his robot daze again. "Yes." he said mechanically. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh!" he said, moving quickly out of my way. "Yes, yes, yeah." He let me out of the niche.
People stared at us strange as we walked hurriedly through the mall, searching for the exit. As we passed by a clothing store, I saw her. I sat down quickly on the nearest bench and pulled Brian on me again. I saw her advance from the store, so I pulled Brian closer. And he didn't just stand there dumbstruck like last time, this time he got into it. I finally saw her leave. I relaxed and went limp. Brian kept kissing me. I finally had to kind of pry him off me. This time he had a wild, crazy look in his eyes and a happy smile on his face. "Awww, how cute. Young love. it makes me kind of want to...puke!" My eyes widened as i heard Lana's stupid voice above us. She was standing there with her posse, three pampered, spoiled brats. "Lana." I said through gritted teeth. "That's my name, don't wear it out." she said in an evil tone of voice. "So Brian..." She started. "How long have you and Elly been...you know." Brian's face flushed scarlet. "N-nothing's happened between me and Elly." he stammered nervously. "Oh." said Lana. She opened up her cell phone and showed Brian a picture of me and him kissing. "Really now." she said. And then I ran for it.
Devi was sure she had seen Elly both of the times she ran into the girl. But she could have been wrong. Both of the times she had run into her, the girl always had some guy all over her. Could that have been Elly? No, Lly wouldn't act like that. Or would she? Devi was so withdrawn from her daughter, anything and everything could be happening. Before she knew it, Elly would be smoking pot in a motorcycle gang far away from here. And it would be all Devi's fault.
"That boy!" shouted Mr.Eff. "I can't believe this! you let her go somewhere with that boy! you know what happens when a girl and a guy go somewhere! They fall in love!" Johnny frowned. "The boy seemed nice. Lly seems to like him."
"Like him! how do you know they're not in love?!"
"What is up with you and love?"
Mr.Eff sighed. "She should be getting home any minute. You better look out the window and make sure they're not doing anything bad when they think you're not looking." Johnny rolled his eyes. But he stationed himself close to the window just in case.
"That picture's going to be all over school on monday!" I said angrily. Brian followed behind me, running to keep up with my angry strides. "Just ignore it." he said quickly, his own face flushed red with anger and embarrassment. "Ignore it? ignore it! How can I ignore it when photographic evidence of me liking you keeps staring me in the face?!" I clamped my hand over my mouth quickly and stopped. Brian bumped into me from behind, knocking me over. I twisted as I fell, knocking into Brian. We landed inthe grass on my lawn. Except I was kind of in his arms, laying onthe ground. You know... gosh, this sounds wrong, We landed with me on top of Brian. Laying on his chest. I looked into his eyes sheepishly and he laughed. I suddenly felt like there was someone behind me. I looked at Brian to see if he felt it too, but his eyes were frozen on something behind me. A large shadow hung over us both. Brian's smile died on his lips. he looked frightened. I turned around to see my father standing behind us. he had a frown fozen on his face, and his arms were folded in front of his chest. I rolled off Brian, who quickly said, "Elly, I have to go." and left.
My father's eyes followed Brian until he dissappeared. Than he turned his gaze on me. "Get up Elly." he commanded. He walked inside slowly. I followed, lookign down all the way. I shut the door behind me as I entered the house, ready for my father's explosion.
Johnny stormed angrily intot eh basement. Elly followed quietly behind him. He whirled around suddenly, making Elly jump. "Mr.Eff told me I shouldn't have let you go! Why didn't I listen to him?" Elly frowned. "Nny, nothing happened between us!" she shouted.
"Wow! Nothing sure is interesting!"
Elly shook with anger. "Yeah, the same nothing that happened between you and Devi." She muttered.
Johnny threw a knife suddenly. It startled Elly and barely missed her left ear. He grabbed Elly's wrist and held it tightly. He could tell it hurt her, so he tightened his grip and twisted her arm around, almost to the point of breakage. "Don't you ever even MENTION that again!" He shouted in her ear. He released his grip on her arm, thrusting her to the floor. She sat, silently rubbing her wrist. Johnny walked to the nearest table and threw everything off it. Than he overturned the table and yelled. His anger boiled oevr and he punched the wall. Blood and pain exploded all at once. Than he sat on the floor and covered his head with his hands. He began to cry slowly and silently. "What have I become?" he asked the sky.
I sat on the floor and rubbed my sore wrist. I really hoped it wasn't broken. It had made a small noise when Johnny twisted it, but not a loud enough snap to suggest it was broken. And when he had flung everything off the table and overturned it a sawblade scraped a gash in my leg and something sharp had flown over my right cheek, dripping blood on my wrist. I put my un-wounded arm ont he wall and used it to pull myself up off the floor. I limped slowly to where Johnny sat, crying sadly, using the wall for support. I sat down next to him. I reached out slowly and tentatively to put my hand on his back. I rubbed it softly, yet cautiously, just in case he sprang at me and tried to kill me again. he took his hands off his face slowly and looked at me. He quickly threw his arms around me in a hug. I buried my face in his chest. "I don't know what's happening to me." he whispered. Than I started to cry. My body shuddered as I was racked with sobs. Johnny stroked my hair silently. "I'm so sorry Lly." he whispered. "You and Devi-" He supressed a sob. "The best things that ever happened to me." I nodded as I cried. He held me and rocked me slowly. After a little while, I pulled myself out of his arms. His shirt was wet with my tears and the blood from my face. He didn't seem to care. He slowly and gently picked up my wrist and looked at it. I flinched and gasped in pain. "It's a bad sprain." he confirmed. I nodded and yawned. I lay my head in his lap and tried to lay down on the cold, stone floor. I can't even remember when I fell asleep.
Johnnys truggled to carry his sleeping fourteen year old daughter up the basement stairs to her bedroom. She was really heavy for someone that skinny. But it was the least he could do for spraining her wrist. He lay her gently on her bed and kissed her forehead. He turned around to see Mr.Eff right behind him. "Why did you do that?!" he shouted. "You could've killed her!" Johnny flinched. "What's it to you if she dies?" he asked angrily. Mr.Eff narrowed his eyes. "You, yourself tried to make her kill herself!" Mr.Eff sighed. "You know why she can't die. Don't deny it. Because I know you know it. You just don't want to admit it." He turned and left. Johnny put his hands on thw windowsill and hung his head. He did know. But with Mr.Eff trying to protect Elly, his worst fears had been confirmed.
And now, Dear Die-ary, I sleep. Sliced leg, bleeding face, sprained arm and all.
Love Elly.
P.S. I haven't cut myself since I got here.
