A.N. Must say this has to be the first story I've ever done that I got so many alerts and so very few reviews for. I'm not really sure if it's because people are iffy about the story, or if people don't want others to know they read a story with mpreg it's like a bad porno that is, can't let someone know they like that. ^_^ Or perhaps it's just the genera, I notice a lot of stories in the Torchwood area don't have a lot of reviews. Listen to me ramble, sorry.
Well today's quote is one I just adored, started laughing when I read it and then went back and thought it was a bit sad. Let me know what you think.

Ianto's worse ever birthday party had included a food fight.
Watching drunken, rowing parents throw trifle at each other in screaming fury while he gathered his friends to him, shielding as many as possible from being hit by a stray pickled onion. He never ever wanted to see that much mess covering so many people again.

(Risk Assessment, Pg 174)


Unpleasant or Extraordinary
By Wildfire
Chapter Three

The archive was silent. There wasn't a sound: no beeping, no chattering, or singing or giggling, or clinking… or anything. The silence was driving Ianto mental. For the last 22 years there had always been some noise while he was down here, as he always had Jordan with him. Jack, however, had taken Jordan out with him today.

It had been just two days since Jack had randomly shown up. The first day Ianto had all but run away when he saw him, but today Jack had managed to corner him in the kitchen. He had wanted to take Jordan for the day. Ianto had agreed, of course he had. He wasn't going to keep Jack from his child. He wasn't.

Ianto gave a sigh and closed his eyes. Part of him was absolutely thrilled that Jack was here again, part of him was furious, and another, more alarming part, was actually slightly scared to see the man again. It was the fear that gnawed at Ianto. It wasn't that he was afraid Jack would take his child from him, or that Jack would hurt his — their — child. He knew Jack wouldn't let that happen. No, he was more scared about what would happen once Jack asked him out again, because he knew the man would; it was only a matter of time. He'd told himself years ago that even if Jack came back he wouldn't get involved romantically again. That was before he'd seen him of course. He wasn't sure he could say no to the man now, but then again, he'd never been able to say no to Jack before. He could stand up to the man, tell him he was wrong and being bull-headed, or snap at him for getting too grabby, but if Jack gave him that child-like look of his…

Ianto sighed. He wasn't sure who he was trying to fool. He was going to be alive for a long time. Jack was the only other one — that wasn't his child — that would live like he would. He'd come to grips with the fact that he'd be alive longer than all his friends. Well, he hoped he had. He figured he'd actually know if he had come to grips with it when he started watching everyone die. Gwen and Mickey's death had sent him a bit loopy for a while. Living like this took survivor's guilt to a whole new level. He ran a tired hand over his face; everything was just so… messed up. He wasn't suppose to live this long. He wasn't even supposed to see his 30's, let alone his 50's. He was exactly 50 this year: he should be pulling out gray hairs and looking at new wrinkles or an age spot. He looked down at his hands, smooth skin, not a single age spot there. He hadn't expected there to be, of course.

He remembered his mam talking to him when he was young about aging. Saying how odd it was to really look in the mirror, as she still felt like she always had, but no longer looked it. He now realized it was even more peculiar to look in the mirror after almost 30 years, and realize you looked exactly the same.

His attention snapped back to the paperwork in front of him, and he mentally scolded himself for not focusing. He had a job that needed to get done, and sitting there just thinking was not progressing it. His eyes moved down to the paper, only they refused to focus on the words. He groaned plopping his head down onto the desk.

"Does smacking your head help?"

Ianto quickly looked up to see Jack leaning in the doorway, a giant grin on his face, and a very sleepy child in his arms. He couldn't even begin to deny the beauty of it. He smiled softly.

"Sometimes. Did you have fun?" He stood up, moving to Jack and gently pulling Jordan free of the man. He smiled when he got a loose hug that turned into a snuggle. Ianto would be willing to bet he would be asleep in the next five minutes.

"Oh, we had a blast." Jack moved ahead of him, taking the chair Ianto had just left. "We went to the park, then to McDonalds and played at their park, after eating horribly greasy food. Then we went to the pool, and splashed everyone who walked by."

"Oh, you didn't!" Ianto looked slightly horrified as he leaned on the desk. "You can give him a bath from now on. He'll be splashing everyone now, you wait and see."

Jack leaned forward. "Can I give his father a bath too?"

Ianto blushed, looking away. "I do hope you bath yourself," he deadpanned.

"His other father…?" Jack pushed.

"Can bath himself." Ianto looked back, but wouldn't meet Jack's eyes. "Have you found a place to live yet?"

"Nah." Jack leaned back letting the subject drop. "Don't really need one. I've lived in my fair share of houses, no real interest in buying another one. I usually feel more at home here anyway. Just have to convert one of the unused rooms into a little sleeping area for me."

Ianto nodded, not about to argue with the man. There really wasn't much point, Jack usually got his own way.

"Where do you live?" Jack asked, eying Ianto and the baby. He imagined the man had to pack up and move every year, having a child that didn't grow.

"Would you like to see it?" Ianto blurted out, and nearly kicked himself afterwards. He could hardly claim to be trying to distance himself when he was asking Jack to his flat within the first week.

Jack, on the other hand, was grinning like Christmas had come on his birthday. "Oh yeah." He stood up. "A good slow day for it too. Mica said nothing's predicted all day. Is she our tech girl?"

"No." Ianto shook his head. "I mean, she's not by any means slow at a computer, but she's no whiz at it. Believe it or not, Katie is." Ianto smiled. "Who would have thought a child of Gwen's could be good on the computer. David is decent at it too, but Katie's better. Neither is even close to Tosh's level though." He fidgeted. "Right, well, I suppose we should go. It'll be good for Jordan to nap in his own bed. He rarely gets to."

Jack stood up, "Lead the way." He raised a hand to the door and Ianto quickly walked out of the room, heading out of the archives. He stopped briefly to tell Martha he was taking Jack to his flat so he could see the stuff he had for Jordan, she smirked and nodded.

Jordan fussed a bit when he was put into a car seat, but Ianto ignored him, fully expecting the child to be asleep before they got the flat, which wasn't a 5 minute drive away. He made a point not to look at Jack as he drove, but he could tell by the itch behind his ears that Jack hadn't stopped staring at him. He turned onto a side street leading them up between two rows of worn out warehouse buildings, and parked the car.

Jack was a bit slow getting out, looking around him in surprise. "You live in a…warehouse?"
Ianto pulled Jordan out of the car, slightly surprised to see the boy's eyes still half-open. "Did you expect a small, quaint little home? People would notice a baby that doesn't age after the first 2 months." He tsked, and pointed to a particularly bad building, that looked like a place even the homeless wouldn't live. "We live there."

Jack made a face. "There? Maybe I ought to get a place, somewhere at least structurally sound… You could stay there — when I'm not." His head tilted still making a face that Ianto couldn't help but laugh at.

"It is perfectly structurally sound." He headed forward. "I live upstairs."

"Is the floor stable?" Jack asked following.

"Yes, Jack," Ianto said in exasperation, going behind the building and heading up a flight of metal stairs.

"You should know better than to judge things on their outward appearance. Look at you. You look 45, but —"

"I do not look 45!" Jack said outraged, quickly trying to see his looks in the grimy windows as the climbed the stairs.

"Alright, 42," Ianto said in all seriousness.

Jack gave him a dirty look, clearly pouting.

Ianto smiled, unlocking the thick door and walking into his very familiar flat. To the left of him was a counter; to the right was a little waist-height dividing wall. On the other side of the dividing wall was the dining area, and of course on the other side of the counter there was a fairly large open kitchen. The kitchen had a utilitarian tiled floor, the dining room dark wood floorboards to match the dark wood dining furniture. It opened up into the living room that had posh looking leather couches and a large T.V., while the ceiling in the living room was high, accommodating the vaulted windows.

"This is obviously the kitchen." He moved forward. "Living room, and dining area." He nodded to each one in turn. "On the other side of the kitchen is a small family room. My room is connected to that." He made no move to go toward that area of the flat, instead moving forward into the living room and nodding down a small hallway that contained two doors. "The one on the end is the guest bathroom." He opened the door to the other room, revealing a bedroom that was clearly Jordan's. There was a bed that couldn't quite be called a crib any more, but also wasn't quite a toddler bed either, and a small love seat was pushed up against one wall next to a bookcase full of books. A toy box and dresser took up most of the other wall. The room was perfectly tidy. Ianto moved into the room laying Jordan down on the bed and covering him up. He leaned down, brushing the child's hair back and kissing him softly on the head before leaving the room.

Jack was standing at the doorway, watching him with a slightly odd expression. Ianto gave him a small smile as he passed him, heading for the fridge. Beers were needed right about now.

"Ianto, how are you, really?" Jack asked, following him at a distance.

"Alright. Can't complain." He handed Jack a beer, moving to the couch, but was stopped by a restraining hand on his stomach.

"No, I mean really? Twenty-two years of living with a baby, all on your own."

Ianto couldn't help the small snort that escaped his mouth. "Are you honestly going to make this into some drippy T.V. drama?" He turned meeting Jack's stare. "I'm fine, Jack. I coped. It's what people do, we adapt and cope. Plus, I was hardly on my own. I had to kick both Gwen and Martha out on more than one occasion… And the baby was the easy part." He raised the beer taking a deep drink. "The pregnancy on the other hand…" He shivered, moving away from Jack over to the couch where he sat down with a sigh.

Jack hesitated a moment before joining him and sitting a bit closer than Ianto would have liked. "I know you, Ianto. You don't just cope; you thrive. You perfect. That's who you are, and that's what worries me. You've always taken too much on your plate. You were our tea boy, but did far more work and longer hours than everyone else. Gwen and Martha might have been here for you, but I doubt you actually let them help. I bet they had to threaten and guilt trip you into letting them care for Jordan for even a day. Which, judging by how antsy you were when I got in with him, I'd say didn't happen much."

Ianto gave a slight sigh, taking another longer drink from the beer. "What is it you want me to say, Jack? Want me to throw a little hissy, throw things about? Yell and punch walls?"

"Maybe I do." Jack set his untouched beer down. Ianto leaned forward putting it onto a coaster.

"Well, too bad. There's nothing to have a fit about. I have a beautiful son, a nice flat, and a very long, promising future. Why would I complain?"

"You shouldn't have had to do it alone."

Ianto groaned. "Jack, I am not going to have a row with you just so you can get over the fact that you're feeling guilty. Yes, you left, Jack. You did, and perhaps I am a bit mad at that. But that's hardly fair because as you said, I was dead. You had no way to know I'd be popping back up. Certainly no way to know I would be also popping out your kid. You're a lot of things Jack, but psychic isn't one of them. Though I will yell at you for leaving Gwen if you like, I think it's fair to say she wouldn't mind me doing that for her."

Jack remained silent, which was unnerving to Ianto — Jack was never silent.

"Tell me about him?" He finally asked softly.

Ianto leaned back, relaxing slightly. "Well, he got your looks, but he got my brain, remembers just about anything, he does. He's usually easy going, hardly ever fusses, well, least not anymore. Of course, when he does have a meltdown it's a bloody giant: screams bloody murder, stomps about, throws, kicks, he even bites. He's a dirty player then." He smiled fondly at the thought, Jordan's temper tantrums had always slightly reminded him of Jack when he was really pissed at an alien. "He loves dragons, you might have noticed all the pictures of them in his room, most of his books have something to do with them too. He'll pick them over almost anything, you could offer him a solar-firing-never-ending squirt gun that can fire front and back ways or a tiny little toy dragon and he'll take the dragon every time. His favorite movie is 'How to Train your Dragon'. He's seen it so many times I can recite it." He shook his head. "Don't know where the desire for them came from, but it's there nonetheless."

Ianto stopped talking when he felt a hand on his cheek; his eyes quickly looking to Jack. Jack was staring at him in a way he had never seen before. Jack started leaning forward and Ianto's heart started thumping. He knew he should pull away, hell, he wanted to pull away, but he couldn't for the life of him move an inch. Not a bloody inch. His eyes closed, but snapped open again when he felt Jack kiss him, not on the lips, but on his forehead.

Jack sat back into the couch patting Ianto's knee with a slight sigh. "Don't suppose I could talk you into a date?" He said it as a question, but they both already knew the answer.

"No," Ianto stated firmly. "Not yet, not now. It's nothing personal… I just can't." He wasn't sure he could handle it if Jack did leave again, and it was an entirely unfair thought, especially after just telling the man he didn't blame him. What was worse was that he very much wished he could have said yes.

"I know." Jack nodded. "Are you… ok with the living forever?" The man looked slightly ill saying the words, Ianto knew this was the last thing he'd ever wish on anyone.

"I suppose so, at least I think I am. I won't live forever though, and neither will you." Ianto stated as Jack eyed him critically. "The Doctor said he was with you when you died for your final time. I won't live nearly as long as you, neither will Jordan. We don't have the 'original' life energy that was put into you, and ours was halved on top of that. I've died one other time besides the 456, and it took me 3 days to come back. It was a broken neck. My wounds don't knit up as quickly as yours do either. I was shot last year and it didn't seem to speed up at all to me. Martha said it did, that normally I would have had to do physical therapy, given where it lodged." He shrugged, growing quiet. They both at in silence. It wasn't the nice comfortable silence, it was that horrid awkward silence that made both people want to get up and leave. Finally Ianto cleared his throat. "So, what about you? See any wondrous sights while you were gone?"

"Nope."

Ianto's jaw almost dropped at the one worded answer. Jack, Mr. I-got-a-five-hour-story-for-every-hour-of-my-life, just said 'nope'? "Nope?" He said slowly. "No… exciting tales, or disgusting stories of dirty lovers?"

Jack smirked a bit. "Weeelll." He grinned, and just like that Ianto could feel the tension between them ease up dramatically. "There was this one girl, least I think it was a girl. Never did learn her species, she was like nothing I had ever seen! Four breasts, three antlers and skin so brightly green she literally lit up a room! But what was really amazing about her was her mouth, or mouths, two of them one right inside the other, with two sets of teeth and two very naughty tongues." He laughed. "I'd have liked to know where she was from so I could go visit that place."

Ianto smiled, relaxing, listening to Jack ramble on about the girl. This was the Jack he loved, the carefree Jack that could laugh at anything and everything. He respected Jack's harder side, perhaps even slightly saw that side as his hero, but the carefree part was the side of him he loved. Of course he was also just glad to pull Jack out of his moping. Jack's moods were well known as being all over the place, his conversations moving from one topic to another before anyone could notice. Jack had the purest and most intensive case of ADHD Ianto had ever witnessed.

"…And you would not believe the amount of fingers she had, and toes… oh, those toes! I never knew a toe could do the things it did! I tell you, the human race is missing out on the various abilities of toes. Of course I think she might have been spoken for. I woke to a very angry pink-skinned man. It was the quickest death I think I've ever had." He laughed. "Woke to them screaming at each other, and they were more than a bit shocked when I stood up. Of course they both didn't mind much later." He grinned.

Ianto groaned. "You seduced him too, didn't you?"

"What?" Jack said defensively. "He was hot for a pink alien, plus he had two mouths too." His grin grew wider. "Though he wasn't nearly as talented with his toes."

"Oh well, you've got to drop that one then. What's the point if they aren't talented with their toes?" Ianto asked straight-faced.

Jack laughed. "I missed that!" He slung his arm over Ianto's shoulder. "That dry humor of yours." He sighed in a more content way, growing silent again, though this silence at least wasn't suffocating as the last one had been. "Ianto?" Jack finally spoke up. "Do I really look 42?"


A.N. So that's this chapter, let me know what you think. Anyone have a book preference they'd like to see a quote from? I don't have the books that are solely on tape, so please don't pick one of those. Though I really want to get the one that's read by Gareth David Lloyd, told listening to it is near orgasmic.