His hand searched, even in his slumber, to find her. Feeling nothing, his eyes fluttered open. He sat up slowly, looking around the room. The stark coldness of the décor was lost on him last night. His mind had had been otherwise occupied with a story too terrible for him to have imagined, but this morning, it was too glaring to miss.

This house was cold and unfeeling. Having known Kelly all his life, those were two words that totally didn't describe her. There were no pictures on the mantle, no albums, no signs of a life that was happy and fulfilled. The life that she'd had had been taken from her, and he reasoned, the memories were simply too painful to see every moment.

A noise from within the halls echoed through the empty rooms. "Kelly?" he called, moving in the direction of the noise. "Is that you?"

Small rays of light managed to escape from underneath the closed door. "Kel?" he said softly, standing outside, his hand sitting on the doorknob. He hesitated, unsure of whether opening the door was crossing a line.

Kelly grew quiet. Quickly she stood from her place on the floor. Glancing around, she cleared her throat. "I'll be right there," she managed, trying desperately to make it to the door before he opened it.

Her eyes met his before she'd had a chance to take her first step. "I," she began before feeling her eyes well up.

The room, painted in pale pinks and purples, had a canopy bed with crown shaped pillows and a princess chandelier hanging above it. The castle shaped dollhouse continued the theme and each piece of furniture contributed with jewel embellished knobs. It was truly a little girl's dream. Joey looked around the room trying to take it all in. On one hand, the room was beautiful, on the other, the room hadn't been touched.

"I…I just," her voice broke. She looked around the room and looked back at Joey. "I can't make myself get rid of it," she whispered.

Quickly crossing the room, he took her in his arms and felt her body shake. "It's ok," he whispered. "What are you doing in here?"

She looked up at him. "Sometimes I come in here. I don't know…it makes me feel closer to her….to the things she loved." She picked up two of the small dolls from the top of the dresser. "She loved these."

"I'm sure she did," Joey whispered, his own voice betraying him, "but Kel, she's not….I mean, you know she's not here….this stuff….it isn't her."

Kelly shook her head. "I know. It's just…it's all I have."

"Hey," he carefully took her face in his hands. "It's not all you have. You have me and I'm here now for whatever you need. Ok?"

Her stern demeanor had been the easiest way to fend off the questions, the concerned looks, and most of all the pity. The callous attitude had been a means of distancing herself from others—the easiest way to ensure that no one ever got close enough to her again. Never invest more than you can afford to lose, she'd thought, but tonight, as Joey's hands slowly stroked her face, she found herself drifting back to a moment….a moment when she remembered what it had been like to be loved and to love someone else—and, for a moment, she thought she could have that again.


He watched as the noodle made its way across the plate for the fifth time. She'd agreed to go with him to dinner, something he'd taken as a positive sign initially, but he soon realized her physical presence was only a small victory.

Reaching out to her, he softly placed his hand on top of hers, stopping the movement of her fork in the process. "Are you gonna eat that?" he softly asked, smiling up into her eyes?

"Oh," she moved her hand, lowering the fork to the plate and leaning back slightly. "Sorry," she whispered. "I just…I guess I'm not really that hungry."

"What have you eaten today?" His eyes scanned her face. She was beautiful without any effort, but it was clear she hadn't been taking care of herself. She looked tired, pale, but most of all sad.

"Enough, Joey," she sighed, grabbing her napkin from her lap and throwing it on the table. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I don't need a babysitter."

"Kelly." His words came out slightly louder than he intended and he quickly lowered his voice as he noticed he had garnered the attention of several other couples in the restaurant. "Just wait a minute." Carefully, he touched her elbow, pulling her down gently back into her chair. "I'm just worried about you. I…" His eyes met hers. "I care about you, Kel."

Her eyes stung with his words. "I can't…I can't do that, Joey." She shook her head furiously. The thought of ever going to that place with anyone again, of taking the chance of feeling that kind of loss again. She couldn't even fathom it.

"I'm not asking you for anything." Joey spoke slowly, not ever looking away. "It's just a fact. It's not even a decision on my part. I care. I want you to be happy. I want you to be safe. I want you to be taken care of. I'm here to do that and to make sure that you get whatever else you need to make sure you stay happy. You just tell me what it is…what I can do." He looked at her again, trying to read her expression.

She took a breath. It would be so easy to lose herself in those eyes, as she had so many times in the past. She could fall into his arms and let him hold her. She knew what it was like to be loved by this man and it was that knowledge that scared her the most. "I need you to go," she said quietly, forcing herself to look into his eyes as she spoke.

"Kel," Joey began to speak. He could hear the pain in her words. The fear in her eyes as she spoke seemed to scream and he knew that emotion was controlling her words tonight.

She held her hand up, desperate to stop his words—afraid that if she didn't, she'd falter. Looking down at her hands, as she clasped them on the table, she willed herself to continue. "I'll call some contacts I have….in Boston. I'll get you a great position there…or in Pittsburgh….or Chicago…wherever you want. I just….I think it's best if you not stay here. It's not good….It's not good for me…or for you. I need you to go. I need you to leave."

Silence took over the table for a moment.

"No," he said, his voice strong and steady.

"What?" she said, her own shaking. As she looked up at him, her green eyes wide and glistening with tears, she could barely register the fact that he'd spoken.

"I said no, Kel," he repeated. He reached out, touching her hand. "You say you want me to leave….fine. You stand up, take my hands, look me in the eyes and tell me that." He'd swear she could see his heart pounding through his shirt, but he forced his breathing to still. This was a risk—a big one, but one he'd regret for the rest of his life if he didn't take it.

"I…." Kelly swallowed hard. "How dare you," she began, her throat tightening, as her eyes began to burn. She reached up to touch her face with shaky hands. "How dare you challenge me!"

"The Kelly I knew was never afraid of a challenge," Joey smiled. "You want me to go, tell me….but this time, make me believe it…"

Kelly didn't move. In truth she didn't trust her legs to hold her body's weight.

"And," he said, leaning in towards her, "While you're at it, you might wanna make yourself believe it too." He stood then, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bill. As he placed it on the table, he leaned over, gently kissing her on the cheek. "You call me if you need me," he whispered and quickly walked out of the restaurant.

Kelly sat watching him leave. Slowly she brought her hand to her cheek, and for the first time in more than a year, she smiled.


She looked around, taking a breath as she took in the room. For a moment, she allowed herself to go back there…back to the times when the room was filled with light and laughter. She walked slowly over to the desk, and opened the bottom drawer. The black album was still there, just as it always was. She'd played this particular game of torture many times, but never for this reason.

As she flipped through the pages, the tears stung at her eyes. She remembered each shot, each memory as if they'd happened yesterday. Each smile, each embrace, each vacation was a permanent part of her now…a part she'd never forget—but, she realized, a part she needed to be able to remember without falling apart.

"That's what I want, "she whispered, her hands running over the picture that always made her pause. The black and white shot of their wedding day. "I want to remember you and smile."

She reached back into the desk drawer, pulling out the box. The thin platinum band still lay looped on the chain right where she'd left it…outshone only by the princess cut diamond engagement that lay by its side. Holding the necklace against her chest, she felt the tears streak down her face.

It had taken her months to take them off her finger and then they moved to the necklace which she wore around her neck. When she put them away, it was a big step. Moving on, she'd told herself, but this, she realized. This was really the big step. This was really what moving on was about. "I have to let you go." She looked at the picture in the album, her voice trembling as she willed herself to continue. "But I need to know that you're ok. I can't just move on…not without your blessing."

She took another breath, standing up, holding the picture against her chest still speaking aloud. "I know that sounds crazy," she laughed a bit. "But I can't do it. I think I could be happy. I think you'd want me to be happy…and Joey…he's a really, really great guy. I love him, Greg." She stopped, regretting her words for a moment.

"I loved you too. I just….I need to know that you're ok with this. Because, I'm still…I still feel like I'm your wife..and…" She couldn't continue, crumbling on the floor as she gripped the album in arms.

She felt his arms before she heard him. "It's ok," he whispered.

"Joey," she sighed, unable to pull herself away from him. No matter how wrong her mind said it was, her heart said differently and, at the moment, her heart needed the most healing.


He closed his eyes, holding her tight against his chest as he felt her body relaxing. It seemed wrong to feel this right with a person when you knew they were in unspeakable pain. He had always known her—inside and out—and one look into her eyes told him she was haunted, tortured almost. Her pain was real and for good reason, but he had to wonder if his presence was helping or making it worse.

"Am I…Am I making this worse?" He had to ask—but he didn't want to know the answer. If she said no…if she wanted him there, he thought his heart might burst from sheer joy, but if she said yes—if she wanted him to go...he didn't know if he could survive it.

She turned, trembling in his arms. The uncertainty in his eyes was obvious. He was as afraid of hearing the answer as she was of giving it. The truth—the one that made her feel sick inside—was that she wanted him there, needed him there, and loved him as much now as she ever had.

"Why would you ask me that?" she managed, her voice still shaky. "You've done nothing but try to help me."

"I wanted to help you, but I just…" His eyes drifted down to the album that still lay open on the floor. "With all this…I just worry that I'm making this harder on you..that I'm making you feel more guilty or something…"

Taking in a sharp breath, she looked up at him. She had forgotten what it was like to be with him—what it was like to be with someone who could almost look into her soul and see her thoughts.

"Should I be?" she whispered. "I mean, do you think I should feel guilty?"

"For trying to be happy?" He reached out, touching her face and gently brushing away a tear. "No, I don't think you should feel guilty for that. I didn't know Greg, but the way you describe him, he doesn't sound like the type of guy that would want you to spend the rest of your life mourning him. I think he'd want you to live a full life and to be the beautiful, amazing, vivacious woman you are."

"I don't know who she is anymore." Since the moment the car had plunged into the water, she felt like she was treading water, fighting to just keep her head about water, to survive, to make it through each day. She didn't know what being happy was anymore. She didn't remember the woman Joey spoke of, but somehow as she sat here, his warm arms encircling her, she could believe she'd find that person again.

"She might be a little fuzzy to you now, but let's see if this can job your memory" he smiled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. He pulled out the photo, its corners were tattered and the creases and folds had long since begun to wear away at the picture, but the image could still be seen. It had been taken many years ago at a charity event back home.

The picture was just of their faces, but Joey could remember every detail of that night. They had been running the apple bob and Kelly had on cowboy boots, a skirt and western themed shirt, and a red bandana in her hair. He'd never forget that night because he had kissed her—really kissed her, and for the first time, he realized how incredible it was—how incredible she was—how incredible they could be.

Kelly gently took the photo from his hands. "God." She felt a tear escape her eyes as the memories came flooding back. That night…she hadn't thought about that night in years. "It seems like forever ago. That was a different girl."

"Same girl," he whispered. He looked at her, realizing that this moment was like the moment in the picture in many ways. This was their beginning…again. This was his chance to prove to her that they could be incredible together again. He needed to show her that she could have a life, happiness, a family—that she didn't have to live thinking about everything she'd lost.

"We've both grown up," he said softly, checking her face for reaction. The last thing he wanted was to push too hard. If he spooked her now, he could lose her for good. "But you still have that fire…that spunk…that Kelly Cramer spirit. The same kick ass and take names girl you've always been."

She turned around, her eyes wide. For a moment, she didn't trust herself to speak. "What?"

Joey sat still for a moment. What had he said? Was it too fast? Too much? They had been making progress or at least he thought they had…he just wanted her to know how he felt. "I just…I just meant that you don't have to be who you were all those years ago…but the person inside you..that hasn't.."

"No…" She shook her head, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to continue. She stopped, breathing in deeply before continuing again. "What you called me…what did you say?"

Joey blinked. "Kick ass and take names…I just meant…"

She smiled, her eyes immediately filling with tears as relief swept over her body. "He answered," she whispered.

"I'm confused, Kel."

Nodding, she reached out for his hand, "Before, when you walked in, I'd been talking to Greg. I told him that I thought I could be happy with you…that I loved you…and I asked him if he was okay with it. I told him that I needed to know that he was okay because I couldn't move on not until I knew…"

Joey stared at her, his eyes still blank. He still didn't quite understand.

"I asked him to show me…to give me some sort of sign." She smiled, feeling a sense of peace that she hadn't felt in nearly a year. "What you said, kick ass and take names…that was our thing." The memory brought tears to her eyes again, and she swallowed hard and struggled to continue. "That's what he always used to say to me. When you said it….that was the sign."

"So, you're saying.."

"He's ok….He wants me to find love again. He wants me to be happy."

Joey smiled, pulling her closer to him again. "That's all in the world I want for you," he whispered.

"I don't have to look," she said quietly, looking up at him. "I already have it…right here with you."

Epilogue

Three Years Later

"Tell me again why we have two cakes?" He could help but laugh as he surveyed the spread of food on the table.

"One is a smash cake, sweetie. It's tradition. Try to keep up." She giggled as she kissed him quickly on the lips and straightened the table cloth. "You think everything looks ok? I just want it to be perfect?"

"Honey, it's fine. She's one…A French fry would have been party enough for her."

"Not on your life," she replied, her voice morphing into a sing song version as she reached down as swooped the blue eyed baby girl into her arms. "Every single moment is special and we're going to celebrate the right way…aren't we, Faith?"

His lips softly brushed her temple as he stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around both of them. "You're right," he whispered. "Every day is a celebration."