Chaldeas, time undetermined.
Karna walked through the halls of Chaldea, his heart heavy and his stride slow.
Until just recently, Karna had not recalled that particular Grail War. However, the last singularity had been… different… and the memories had been recalled to him. They had almost crippled him at a critical moment, in fact. Arjuna had saved the situation, something that normally would have mortified him. At the time, Karna had been in too much shock to care. Now he was too preoccupied. His failing and the fact that his brother had completely outdone him was… unimportant…
"I love you, Master," his own voice as his lips grazed the woman's neck. She trembled against him and Karna felt such desire for her, this beautiful, remarkable woman. Looking up he gazed at her adoringly. Her oval face almost luminous in the dark, except for the smattering of freckles on her cheeks. Long auburn hair was spread on the pillow as she gazed at him with warm, desire filled brown eyes.
"Karna…" They kissed then and it was filled with all the passion in the world. Karna's heart was so full. Surely she was the reincarnation of Vrushali.
Karna paused for a moment to rub his forehead, closing his eyes. He should not bother to think on this. It was over and done with, the damage could not be mended. And yet, his mind went to that moment…
"Karna, why have you done this?" his Master asked and he blinked at her, startled by the question. She was gazing at the flower arrangement he had found for her. It was actually a pool of water, in an ornamental bowl, with lotus flowers floating atop. Rocks were carefully arranged to create the semblance of a real pool.
"A gift for my Master. They are your favorites," Karna said, certain it was so. Vrushali loved lotus flowers.
"Oh, they are." There was an odd note to her voice and Karna was suddenly unsure. Was she not pleased? Then his Master turned to him with a radiant smile. "Of course they are. Thank you Karna." Karna's heart filled with joy as he smiled back.
"You are welcome Master."
"That was the moment," Karna murmured to himself. He'd been unable to see it at the time, with Discernment of the Poor non-functioning, but that smile on his Master's face had been completely false. That had been the moment when she'd realized he was not seeing her but rather, the reflections in his own mind. And yet, it had already been too late. "…" Closing his eyes for a moment, Karna shook his head before continuing to walk. Where was he going? He wasn't even sure.
His mind ranged over the rest of that Grail War. His Master's magic had been concentrated on insects. Living within her body, she grew and hatched them inside herself, letting them burrow out of her flesh. Karna had watched her stoically endure the pain as she replenished her army of insects. Although when she had mana and leisure she had cast pain deadening enchantments. They were effective enough that the process was nearly painless, albeit disgusting. At the time, Karna had only marvelled at her strength. In fact, he still did.
She was very strong, Karna ranged over those memories, regarding them with Discernment of the Poor. He could see all the things he'd been blinded to at the time. Yet fragile. She had all the marks of an abandoned child, something Karna was intimately familiar with. She had turned to his comfort like a flower turns to the sun. It was… regretful…
"Watch where you're going!" Uh? Karna was abruptly recalled to reality at that harsh tone and he realized, with surprise, that he would have run into Arjuna if his brother had not stepped aside and – oh. Also pushed his Master aside. She gazed at him with bright and curious eyes, edged with concern.
"My apologies," Karna murmured although he didn't expect it to mollify Arjuna. He tried to brush past but sure enough, a hand caught his shoulder.
"You almost ran our Master down. Are you reflecting on your failure?" Arjuna's voice held a sneer that would normally have been infuriating. Karna was unable to care.
"Arjuna, stop… Karna, what's wrong? You seem so depressed," Ritsuka said and Karna reflected on it. Depressed… that was a reasonable description of his current feelings. "Something's been wrong since the corrupted Shakespeare attacked you, what is it?" …ah. Karna looked away, his heart twisting as he remembered. He'd thought he'd had nothing Shakespeare could use against him and he had been so very wrong.
"I would not have thought the Hero of Charity carried such regrets," Arjuna said and Karna said nothing. He would not justify himself to his rival, his brother. Unfortunately his Master was another matter.
"Arjuna, please… Karna, what's wrong? Please tell me," she said gently and her honest concern for him melted his heart. Karna bent his head before glancing around. Anyone could hear them here.
"A more private place?" He murmured and Ritsuka readily consented, gesturing for him to follow. Arjuna tagged along and Karna considered making an issue of it before discarding the concern. He did not particularly care if Arjuna knew this part of him. Karna was not ashamed, he was… regretful…
They ended up in the control room. Fortunately Da Vinci was elsewhere, although Dr. Romani was there, eating lunch. Karna did not react but unfortunately, the smell of the normally savory stir-fry turned his stomach. Karna reflected that this was a mental thing. He had no appetite at all lately and the scent of food made him feel ill. Ignoring that, Karna turned to look at his Master. She was looking at him and her honest concern was disarming so Karna took a deep breath and began to speak.
"I regret nothing in my life," Karna said, mostly for Arjuna. "However, when the corrupted Servant used his Noble Phantasm on me, a Grail War I had forgotten was recalled to me." They could all remember past Grail Wars but they were mostly fragmentary, bits and pieces. Some had full recollections of just a few Grail Wars. Karna had forgotten this one entirely until it had been sharply called back. "I was summoned into the Berserker class." Ritsuka blinked in surprise and Romani looked up from his food, startled. Arjuna shifted, a soft sound, but Karna did not look at him. "In that state I was very weak. My Kavacha and Kundala were partly sealed and Vasavii Shakti was unavailable to me. My Brahmastra could not be used." Truly, it had been an incredibly weak class. "I fought with only my hands and my mana burst. I had no weapons." Arjuna shifted again and this time Karna looked at him. His brother was frowning, looking at him with dark eyes. "You could easily have prevailed against me." Implying that Arjuna couldn't at other times. Arjuna's lips tightened and he might have responded but their Master interrupted.
"Karna," her tone was gently admonishing and Karna looked back to her. "You regret what you did in that Grail War?" Eyes regarded him with alert intelligence and Karna hesitated. That question…
"Yes, I do," Karna said slowly, meeting her eyes. "I fought that war in the manner of an Assassin." He could just leave it at that and let them come to a false conclusion. But that would help with nothing. "I do not regret that. It is only another kind of war and my Master fought with great resolve." Karna couldn't help it and a trace of admiration entered his voice. "Her strategy was excellent. She won, in the end, with cleverness and skill." Karna broke eye contact with his Master then, looking at the floor. What he was going to say next… "What I regret is the nature of my madness," Karna said softly, not looking up. It was all so painful yet, he would say it. "I appeared to be sane but I was not. I… thought I loved my Master. I believed she was the reincarnation of my wife and I treated her as such."
"We mana transferred often," Karna could not look at any of them but he heard his Master's indrawn breath, another shift from Arjuna. "At the end, before she grasped the Grail, my Master used her final command seal to deactivate my Mad Enhancement. Then she asked if I loved her." Karna still wondered if he should have lied. But it was not his nature and the painful truth had come out before he could think. "I told her I did not."
"Oh! You broke a poor girl's heart?!" Romani spoke up and Karna lifted his head with a frown. Ritsuka was looking at Arjuna, who seemed speechless. "But what can we do? Finding that timeline would be like searching for a needle in a haystack and what would we do if we found it? How could you make it up to her? Oh I know, I'll ask Magic*Mari!" Karna wondered if he would be forgiven for killing the idiot.
"Dr Romani, stop it. An internet idol is not going to help," Ritsuka said firmly and Karna suspected she had detected his temper rising. "Karna, what happened then?"
"She accepted my words, turned to the Grail and made her wish," Karna answered but he still wondered. "I do not know what the wish was, but it filled her with the power of the Grail. She fainted and I caught her before I was recalled to the Throne of Heroes." That had been very strange. Had she wished for immortality? But that did not seem like her.
"Tell us more about this woman! What was her name? What was she like?" Dr. Romani again. Karna sighed but obliged.
"Her name was Anna Zhukov…" Karna described her as best he could. One thing he lingered on was the bugs. They had been so important to her, the heart and soul of her magic. Her friends from childhood, hatching them was painful but gave Anna power to defend herself from those who would do her harm. And they truly had meaning to her… Karna remembered when she'd introduced him to 'Boris'. The oldest of her active beetles, his carapace had appeared dusty, one of his antenna broken and his movements slow. Karna had asked why she kept him and Anna had smiled and said that despite his great age, Boris was still enjoying life, so she hadn't the heart to get rid of him. Karna remembered the way she'd gently stroked him with a fingertip, like another woman might stroke a kitten.
"Are you certain you did not love this woman?" Arjuna's voice recalled Karna to the present and he realized he'd been rambling. Dr. Romani was looking a touch ill, likely from all the talk about insects, but his Master was just concerned, frowning a little as she looked at him.
"You cannot love someone if you cannot see who they are," Karna answered, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. He looked away, not seeing the wall in front of his eyes. "It was… regretful." To have so ill-used someone who was so vulnerable, yet so strong, so worthy of his respect… Karna could think of no other word that fully encompassed his feelings. A warm hand caught his hand and gave him a gentle squeeze.
"Would it help if we tried to find her?" Ritsuka asked and Karna hesitated.
"It would," Karna admitted after a moment. It was stupid and foolish but… "I wish to know that she had a good life." It was important to him. And also… "I want to know what her wish for the Grail was." That was gnawing on the edges of his mind like a mouse with a piece of cheese. Something about that moment had been very strange. Karna only knew that the power of the Grail had flowed into her but there had been something odd about it. Yet, it had all happened too quickly, he couldn't isolate it.
"Alright. Dr. Romani, that's a job for you!" Ritsuka said cheerfully and Karna blinked. Did they really think they could find her? And it might have been long ago… "It's a longshot, but you're a wonderful, loyal Servant Karna. We'll do our best for you!" Karna blushed a bit, feeling touched.
"Ah, it is a long shot though. I'll get Da Vinci to help… we can search for any trace of Karna's energies…" After so long? Karna thought that was extremely dubious. But perhaps they would find something. Bowing slightly, Karna left them to their research. As he did, he found he felt a little better.
It was not much, perhaps, but it was all he could do for now.
