xXx

3

Ambassador

xXx

"I demand an apology!" the barrel-chested Earth Kingdom ambassador roared, bursting into the Fire Lord's audience chamber unannounced.

Fire Lord Zuko's first inclination was to grab the man by the throat, toss him out of the audience chamber, and demand he apologize. Then he would force him to respect the proper procedure to ask for an audience. Only Mai's hand on his arm prevented that from being his dedicated course of action. Gritting his teeth Zuko swung a cold golden gaze towards the man. "Ambassador Guran, what are you doing?"

Mai offered a sigh audible only to Zuko. While his temper had calmed considerably over the decades, his diplomatic skill never ascended beyond the plateau of blunt honesty. She rose, taking Guran's attention before he could start yelling again. "Ambassador, what troubles you?"

Caught between the nettled glare of the Fire Lord and the placating tone of his wife, Guran's anger wobbled like a tightrope walker on an unsteady line. "I have suffered a most grievous affront. One of your court has insulted me!"

Zuko leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting Mai take point. Just before Guran's arrival he had warned everyone in the palace to be aware that the man took offense to nearly everything. He had assigned the most well trained and polite servants to attend him and kept his interactions with the court to a bare minimum. If Zuko could have avoided hosting Guran, he would have done so at all costs. But the man was the closest cousin of the 53rd Earth King, and next in line for the throne should something befall him.

Add to that the repeated assassination attempts against the Earth King, and Guran was hovering between the first suspect and the most valuable family member should any harm befall the current king. Under the guise of re-negotiating copper export tariffs, Guran was carefully being kept at a safe distance from the investigation, and everyone was at wits end trying to avoid a diplomatic disaster or a dead monarch.

"What affront did you suffer, Ambassador?" Mai's voice was courtly and perfectly balanced between concern and aloof dismissal.

Cheeks red and fists clenched, Guran sputtered, "I overheard a group of youth in your palace gardens, and one of the quite clearly called me a…" He cleared his throat, "cabbage-headed idiot."

Mai arched a graceful brow while Fire Lord Zuko groaned quietly, biting his tongue. He could think of many things to reply to such an absurd complaint, none of them the least bit tactful.

"I demand you find the offender and have him publicly apologize to me!" Throwing his hands in the air, Guran's voice took on a distinctly whiny tone. "I will not discuss the trade agreement or anything else until you grant this."

Eyes flickering towards her husband, Mai put a hand on his shoulder before he did something rash and politely responded, "Ambassador, I will see this is taken care of. Perhaps in the meantime you can visit some of the historical sights you said you were interested in…"

xXx

Zuko's suspicions had gone from bad to worse within the first ten seconds of questioning. There were not many children around the palace, even fewer who were of a young enough age to not understand the need to hold one's tongue in public areas. And only one was grinning at him proudly.

"Everybody says the am… am… amwassdor…" Iroh furrowed his brow. He knew that wasn't right. Catching his grandfather's stern appraisal he decided to drop it. "Everyone says he's a cabbage-headed idiot."

Well, he was a cabbage-headed idiot. Still, Zuko fought the urge to drop his head into the palm of his hand. "Iroh, you do not call guests embarrassing names."

His eyes went wide. "I don't? But… what if it's the truth?"

Jaw clenching, Zuko shook his head. He didn't quite know what to tell the boy. "Sometimes we say nothing because we need to work with those people."

Iroh thought this over, his cheeks growing very red. It sunk in that he should not have repeated the insult and he looked down at the floor. "Oh…"

"It was the wrong thing to say. He wants you to apologize." Even as he said it, Zuko felt his anger rise at Guran's petty behavior, and a strong desire to protect Iroh from being a part of it.

xXx

"That rug doesn't deserve having a hole worn through it." Mai's voice was light as she entered the sitting room where their afternoon tea service was rapidly growing cold.

Zuko turned and stopped pacing for only a few seconds before stubbornly continuing. "I'd rather take it out on the rug than on Iroh."

She made a light 'tsk' sound. "It's not his fault; he's only repeating what he heard someone else say."

"It doesn't help that Guran is a dimwitted, self-inflated fool seeking to take offense at the slightest misstep. Cabbage-headed idiot is getting off lightly." The Fire Lord growled.

"That cabbage-headed idiot could be the next Earth King if the Dai Li don't catch the next assassination attempt in time," Mai reminded him.

Turning on his heels, Zuko shot her a glare. "Bosco would make a better king than Guran."

"Bosco is a bear. I'm fairly sure Earth Kingdom laws require the king to be mostly human." A smirk grew across Mai's lips.

"Mostly human. I'm not sure Guran qualifies." He finally stopped pacing and sank into one of the chairs. "I don't want Iroh groveling to that swine."

"My dear husband," Mai smiled fondly, while keeping her posture demure, "you have all the diplomatic charm of your average rock." Noting Zuko's look of consternation, she added, "A charming rock, I'll grant you."

"But he's three years old." Zuko ground out, "There has to be a better solution than this."

"Other solutions, yes," she noted lightly. "You could always send the ambassador away, banish him, or arrest him – anything you like, really. You are the Fire Lord. However then the rumors will be that you unjustly took actions against this poor Earth Kingdom ambassador who was so gravely insulted; and furthermore you did it to selfishly protect your own grandson. But are those better solutions? No."

Zuko groaned, but he didn't contradict his wife. She smiled and continued on.

"However, you can avoid all of that and put Guran in his place by simply allowing me to teach Iroh how to give a proper formal apology." She concluded with a pointed smile.

"I am failing to see how this will work." Zuko prompted, waving a hand in the air.

Mai shrugged. "Earth Kingdom apologies are short and to the point, designed to flatter the person demanding an apology. Recent politics have adapted this ceremony simply because it's short and to the point. But a proper Fire Nation apology, by the old codes…"

"It's practically a ceremony. A painfully long one at that." The Fire Lord winced. "What good will that do beyond embarrassing Iroh?"

Mai shook her head. For such a brilliant man, Zuko could be so dense when it came to social interaction. "One - by old law, merely offering a formal apology fully restores the honor of the party apologizing. Two – how embarrassing do you think it is to endure a formal ceremony enacted by a three year old? I'll be shocked if Guran doesn't call it off within the first minute – and in doing so he will admit to his own over-reaction in this whole stupid affair."

Zuko looked neither convinced nor pleased with the plan, but he grudgingly gave a nod of acceptance. "You can teach him?"

"Trust me."

xXx

Mai smiled viciously as she took her seat beside the Fire Lord in the audience chamber. Guran stood waiting, all puffed up and red faced with impatience. "Will this insult be ignored?"

"It most certainly will not." Zuko kept his tone admirably calm. "My grandson is prepared to give you a formal apology." He indulged in a quick look at Mai, her expression confirming that preparations had gone well.

"Well?" Guran set his hands on his hips, his feet shuffling. Behind him his entire entourage watched the assembled court for any sign of deceit. Tension hung thickly in the air for several long, silent seconds.

A gong sounded and servants slowly opened the side double doors to reveal the child standing in long white robes that were clearly quite large on him. Still, the boy walked forward with the upright grace of a member of the royal family and stared upwards at Guran. The Ambassador's jaw dropped fractionally. Mai noticed he was fidgeting.

Mai leaned over, murmuring to her husband "They don't make many ceremonial robes in toddler sizes."

"I hope we don't have to start stocking them." He muttered back darkly. The gong sounded again and the chamber went silent.

Iroh fixed his gaze upon Guran, his eyes full of heartfelt sincerity held by one so young they didn't know any better. "Am.." He took a breath, forming the words slowly. "Am…bassador Guran…" His voice was soft and held the faint lisp of a child still perfecting their speech. "As the sun is in the sky…" another pause, remembering the words he practiced for so long.

Guran knit his brows together, wondering where this was all going.

"We ask Agni for … our… bwessing… blwessing…" with his hands clasped behind his back he swayed nervously in place. His gaze drifted around the room while he struggled for the correct word.

"I get it, move on!" Guran barked. The tiny face looking back at him flinched and Guran felt his cheeks burn red.

"To-onor this apowoge." Iroh took in a breath and corrected very carefully, "A-powl-o-gee"

Guran could feel his own aides staring at him, and as he looked around he realized the whole court was staring at him. No one was paying attention to the child anymore; all the glares of ill-concealed unease were all focused directly on him.

"…ask for con-cords…" Iroh blazed ahead reciting what he remembered.

"Accords." Mai corrected gently.

"A-cords." The child corrected again, wide eyes still fixed upon the Ambassador. "To this most gree-vee-un-us… gree-vee…"

"Grievous!" Guran snapped again, wishing this whole horrible ceremony would end.

The child flinched again, and Guran could feel the heat in the room rising. Wide gold eyes full of innocence and earnest effort stared back at Guran, fighting fear to get the next memorized line out. "Of mis-takes." Iroh took in a breath, launching forward once again, "I heer-by off-fur most sin- uh… sin… seer? Sincere…"

"Just stop it!" Guran roared, unable to take the spectacle any longer. "Stop! In the name of the spirits, please stop!"

Iroh took a step back; hunching his shoulders up, afraid of the shouting man in fancy clothing. "But… I wasn't done…" he breathed with a wavering voice.

Ambassador Guran sputtered, turning from pink to crimson.

Zuko rose from his seat. "Ambassador?" he asked, as if trying to figure out what was wrong.

"I drop the issue. It's done. I don't need an apology, just let the kid stop." Guran threw his hands in the air and then slowly turned towards Fire Lord Zuko. "Please… make the kid stop."

Zuko carefully hid any hint of a smile as he sat back down and turned towards his grandson. "Iroh, you may go."

Iroh looked around the room, almost ready to protest again that he had not yet finished when he caught his grandmother's smile, that tiny look of praise that said he had done well. He dipped his head down. "Yes, Grandfather" and scurried back out the way he came.

As the double doors shut again, Guran took in a deep breath, his face still red as ever. Zuko turned towards him with a placid gesture, "Ambassador, perhaps we can discuss the tariffs on copper exports instead?"

"Yes, of course." The Ambassador replied meekly. Mai noticed that he didn't have his chest puffed out anymore, something which held true during the rest of the conference. She indulged in a smile to congratulate herself on the outcome.

xXx

That evening as the court dispersed Mai headed out to the garden and scooped up her youngest grandson in a rare display of open affection. "You did well, Iroh."

He beamed at the unexpected praised and curled up close to his grandmother as the sound of heavy footsteps came down the walk. Zuko's face curled into an indulgent smile for several seconds before he donned a stern expression. "Now, can you teach him how to not insult Earth Kingdom ambassadors?"

Iroh instinctively shied away from the soft rebuke, his eyes looking apologetically downwards until Mai tousled the boy's hair and smiled lightly at her husband. "We'll work on that next."

This time he smiled broadly, walking alongside them both. "Good. That will be better than practicing apologies."

xXx

A/N: From experience with my niece, three year olds are enamored with memorizing and reciting things. Even if they have no clue what they mean…