A/N: Yes i took forever again, I'm sorry i suck so bad, seriously. Anyways I now have an awesome new banner made by the awesome Robrator from thetwilightawards(dot)com which i will go and link on my profile in a sec :) So anyway i hope you enjoy and sorry about the wait again. Thanks to Fallanydeeper for betaing.
BPOV
"Okay so what are we actually going to do today?" I asked as I flopped down onto the sofa.
"Do you realise how short I feel right now? I am totally not used to my apartment from this low angle." Edward mused as he wandered through the living room.
"Hey I'm not that short."
"Wait until you go back to yours, you'll probably feel like a giant."
"Maybe," I wondered, "anyway, what we doing?" Edward was walking into the kitchen towards the fridge.
"Beer?" he asked.
"Sure."
"Is there anything on the TV? Or you could go through my DVDs over there and pick something to watch." He returned to the living room and handed me a bottle while indicating towards the shelves next to the TV. I grabbed the beer and walked over to the DVDs, I could easily decide to see what was on the TV but this was more fun, I loved snooping. That's when I noticed the beautiful box sets. I picked up the second season and sighed.
"Doctor Who it is then," Edward giggled.
"You giggled again." I teased.
"Yeah well you just fucking sighed and stroked a DVD case, you can't judge."
"Fuck you, it's David Tennant, I'm entitled to sigh."
"Hand it over then." I gave him the DVD and he went and put it on. "Want any chips or whatever?"
"Sure." Edward wandered back into the kitchen.
"Shit," he grunted in frustration. "Erm Bella? Can you give me a hand?"
I walked into the kitchen to see what was going on to find him leaning against the counter with his arms folding across his boobs. Ha, his boobs. I giggled to myself; I could be so childish at times. Right now I blamed my immaturity on the fact I was male, everyone knew they were the more childish of the sexes.
"What's up?"
"I can't reach the chips," he whined while pointing to the top shelf.
"Why the fuck are they up there if you can't reach them?"
"Well usually I can, so can you grab them please?"
"Oh, sure." I casually reached into the cupboard for them. There really was a pretty significant height difference. I held them above his head. "Want these?" I teased.
"Fuck you, give me the chips."
"You have to take them from me; it's the whole point of the game."
"Oh and what game would them be?" he asked.
"The 'try and grab the chips game' obviously."
"Right, okay I'll play." He then proceeded to punch me in the junk. And holy fuck, it turns our men don't exaggerate.
"Fuck," I gasped out as I curled into a ball in the floor. It really fucking hurt. Like really, really hurt.
"Hurt's doesn't it?" he mocked. I just glared in response as a tear rolled down my face.
"You just wait till it's that time of the month," I retorted while still rolling around on the floor. Edward's face, or my face I guess, paled.
"Wait, errm what? When?"
"Oh, next week sometime, that should be fun for you." I'd managed to get myself off the floor now and was slowly hobbling back towards the living room. He looked like he was scared shitless so I took pity on him. "Oh don't worry, I'll talk you through it and shit," I chuckled.
We finally sat down in front of the TV and prepared to watch some time lord awesomeness.
"Cat nurses are creepy." Edward informed me.
"They seriously are. I don't think I could visit their hospital anyway, I'm allergic to cats. It would do me more harm than good."
"I bet they could cure that though, those cats can cure anything."
"Hmmm maybe, okay now I actually want to find one of those creepy cat nurses and demand they make me un-sneezy because a cat would be an awesome pet, they do such weird shit."
"Ah Bella, don't be fooled by the funny captions, cats are evil."
"How so?"
"You just know they're secretly plotting world domination, all those cats are just waiting till our guards are completely down, then they'll lay on our faces as we sleep and kill us."
"Lies."
"Fine, don't believe me, just don't come crying to me when they've made you their slave, I'll be chilling with the dogs in safety."
"If cats took over the world surely the dogs would be the first to go."
"Maybe we're just over thinking it, after all it's those zombies with all those diseases the Doctor and Rose need to look out for."
"True dat."
We continued to watch the episode: Lady Cassandra took over Rose's body, the Doctor and Lady Cassandra found out about the zombie things, then the Doctor figured out about Lady Cassandra after Rose acted weird and some other stuff happened and then Lady Cassandra was in the Doctor's body.
"Dude this show just got oddly realistic." I realised.
"Woah."
"So glad we aren't trapped inside the same body though, I think our brains in one body could cause the end of the world."
"I think you might be right," he agreed.
"Why do you think this happened though? Like, really?"
"I haven't got a fucking clue."
"Do you think we have some moral to learn like in 'Freaky Friday'?"
"That's that Lindsay Lohan film right?"
"Well the re-make is, yeah."
"I've never seen it so I don't know."
"We need to watch it someday then, Alice has the DVD, we might learn stuff. Oh and we can watch 'It's A Boy Girl Thing' while we're at it."
"Is this just some way to make me watch chick flicks," he groaned.
"Maybe, but don't pretend I didn't see 'Bring It On' in your DVD collection."
"Cheerleaders… need I say more?"
"Excuses," I huffed.
The episode was finishing when my phone rang. The name Alice flashed on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Erm, who's this?" she asked. Ugh, she could be so ditzy at times. She knew who she was ringing when she hit dial….. Oh yeah, I gave myself a mental face palm as I remembered I wasn't actually Bella at that moment.
"Oh erm yeah I'm Edward, I'll just get Bella for you now."
"What the fuck do I say?" he whispered in a panicked voice as I handed the phone over.
"Fuck if I know."
EPOV
"Hey Alice," I said shakily as I put the phone to my ear.
"Don't 'hey Alice' me you cow, where the fuck were you today? You know I hate being stuck at work without you to talk to," she whined.
"I'm sorry?" I replied.
"You better be bitch, but seriously, where the fuck were you?"
"Oh erm, I was ill."
"So why aren't you home and who the fuck is that Edward guy you're with?"
"Oh well, I wasill but then I felt better so I went and got some coffee and ran into Edward. He was so handsome and charming I couldn't resist going home with him." Bella rolled her eyes at my comment.
"You're such a slut."
"Are you a slut?" I whispered to Bella as I covered the mouth piece with my hand.
"No! Tell her to fuck off." Bella glared at the phone.
"Fuck you. I am not a slut."
"Oh really, so where did you end up last night? You were there at the bar doing shots then next thing I know your sucking the face off some tall ginger guy."
Again I covered up the mouth piece to talk to Bella. "Ginger guy?" She shrugged in response.
"I haven't got a clue what I did last night and neither do you so you can't judge." I removed my hand from the phone and went back to the conversation with Alice.
"I ended up at home spank you very much. You can even ask Blondie if you don't believe me."
"Blondie? Don't let Rose hear you call her that or you'll get a beat down. Any way we're going out tonight," she stated.
"Didn't we go out last night?"
"Yes and the night before, since when has that stopped us? Any way I'm bringing Jazzy tonight and he's promised to try and drag his friends with him. It should be fun." I snorted at the nickname Jazzy, he was so getting shit for that.
"Sure, sounds great I guess, what time?"
"9.30pm okay with you?"
"Okay."
"Okay see you later chicka." She hung up and I turned to Bella.
"So, it looks like we're going out tonight."
"We?"
"Yep, Jasper is meant to be dragging some friends so I expect I'll be getting a text in a bit. Even if that wasn't the case I'd drag you with me anyway, we need to keep an eye on each other and shit and who knows. You could be an amazing drunk, nothing better than a funny drunk chick."
"You had better not be one of those dicks that takes advantage of women 'cause if that's the case then I am so going to fuck this body up somehow."
"Hell no, I don't need to do that, women are all over me when they're sober damn it. I wouldn't sleep with a drunken chick unless I was just as drunk as them, my mother raised a gentleman I'll have you know."
"Okay then, I'll let you off. So are we pretending to be an item or something tonight?" she asked.
"I guess, if it keeps the creepy guys away from me I'm all for it, I only have so many awesome ways of scaring them off. Oh man, Starbucks was epic."
"It really was," she sighed. "We make and awesome team."
"Totally," I replied as we high fived each other.
"We clearly ooze maturity."
"Obviously."
My phone buzzed with a text from Jasper confirming my assumption that he'd be inviting me out tonight as well. I quickly typed a reply telling him I'd be there and asking him where to meet leaving him to reply with Bella's address and orders to meet there at 10.00pm.
"So what time do I have to meet Alice's hunk?"
"Ew you did not just call Jasper Alice's hunk. And 10.00pm."
"Oh I did, I saw him earlier. You have some good looking friend's dude. That's not a bad thing."
"I'm suddenly afraid of what happened when you saw him."
"I've got to say hiding a boner is not as easy as I thought it would be. I will never judge a guy for an inappropriate boner again, seriously is this thing ever not hard?" She gestured down to what happened to be a semi-erection.
"You got an erection over Jasper, dude that's fucking gross, that's my body. Oh my god I did not need those thoughts."
"Oh calm down Eddiepuss, if it makes you feel any better I got an erection over you too. Oh shit I should go clean the bathroom."
"Wait, what… Why?" I choked out.
"I may have gotten a little bit excited in there this morning." She went a little bit red at that statement.
"Okay, over me or Jasper?"
"You, Jasper hadn't even been round then." Woah, that was kind of hot, in a weird way. If I thought about it as Bella looking like she's meant to look and not like me while she was masturbating over an image of me the idea became really hot. Ugh, nothing makes sense anymore, when I realise that it in reality it would of just looked like me jerking off over myself in the mirror that shit just becomes lame and seems really vain.
"Stop thinking about it Edward, you'll just singe your hair as your brain cells burn up."
"Should I feel violated?" I joked.
"Nah I think you should feel honoured. It takes a special kind of man to make it into my spank bank." She winked.
"Why did we meet under these circumstances? Because I would totally do you if you weren't me right now and had a dick and all that shit."
"Ditto my friend, ditto. I guess it's a good thing though, because you seem like an alright dude and I'm kind of enjoying hanging out with you, plus there's our friends' dating, that would just be awkward if we'd done a fuck and run on each other."
"Very true," I agreed.
"Anyway, more Doctor Who?" she asked.
"Fuck yes."
A/N: So there it is, i hope you liked it and all that shiz :) And hi to all the new readers that popped up in the last chapter, sorry if i don't live up to expectations but i really am fail so i'm warning you now lol. I hope the little bit about doctor who in the middle didn't confuse you too much but incase you want to know they were watching the episode New Earth from season 2. My friend the beautiful Punkfarie has a new one shot up that is a Twilight twist on the story of Snow white which you should all check out. Any ways i will stop my rambling now and get back to some reading :)
love you all,
doc xxx
