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~ Chapter Four: Deck the Halls with 'Tail's' of Carbuncle ~

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There we were!

We… as in Squall and I! We'd been walking down the hall together. Well, the 'we' from five years ago. Because 'older us' was currently trapped in a supply closet. I watched 'younger me' pull 'younger Squall' by his sweater. I could see this action caught Squall off guard… I mean younger Squall off guard.

This is soo confusing, not to mention weird beyond belief, to even me – and I'm here!

Anyway 'younger Squall' momentarily lost his balance and then 'I' playfully moved him against the wall. I watched in horror as 'younger me' looked down both ends of the hallway before capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. I think I now see where my Squall's 'no commenting' thing came into play, because... this was just beyond creepy and wrong.

Oh… so wrong.

I think we should have stopped watching, I mean we were invading their… our privacy. Still there was just something so innocent about the way younger us was acting, or guilty, or something that I couldn't place my finger on; but it felt like watching two entirely different beings. I don't remember the last time I did something as spontaneous as that.

Sure, five years ago our relationship was all new, not that it was 'old' now. I just didn't have this overwhelming need to accost Squall out in the hallway anymore. I think I suddenly realized how aggressive I used to be... I think I actually saw fear in his eyes. Not to mention, I wanted to cry at my horrid fashion sense, but again, that is so not the point.

It wasn't like Squall to allow me to kiss him in the hallway. I think he only let me that day was because it was Christmas and he didn't want me pouting. Though, looking back on it now... literally... it wasn't exactly the way I remembered, which was also becoming a disturbing thought. I guess you never really do want to see your romantic memories from the 'other side.' The fear in your boyfriend's eyes puts new perspective on the 'romance' aspect. How in Shiva's perfectly placed icicles did I miss that back then?

I could feel Squall (um, that would be my current Squall, I guess) move me slightly out of the way, closing the door, and making sure not to attract attention. Again, I could hear the locking mechanism before he turned on the light. Wait, why did this door lock from the inside? Never mind, at this point, it's the very least of my worries!

Anyway, I wanted to look up at Squall, but there was just this weird embarrassment from what we'd just witnessed. Do you think it would be appropriate for me to apologize now for my behavior out in the hallway or was it rather a lost cause five years later?

I was happy to hear him say something first, because I was still at a loss.

"Yeah Rinoa, I kind of felt like somebody was watching us while we were busy back then... the truth is rather disturbing."

"Very," I finally murmured, not with my usual enthusiasm.

Why did he have to emphasize "busy," couldn't he have just let that one slip by…. No, of course not. He liked to watch me suffer. Oh well, I guess I did have it coming. He could have said so much worse…

"Squall, so what is exactly going on?"

"Well, I think I'm beginning to understand. And when we get home, I am going to put that green cretin in the blender."

He actually sounded rather angry. I think all of a sudden things started to make a little sense. Very little, but it was at least a grain of hope in my sea of ignorance.

"Carbuncle did this?"

"Welcome to the wonderful world of GFs," he stated. It almost sounded like he was getting angrier as each second passed.

"I didn't think he could…. how did he get this power? Does this mean we're stuck here - five years in the past? Not to mention that we are actually spending our Christmas in the hall closet!?"

"I hope that little bastard knows how much work I have... I'm going to kill him."

"You what?"

I wanted to yell at Squall, forgetting about the enormity of the situation and the possible consequences of getting caught. I think my mind completely forwent the fact that I was spending my damn holiday among janitorial supplies, or that we may be stuck here indefinitely, or even the 'how' of the situation. The only thing my mind could fixate on was that Squall just said that he had work to do.

Maybe there was enough room in the blender for two…

"I have a ton of work Rinoa. Projected budget reports are due for every department by year's end. Do you know how many that is? Not to mention the everyday stuff piling up on my desk because I didn't work most of yesterday."

"Oh," I managed before biting my lip. Seriously, I bit a little too hard until it started to bleed, but at least it kept me from calling my boyfriend all the colorful adjectives I wanted to use to describe him at the moment – and I'm not referring to blue, orange, or any 'color related adjectives' of that sort.

"He's dead. He's just so dead," Squall mumbled kicking the bucket. No, no, no… not dying, I mean literally 'kicking a bucket' - a plastic bucket happened to be in the corner. "I'm going to string him by those pointy things that pass as ears on that thing that passes as his head."

All right, I'm going to say what I'm thinking... red flags be damned. But seriously, where is Squall going to run off to? I mean, we're stuck in a closet, maybe he can go hide under a shelf or something to get away from me. Not to mention he can't go back to his room because well, younger us is in there doing… um… we're….

You know what, never mind what younger us is doing. Let's just say he can't go back to his room or it would get really, really, really weird and no amount of therapy would help any version of us – younger or older.

So - here it goes. Really. I'm going to say what I'm thinking now. Okay, I'm contemplating saying what I'm thinking… Alright, going to stand by my earlier epiphany that he's basically stuck with me, so here it goes…

"Squall, I think Carbuncle did this for a reason."

"Yeah to bring undue torture onto me."

And there it is folks, the patented 'Squall doesn't get it' response. Maybe if I had just spouted off some obscure military statistics, he'd get it. Because, yah Squall buddy, I know that Carbuncle sits around day after day plotting his revenge against you. Well, he might, but I don't think that's the case here.

I mean, did you see how fast Commander Boyfriend figured out the earlier stuff when we first arrived? Did you see how he managed to stealthy get us to this closet? He even vividly recalled the moves of younger us… logically and strategically this man is pure genius. But toss some idea about personal growth or relationship in the mix and it goes over his head faster than Selphie piloting the Ragnarok. And trust me, that is fast.

Squall, work, Squall, work… gah! It's always about one of the two things. "Of course, it's always about you or work, isn't it?"

Did I just say that out loud? Crap, nobody else here to blame… don't think he'd buy it was younger me, do you? Maybe I'll see if I can fit under that shelf now.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Hold up – if Carbuncle did this insane stunt for a reason, which I honestly believe he did, I'm going to look at this chance as a gift from the little guy. I'm in a closet with Squall, a broom, and a mop – and one of the three is going to listen to everything I have to say. He has nowhere to lock himself into, he can't even use work as an excuse for once in his life.

Good show my little green GF friend, good show…

"Squall, I mean this isn't always about you. Do you want to know what I did last Christmas after you went to work? Angelo and I went back home and watched a nature special about the migration patterns of Funguars. Funguars Squall. Everything else on television just seemed to depress me."

See, told you I watched too much of the National Geographic channel. I could give you stats, but I wouldn't want to bore you… though boyfriend over there might really enjoy them. Speaking of Squall, he is upset - I know this… I could tell immediately. You didn't have to be an expert Squall observer to figure it out. Heck, even the mop and broom could tell.

"Rinoa, you make it sound like you had nowhere to go, like you have no other friends or family. Don't go around pinning all your stubbornness on me. I think you're smart enough to realize that you have more options than just waiting around."

Did he just call me stubborn? I mean that is like Ifrit calling the Fire Cavern 'a little warm.' If you want to know the definition of stubborn it starts and ends with the words: Squall and Leonhart. I'll let you figure that one out. I'm just a little upset with someone right now.

"Of course Squall, I know I have other people. I could have gone to Deling with Caraway... but why? Why get on a bus the day before Christmas to be in a place I don't feel like I belong anyhow? A place I haven't belonged in a very long time. I know I could've gone up to Selphie and Irvine's, but it was their first Christmas as a married couple. Zell and his mother would have taken me. I know that or I could've even gone up to Cid and Edea's with the others. You know... it's just... maybe there was a part of me that didn't want to be there - a part of me that kept thinking you'd come back and want to spend the day with me."

"I know you wanted me to."

I think I almost saw a flash of sympathy from him; it was small, but I swear - I saw it. I was still upset about the whole 'work comment' but my irritation was starting to fade… a little.

"Rin, don't make it sound like I didn't spend the morning with you, because I did. But I had to get those papers done; it's the same exact crap this year. Christmas just comes at a bad time for Garden fiscally - so close to end of the year. I've always spent the night before with you and never once have mentioned, or thought, about work. I know how much the Christmas Eve traditions mean to both of us. And last year, I wasn't gone that long Christmas Day - I got away as soon as I possibly could... We watched a movie at your place if I'm not mistaken. I could have stayed in the office all night, hell, I had enough work there, but I didn't want to be there anymore than you didn't want me there. Sometimes, it has to be a little give and take on both ends."

Crap, he had a point. I mean of all the times for him to come up with a valid…

Wait, did he just say that he liked the Christmas Eve traditions? He did say 'both of us' right? He liked the traditions? He's never said anything remotely close to that. The only thing I remember was how he didn't believe in holidays or traditions. I remember back to that first year - well technically it was before we were a couple, back when I was just the 'mere annoyance,' that he told me how much he was against it and how traditions were just…

Oh my God, I can't believe how stupid I am. All my memories regarding his feelings were from before we got together. It was before he remembered his family from the orphanage, before Ellone, and even before Laguna - it was before he had anyone. He never once said anything after - I mean even when I asked about having the gang over our first year together as a couple he never said no, just gave me the 'eye roll of doom' and I didn't make the connection until now. Could I have been looking at this all wrong?

"Squall, you're right."

"You're right too."

Did he say that? Do I need my ears checked? Maybe I should verify with the mop. I think I better sit before I fall, plus the lack of sleep is starting to take its toll. It just gets you thinking… about memories and how we interpret them, especially as we get older. Maybe it does give me a little hope with my father. Did I just say that? Yeah… I did, I actually called him father.

Another Christmas miracle, I guess.

I was being abnormally quiet, Squall was just being – normally quiet. I was surprised when he joined me on the floor. I mean, I figured he'd be making a strategic plan out of the latex gloves or something. I know he wanted to get back to Garden… Well, back to our Garden. Oh, damn this time-loop-paradox-thingy is just so confusing!

Still, this whole situation has made me stop and reflect about how much Squall and I have changed over the last five years. I mean, what I just saw between younger us… we don't have 'that' anymore. Sure, I still get nervous when I wait for him; I guess that's a good sign. Yet, I saw the passion in our younger-selves' eyes, and well… here we are sitting in a closet.

"Do you remember this Christmas?"

I was surprised he asked, maybe we both were thinking along the same lines.

"I thought I did. It's different looking back at it now." Well as long as we're on the subject, I might as well ask him. Right?

"Squall, I've been wanting to know, why did you originally agree to have everyone over to your place?"

I wasn't sure if he was going to answer. I mean we talk, but we don't always 'talk.'

"Honestly Rinoa, I'm not sure. At first, I'd say it was for you, or because I didn't need to hear you go on about it if I didn't say yes – but the more I thought about, the more I really wanted to. The fact it was at my place made no difference, it was more – it was because for the first time something like that actually felt – right."

I had to smile. I might still a little annoyed, stuck in a closet, and starting to get extremely tired due to sleep deprivation, but at least I felt a connection to the past, more important a connection to understanding Squall. Of course, he had to make one final comment on the matter…

"Still Rinoa, I can't believe you asked 'your place or mine.' I mean, if we wanted to feel like overdressed sardines, your place would have been perfect."

He just rolled his eyes! I can't believe, five years later and he's still doing it. At least he didn't do it behind my back this time. Oh, I'll give him something to roll his eyes about.

"Whatever," I answered in mock irritation. He smiled and I knew that any hostility or angry feelings lingering had been forgotten. I pretended to be upset and crossed my arms over my chest turning away. He knew I wasn't mad, even he could see that I could barely keep the smile forming on my lips.

"You know Rinoa, I was innocent before I met you. I think we just witnessed the proof in the hallway."

Innocent my foot. Really. Well, maybe in that respect he was innocent, but still – that's a farfetched statement on his part. Oh, I wanted to say something so badly, he knew I did. It was taking every bit of willpower just to hold back from that comment.

I felt him place his head next to mine, while his chin gently rested on my shoulder. He just sort of sat there a second. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. He actually tried to start a conversation, which for him was a major step.

"It really doesn't seem like we've been together for five years."

I didn't want to lie. I mean, it did in away… and yet it didn't. I rather felt the last few years were almost – stagnant. I'm not sure if that would be the proper word to describe our relationship. This realization certainly wasn't any doing of Squall's - everything I had done was done by my choice. I guess the best I can say is sometimes I really had to stop and think about what I really wanted in life.

"I don't know Squall, sometimes it does to me."

Somehow, I think this answer caught him off guard. There was a slight look of surprise followed by him looking away from me. I'm not sure if I upset him or not, or how he took the statement. I just knew it was the truth.

"We've changed a little bit, haven't we?"

He didn't even look at me when he said it. Again, I wasn't sure how I should answer that. I just needed to say what I felt instead of overanalyzing all this in my mind.

"Yes and no." I traced the tile of the floor; it at least kept me occupied for a moment. "There's something to be said about a little risk once in a while."

What I missed most about that couple out in the hall wasn't the passion or the fear – it was simply the newness. The fact like we were ready to take on any challenge that the world threw at us.

"Well, I think that's what I like about our relationship, it's comfortable."

"Comfortable?" I shouldn't have repeated that word; seriously, I think I'm going to ask for a refund for whoever sold me these red flags, apparently they don't work worth a damn. I better elaborate my point quickly, because I think we're at opposite ends on this one.

"Squall, believe me, I'm glad you're comfortable around me. I'm just asking that once and awhile we step out of our normal routine and do something spontaneous for us, go skiing, go tubing on a speedboat, or take a Chocobo ride around the dessert."

"Skydiving?"

"Spontaneous, Squall, note insanely suicidal on my part, but yeah, think along those lines."

"I mean did you see that couple out there? Even then you were willing to take chances. Our whole relationship was a chance to you. Now it's not, it's something you're just used to… like you said it's comfortable."

He had a strange look on his face - even for Squall it was strange. He placed his hands behind his head and looked like he was thinking about something. Again, not sure what, but betting it had to do with either work or the Carbuncle's untimely demise. I would like to think it was about our relationship, but I had learned a long time ago not to get my hopes up about that.

"I liked the velvet bow in your hair."

Um…what? Did we just skip something here; was I possibly not involved in a conversation between us?

"What?"

"I just wanted to say that, that's all. You've worn one now for the last three Christmas Eve's."

Wow, that nervousness from earlier at his door was starting to return. I made the mistake of looking directly at him and he flashed me a quick grin. I could melt like a Blobra from the heat my body was starting to produce. I really needed to change the subject, as being trapped this close in proximity to him, especially with impaired thoughts due to sleep deprivation, was causing some rather… um… well, let's just go with I was having thoughts about him.

"Squall, have any ideas of how to get out of here yet?"

"Well, one... open the door."

Wow, Commander Genius, no wonder this guy makes the big bucks at Garden.

"Squall, what are we going to do, really?"

I watched as he stood up and moved over to the light switch, at least he seemed like he had an idea. He turned it off and I was awaiting further instructions from him, just as earlier in his dorm room. I managed to make my way to my feet. Maybe I should have told him to wait until I got my bearings before he turned off the light.

After delayed silence I final asked, "So what are we going to do?"

"This." I lost my balance as he grabbed me, pressing me against a wall. Okay, not the move I thought he was going to be making… but so much better.

"Your younger self was such a bad influence on me."

I had to laugh between his kisses and his statement. One thing I could say, Squall was definitely taking a chance on this instance.

Remind me to buy Carbuncle the greatest present ever. This was turning out to be a wonderful Christmas….