"I thought you said you were going to sort him out, tell him once and for all"

"I tried, I did tell him but he wouldn't fucking listen, he says he loves me and that he's gonna tell everyone, he's gonna slut-shame me, that it'll be what I deserve"

"How can he do that? Everyone knows that the two of you've had a thing, don't they? I thought he'd already told them all because he was so pleased with himself getting in your knickers, so how does that work?"

"Oh, thanks for reminding me Sara"

"Well, you know what I think of him"

"Trouble is, we're not talking about me and him, and him getting in my knickers, I could live with that, in fact I don't really care, but he says he's gonna tell everyone about me and Charles"

"But there's nothing to tell, is there?"

"Nah, but that won't stop him making shit up, will it? And everyone will believe it cos everyone always does believe stuff like that and then I'll get bumped from the Afghan gig, they won't let me go if they think I've been shagging one of the targets, it's a definite 'no, no' and I want to go"

"That's not fair"

"Nah, course not, but no-one gives a rat's bum about fair round here, most of these would be fighting for your job before the coffin lid was nailed down"

"The arseholes you work with make the army look like choirboys" She thought for a minute "Tell him you'll tell everyone that you've dumped him because he's got a little prick, well that's a good name for him anyway, isn't it? It's what he is after all."

"Yeah, but people always say that when they've been dumped don't they? It's the first thing you say about an ex and there's no way I'm gonna let anyone think it was that little shit that dumped me"

I could hear her laughing as I put the phone down but it wasn't in the least bit funny, I wanted to scream and spit and stamp, and throw stuff. I'd done me best to be kind to him, I'd tried very hard not to hurt his feelings when I told him it would be for the best all round if we ….. Just didn't ….. Any more, well, I was a lot nicer than he deserved anyhow. That was when he come out with all this crap about loving me, I mean, what? WHAT? Why the fuck is it always the wrong bloke who says stuff like that? I had to spell it out for him then didn't I? Even then he didn't seem to get it, and then he decided it was all to do with me having a thing with Charles, or a thing about Charles, I'm not sure which, I don't think he is either, but it's such a load of bollocks and I don't know where he even got that idea from.

We'd been out to Brize Norton to film them going off cos bits of it are going into the clip for the opening credits and I'd smiled at Charles as he was stood there with the rest of the soldiers, really smiled cos I sort of hoped that he might of forgotten all the shit but he just nodded, no hint of a smile. So I guess we're really not friends any more, and I dunno why. One thing I did know was that I wasn't interested in being with Dylan when we got back, I knew that when he said 'lets go out' that he meant 'let's have a shag' but I'd already made up me mind, never again, I just had to get on and tell him. It didn't go well.

To make things even worse he caught me going through the Brize stuff, frame by frame. I didn't know he was standing right behind me, watching, cos our office is so sodding noisy that you can't hear anyone moving about, and anyhow we train ourselves to ignore it. I heard myself get all arsey cos I couldn't think of a good excuse for why I was doing what I was doing so I told him it was none of his fucking business. He didn't like that much either.

-OG-

We had this meeting about all the health and safety stuff, checking that everyone was inoculated against all sorts of horrible shit like Diphtheria and Tetanus 'n that and I kept on hoping that Dylan would fail some'ing, or that his passport would be lost or out of date or that he'd been refused a visa, anything really, but no such bleeding luck.

Anyhow, apparently you can't drink the water, even in the hotel, and you have to use bottled stuff to brush your teeth and you can't drink milk unless it's been boiled, hope the hotel knows that, and you have to be careful about the way you dress, we were given a long list of what NOT to wear and how NOT to behave in public, even in the hotel. There's rabies there so you have to be very careful not to touch any animals and whatever you do, don't get yourself bitten. Shit, I mean I still want to go, but by the time they'd finished with the DON'T do this and the NONE of that, and the watch out for this and watch out for that, it was beginning to get a bit scary to be honest, but none of it means that I need Dylan bloody Watts falling over himself to tell me that he'll be there for me and that he'll make sure that I'm okay, prat.

-OG-

It's a bleeding long flight so we got a short stopover in Dubai. I had wondered if they'd let us get off to go shopping, but fat chance, and in fact, it was the worst bit of the journey cos I'd lost track of the time, oh I knew it was early hours but I was bloody wrecked and kept on dropping off then jolting awake so it was good when we got going again, especially as I'd managed to sit bloody miles away from arsehole Watts cos no bugger would swop with him, I really love my work mates sometimes. I could hear me Nan laughing at me when I went and got all sorted, you know, did me face 'n that before we landed, but you never know, do you, they might of met us at the airport. They didn't of course, what the hell was I thinking and anyhow even if they had, there was no reason for me to think that he was suddenly gonna be over the moon to see me, was there?

The Intercontinental is okay, well it's much the same as any other hotel I've stayed in for work, but outside in the street it's dusty and hot and bloody crowded, loads of people most of them men dressed in long robe things and lots of Afghan army milling about, at least I think that's who they are, men in dark green combats with guns anyhow. Any women that are around are covered up from head to toe so that they don't look any different to the women you see in Newham, or the Kings Road for that matter. But it is different. It smells different for starters and it sounds different, well, there isn't much traffic noise, apart from the occasional horns, instead there's a hell of a lot of shouting. I dunno what they're shouting about of course, haven't got a bloody clue, but it's loud and there's a lot of it.

We still haven't seen any soldiers, I thought they might of come to the hotel to catch up with us, but they never, and now we're off to Shorabak to the Afghan base to do some 'live' stuff and then tomorrow we're shadowing our lot as they 'support the Afghans' out on patrol which is apparently the whole point of all this, so we'll be doing our first 'live' with them at 1.30 local time. They're coming here later for yet another briefing, most likely another long list of 'don't do this' and 'don't do that'. The thing is though, it doesn't look or feel anything like Christmas, well, I s'pose they don't have Christmas here do they?

-OG-

I don't know whether he's still a bit mad at me or not, well, I'm hoping not, cos although he never spoke a single word to me he did sort of forget himself and grin when he came into that meeting room and saw me. He actually looked pleased to see me for a bit and then obviously remembered that we're not friends anymore and wiped the smile off of his face. I wish I knew why we seemed to of fallen out, I'd really like us to be friends again.

Driving around in a Land Rover with armed soldiers all round us, some of them Brits but a hell of a lot Afghans, was really stressful, actually it was more than a bit scarey. We was all wearing flak jackets with PRESS written on them in great big white letters, I do hope the Taliban can read English, and helmets which are horrible and heavy and make your head sweat so that your hair goes all frizzy and it was dusty and bloody uncomfortable. I were only glad that I don't suffer from travel sickness because we was being thrown about all over the place, the roads here are shittin' terrible, full of pot-holes and lumpy bits so that I couldn't help keep thinking about what we've been told about IEDs, which made me nervous cos that's not exactly today's comforting thought, is it?

Charles weren't in the same Land Rover as me, he was way out in front of us and bloody Dylan was there with him, wouldn't you know it? I just hope he keeps his stupid gob shut. I had a real run-in with him before we even got going this morning, lucky we were still in the hotel so none of the soldiers heard us, but he went on and on about how unlucky I was that I weren't going to be in the same Land Rover as him. I sort of lost it a bit, well I were a bit disappointed at the time, and yelled that even if he went off and had a face and personality transplant, it was never going to happen again, not even if we were the last two people on earth, and that was even if he grew about a foot. I did feel a bit bad about the last bit cos that's not his fault is it? He pulled a face and said that what he'd meant was that I'd rather be travelling with Charles, so that I had to say 'Don't be so bloody ridiculous, why the fuck would I wanna do that?' and then realised that Charles must of heard me, cos he was standing near the door with his arms crossed and his hands tucked into his pits, he gave me this look, like his feelings was all hurt. Shit.

Once we got going I didn't have any time to worry about anyone's feelings being hurt or sorting out bloody Dylan once 'n for all, I was just too busy making sure that everything was spot on cos it needed to be instant, on time and organised, sorted with no hitches, no delays, no time for fluffing reports or re-running, no time for 'talent' tantrums or getting make-up fixed. Most of all making bloody sure that no-one was doing anything untoward, as it's known, in camera shot, you know, scratching their crotch or some'ing. It all seemed to go off okay, well there weren't any major cock-ups, so, so far, so good. The crew on edit back home sent me a double thumbs up when they got all the feed through so that was okay, a big sigh of relief all round, and now we've just Christmas and New Year to get through and we'll be on the home stretch, so we'll be able to breathe out properly.

I kept coming across Charles all day, well every time we stopped, cos Jenny on camera 2 was following him about which I can well understand, I mean, he is the boss and he's pretty photogenic as well but judging from the way she kept batting her bloody eyelashes at him every time she looked up, I think it's more that she fancies him, but it did mean that I had to keep on talking to him as well. Then I had to try not to look for excuses to hang around him in between, cos there's too much could go tits up for me to risk getting, dunno, side tracked. The annoying thing is he seemed to manage to get over his hurt feelings and go back to ignoring me without making any sort of effort at all.

I never went down to the bar with the others after dinner, I was totally wiped out and had some prep to do and I didn't know who was going to be there, not Charles anyway. The soldiers all pissed off before dinner cos they don't eat with us, so I presumed that they wouldn't be back and there was no way I was going to spend a whole evening listening to bloody Dylan Watts being a cocky little shit, or even worse having to talk to him, thanks but no thanks.

-OG-

It was a bloody shit way to spend Christmas Eve, didn't feel like Christmas at all with no decorations anywhere, not even in the hotel, although Angie said that one of the waiters told her that there would be some sort of Christmas trees going up tonight in time for tomorrow so that's something to look forward to I s'pose. Funny to look back at last Christmas Eve, getting pissed at the Five office party and then going on to Sara's and having a laugh. It were just after I'd met Charles and I was still hoping that he would call me, well it were before I gave up anyhow.

Fuck, wouldn't you know it, seems he did come back to the hotel last night and has just told me that he'd missed seeing me but he was told I was tired and had gone to bed early so he didn't give me a shout, I didn't ask him but there'd be no bloody prizes for guessing who told him that, would there? I did me level best to wangle a place in his transport today, but the gods have got it in for me again and they've just gone off….. without me, of course … so I'm in the chasing pack again. I'm finding it so difficult to forget that hour we spent in my kitchen drinking tea, and even harder still to forget all that stuff about him having a wife. I'd love to know whether he's still got one, or whether he was telling the truth about getting divorced, but I'm not sure how to ask, I mean it's a bit tricky innit? Maybe I can casually drop it into the conversation somehow? Or not ….

-OG-

"Hey, can I get you a drink?"

"Thanks, I'd love a Vodka and Coke … but we're not allowed, so a Coke without the Vodka would be nice" He sort of laughed as though I'd made a really funny joke, which I hadn't "Don't feel very Christmassy, does it? Still I s'pose I shouldn't expect it to really, not here"

I'd been first to get to the bar, I didn't want to make the same mistake again, but he was already there watching them put up these tacky white paper trees, really horrible like some'ing you'd buy in the bloody market at home, not Christmassy at all, but I s'pose it was better than nothing.

"No, I suppose not, so, what would you be doing right now if you were back at home?"

"Not sure, most likely getting over the office party so as to help Sara get her Christmas Eve thing going, she has a party every year"

"And does she always invite a spare man for you?"

"Oi, you cheeky whatsit, no she bloody well doesn't, and what are you saying here, that I can't find me own spare bloke?"

"No of course not" He was laughing "Sorry"

"Bloody think so, anyhow most of the blokes she asks are the horror comics that she feels sorry for"

"Thanks"

"Not you, you know I weren't talking about you, mind you, what is it they say? If the cap fits ….." I started to giggle at the look on his face, his eyebrows went up and he was pretending to be all insulted and upset "You was never invited for me anyhow, Gary just thought you were a bit fed up of Headley, and I never even knew you were gonna be there. I was having a bit of a fight with Sara about her doing it, so if I'd known they'd asked a spare bloke again, I most likely wouldn't of come"

"Well, good job you didn't know then because that would have been a real shame" He shrugged and smiled at me, one of his best Santa Claus smiles, the sort that makes me go all fluttery "I didn't know you were going to be there either, so it was a lucky co-incidence wasn't it?"

-OG-

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, Chapter 5 tomorrow.