A/N:Hello everyone! Thanks for reading my story. I hope that you guys are enjoying it so far. Let me know what you think!Warning:There is some M/M mentioned in this chapter and there will bewaymore later on as well. There will be a surprise guest in this chapter that will be sticking around for awhile. Thanks for reading!
An elven man with a head of snowy white hair looks after a sleeping elven woman. The chilly night air nipped at his pointed ears, something he was sure she could feel too. With a heavy sign the man got to his feet and draped a fur blanket over her slight body.
In the distance he could hear the familiar howls of the woman's two wolves, Eldar and Esta. He could only assume that they were in pursuit of their pray, and the thought of that put a twisted smile across his face. He had seen these two fight before and there wasn't an enemy or pray alive that could survive once those two wolves sank their teeth into their flesh.
The snowy haired elf rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to relieve some of his stress. He had spent years on the run from magic, doing everything he could to avoid it like it was the plague, but here he was watching over yet another mage. Venhedis! What in the void am I doing? He ran his hand through his shaggy hair, frustration growing in the pit of his stomach as he watched the elven mage before him.
Why am I doing this again?He thought to himself. Another mage... His thoughts soon wandered to his former
Master, a Tevinter Magister by the name of Danarius. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as his former life flashed before his mind's eye, the life he had fought so tirelessly to get rid of.
However, he did not do that alone. While he was in Kirkwall he found himself indebted to yet another mage, a man by the name of Daniel Hawke.
Daniel, at the time of their first meeting, was like any other apostate from Fereldan, at least that's what he thought at first, but soon he realized the folly of those thoughts. Hawke was like no other mage, or man, he had ever met. Strong in his beliefs and always willing to help those that needed it. He never apologized for being a mage, nor was he power hungry, always giving his whole self to the people of Kirkwall, even if they didn't want a mages help.
He had spent almost 7 years by Hawke's side, through thick and thin, and in the end he had fallen madly in love with him.
Hawke had given him his freedom, had cured his heart from his total hatred and showed him what real, tender love was. Something he could never get without the mage in his life. Though they had their own ups and downs with each other, mostly because of his stupidity and stubbornness, he knew that they loved each other and that no matter what they would be by each other's side.
At least that was the truth until about 3 months ago.
It had been insane for the both of them since that faithful day, the day that Anders had taken it upon himself to start this Maker forsaken war. They had fled Kirkwall soon after with the help of the than Knight-Captain Cullen and their friend and Captain of the Guard Aveline as well as her husband Donnic. Their departure was bitter sweet, leaving behind the home that either of them had known for the past several years, the place where they had not only found themselves, but love as well. However, he had wished, even though he knew it was foolish, that this was the beginning of their quite lives together. How wrong he really was.
"Fenris!" a familiar voice exclaimed quietly from the shadows of the forest. "Has she awoken yet?" A moment later a thin, red-headed elven woman emerged with bow and their dinner in hand.
"No," he remarked curtly without turning to see the woman for himself. He didn't like her, in fact he didn't really care for any of the people he was travelling with, but he believed in their cause, even if another mage was heading this group.
With a heavy sigh Fenris gets to his feet and retrieves his greatsword. The blade glinted with blue light from the moon that hung low and full in the sky, the image brings him back to that faithful day where everything changed...
They were living in a small Antivan village, about 2 hours away from Antiva City. The cottage was quaint, as well as the village, neither of them had really explored the region or the village yet, but that wasn't uncommon for them. Fenris' tattoos made him stick out like a sore thumb, which left Hawke to do everything
"Why do you have to go?" he asks fantastically. Green eyes filled with despair as he argued with his lover.
"Because Fenris, there is something going on with the mages and I.."
"Fasta vaas," he spits angrily. "You don not always have to save everyone Hawke! The mages made their own graves let someone else figure it out this time."
Hawke spins around and looks pointedly at Fenris. "Have you forgotten that I too am a mage? That we were there when this all started? That Anders was our friend!"
The pair stare at each other for a moment in silence, both regretting their words, but neither of them willing or ready to admit that they were wrong.
"This was all my fault Fenris," Hawke says, breaking the tension between the pair. "I helped Anders with his goals, I believed that he really wanted to make things better, but I was wrong and I should have listened to you."
This time the silence between them is deafening. Hawke was sure that he was going to get some absurd retort, but nothing came. His lover was deathly silent, and for a moment Hawke wondered if the man even had a tongue in his head to speak.
"Fenris, you know that I love you right?" Hawke says after a heavy sigh. He searches his lovers eyes, looking for some understanding, knowledge that he knows that he loves him and only him, but there's nothing there.
Hawke turns with slumped shoulders from his lover and continues his packing, a moment later he heard the door slam to their small cottage.
Hours later a drunk elf finds his way back to his small little cottage, it's dark and quite. Fenris pulls his cloak around him closer, trying in vain to keep the chill from reaching his bones. However, the chill he feels isn't from the elements outside, but the chill from his heart because he knows that his love, his life was gone and he had no idea when he would see him again.
The world was going to shit and Hawke felt the need to help again. Fenris slammed his fist down on the small wooden table across from the dark fireplace, as he realizes his folly. 'I never said I love you back,' he silently chided himself, and in that moment he wasn't sure if he would ever see him again.
The sadness he felt in that very moment threatened to engulf him, body and soul, the darkness creeping in through his cracks, filling in the pieces that were missing in his heart. His drunkenness slowly starts to lull him to sleep, but this sleep, unlike the ones he's had with his lover by his side, will be haunted with images he once thought gone.
The morning sun bleed through the broken shutters that hung carelessly from their hinges. A warm breeze floated through lazily, ruffling the elf's white hair, tickling his forehead till he awoke. Fenris tried to rub the sleep from his eyes, only to have his memory come flooding back to him. Through blood shot eyes and tear stained cheeks he searched the room fanatically looking for his lover, only to be greeted by the cold emptiness of the once loving room.
Fenris sat up on the cot that he once shared with his lover and ran a shaky hand through his shaggy hair. He knew he couldn't sit here; he needed to go after Hawke, to beg him to come back, to stop this stupid quest. Fenris needed to tell his lover that he needed him, that life didn't make sense without him by his side.
Quickly Fenris got to his feet and pack the few belongings that were left behind in the small cottage. Opening the front door he was greeted by the sun's bright rays and a warm breeze with a trace of something sweet wafted passed him. He couldn't help but follow the smell; there was something about it that seemed so familiar to him.
For years Fenris has dealt with the fact that much of his life was a blank space, and where there were memories most of them were unpleasant, that is until Hawke came into his life. However, that did not change the fact that all he wanted were his own memories, his own life and to make his own decisions. 'Instead I have gone from belonging to one mage to following and loving another. What am I doing with my life?'
Fenris walked quietly through the silent morning streets. There were few people awake at this hour, mostly servants and merchants readying their wares for the day, a familiar sight for anyone who was accustom to walking the early morning streets.
He continued his trek, determined to find the source of the smell, until he found himself outside of a small bakery. He had never been there before, nor, to his knowledge, had he eaten there, but everything about the place was familiar. Fenris stood there for a moment longer, trying to understand what to was about the place that attracted him when a young elven girl with red hair came bounding out of the cottage's front door.
The young girl skidded to a stop as soon as she saw the white haired elf before her, nearly dropping the sweet rolls she was carrying in a basket. She forced a smile onto her face and handed Fenris one of her rolls before trotting off into the opposite direction.
Fenris took the fluffy sweet roll in his hand and inhaled the intoxicating aroma, and than it hit him like a ton of bricks: all the years in Tevinter, walking the early morning streets to ensure that his 'Master' had his breakfast on time. All the slaves and beggars that littered the street, at the time he hated them all, when in reality he just hated himself.
Fenris sneered at the roll as he made a fist, crumbling the pieces of bread to the floor. It was than that he realized what he needed to do: he couldn't go after Hawke, no not yet; he needed to be the man he wanted to follow, the man that Hawke deserved. So, it was in that moment that he decided that he was going to hunt as many Tevinter Slavers as possible. He couldn't change his past, nor could he get his memories back, but that wasn't going to hinder his life anymore.
With a twisted smile on his face and resolve in his heart, Fenris made his way north. He knew that there might be a chance that he wouldn't see Hawke again, but to him the chance to make his own choices and to be his own man without Hawke was more important and in the end he knew that he would find his lover again.
Three months ago he found himself without his lover, without his home and with nowhere to go, but his feet and his desire drove forward. He saved many refugees on the road and stopped several Tevinter Slavers before they made they're way back to their Master, who ever it might have been. There were a lot of people out there that were alive that might not have been because of him, and because of that he was starting to feel proud of himself for doing something without Hawke.
"By the Gods!" the female Dalish elf from early said with impatience as she plopped down on the ground drawing Fenris back from his thoughts. "How long does this usually take?"
Fenris rolled his eyes. "I do not know," he said with gritted teeth. "Haven't you been with her for longer than I?"
The woman rolled her eyes as she tapped her slender finger on her crossed arms. "Whatever Fenris."
"Io, leave the man alone," a deep voice said from the shadows. Fenris looked over his shoulder at the owner, a short and stocky dwarf stood only feet away with a huge greataxe flung over his shoulder. The elf always found himself surprised by the speed and accuracy the much shorter man could fling his weapon.
The elven woman stuck her tongue out in a childish way before stomping away from the two men and the sleeping woman. The familiar sounds of arrows hitting their mark could soon by heard as Io pulled and released her bow string.
A low chuckle could be heard coming from the dwarf as he shook his head, but that merriment lasted only a moment. His gaze soon turned to the sleeping woman before him. "How's she doing?" he asked with a brow furrowed in emotion.
Fenris glanced over his shoulder at the dwarf, but said nothing.
"Ah, I see you're as talkative as ever," the shorter man said as he took a set next to the brooding elf. Fenris grumbled at the man, but said nothing else.
Though brooding elf didn't like any of his companions, he did enjoy the company of Daegan Fieryopal, the dwarf. He was born on the surface, but where Fenris wasn't sure. The man was quite and had a sense of purpose that no one else did, even if he didn't know what that purpose was. He was a man of few words, but those words always had great meaning and intent, something that the elf himself understood, probably greater than anyone else.
The pair sat in silence for a moment, listening to the continued sounds of Io's practice arrows hitting their target. No matter how much Fenris disliked the noisy little elf he did have to admit that the woman was skilled with a bow and arrow. She could probably show Sebastian and Varric a thing or two, he thought with a smirk.
"What're you smirking about?" Daegan asked with his own grin. Fenris watched as the dwarf pulled out a small lamb skin and took a heavy pull from its contents before handing to the elf. Taking the skin into his hands Fenris smelled the contents before deciding it was safe to drink.
"You don' talk much do ya?" Daegan asked as he took the skin back.
Fenris wiped his mouth before answering. "I just don't have that much to say I guess," he stated.
Daegan shrugged his shoulders as he took another swig of liquor, the liquid warming him against the chilly night air.
Fenris glanced at the dwarf; he knew that he needed to make friends. That if he truly wanted to become the man that Hawke deserved than he needed to make some changes. He might not always be the friendliest person, but he needed to at least make an effort, he no longer had Hawke by his side to help him.
Clearing his throat Fenris decided that if he was going to try and make friends with someone it might as well be Daegan. "I have a question for you, if you don't mind?"
Daegan's furry brows rose high in surprise at the elf's question. He had never expected the elf to ask permission, let alone even ask a question. "Shoot, go right on ahead my friend," he said with a cheery smile.
Fenris took a moment before continuing. "How did you and Io meet Shilya?" he asked. The question had been nagging him for some time. Though he knew very little about any of them, he could tell that it was Shilya that was the common factor in all of them.
"Ah, that's a story," he said with a wistful smile. "I can' speak for Io, if ya want to know that story ya'll have to ask her, but I can tell you mine." Daegan stood up and leaned his greataxe against a nearby tree before continuing.
"Well, it was 4, no must have been almost 5 years ago now," he said as he scratched his bearded chin. "Yeah, it was almost 5 years ago in Orlais. My family is apart of the Dwarven Merchant's Guild so I was there doing business," he said rolling his eyes as he took his seat back. "My father wanted me to follow in his and my brother's footsteps, but I had other plans."
Fenris watched the dwarf as he continued his story. "Shilya had been trespassin' on a noble's property, apparently she didn't know that the Orlaisian's like their property like their parties... big," he said with a chuckle as he took another swig from the lamb skin before handing it over to Fenris.
"She was bein' escorted to the local jail there, which happene' to be near the store my father owns, and that's when I saw her." Daegan's gaze drifted down to the sleepy form before him, and Fenris couldn't help but notice the wistful look the dwarf gave her. It reminded him of how Varric looked after Merrill, that girl never what he did for her. "She had a huge grin on her face as they dragge' her along," his smile widening at the memory. "She was, of course, talkin' back in a manner that is not very nice to talk about in polite company... at least that's what she tells me. I donno what it was about her, but I had to help. So I bribed one of the idiot guardsmen and busted her out. Haven' looked back since."
Fenris pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his head, as he contemplated the story he was just told. "And that's it? You just follow her blindly?" he asked. He needed to not only understand why Daegan followed Shilya, but why he choose too now as well. And he was hoping that by finding out what Daegan's reason was he might find his own, but there was no such luck. The dwarf's story held no answers.
Daegan furrowed his brows in curiosity. "Whadda you mean?"
Fenris rose to his feet in frustration and started to pace the small area. "I mean, what was it about her that made you want to rescue her? You didn't speak to her, you had no idea what type of person she was or what her goals where!" he exclaimed.
Daegan shook his head as he chuckled. "You don' get it do ya? We don't 'follow' her as you put it," he started to explain. "She is tryin' to do better in this world, and with our help we can all accomplish this. The world has gone to shit, and as far as I can tell no one is given a damn about us, the little people, so we might as well do what we can while we can. Shiyla has dreams and her own goals, just as Io does, I do and you as well. But together we can not only help ourselves, but help those that can't help themselves.
"And there is also the fact that I'm afraid that if her 'abilities' get out she'll be in trouble, and I wouldn' be able to live with myself if somethin' like that happened to her," he said, a ting of sadness hung to his last words. "Shiyla is the most selfless person I have ever met, and there are far too many people around that would take advantage of that.
Daegan paused and looked to the elf that was now leaning against a nearby tree. He couldn't discern the expression on his face or the thoughts going through his head, and he had to be honest with himself he probably didn't want to know. Daegan was starting to figure out that Fenris was a difficult person to understand, but deep down there was goodness in his heart, at least that's what he wanted to believe.
"So, what's the reason you're here," Daegan asked as he threw his skin at the elf.
Fenris bent down and picked up the water skin as he thought about the question. He still had no real idea, but whatever it was that kept him here he felt, no he knew, that this was the only place he belonged at this moment. "I... I'm here to kill as many Tevinter slavers as possible," he said simply. Though that wasn't the answer the dwarf, or himself, were looking for, it was the only answer he had at the moment.
"Haha, yeah, that I can believe," Daegan chuckled as he gathered himself to his feet. "But when you find the answer you're lookin' for let me know, shit let her know, so that we can help you finally find your peace." And with that the dwarf turned to leave. "Oh, and she should be waking soon. Get yourself some grub, I believe Io has finally made up that kill she made earlier. She may not be the best cook in the world, but it'll keep you warm at night."
Fenris stood there, with an empty water skin in his hands, thinking about what the dwarf had said and wondered if any of it had to do with him. Does peace really exist for people like me? he thought darkly. No! No, I have to start thinking differently if I want to be a better man for Hawke, I have to BE better.
"Yo! Fenny! Are you gonna come get some food while it's still hot or are you gonna brood your stomach full?" Io asked through snickered laughter, he could even hear the low rumbles of Daegan's laughter as well. Rolling his eyes Fenris pushed himself off the tree he was leaning on and made his way toward his new companions, leaving Shilya to her slumber.
