Firstly, umm... yeah, I have no excuse for this. I actually have most of this fic written, though a certain someone made a revelation that threw off the ending a bit, because I have to fit another scene in. So, every two weeks, tops. You can hold me to that.

Almost this entire chapter is backstory. You can skip most of it if you like - there's a shorter version in Chapter Six. I do recommend reading the last few paragraphs, though - the ones from Steve's perspective.

On the sentences Natasha is remembering: Most of these are a mixture Natasha's capture and Avalien's, though there are a couple from Natasha's past.

Translations at the end.


Natasha curls up on the couch, leaning against Steve's shoulder. Avalien is in the corner of the L-curve, and Sam sits beside her. She watches as Avalien tips her head back. Her long hair splays over the couch, the corner of a pillow peeking out of its chestnut waves.

"I was born Avalienne Barre. Not a difference you can hear of course, merely a change in spelling. Because I chose to rename myself that way, to reference a life I barely remember."

She looks over to Natasha, and Natasha knows what she will say next. "My past is somewhat intertwined with Natasha's, so please tell me if you want me to stop, Nat."

She nods, and watches Avalien turn her gaze to the wall, take a breath, and steel herself for what comes next.

"You destroyed a compound a couple of years ago, on a French mountain in the winter."

"When I was born, I was born into an English family." Her voice changes. "I can still speak with their accent.

My older brother died when I was young, and my father turned to drink. He was rarely violent, but when he was drunk, his words were not kind. My mother hanged herself eventually, and my sister and I were left with my father. Not long afterwards, our house was burned down. They said that my father had died and had done it by accident. We were thrown into the foster system.

She laughed, deranged, and Natasha could no longer tell if it was madness or a facade. "She hanged herself in the garret, and I - I wondered if I ought not do the same. When I was eight."

They quickly found me - said I had promise."

"мы сделаем Вам отличный, Наталия."

Avalien looks over to Sam and Steve. "Do you know where Natasha was… trained?"

They both nod. Their eyes are focused on Avalien's, as are Natasha's, but also -

Everything was red.

"Natasha." She looks up, startled out of her memories. Avalien's eyes are on her. "Should I stop?"

But…

She lets out a sharp breath "No. Just make it quick."

"The Red Room leaders built a similar compound in the mountains of France, and called it the Academy. They made their new headquarters after the Red Room fell - those that had survived, anyway. They took me there, named me Алиэннова Барнс, Aliennova Barnes - our handler was rather capricious in her choices regarding names. Ironic, that she'd named me almost letter-for-letter after their greatest triumphs.

"Вы наш драгоценный камень, вдова. Вы и Солдат."

"I lived and trained there for ten years, rising to the top of their agents." Natasha sees her give a sigh and knows what is coming next "Of course, I fell in love with my partner. They called - her - "Александра", Alexandra, but I called her Sasha.

"She kept me sane. Kept me human in the midst of the Academy."

Around the end of our time there, we and a couple of allies made a plan to escape. It was long and complex, and it was uncertain whether it would actually work. But then the Academy was invaded by SHIELD. And it was Clint and Natasha, actually, who led them. Our group scattered, but Sasha and I managed to get out mostly unscathed."

She looks over at Natasha and smiles. "I guess you could say that it was the first time Natasha saved me."

And then Sasha died.

Natasha grasps Avalien's wrist. "Do you want me to stop?" Avalien asks.

"I'm fine. But you can skip the next part if you want." Natasha insists.

Avalien shakes her head, smile fading. "No. Steve's already heard about it. Might as well end his confusion."

"After we fled, we kept moving," she continues. "We took the jobs that were offered to us, though we tried to take ones where no innocents would get hurt. But a couple of the leaders had also managed to escape, and they went hunting for their top agents - the ones that had also escaped. They got close once, and we managed to escape, but the second time…"

On impulse, Natasha grabbed her hand. She's had close calls before, times when someone had died, or someone she'd thought would never survive a surgery, but that person's heart had always started again within seconds, or came out of the surgery half-dead, but still alive.

To live with it if Clint died… Or Steve.

No.

"The second time they caught us. And Sasha didn't survive." Avalien's breath catches, and Natasha feels sad.

"They left me there to watch her die. To watch her with her punctured lung and crushed throat, and all ver other injuries." She was clearly caught up in it now. She couldn't stop. Her eyes are wet, and she squeezes Natasha's hand. "To watch ver suffocate and drown in vis own blood."

And suddenly she collapses onto Natasha's shoulder. Natasha instinctively flinches away, but then she feels her shirt growing wet. Natasha hesitates, and then amazes even herself as she puts an arm around Avalien's shoulders. Natasha suddenly realizes how much stress Avalien must have been under in the past few days, and all the things that she must have been remembering.

How is she...

"Do you want me to continue?" Natasha's voice is soft. She suspects that Avalien may just want to have the whole story told at once.

Avalien nods against her shoulder, and Natasha picks up the thread.

"She was alone for a while, and then Clint and I found her. SHIELD wanted us to kill her, but she… reminded me of myself, a bit. I spared her, but her - and some of my - previous masters had gotten close to her by that time. We were told to leave Avalien to them. Avalien knew what was happening, and she offered to ask them for her job back, to let herself be captured if that was the result. To give and get information, in exchange for our rescue of her, and a chance to wipe some of them out. SHIELD agreed, of course.

It… wasn't pretty.

- "We've finally caged our bird." -

- "Наша паук поймал По ее собственным паутина." /

But she somehow trusted Clint, Phil and I to keep her sane and get her out.

"You have no one to rescue you." -

- "... Они придут за нами… "

She joined SHIELD afterwards."

We must make such a pair - both caught in our own memories.

Sam and Steve stare for a moment, then leave them together on the couch, ostensibly to give them some privacy.

"Возможно это и к лучшему, что вы сказали все это, Ава." Natasha murmurs.

"да."

They just sit there together.


"... что вы сказали все это, Ава."

"да."

Steve hears the two of them as they walk out, Natasha saying something about speaking, and Avalien - Aliennova? - answering in the affirmative.

As they enter the end of the hallway, Sam gives a hushed, "What the fuck?"

"Wait." They walk into Steve's room. Steve closes the door after him.

"Why'd we have to wait until the door was closed?" Sam queries. "It's not like they can hear us."

Of course, he immediately looks a bit uncertain.

Steve gives a grim smile. "Sorry, but there's a sort of pyramid in this house, and you're at the bottom - not that it makes you a lesser man."

He sits down on his bed. "There's me with the serum, Bucky with a slightly weaker version, Natasha with a weaker version than his and, logic follows, Avalien with a weaker version than Natasha's."

Sam raises his eyebrows. "And then there's me, with no biological alterations whatsoever."

"No more needles! Please!"

Sam collapses onto the opposite end of the bed. "I'm still a bit confused about what just happened."

"I think she just told us a significant part of her life story" Steve is still dazed by it.

"Yeah. That was some heavy stuff."

"And she cried into Natasha's shoulder. God." Steve stares at the wall.

Sam looks at the ceiling, considering. "I suppose we know for certain that she's trustworthy now." Sam looks back at Steve. "Do you think we should be more careful around her?"

Steve considers. "I think she'd slap us for it."

I'm pretty sure she's like Natasha in that way.


I now have a Tumblr ( blog/lifechiaroscuro). Feel free to come chat.

Translations:
"мы..." - "We will make you great, Natalia."
"Вы..." - "You are our gem, Widow. You and the Soldier."
"Наша..." - "Our spider is caught in her own web."
"Они..." - "They will come for us."
"Возможно..." - "Maybe it's for the best, that you said it all."