Gleetastic Satirical FanFic
Chapter 4
Kurt, Rachel, and Finn were sitting in Finn's car parked outside of Blaine's house. "Do you know what you have to do, Finn and Rachel?"
"I know what my awesome part in your awesome plan is," Finn replied. "But are you sure this is going to work."
Kurt said, "It has to, Finn. I need to be with Blaine or everything I know in life changes. I need to be with Blaine or I won't get in NYADA. Blaine and I belong together. It's canon."
Rachel said, "You have to win Blaine back, Kurt. We need Blaine to be there for all of us. We need him for NYADA. We need him for that Kool Aid he gives us. We need Blaine for our every happiness."
"We'll do it, babe," Finn said. "We'll do this because we're awesome. And Blaine is awesomely awesome. And we all deserve to be awesome together."
Kurt said, "And we have Santana's under boob wigs to help us succeed in this plan. Let's go."
Kurt, Finn, and Rachel walked to the front door.
Finn whispered, "Are you gonna ring the bell?"
"No, I have a key," Kurt replied as he pulled the key out of his pocket and opened the door.
Kurt, Finn, and Rachel crept up the stairs to Blaine's bedroom.
Kurt whispered, "You stay here until I give you the signal."
Finn whispered, "Awesome."
Kurt opened the door, and walked into Blaine's bedroom, where Blaine was cuddling on the bed with Liza. Blaine looked up when he heard the door open. He gasped, "Kurt, what are you doing here? How did you get in here?"
"We need to talk, Blaine. I'm sorry that I was singing, and dancing, and drinking while you were here bedridden from your eye injury. I just got caught up in the moment. I'm so sorry for not coming here right after school to spoon feed you chunky monkey, and give you a sponge bath."
"I just don't know if I can trust you again, Kurt. You were drunk. You were doing body shots off that gay Warbler. You sang and danced behind my back. How can I just ignore that? I just can't even look at you right now." He closed his one good eye.
Kurt said, "Please, Blaine. Let me make it up for you. I brought you two pints of chunky monkey. I need to get back together with you. I need to be with you or I will never get into NYADA."
"Just leave, Kurt."
Kurt said, "I have a song I want to sing for you, Blaine. It's a Michael Jackson…Bolton…Michael Bolton song. Perhaps you heard of it." He opened the door to let Rachel and Finn into the room.
Kurt, Rachel, and Finn put on the Michael Bolton wigs, and began to perform Michael Bolton's number one hit song "How Am I Supposed to Live Without?"
Kurt knelt on the floor, took Blaine's hand and sang, "How am I supposed to live without you? Now that I've been loving you so long. How am I supposed to live without you? And how am I supposed to carry on? When all that I've been living for is gone."
Blaine pulled his hand away and said, "Don't Kurt."
"Blaine, please forgive me," Kurt said as he sat down on the red Ikea chair where he and Blaine had made love so many times. He jumped up and said, "What is wrong with this chair?"
Everyone looked at the chair to see Tina sitting there.
"Oh, hi, Tina. I didn't notice you there," Kurt said.
"It's OK, Kurt. I'm used to no one notice me. I've been sitting here for two hours, and Blaine didn't know I was here."
"It's hard to notice things when you only have one good eye," Blaine said.
"It's OK, Blaine. I know it's not your fault you didn't notice me. It's not your fault that you took that rock salt slushy in the eye so you couldn't see me."
"Blaine baby, forget about Tina, and Rachel and Finn. It's just you and me right now. We have to work this out. We have to be together. How can I make this up to you? I will do anything for you."
Blaine said, "I just don't know if I can forgive you for this. I need time to think this through."
Kurt said, "Blaine baby, I have forgiven you for so much without a fuss because it was what was best for us as s couple. I forgave you for not noticing that I got a crappy non-singing role in West Side Story when Miss Pillsbury, Coach Bieste and Artie thought I was too girly to be Tony. I forgave you for trying to force yourself on me and take my virginity in a car when you were drunk. I forgave you for secretly talking to Sebastian behind my back and giving him our setlist. I even forgive you for taking off with Sebastian after our fight tonight. Can you please find it in that beautiful heart of yours to forgive me for this?"
Blaine said, "I don't think I can. Please leave. All of you, just leave."
Kurt began to cry and said, "Blaine, please. I just sang for you. I even worked your signature dance move into the routine. I did the squeeze your thighs so you don't pee your pants move you taught me! Please, Blaine."
Blaine said, "Get out of here, Kurt. And take Liza with you."
Kurt picked up the dog, and started to walk out of the room with Finn, Rachel, and Tina.
Liza started howling and bit Kurt's arm.
Kurt said, "Ouch. Liza, no biting."
Liza jumped out of Kurt's arms and ran back to Blaine's bed.
Blaine said, "I'll keep Liza. I see her loyalty is to me, which makes her a better companion than you."
Kurt began to cry harder and ran from the room.
Finn called after him, "Kurt, Kurt, wait up."
Kurt ran out of the house and collapsed on the grass in the front yard. He sobbed uncontrollably. Finn, Rachel, and Tina found them out there.
Finn said, "I can't believe that our awesome song didn't win Blaine back for you, Kurt."
Kurt said, "What am I going to do? How can I survive without Blaine?"
Rachel said, "We'll think of something, Kurt. We'll figure out a way to get Blaine to forgive you. You need it for happiness. And you have to get back together with Blaine so we can get into NYADA."
Finn picked Kurt up off the ground, and said, "Come on, little brother. Let's get you home." He carried Kurt to the car, and drove him home.
As they walked into the house, Rachel said, "Do you want to talk, Kurt?"
Kurt said, "I just want to be alone." He threw his Santana under boob Michael Bolton wig on the ground, and went up to his room. He lied in bed hugging a pair of capri pants Blaine left at his house, and cried.
Distraught and unable to sleep, Kurt snuck out of the house and drove to Scandals, Lima's only gay bar. He made his way to the bar, "Barkeep, get me a Shirley Temple with extra cherries straight up?"
The bartender made Kurt a Shirley Temple, which he gulped down in one long sip. "Barkeep, keep them coming!" He swung around in his chair, and saw Figgy walking towards him.
"Kurtwood, how did you get into this bar? You aren't 21."
"It's OK, Figgy. I'm only drinking Shirley Temples."
"Did you sort things out with that Greek God Blaine, Kurtwood?" Figgy asked as he began to massage Kurt's shoulders.
"No. He kicked me out of his house. He said he needs time."
Figgy said, "Kurtwood, come with me to the VIP room, and we can drink away your troubles together, young Kurtwood." He breathed his curry breath in Kurt's ear.
"No, Figgy. Stop. I won't. I can't. I need to be loyal to Blaine so I can earn his trust back."
Figgy said, "If you change your mind and want a Hunka Hunka Bollywood Love, you know where to find me, Kurtwood." He walked away.
Kurt turned back to his drink, and gulped down his second Shirley Temple. He said, "Barkeep, another."
"Put it on my tab, Joey. You might want to slow down on those, cowboy. Too many of those, and you'll go into a diabetic coma."
Kurt spun around and saw Sebastian standing there. "You bastard. Get away from me. You're ruining my life." He started to swat at Sebastian like a cat swinging its paw at some yarn.
"Wait, wait. You're Kurt? You don't understand. I'm not Sebastian. He's my evil twin brother." He grabbed Kurt's forearms to stop him from hitting him.
"Don't lie. Why can't you just leave me and Blaine alone? You're the reason we're fighting."
"Kurt, I'm not Sebastian. I'm his brother, Scuttle. Look, over there." He pointed to a table in the corner, where Sebastian was giving a lap dance to a leather clad biker dude.
Kurt looked from Sebastian to Scuttle and said, "Scuttle?"
"Yes, I'm Scuttle Smythe. Sebastian's brother."
"That's an unusual name," Kurt said, still bewildered.
"You should try living with it," Scuttle said. "My mom thought it would be cute to let my older sister name us, and that's the name she chose for me."
"I don't understand what's going on here, though. How did you find me?"
Scuttle said, "Have a drink with me. I'll explain it all." He sat down next to Kurt.
Kurt said, "I don't know if this is a good idea."
Scuttle said, "Hey, hear me out, Kurt."
"OK."
"Sebastian and I are twins," Scuttle said. "We aren't very close, though. We're both gay, and that's about all we have in common. Sebastian is a real man whore. He comes here every night, drinks heavily, and heads into the bathroom to have sex with whoever happens to catch his eye. My guess is he'll walk away with that biker dude within 10 minutes. Sebastian is everything I'm not. He's evil, and nasty, and mean."
"He's ruining my life," Kurt said. 'He has been trying to steal my boyfriend for months now, and has driven a wedge between us. I don't know if I'm going to be able to fix this."
"I'm sorry he caused you all these problems, Kurt," Scuttle said. "Look, there he goes."
Sebastian had the biker dude by the hand and was leading him to the bathroom.
Kurt watched Sebastian and said, "He's not going to stop until he gets Blaine in bed, is he?"
Scuttle said, "Probably not. I'm sorry."
"Blaine and I have to survive this," Kurt said. "I have to find a way to make this right."
Scuttle put his hand on Kurt's and said, "If you and Blaine are meant to be, you'll work this out, Kurt." He squeezed Kurt's hand.
"You sure are nicer than your brother."
"You seem nicer than Sebastian said you are," Scuttle said. "I've heard him bitching to Blaine about you on the phone."
"Do they talk often?"
"Almost every day."
Kurt's eyes filled with tears.
Scuttle squeezed Kurt's hand again, and said, "I'm sorry."
Kurt stood up and said, "I should go. I shouldn't be talking to you. This night just gets worse and worse."
Scuttle said, "Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Kurt said, "I should know this. I just gotta go."
Kurt ran out of the bar. He got in his car and just drove around aimlessly, lost in his thoughts. He was unsure of where he was driving, and stunned by the day's events. Everything had changed, and he didn't know what was meant to be anymore.
