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Chapter 4
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"Kaylee? Are you in here?"
Simon peered into the engine room, searching for his girlfriend. He was certain he'd just heard banging coming from the room; why wasn't she answering?
"Kaylee?" Furrowing his brow, he stepped into the room, rounding the engine. Stepping back abruptly as River popped up in front of him, wiping her hands on a rag. Within seconds, Simon found himself smiling at her grease-smudged appearance.
Wiping at a bit of soil on her cheek, he asked lightly, "What are you up to, mei mei?"
Shrugging, River finished wiping down her hands and started on the tool she held as she told him, "Offered to help. Kaylee was tired."
Pausing, Simon's eyes shone with concern as he asked, "She's all right isn't she?"
Frowning at him mightily, River gave him his answer. Sighing, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and murmured, "No, of course she's not all right." Waking up every night for almost the past month was not all right and Simon knew that. His inability to help her was like a black mark on his heart. It stung and poisoned him and he hated it.
River watched her brother, feeling his frustration. Trying to help, she placed a hand to his shoulder and said, "She'll be all right in time. She's just sick."
Eyes flying to her face, Simon wondered how he could have missed her illness. Shaking her head once, River explained, "No, heart sick. Family keeps shrinking. Things keep changing."
"How can I help her?" Simon was desperate. There had to be something he could do. It was what he'd been trained for his entire life; diagnose a problem and then cure it.
Raising an eyebrow, River asked, "You're asking me? Your mei mei?"
Smiling slightly, Simon returned the tease. "My options are rather limited."
Returning his grin, she confided, "Oh, I don't know. I'm sure Jayne has some words of wisdom he could impart."
Laughing out loud at the thought, Simon begged, "Please, promise me you'll shoot me before I ever take relationship advice from Jayne."
Sticking out her hand, which Simon dutifully shook, she promised, "Deal."
The tension eased, River tugged gently on Simon's hand and pulled him close. "Be there, Simon," she advised, searching his eyes for understanding. As realization dawned, she added, "She just needs to know she can count on you. That you won't disappear too."
"I would never-" Simon began, but River's hand over his mouth stopped him.
"Don't tell me," River ordered, turning him towards the door and giving him a gentle push. "Tell her."
Smiling softly, Simon turned back and hugged her quickly. "Will you be all right?"
Patting his back, she said, "Of course, I've got work to do. Now go."
Heading for the exit, River watched him go, answering his unspoken question as he paused in the doorway. "Her bunk."
Flashing her another smile, Simon was gone. Turning to the engine with a small sigh, River patted the casing lovingly, she whispered, "Big heart; won't be broken forever."
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Simon eased open the hatch to Kaylee's bunk and descended the ladder as quietly as he could. Once his feet touched the deck, he shut the door, wincing slightly at the metallic clang that sounded through the room. Glancing to Kaylee's sleeping form, he was relieved to know it hadn't awakened her.
Inching his way towards the bed, he quickly shed his shoes and vest. Sitting beside her for a moment, Simon found himself staring, easily lost in the peaceful and youthful appearance of Kaylee's sleeping face. Ai ya, she was beautiful. How he had resisted her those eight months he'd first been on board, Simon did not know. True, he'd had River to worry about and the constant threat of exposure, but still … Kaylee was everything he'd never known he'd been missing and now that he had it, had her, he felt complete.
It was an odd feeling for a man like Simon Tam. Raised in high society where words like "love" and "desire" were bandied about like punch lines, Simon had never known there could be more, more than a high-paying, high profile job and a position in society. Yes, the money had been nice as had the luxury it afforded, but once River had gone away, he'd found himself surrounded by cold and clinical settings and people, and Simon did not like it.
His father had not been wrong, Simon did need his sister for the simple fact that she loved him and he her. His parents, well, Simon was fairly certain love had never entered into their relationship. They were fond of each other to be certain, perhaps even cared for one another, but love, that was up for debate.
Although Simon's life had never lacked passion. He had always been, and still was, passionate about medicine, about his ability to know and understand the human body; to literally save a life. But even that desire seemed hollow now when compared to Kaylee's all-encompassing love.
Why she had deemed him worthy of her love and commitment, Simon was not sure, but he knew he'd die before he let anything or anyone take it away. Shaking himself from his reverie, Simon gently lifted the covers and slid in beside her, smiling softly as he noticed she was wrapped in one of his button down shirts.
Wrapping a strong arm around her waist, Simon pulled her close, doing his best not to wake her and buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair. "I love you, Kaylee," he whispered against her forehead, before settling next to her warm form and holding her to him.
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"'Nara?" Mal rapped lightly on the shuttle's closed door, curious as to why Inara was staying hidden. They'd left the training house just three days ago, and yet, Mal had seen Inara at meals and that had pretty much been it. He'd dropped by on the first night, more than eager to continue exploring their new relationship, but it had been obvious from the start that Inara was distracted. Mal had assumed it had to do with her mother, but after trying unsuccessfully to get her to talk about it, Mal had simply left, annoyed by her stubbornness and his own inability to get her to open up.
As the hatch swung open, Mal smiled big and was relieved to see her give him a grin in return. Reaching for his shirt, she curled her fist into the fabric and pulled him to her, kissing him fiercely. Once they'd parted, she told him quietly, "That was to thank you for knocking."
Chuckling softly, Mal entered the dimly lit space, shutting the door behind him. "Well, if'n I'd known that was how you'd answer, I woulda done it months ago."
Giggling at his joke, Inara motioned to the sofa and he took seat. "Tea?" she asked, moving to grab the tray, but she brushed by Mal and he quickly snagged her hand, pulling her into his lap.
"Nah, didn't so much come here lookin' for tea," he murmured, brushing some of hair from her neck so he could attach his lips there.
As he began to suck and nip at the sensitive skin, Inara shuddered, her body tingling with desire as she melted against him. Moving her hands to clutch lightly at his shoulders, she gasped as he ran his hand over her dress, cupping one of her breasts through the fabric, massaging the flesh. She'd had no idea he would be so skilled with those hands.
Deciding he'd left enough of a mark on the skin at the base of her neck, Mal's wet lips trailed a slow line up to her ear, nibbling at the flesh there, before finally moving to her mouth. She was panting with need by the time his mouth closed over hers and Mal swallowed the small moan she let escape as he ran his hands down her body and along one of her legs. He could feel the way his body responded to her closeness, her smell, her touch. Her hands, gentle and delicate were already working at a few of the buttons on his shirt, cool fingers running along the skin they exposed and causing him to tremble a bit.
Bringing his hands around to the small of her back, Mal pulled her closer, and she was straddling him, no doubt feeling the very hard length that was begging to find release. Sighing softly against his mouth, Inara's hands moved around to the back of his neck, tugging lightly at his hair and causing him to moan with more desire. Pulling apart in order to breathe, Inara murmured, "Mal, what are we doing?"
"If'n I gotta explain it," he panted back, punctuating every few words with more kisses, "then we got a lot o' work ahead of us."
She giggled again and this time the giddy sound reverberated through him. Smiling against her mouth, Mal murmured, "I love that sound."
Inara did her best to push her lingering doubts from her mind. She kissed Mal with abandon, doing her best to feel and touch every inch of him with her hands, her mouth, her tongue. She wanted to make love to him, wanted him more than any other man she had ever been with, but even as their petting and caressing intensified and she felt the need coiling in her gut tighten, she couldn't quite bring herself to surrender completely.
Breaking away again, Inara pressed a hand to his chest as Mal tried to capture her mouth with his. Panting, she pushed her hair back and told him, "Wait."
Confused, Mal sat back against the couch, eyeing her quizzically. As silence filled the space and he grew more and more anxious, he finally asked in a whisper, "What are we waitin' for?"
Pushing herself off his lap, Inara stood and tried to get some distance. Mal let her go, needing to sit for a bit if he was going to 'control' certain parts of his anatomy. Pacing for a minute, she finally collected herself and told him, "I know I shouldn't be asking this and I'm probably going to regret it." With a sigh, Inara pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and then blurted out, "What is this, Mal?"
Sitting forward, Mal decided he would play dumb again. Some women found it charming although seeing as how Inara was unlike any other woman he'd ever met, he didn't have the highest of hopes that it would work on her. Resting his elbows to his knees, he teased, "Well, see, what we was jus' doin' – that's called kissin'. An' normally it-"
With a strangled sound that was halfway between a sigh and a laugh, she said, "Malcolm Reynolds!"
"Whoa, now," he said easily, standing and moving towards her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he smirked as he said, "Ain't no need for that kinda talk."
Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyed him with an unconvincing glare and stated, "I think you should tell me your middle name."
"Shenme?" he asked, again baffled by her thought process.
"It'll make yelling at you a lot more official if I can use your whole name." Her eyes twinkled with mirth at the joke and Mal found the sight too enchanting for words.
"Oh, yeah," he kidded and then moved his hands so swiftly to her waist and began to tickle her, Inara had no choice but to fall prey to his ministrations.
Squealing with delight, she tried to squirm loose, but he had a good hold on her and he wasn't about to let go. Wiggling her way from side to side, she was finally able to dart to the opposite side of the room, still laughing and trying to catch her breath as Mal moved quickly to recapture her. Tackling her about the waist they feel easily onto her bed, Inara landing on top of him, her dark curls falling about his face and surrounding him in her scent.
Tears of joy running down her face, Inara sobered immediately as she realized the position they were in. Trying to pull away, Mal kept his arm around her and refused to drop her gaze. Pushing some hair behind her ear, he asked softly, "What're you afraid of, 'Nara?"
Offended, but only because he'd so easily understood her, Inara tried to deny it. "I'm not afraid, Mal."
His expression didn't change and she was beginning to find it just a bit unsettling. His blue eyes bored into her with an intensity she'd rarely seen from him before; he almost looked like River did at times, when she was sensing an emotion or a thought that belonged to someone else, reading them. It was disconcerting to say the least.
"Yeah, you are," Mal insisted, his arms still firmly around her. "An' I can't rightly put my finger on what you're scared of, but you are scared, darlin'." Pausing, he asked quietly, "It ain't me, is it?"
Sighing heavily, Inara did her best not to panic at Mal's insight. How could she tell him all that scared her? How could she admit that the strong woman he was fooling around with was really just a façade? How could she tell him that she feared admitting her feelings almost as much as she feared having them?
"No," she answered quickly, too quickly for it to be true. At his upraised eyebrow, she amended, "Yes … I don't know, maybe."
"Okay, 'Nara, you're gonna have to put that into captain dummy talk for me," he teased, glad that it coaxed a smile to her face. Releasing his hold on her, he sat up as she settled beside him, and reached for her hand.
"A lot has happened," she began needlessly; that was the understatement of the century. "We lost Wash and Book and then Miranda …" Trailing off, Inara swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, the one that always formed when she thought of their lost friends or all those people on that far flung planet. Looking to him, she rested a hand at his side, over where his fresh scar had formed and murmured, "We, I, almost lost you."
Taking her other hand in his, Mal kissed it lightly and reminded her, "But you din't, 'Nara."
Blinking quickly to clear a bit of excess moisture from her eyes she said hurriedly, "I know, I know that, but …" Taking a deep breath, she said, "It's still a lot to process, Mal. And then, I got this letter from home-"
"Your ma?" he asked softly, glad that she had finally broached the topic. Maybe now he could get some answers.
Nodding once, she said, "Her letter, it was more like a goodbye and I'm worried that I'll-" A sob strangled the rest of the statement in her throat. Closing her eyes, she chanted a small meditative prayer, hoping that she wouldn't be too late. She had to see her Vivi one more time, even if it meant returning to Sihnon.
Mal watched Inara's face contort with a bit of pain and then again settle into its usual peaceful visage. Squeezing one of the hands he held, Mal asked, "Why do you call her Vivi?"
Snapping her eyes open, Inara breathed, "What?"
"Your ma," he explained. "Back at the training house you said you had to get home and see Vivi again. Is that some kinda Core thing?"
Smiling softly, Inara told her lie, the one she'd rehearsed for years. "I don't know why. Her name is Genevieve. I've called her Vivi since I can remember."
Nodding once, Mal seemed satisfied with that explanation and Inara was glad. If she ever told him the whole truth, it would be at a time far removed from now.
Regardless of how content Mal was with that explanation he still had a slew of questions and he wanted some answers. "I never knew you had a brother," he said casually, hoping it would encourage Inara to open up.
Smiling softly at the memory, she said, "Yes, Colin, he's younger than me, the baby of the family." With a small sigh, she gave him what he wanted. "I have two sisters as well. Marina, she's the eldest and Laura. They're only one year apart, grew up more like twins than anything else."
"How come they din't write ya? 'Bout your mom?" he asked, lying back and resting his weight on his elbows. "From my 'sperience, always seemed sisters are closer than brothers."
Hiding a grimace, she told him, "We've never been close." Pushing the thought of 'Rina and Laura from her mind, Inara said, "Linny and I though, we were best friends growing up."
"Linny?"
Smiling, Inara corrected herself. "Sorry, Colin. I used to call him Linny. He hates it now of course. Being twenty, he's not too fond of such a girlish nickname."
Smiling back, Mal told her, "Maybe Jayne can talk to him, ease his mind a bit."
Inara chuckled at the thought. She could imagine her brother's reaction if he ever saw a man like Jayne, let alone talked to him. Linny had been a beautiful baby, fair-haired and blue-eyed. The blue eyes had stayed, even though neither Inara's father nor Vivi had them. The thought of her father made her shiver a bit and Mal noticed. Sitting up swiftly, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close. As if he could read her mind, he asked, "What about your pa?"
She stiffened in his hold and Mal felt it, mentally noting her reaction. "He's dead," she told him, her voice devoid of any emotion.
"I'm sorry." He watched her closely from the corner of his eye. He had accused Inara of many things in the time he'd known her and one of them was her innate ability to hide her true feelings from anyone. Judging by the pained look on her face now and the way her eyes narrowed, she was doing that again. "What was he like?"
Rising abruptly, Inara got some distance on Mal, knowing that if she stayed next to him, if she allowed herself to feel comfort in his warm embrace she would tell her entire life's story. Chances were Mal would be sorry he'd ever asked and Inara would then have drudged up all those memories for nothing. "He was a father, Mal," she told him hotly, pacing away. "A typical father."
Mal opened his mouth to question her further and then thought better of it. Staying where he was, he asked, "But you're close to your ma, Vivi?"
A smile Inara could not hide graced her face and she turned back to him, leaning against the wall of the shuttle. "Yes, very close. The hardest part of leaving Sihnon was leaving Vivi and Linny behind. I would have brought them with me, if I could."
Glancing about the shuttle, Mal rose and told her quietly, "Well, I'm thinkin' that mighta made things jus' a bit crowded in here."
Smiling softly, Inara rested her head against his chest as he approached her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Resting his cheek against her soft curls, Mal let the silence grow comfortable around them before saying, "I'd like to come with ya."
Annoyed that he had interrupted her peaceful moment, Inara released a small sigh and glanced up to him. "Shenme?"
Cupping her face in his hands, he explained, "When we get to Sihnon an' you head home. I'd like to go with ya."
Her heart immediately racing at the mere thought of subjecting Mal to her catty sisters, Inara told him, "No, Mal. I'm sorry, but I think this is something I need to do on my own."
Obviously not convinced, he told her, "That maybe so, but I-" Faltering he stopped, pulling back and leaving Inara more than a bit confused. He was wrestling with something, but she had yet to make it out. As he paced away from her, she questioned, "Mal?"
Rubbing the back of his neck in an effort to hide his discomfort, Mal realized that the only way he had a chance with Inara was to be honest. Releasing a heavy sigh, he turned a slightly wounded gaze to her and admitted, "I don't want ya goin' without me."
Puzzled, Inara questioned, "Going where? I'm just going home."
Shrugging, he said, "I know." As she continued to stare at him dumbfounded, Mal told her, "Look, you was right before, there's been a lot of losin' going on as of late an' I don't particularly like it. I don't wanna lose you too."
Inara's mind reeled with this statement. It was the closest to a profession of feelings that she had ever gotten from Mal and while the idea of him accompanying her gave her a bit of calm, she also knew that his presence could have disastrous consequences, for him and for her. "You're not going to lose me, Mal," she reminded him. Walking to him, she placed her hands on his arms and waited until his blue eyes were back on her face. "I'm just going home to visit with my mother."
"I really don't wanna let you out of my sight," Mal told her, flashing her one of his trademark grins. Eyeing her for a second more, he asked slyly, "C'mon, can you really deny this face?"
"You mean the one with the pathetic expression?" she retorted, getting a small chuckle from him. Pausing for a moment, Inara tried to think of the best way to turn him down. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Mal, my family is … complicated."
"I kinda figured," he commented, pulling her close to him again. The memory of her kisses and her touches were still with him and he wished they could settle this so he could go back to enjoying their new intimacy.
"My visit home, it's not necessarily going to be all puppies and roses." Staring up at him, Inara said seriously, "In fact, I'm fairly certain it's going to be painful and not in the least bit fun."
"Then let me come, 'Nara." Was he begging? Oh, go se, he was begging. "Look, whatever we've been doin' these past couple o' weeks, I don't wanna lose that."
Pursing her lips to him, Inara pushed back and asked, "So, it's about bedding me is that it?"
"Whoa." Mal held up his hands, his defenses up. "Since when have we been sleepin' together, 'cause I'm thinkin' I would have remembered that."
"Oh, we haven't yet," she explained, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "But you think that if you go with me and are there to comfort me in my hour of need, I'll just turn into a puddle of goo and you'll be able to take advantage."
Okay, now he was offended. "Since when do I take advantage?" he asked hotly, his hands on his hips. "I ain't never taken advantage o' nobody an' that sure as hell ain't the reason I wanna go with you."
"Then what is?" she yelled, glad the walls of the shuttle were soundproof.
"I'm gonna miss you!"
Mal squeezed his eyes shut, realizing what he'd just said and how ridiculous it sounded. What exactly had happened to him? Certainly some weak-willed man had just crawled into his gut and worked his yap, because Malcolm Reynolds did not say things like that.
Popping open first one eye and then the other, he saw that Inara's expression had cooled to one between shock and affection. Hoping he might be able to save face, Mal said quietly, "Look, 'Nara, it is a family thing an' I got no right to invite myself along, but I-"
"You can come," she said hurriedly, interrupting him. Praying she hadn't just signed him up for a figurative lobotomy, she added, "Mal, I'd very much appreciate it if you would come."
Doubtful of her request, he asked, "You're sure?"
Smiling slightly, Inara moved to him and said, "Yes." Reaching up on her tiptoes, she kissed him and said, "I shouldn't have accused you of having an ulterior motive. That was wrong." Dropping her gaze to the deck, she added softly, "And honestly, I'm really not looking forward to this visit. It would mean a lot to not have to go alone."
Releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Mal said, "Well, then, I'm glad that's settled." Cupping her chin in his hand, Mal tipped her face up so he could look deep into her troubled eyes. There was definitely more going on here and he was glad he might actually get to find out what. "I know a lil' somethin' 'bout havin' to face the death o' a parent. I wouldn't want you to go through that alone, 'Nara, that's the truth. That's the only motive I got."
Smiling sadly, she whispered, "Malcolm Reynolds, I never knew you had it in you."
"Remember, darlin', my life is a giant book you ain't even begun to read yet." He whispered this last against her cheek, lowering his mouth to hers before kissing her firmly. Inara returned the kiss, sinking against his chest and pushing away all of her fears with thoughts and feelings only for Mal.
Breaking apart, Inara rested her forehead against the top of his chest as Mal's hand rubbed soothing circles along her back. It was a peaceful quiet and they were both enjoying it.
Looking back up to him, Inara was about to ask him something, when Mal said, "Joseph."
Furrowing her brow, Inara asked, "What?"
Sighing, Mal drew her back to the couch and settled down, pulling Inara back into his lap, his arms easily holding her to him. "My middle name is Joseph."
Her eyes twinkling at the newfound information, Inara said, "Malcolm Joseph Reynolds." Turning to him with a smirk, she said, "It has a ring to it, don't you think?"
Mal silenced any other teasing with another deep and passionate kiss and Inara soon found her worries about going home overwhelmed by desire for the man who held her so assuredly now.
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Simon was on the cortex, scanning information on Sihnon when he heard the sound of soft footsteps approaching. Flipping off the screen, he turned quickly, hoping he hadn't been caught by Kaylee and was for the second time that day greeted by his sister's beaming face.
"Mei mei, what are you doing up?" he asked, meeting her at the foot of the steps to the bridge.
Bringing her hand out from behind her back, she dropped a bag of something heavy in front of him. Simon scrambled to catch it, not missing the clinking sound it made as it fell into his palm. Confused, he opened it slowly and felt his mouth fall open at the sight. "River, what is this for?"
"It's my take of our last couple of jobs," she explained, linking her arm through his and walking him back towards the galley. "I thought you might need it."
"Need it for what?" Simon was certain he'd never get used to his sister picking thoughts from his head.
"For your surprise," she told him with an eye roll, doing her best to suppress the sigh that came along with it. With a wide smile, she added, "She's going to love it."
Pausing as they reached the top of the stairs that would lead to his bunk, Simon told her firmly, "River, this is very generous, but I can't take your money."
Shaking her head, River clasped her hands tightly behind her back and said, "I won't take it back. I have plenty Simon and it's only right for me to share since the Captain doesn't always remember to pay you."
"I'm fairly certain remembering doesn't have anything to do with it," Simon muttered trying not to be bitter. Sure, he understood, in theory why his cuts of their jobs only amounted to a handful of credits, if he was lucky. But still, if it weren't for his skill, the Captain and every other member of this crew wouldn't be able to pull jobs anymore, because they'd be dead.
Pushing the thought away, Simon found his mind already whirling with all he could do with his newfound wealth. He'd wanted to do something special for Kaylee once they reached Osiris. The warrants for both he and River had been rescinded since the Miranda incident and while Simon's gut still churned with a bit of fear at being on a Central planet, his desire to do something for Kaylee outweighed his trepidation. She'd been so down the past few months, her moods swinging from happy to sad and back again. Simon was determined to once again show her how wonderful the 'verse and the people in it could really be. He would do anything to bring that bright smile back to her face.
With a peck to his sister's cheek, Simon told her, "Thank you, mei mei. I'm sure I won't need all of it."
Shrugging, she told him, "Doesn't matter. Use what you want."
Turning she flitted back towards the bridge and Simon hurried back to his bunk, being sure to stash the money in a safe spot in the infirmary on the way. He didn't want Kaylee finding it and ruining the surprise; that was half the fun.
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