CHAPTER FOUR
tik tok
wake up in the morning feeling like p-diddy, got my glasses, i'm out the door, i'm gonna hit this city.
tik tok by ke$ha
authors note: lol hey guys sry for such a delay ive been busy and didnt have time to work on this godly piece of imagination that no one could ever top rofl so yah enjoy and thank you for all of the reviews because there are so many from my hundreds of loyal fans lmao OKAY ENJOY!11one
Kyle's crying was really loud in the gold bathroom with the door locked and you could hear him screaming and crying in every room. Nobody really knew what to do because he was probably on his period or something so everyone sat on the gold floor outside of the gold door and they looked at each other like "oh shit".
Maybe they would have cared more if Kyle wasn't interrupting their dinner, because it was 7:12PM now and Kenny was wondering why the fuck they weren't eating dinner. So then Kenny crossed his arms and he started to make a fist with his hand and knock on the door that Kyle was crying in. Kyle made sniffing noises with his nose that was crying too and then he stopped screaming for like five seconds.
"Go away!" Kyle shrieked and started to cry again because he was so hurt.
"Bitch, we're hungry and it's dinner time. Get your ass in the kitchen," Kenny snapped back, and the Kyle stopped screaming. He stood up and he opened the gold door obediently and wiped away his tears and he started to go to the gold kitchen to make everybody their dinner because he was very obviously the woman of this household. So he went into the gold kitchen and he turned on the gold stove and started to make dinner for them because Kyle is really skilled in culinary things now because he's always cooking dinner for men that top his effeminate ass.
Kenny and Stan and Craig and Tweek exchanged high fives which were fives of the hand which were high, and they went to the gold living room and sat on the gold couch and hit the gold remote and flipped through the channels. They soon discovered that after 7:00PM the television people stopped airing porno and they played reruns of Barney & Friends until 5:53AM.
At exactly 5:53AM the television would go back to regularly scheduled programming and every channel would be broadcasting pornography. This made Kenny really angry because there weren't any women in the room so he relied on porn so he threw the gold remote on the floor and it shattered. But it was okay, because there were like twenty more in the spare room, so fuck the rules. So they sat there and they watched reruns of Barney & Friends while Kyle slaved away in the kitchen.
"Fuck, I've seen this fucking episode already," Craig said. Because he was a regular viewer of programs like Barney & Friends.
In the kitchen, Kyle was making like everything. He made sandwiches and pizza and ice cream and hamburgers and hot dogs and tacos and burritos and like everything else. He was working so hard that his feminine body was all sweaty and he was also sad that he had to cook for all of his men. Why do I have to be the bitch, Kyle thought. But, why does he even try to deny this fact, you know? It's Kyle motherfucking Broflovski, official queen of sexy Jewish whores who take it up the ass. Come on.
So then he sighed, wiping his hands that were all messy because cooking makes a mess on his pink lace apron. His apron was pink, and it was made of lace, and he had a ton of other identical ones that were all color coordinated because Kyle motherfucking Broflovski had to be color coordinated all the time. Fashion was his air and his blood. His perfectly large ginger curls bounced when he walked and framed his completely flawless, effeminate, Jewish face. They continued to do so when he walked out of the kitchen with hands on his hips and stood in front of the television so his men couldn't watch TV.
"Hey, bitch, out of the way. We're watching TV," Kenny ordered, but Kyle stood there with his hands on his hips because he was angry with his men.
"…Your food is ready," Kyle mumbled because he was really angry at everybody and was containing all of his rage because there was so much of it building inside of him. No one really gave a shit, but Stan kind of did because he felt really bad about the incident so he was a total pussy now.
"Kay, sweet, move," Craig ordered. Kyle groaned with anger and his rolled his eyes and clenched his fists and stormed away. He was so mad at everybody. No one appreciated him. He did so much for them. He did so much for them and no one appreciated him. Kyle sat down at the table alone and twirled his fork around in spaghetti which he also had made.
After like two hours everybody sat down at the table. Kyle was crying earlier so now he was trying to keep it a secret again, and when everybody sat down it felt like someone was stabbing him in the heart because his heart was in emotional pain. He was in really, really deep emotional pain that no one would ever understand. Maybe Stan would understand him, but he didn't want to think about precious Stanley right now because he was a cheating back-stabbing manwhore. Fuck Stan.
Everybody started to put food on their plates. Nobody said anything to Kyle. But who gives a shit, really.
So then Kenny put his fork in his mouth. This was their first dinner out of twenty-one in California.
Kyle didn't eat that much because he was worried that he was going to get all fat. But he saw the ice cream and bacon and candy on the table, especially the bacon, and he couldn't resist so he made bacon and candy ice cream all in a pile on his plate and he started to eat it and he cried. Nobody said anything to Kyle. But who gives a shit, really.
Stan was eating a little bit of everything, because he was a little bit of everything too and everything that they eat has to reflect their personalities.
Kenny was eating a shitload of everything because Kenny was a shitload of everything because he was a fucking immortal angel and his prescence at the dinner table was a motherfucking blessing to everybody, so he should be respected and praised forever. Kenny sprinkled his shitload of everything with a portion of his billions of dollars, using it as a flavorful garnish. Fuck yeah.
Craig was eating nothing again. Craig's nothing was really god damn delicious.
Tweek had coffee and meth, like always.
At one point everybody was looking at Kyle shoving his face with ice cream and bacon and Kenny was planning something really hilarious because he was full of brilliant plans such as that one. So he winked at Craig and Craig gave him a thumbs up and he winked at Tweek and Tweek screamed and he winked at Stan and Stan faked a smile and he was faking because he wasn't really happy about Kenny's decision but he didn't want to be not supportive so he smiled. Then Kenny brilliantly smiled a brilliant smile and then he proceeded to go forth with his brilliant plan.
"Hey, Kyle, do you want whipped cream on your ice cream and bacon?" Kenny asked, because this was the first step to his master plan which was brilliantly genius.
Kyle looked up from his ice cream with his jade evergreen green emerald eyes and he didn't say anything because his mouth was full and he also knew that Kenny was planning something behind his brilliant poker face. Kyle didn't say anything because he was suspicious. He made a serious face because he was serious.
"Do you?" Kenny asked again because his brilliant plan had to go on.
Kyle frowned and then everything flashed before his eyes and he knew what Kenny was going to plan so he flipped his plate of ice cream in the air and it shattered on the floor and there was ice cream and bacon everywhere. Kyle started to cry because he was holding back all of his tears forever because he is overwhelmed with heartbreak and depression constantly, and at this time of the month his fragile little body can't handle this pressure.
"I'm not your whore!" Kyle shrieked, storming off and slamming the door to the bedroom that he and Stan were sharing. Everybody stared at each other again but they didn't really know whether or not to care, except for Stan who really cared but he didn't want to ruin his reputation with Kenny by caring.
Stan's eyes, blue like denim of skinny jeans against the tight asses of emo kids, started to sparkle under the light that beamed down upon their golden table because there were pools of tears forming in a layer over his gorgeously tinted eyeballs. He was going to cry. But he really wasn't. It was just emotional pain deep inside him that he wasn't going to release.
Kenny laughed, because everything is funny.
"God, he didn't even know what my plan was. He ruins everything, he's such a little whore, right?" Kenny laughed and he stabbed his shitload of everything on his plate with his knife.
"Yeah," Craig said because he agreed.
Then dinner continued without Kyle.
Five minutes later, dinner was over. It was over because Kenny left the table, and Kenny controls everything so when he stood up from the gold table and shouted "clean the table, Jewish whore" everybody left too. Everybody referring to Stan and Tweek and Craig.
Kyle didn't act on Kenny's statement because he was in the bedroom totally silent so everybody was wondering if he killed himself because there were no crying noises. Everybody referring to Stan. Oh no, what if Kyle killed himself. I wouldn't ever be able to sleep again, Stan was thinking and clinging to himself for emotional comfort. This wasn't a nice thought in Stan's brain. He frowned and then he pulled himself together like the manly emo-but-not-emo kid that he was, flipping the raven that was his hair away from his fucking gorgeous eyes.
Stan walked over to Kyle's gold door that was also his and he opened it because Kyle didn't lock it because hesecretly wanted Stan to open the door like he did because he knows how to make Stan be concerned for him because he was born an attention whore for men.
Kyle was sitting on the bed and watching Love Actually with a box of tissues and eating out of a carton of ice cream with a spoon. He sniffled and looked up at Stan with his evergreen green eyes like forests and they were crying. Stan shut the door gently behind him because he was a romantic. Stan was happy that Kyle was eating the sadness away to chick flicks rather than hanging by his neck from a rope, so he kind of smiled but then he stopped because he remembered that he was mean to Kyle.
Kyle dug his spoon into the carton of ice cream that was vanilla ice cream and there were bacon bits sprinkled in it. He took a bite and he ate it. Stan stood by the door while Kyle sat emotionless and watched Love Actually and sniffling his nose. Kyle blinked.
"Kyle," Stan greeted in a husky but emo-kid-like voice. He smiled and so did his eyes that were the same blue that his tight skinny jeans were. Kyle didn't smile like he used to. He didn't even talk to Stan. He just sat there and ate ice cream bacon. Wow.
Stan swallowed saliva, because human beings do that, and he walked a little bit closer with caution. Kyle acted like he didn't notice but he actually did, but he didn't want to show it because he was clearly getting Stan's attention.
Then Kyle ate the last spoon full of vanilla bacon ice cream in the carton, and he groaned effeminately and threw the carton of ice cream and his spoon at the gold carpet. He crossed his arms and then he fell on his back onto the gold bed because he was being theatrical. Stan fell for this shit very easily, and Kyle was a total expert with this now because he's seductive, not like Kenny's seduction but a subtle seduction that subtly seduces you without you knowing that you've been subtly seduced. He's a sneaky little bastard.
Stan walked over to the gold bed and he sat on the end of the bed. Kyle put a giant gold pillow over his head and moaned.
"Go away," Kyle groaned at Stan even though he didn't want Stan to go away.
"No," Stan told him, because he wasn't going away even though Kyle told him to but he was lying. He paused in his words. "I feel bad."
Kyle whimpered because he was emotionally hurt by everybody.
"Kyle," Stan started to say again but then he stopped.
Kyle kicked his foot on the bed in denial.
"Kyle…"
Kyle cried again because he was sad. This next moment is really significant and it's going to cut off like every fanfiction ever, but better than all of them combined.
"Kyle, will you go out with me?"
